


Zehdh

by ClaraZorEl



Category: Supergirl (Comics), Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: (But they know they're in love), Accidental Adult Child Acquisition, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon through S04E20, Earth-38 (CW DC TV Universe), F/F, Justice for Red Daughter, Made up kryptonian history, Minor Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen, Science Fiction, Slow Burn, Swords, Time Travel, non-binary original character - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:42:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 33
Words: 124,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24911785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClaraZorEl/pseuds/ClaraZorEl
Summary: Season 5 ? Scratch that, let’s start again.Lena turned around on the plane. She turned around on the plane and that’s all it took to change her life, to take away the peace she felt around Kara and replace it with rage, to remove, also, the last barrier between them and a relationship. Now, in the aftermath of killing her own brother, Lena must grapple with this new reality and decide if Kara is worth the pain, or if her betrayal will be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. But as she struggles with her feelings and her self-imposed isolation, a stranger from outer space crashes in her living-room, threatening to take away her last shred of sanity, because they have her eyes, and her jaw, and they need her.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 489
Kudos: 635





	1. Prologue : In space, no one will hear you scream

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER : This is a work of fanfiction. It is not intended to infringe on any rights by and of the companies and/or individuals involved in the production of any series mentioned here. The idea however is mine, and mine only.
> 
> The playlist for this fic is on [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=FCadf2DQT-mgVaOrUzfATQ).

_July 19th, 2044, space sector 2814_

"Mayday. Mayday."

Taylor loves space. Because of its vastness, its infinity of void and stars, but mostly because it’s quiet. Space is a rare reprieve for their senses.

"Mayday. Mayday. This is Captain Lor-El on board of the Wayfarer."

Even when they were barely old enough to grasp the world around them, Taylor had always been fascinated by stars. Their Mum used to say it was because their Yeyu was from there. Their Yeyu used to say nothing, and would get this forlorn look in her eyes.

"I’m experiencing catastrophic failure in sector 2814 and require immediate assistance. Mayday. Mayday."

Taylor however, isn't from the stars, and this isn't how they imagined their life would end.

"This is Captain Lor-El, I’ve got a hull breach with possible Kryptonite. No, no that’s definitely Kryptonite. I require immediate assistance in sector 2814."

So much for promising their mums they’d be careful.

_Initiating hyperspace jump._

"Fuck no Kelex we can’t jump here there’s a wormhole ahead !"

_Target planet acquired. Destination : Earth._

Something rams into the side of the ship.

"Not good. This is not good. Mayday. Mayday. This is Captain Lor-El requesting immediate assistance in sector 2814. I’m experiencing catastrophic…"


	2. Kryptonite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lena is sad and Kara is sad too. Honestly, that's all that happens in this chapter.  
> Oh.  
> And a spaceship destroys Lena's apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **IMPORTANT DON'T SKIP**
> 
> Hi ! First of all thanks for clicking on the next chapter after this very weird prologue. If it's your first time reading one of my stories : weird prologues are my brand. Also my brand : playlists ! The [soundtrack](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) for this chapter is on Spotify and comprises of the following songs : _Black Chandelier_ by Biffy Clyro and _Walk Alone_ by PVRIS.
> 
> Before I let you go on and read this very chaotic story, here are a few things that matter but aren't mentioned :  
> \- Obviously, Lena turned around on the plane. Everything that comes in the four seasons before that event is canon except for one thing : Maxima, a character that appeared at the end of season 1 never showed up in this story. I need her for something else and will be basing my version of the character on the Maxima we see in _Supergirl TP6 : Crucible Academy_.  
> \- The previous statement doesn't apply to the following : if it's small and inconsequential (like Kara ditching her shirts and chinos for no reason) or if it could have happened off screen then it's canon because I said so.  
> \- Red Daughter isn't dead, she wasn't reabsorbed by Kara and she certainly wasn't forgotten by anyone because I love her.  
> \- James is already gone, this is just because I don't like him and don't want to deal with him (if you've read my other stories, I hope you appreciate how I always manage to yeet him away before the 1st chapter).  
> \- Kelly knows Kara is Supergirl.  
> \- Leviathan ? Don't know her.  
> \- Crisis on Infinite Earth ? Nope.  
> \- I usually update on Fridays or Saturdays (GMT+1), this chapter is just early because I was anxious.  
> \- I'm a sword lesbian, please, gift me a sword.

_July 19th, 2019, National City_

As far as nightmares go, this one is pretty straightforward, almost boring in its simplicity. Still, Lena finds it terrifying, and it always leaves her unsettled and drenched in sweat when she manages to wake up. It's always the same one, starts with the plane to devolve in the cold body of her brother and her own hand, fingers clenched tight around a gun, knowing bloody well who she's protecting by pulling the trigger. Sometimes Kara is there too, professing her love to absolve her lie.

This nightmare doesn't end with dawn. It follows her around every minute of every day, clutching at her insides and strangling her in her own untold confession. Some days she wishes she'd never turned around on that damned plane ; some others she's thankful that she did, because it's one thing her brother didn't take away from her.

She hasn't brought herself to forgive Kara ; she can't. If she does so, it'll open so many stifling doors that she will drown. She wishes back to simpler times, when loving Kara didn't hurt so much, when it was just the quiet pain of being in love with her best friend. Now it hurts, so much, and all the time. Some days she can barely breathe and all she can do is numb herself with expensive whiskey until she tumbles into another night of restless sleep.

On her bedside table, her alarm clock glares at her ; she glares right back. It's barely 4am but she knows she won't be able to fall back asleep, the sun will be up soon anyway. On its charging dock her phone buzzes restlessly and she identifies it as the culprit of her early rising. She makes out the letters of Alex's name, another person she hasn't talked to in a while ; she ignores it, choosing instead to swing her legs out from under the covers to get a start on her day. And then she hears it. A sharp sound, a rumbling, a whistle cutting through the air louder and louder until it's too late, and unescapable.

Warm familiar arms wrap around her, sweeping her from her spot in the nick of time. She feels herself being carried away in a flurry, her face hidden and protected by a cape that smells of ozone and lavender. As soon as there's ground underneath her feet again she scrambles out of reach, grateful that Kara doesn't try to hold her back. Acrid smoke fills the air all around her, she feels nauseous, her ears ringing from the recent impact that took out most of her apartment. She hesitates to open her eyes, has to eventually, and when she does, there's a charred spaceship in the remains of her living-room.

This doesn’t seem real. It can’t be. It’s nothing but a new variation of her nightmare and Lex is going to pop out of the ship, maybe with a few terrifying robotic addendums and he will shoot her. Or maybe Kara ; and Lena will wake up safe in her bed, plagued with the feverish dream of her former best-friend bleeding out in her arms.

But she doesn’t wake up ; and nothing happens. The ship keeps on burning slowly in her living-room and she stays still, shivering in an old t-shirt, stunned by the realisation that just when she thought things couldn’t get worse, now she doesn’t have a place to live anymore.

"The DEO is on its way," Kara says quite unnecessarily.

"I know," Lena snaps back immediately, "I’m not stupid Supergirl." The name stings on her tongue, but to her credit, Kara hides her flinch well.

"I’ll check it out," Kara says after a second, taking a decisive step towards the fire.

Lena’s gut reaction is immediate, and before she can stop herself, she grabs a fistful of the cape and stops the all powerful hero in her course. "Are you fucking crazy ? It could be dangerous !"

"And someone could be trapped inside," Kara replies, gently shaking Lena’s fingers off her cape. "Someone could need help, and helping is what I do."

Lena decides to ignore how this feels like Kara is defending herself all over again.

Kara freezes the ship like it’s nothing, then, with a casual tap of the finger, she breaks the thin sheet of ice. She stares at it for far too long, all sense of urgency seemingly forgotten and Lena shuffles discreetly to get a better view. Right before Kara rips the door open and disappears inside, she catches the sight of a long green glowing tear down the side of the hull ; this can mean nothing good.

There’s a ruffle inside the ship, the sound of something metallic being dragged away and seconds later, Kara bursts out with a frail and young looking figure in her arms. "They’re alive," she mumbles, her voice much weaker than it should be. "Barely. We need to get to the DEO." She staggers forward and Lena feels realisation downing on her in slow motion. Kara stumbles, catches herself shakily and her arms tremble under the weight of someone who should weight nothing to her. Lena feels sick to the stomach as her eyes drift up her silhouette and she notices the green veins pulsing on every inch of exposed skin. "Kryptonite," Kara supplies for her before she drops the body, bends in two, and promptly vomits on Lena’s socked feet.

This is a nightmare.

***

Tenderly, Alex brushes away a couple of strands from Kara’s forehead. She wants to joke about her break-up haircut, but Lena fucking out of their lives hurt Kara too much for her to even consider making fun of her sister out loud. She looks better know, her skin regaining its usual healthy glow by the minute under the new and improved sunlamps. A gift from Lena ; because even know they’re not speaking, even if everything has crumbled away and Alex isn’t sure her sister will ever be okay again, Lena Luthor is here to help.

She’s here too, sitting on an uncomfortable chair as far from the rest of them as the room allows. She insisted on staying, begged in an almost dignified way, and nobody had the heart to send her home. She’s in love with Kara ; they all know that. She’s sitting with her shoulders tensed, her fingers clenched on her lap and her eyes darting left and right every couple of seconds like she expects another terrible thing to happen. Alex can’t blame her, her life is a perpetual nightmare.

Alex tried to talk to her, she went as far as putting a foot inside of her office before she was manhandled outside and all access privileges were revoked. She had half a mind of telling her about the time someone infiltrated her mind and she almost killed her sister, she wanted to tell her that she might be able to help with what was happening in her head in the aftermath of killing Lex. She texted it instead, and never got a reply.

Nia walks into the room, bleary eyed, with a large take-away coffee in one hand and a steaming mug of tea in the other. She offers the mug to Lena who after a short moment of deliberation takes it from her and mutters a weak "thank you." She takes a sip, hums appreciatively and her shoulders unwind for what Alex suspects is the first time in a long time. With her hands wrapped around the mug she looks less lost, and less threatening.

"I didn’t find much," Nia reports, taking a long gulp out of her scalding coffee. "Brainy didn't pick up any distress signal and there are no reported crash anywhere else. Most of the things in the ship have been burned beyond recognition, but I recovered this."

She slides a handle off her shoulder and a blackened backpack tumbles to her feet. It looks distinctly Earth-made, almost like an old-school Eastpak, and it's covered in various patches ; a gay flag, the House of El crest, another flag, yellow, white, purple and black, that Alex knows she's seen somewhere before, a space ship, and for some reason what looks like a striped shark. The only patch burned beyond identification is of course the one with remains of a name.

"This doesn’t make any sense."

"Agreed," Nia says with a disproportionate nod. "I thought you said the kid was Kryptonian."

"I though so," Alex mumbles. "There’s the Kryptonite poisoning and the fact that she..."

"They," Nia corrects mechanically, kicking the backpack closer to Alex to fully expose the unknown flag. "Probably," she adds after a short pause.

"They," Alex repeats, resuming her train of thoughts, "didn’t suffer much damage from the crash. The worst of the injuries seem to have happened before the ship arrived here."

She walks closer to the now asleep stranger, all trace of pain erased by half a dose of the strong drug they keep at disposition for Kara. Their suit is torn in various places but the bloody gashes are receding into thin scars, and though their skin is still tinted a pale green, their breathing evened out and their heart beats steadily. She stares at their face, trying to put a finger on what's wrong. It's a feeling that hasn't left her since they wheeled the alien in the med bay, the uncanny familiarity of the short unruly blond hair, the almost recognisable slop of the nose and the nearly known sharpness of the jaw. Behind her, Kara starts steering and Alex abandons her observation in favour of checking on her sister.

"You okay ?" she asks as a habit, helping Kara up against the pillows. Now awake, her sister looks like she needs a ten years nap, the glow of her skin balanced by the dead weights in her eyes.

"I feel like shit," Kara mumbles ; and if she’s swearing, it’s serious. She glances around the room and Alex gives her all the space she needs. It's a mistake, but she doesn't realise it until Kara's eyes fall on the stilled figure on the other side of the room. "Lena," she whispers, the name falling out of her lips like a prayer.

Lena uncurls from her chair and leaves the room without looking back.

***

Kara acted without thinking. She acted without thinking and she does not regret it, because when it comes to saving Lena, there’s nothing she wouldn’t do. It was a relief even, doing something that involves Lena without overthinking it, without having the time to think about how it would make her angry, how she would push her away again ; Kara just knew she had to save her, and so she did. She spent the past few weeks hovering in the shadows, holding on to her promise of being there for Lena, always. She took out goons before they could reach her, flew a bomb into the stratosphere before it could take out her press conference, burned her dinner when she picked up the distinctive smell of cyanide wafting from the take-out container. Lena doesn’t know, but Kara doesn’t intend on stopping protecting her anytime soon.

It’s been hard though, having Lena on her mind every hour of every day and every minute of every night, knowing that the love of her life hates her with every fibre of her being. She doesn’t even know what she was expecting, what she wanted to happen when she took her glasses off and disclosed her identity as well as her love. She doesn't want a relationship with Lena, can't allow that to happen. She loved Thara and Krypton exploded. She liked Kenny and he died. She fancied James and her aunt tried to enslave humanity. She got wrapped up in Mon-El and his mother tried to take over the planet. Lena would be the straw that breaks the camel back. It was a spur of the moment confession, it tumbled out of her mouth and the more Lena stayed there frozen, the more Kara dug up the rift between them with her words. She should have kept her Raodamn mouth shut.

And Lena is gone now, wants nothing to do with her, couldn’t even stand being protected by her for the ten seconds it took to get her away from the wreckage. Losing Lena weakened her more than Kryptonite, but it doesn’t even hurt anymore, not really. At this point, Kara is used to the pain ; the ever present ache in her chest is just part of her life.

"She’ll come around," Alex says, checking her blood pressure and getting her out of her head. "She stayed until you woke up, that's progress."

"I miss her," Kara whispers hoarsely.

"I know," Alex replies, and somehow, it’s all she needs to say.

Kara stays under the sunlamps for another hour. She doesn’t need to, but they make her feel fuzzy and warm ; safe too, in a way she rarely experiences anymore. Unfortunately, it gives plenty of room for her thoughts to take over her but Alex has a remedy for that. She stays there with her, perched on the edge of the bed, and reads extracts from a nonsensical science journal that keep at bay Lena's hatred, and Red Daughter's fate, and the new Kryptonian asleep in the other bed. She doesn't think that anything can be done to make her feel better but somehow, her sister manages to do just that.

***

Lena doesn’t leave the DEO, she merely slips in the room next door and takes a seat next to, well she doesn’t really know how to call her. "The Clone" seems insulting, "Red Daughter" reminds her too much of Lex, and the alliteration in "Kaznian Kara" is jarring to her ears. Every time she's visited, Lena has just settled for not calling her anything.

She doesn't even look much like Kara anymore, with her whitened hair, her badly reset broken nose and the scars that constellate her skin. From what she’s gathered, no one really knows what to do with her. She’s not dead, but she’s not exactly alive either ; she’s just there, hovering between these two states as everybody waits for her to tip to one side. Lena doesn’t know what would be preferable, she just knows she doesn’t deserve to be left alone in an unfamiliar environment, and hopes that if she does wake up, it’ll happen at a moment she isn’t alone. Maybe that’s why she keeps on visiting, just in case Red Daughter awakes.

Even the new sunlamps haven't been able to do much for her, the combination of Harun-El and regular Kryptonite having damaged her skin beyond repair. Frankly, it's a miracle that she's still breathing on her own. Or maybe it's a curse, placed there only to remind Lena of her wrong doings. She shakes her head at that thought. Even she can see how narcissistic this is.

Sitting next to Not Kara (Not Kara would be a good name for Red Daughter if it didn't contain the name Kara in the first place) usually makes Lena feel better. Maybe because this person is simultaneously Kara and not Kara and Lena craves Kara just as much as she can't bear to think about her. She wants to hate her but can’t and it’s the worse possible thing that could happen. For the longest time, she couldn’t get behind Kryptonite as a romantic metaphor ; it simply isn’t. She’s a scientist, she’s seen first hand what Kryptonite is like, what it can do ; there’s is nothing romantic in the pain it brings, loving simply shouldn’t hurt. But now that she’s apart from Kara, now that the very concept of her existence aches in the deepest parts of her body she thinks she gets it ; Kara has become her Kryptonite.

She doesn't stay long, can't with Kara just next door. Before leaving, she squeezes Red Daughter's hand, stands still for a moment waiting for movement, then marches out of the DEO and straight to her office, not caring one bit for the sight she offers with her unruly hair, sweatpants and borrowed tactical boots. It’s Sunday anyway, it’s not like anyone is going to be there ; or that there’s anyone left to care in the first place.

There’s nothing to do at the office. She’s been here so much in the past few weeks that there isn’t even one file she can read or one project she can tinker with. She’s left with nothing but her thoughts and a vague sense of hunger reminding her she probably forwent dinner last night. She must fall asleep at some point, because she blinks, and when she next opens her eyes, she's in the plane again, with Kara.

_***_

_"I’m so sorry I left you alone back there," Lena says, the familiar scenario unfurling without her accord. "I put you in danger."_

_"I was fine. I am fine," Kara says. Lena knows that now._

_"When I saw Eve," Lena keeps going despite herself, "I just saw red. Shot me right back to the initial betrayal. I... wasn't thinking clearly."_

_"You don't have to explain anything to me," Kara cuts, "I know how much she hurt you."_

_"Kara ! Please !" Lena shouts, knowing she’s about to turn around and willing herself not to, just this once. "I’m trying to apologise to you. That explosion could have killed you."_

_"It..." Kara gulps, "it wouldn't have. Lena..."_

_Lena turns around, eyes glued to the ground as the fear of losing Kara rushes through her veins. "I don't let my guard down, ever. And I did with Eve and she betrayed me. I let her in and she lied to me. Every day. To my face. About who she was. And that's what hurts. I don't." She’s about to look up, knows that the need to see Kara alive is about to overtake her and it will be the end of everything. "I don't know if I'll ever recover from it, but I know there is no way I could ever trust anyone ever again if it wasn't for your friendship and your integrity. It just. It means the world to me, Kara."_

_"I’m always gonna be here for you," Kara says, her voice ever so warm and reassuring in that way that makes Lena absolutely melt._

_Lena looks up. Fucking hell, she looks up. And she sees Kara, her best friend, sans glasses and with her hair down and for a moment it doesn't register. All she sees is the blue of her unbarred eyes, the golden locks framing her face, the beauty that effortlessly radiates from her. She could confess her love right then and there._

_"But I lied too," Kara says, and it hits Lena in the face. "I’m Supergirl. I've always been Supergirl. I should've told you so long ago, I, I know that. But I just kept making excuses because you've been hurt so many times and I convinced myself that I was protecting you. And then one day, you were so angry with me, with Supergirl. But you still loved Kara. I just kept thinking if I could be Kara, just Kara then I could keep you. I was selfish and scared, and I didn't wanna lose you, so I kept pretending, and I never stopped. Every time I kept my secret from you, I wasn't protecting you, I was hurting you, just like everyone else, and I am so, so sorry. I love you. I’m so sorry. Please say something."_

_Lena doesn't even try to influence her nightmare anymore, Kara's speech knocks the wind out of her every fucking time._

_"Please," Kara whispers, "please I’m in love with you. Say something."_

_Like love can make it any better._

***

Lena gasps awake, grateful that for once, her dream didn’t give her the time to kill her brother. She’s cold, not that it’s unusual these days, Kara’s absence seems to have suck out all the warmth in the world, but she’s colder than she should. She blinks heavily and surveys the room, finding the culprit in the open balcony door. It was closed when she came in.

A box has been left on her desk and she approaches it slowly, but with the uncanny feeling that she’s safe, and it’s not a trap. It's a simple cardboard box with slight hand shaped indents on its sides and when she takes the lid off she finds nothing but her own stuff and Chinese take-out from Kara's favourite restaurant. She considers just dumping the whole thing in the trash because Kara clearly brought this here, but she's hungry, so she swallows her pride and digs in the familiar Pekin duck, still hot enough that she knows Kara warmed it up for her.

When she’s done with her food, she starts unpacking. After all, she has nowhere else to go for the time being. She finds a couple of carefully folded business’ attire, underwear, her favourite mug, Kara's NCU sweater that she never gave back, the book she was reading just the night before and her phone, fully charged. There's another, smaller, box underneath everything and this one, Lena grabs with the intention of throwing in the trash ; but curiosity gets the better of her and she misses Kara with everything she has, so, she opens it.

Inside is a watch, bulky, almost ugly, and not at all like anything she'd ever wear. She knows what it is. She's seen it before, on James' wrist, he wouldn't even take it off during mediocre sex ; and on Alex's, as her only accessory beside her gun. It's a signal watch. She pops it open with all intent on calling Kara so she can break her hand on her face, but when she does so, a piece of paper slips out of it. She picks it up absentmindedly and unfurls it carefully, smoothing it over several times before she dares to read it.

_I will always be your friend. And I will always protect you. Even if you hate me._

This sparks something inside of Lena. Something both freezing cold and burning hot and she doesn't know if she's been finally swallowed by her sadness or if it's rage tearing her apart. She launches forward, trips and staggers out on the balcony, catching herself on the railing before she can go any further. "I don't hate you you bloody idiot !" she screams at the sky, the words angrily tearing out of her throat and making her lungs ache with lack of air. "I'm just hurt !" Her knees shirk under her weight and she falls to the smooth concrete floor, rolling over into a ball before she can think better of it. "And I don't know how to make it better," she whispers, knowing that Kara will hear this last part just as well as her previous words. "Please, make it better."

***

Taylor comes to to a world of unprecedented pain. It feels like their skin is being seared of their bones. Like nails are running through their veins. They try to concentrate on the world around them, but everything is burning and their nose is filled with acrid smoke. Behind them, the door busts open and cold air rushes in, making the fire roar even higher. Whatever is coming, they won't be able to defend themself. Familiar arms wrap themselves around them and Taylor thinks they catch a whiff of lavender before the pain becomes too much.

Taylor awakes again to a completely different environment. The air is clean and warm, and they feel fuzzy and safe. Underneath their fingers are the DEO's med bay scratchy sheets ; they made it, they’re on Earth. With some difficulty, they open their eyes, and the face that appears in their sight is familiar, but also wrong in a way they can't quite grasp. "Alex ?" they mumble, blinking to get rid off the last of the haziness.

"Who are you, and how do you know my name ?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know July 19th, 2019 wasn't a Sunday but it's fiction and also another planet so please let it slide ^^


	3. Yeyu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Taylor panics just a little bit, Lena loses her entire shit and Kara just tries to keep her head above water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last week in my big PLEASE READ THIS thing I forgot a couple of stuff so here we go :  
> \- I'm on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/GoodGirlGoneGay) so feel free to follow me there if you want occasional updates on my writing process or want to witness me scream about my job. I also retweet a lot of gay art.  
> \- I subscribe to the headcanon that Lena is Irish so she does Irish things. Kieran is her birth name.  
> \- I don't know how to pronounce _Zehdh_ either so please let's just all roll with it.
> 
> This chapter's soundtrack includes _Bigger than us_ by White Lies and _Ricochet_ by Starset, and can be found on [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w).

It’s time travel 101. If you find yourself in a suspicious time period, or suspect you landed at the wrong time, don’t reveal anything that could alter the future and bolt the fuck out of there as fast as possible. Taylor knows that, they've studied it in class, it's part of every risk analysis manual and it's the second emergency procedure stored in their ship's AI ; so what compels them to open their mouth is a mystery. Perhaps it's the time displacement messing with their brain already, or perhaps they're scared, perhaps they want to go home and this isn't home because they're clearly much too early. There's no way to even know if they're born yet unless they either run, and risk hurting Alex, or plainly ask.

"What year is this ?" they croak, their throat parched and painful.

"2019," Alex replies without missing a beat though there's a hint of confusion on her face.

This is worse than they thought. Out of all the years to crash land in, 2019 is by far the worst.

"Who are you ?" Alex asks suspiciously.

Out of the corner of their eye, Taylor can see her bringing her hand to her gun.

"Taylor," they say, their name tumbling out with the foolish hope of the tiniest spark of recognition in Alex’s eyes. "My name is Taylor." Of course, Alex doesn’t react. At this point in time, Taylor isn’t even a concept ; their mums aren't on speaking terms. With no more warning, panic takes over, the world gets loud and Taylor's brain zeroes in on one thought only ; they need to get out of here.

Slowly, with limbs leaden by painkillers, they scramble up only to find their face inches away from a gun. Alex has never drawn her gun on them before but she’s doing it now and Taylor can feel tears threatening to spill over. All they wanted was to go home.

"Not so fast kid. You're gonna have to give me more than that." There's a foreign coldness in Alex's eyes and Taylor knows they fucked up, they're a prisoner now.

"I just want to go home," they whisper, feeling small and stupid. Pressure builds up behind their eyes as the loud beeping of the monitor takes over their ears and even the familiar breathing of Aunt Alex becomes unbearable. "Please stand back," they say. "Please, I don't want to hurt you I just want to go home."

Alex stands her ground, of course she does, she's fearless like that, and it's something Taylor has always admired. She does bring a hand to her ear, and says words that makes Taylor feel safe even if in this situation they're really really bad news. "Supergirl. We have a situation here."

"Yeyu..." the word slips out and it’s a grave mistake.

Taylor knows it even before Alex's face morphs into one of disbelief, before she lowers her gun and brings her free hand to touch the brink of her nose. Her fingers are warm and calloused, recedes immediately like Taylor's skin has burned them but it's too late, Taylor's nose is identical to their Yeyu's and they know it. They don't even wish for a way out of there anymore.

"Supergirl," Alex repeats. "It’s urgent."

***

Kara groans and Lena almost wants to mimic the sound out of frustration. She brought this on herself though, so can she really complain ? It takes her a second to realise Kara isn’t reacting to her behaviour though but to some order or request that came in through her comms. "I’m a little busy Alex," she says.

"No you’re not," Lena scoffs before she can hold herself back. 

"I thought you wanted to talk," Kara says softly. Her words warmly wrap themselves around Lena and she hates it, hates the way Kara makes her feel, hates the way her body reacts to her presence ; but she doesn't hate her.

"I don’t know if I want to talk to you. That’s my whole fucking problem."

"No Alex, I’m not talking to you," Kara sighs. "I’m with Lena." She frowns. She looks beautiful and it hurts Lena on a level so deep she would have never thought it was possible. "No. No way. I’m not bringing her with me."

"Yeah you’re not bringing me with you," Lena bites. "Wherever it is you’re going." The thing is, Lena wants to go with her. She doesn't want her to leave and a significant part of her would still follow her to the end of the Earth.

"I’m on my way." Kara bites her lips thoughtfully ; it's still weird for Lena to witness her quirks and habits on Supergirl. "You can come if you want," she adds, "Alex said it requires your expertise. I can fly you there or you can take your car and meet us there later. It’s entirely up to you."

Lena deliberates for a short second. She doesn't want to go, she wants to sleep, and possibly not wake up for a long time. But if she does go, she can get rid of the problem and then stay away from Supergirl and company. With a sigh, she marches right into her arms and Kara doesn't have the time to look taken aback. "You better fly fast. I have better things to do."

She loathes every nanosecond of the flight ; especially the way her body thrums when Kara touches her.

***

The flight is excruciatingly long. Well realistically, it's not ; but Lena is like a burning lump of coal in her arms and she doesn't now how to hold her anymore. It used to be easy, instinctual. She knew where to put her hands, what amount of pressure to apply, which angle of her body and cape would protect Lena when she was Supergirl and what gentle touch of the hand would make her feel safe when she was Kara. It's not like that anymore, and it probably won't ever be again. Kara has never missed anyone that much, not when they're right here. 

It makes her feel so damn empty, like there's a Lena shaped hole in her body that she can't fill no matter how hard she tries. Lena is everywhere. Her couch still faintly smells of her and one of her sweater is neatly folded in her dressing. Her favourite type of ice cream is in her freezer and documentaries they'd plan to watch together are peppered in her Netflix cue. It's like they've broken up and they weren't even dating in the first place. 

The moment they touch down in the DEO, Lena is out of reach again, and Kara is left helplessly trailing after her, remembering with no fondness all the times she's been the one leading Lena through the maze of corridors. Even in grey sweats and with little sleep to her account, Lena Luthor walks with purpose and power. People part in front of her, and it could almost make Kara smile. Almost. 

They all but march into the med bay, Brainy falling in step with them, customary tablet in hand. Lena ignores him, and he remains impassive. They come to a stop at the foot of the bed where the crash landed alien is now awake, albeit with their eyes closed ; Kara doesn't understand the urgency of the situation. Then the young alien frowns, a crinkle forming between their eyes which blink open a second later.

Before she can really understand why, Kara's heart plunges to her stomach. 

She's looking at the spitting image of Lena.

Well not exactly Lena. The wheat blond hair are different, and so is the nose. But the eyes are the same, down to the slight heterochromia, and the jaw, the jaw is all Lena.

Kara doesn't understand.

She turns to look at Alex only to see her own confusion reflected on her sister's face and a look that screams for her to confirm what she's seeing so she'll know she isn't insane. Kara can't, she's herself very much on the brink of insanity. She turns back to look at the kid, tries to do the maths, to understand how such a thing is possible, to find out when Lena would have needed to have a child for them to now be in front of them. The alien smiles hesitantly and this time, it's her own face that stares back at Kara. The sight pulls her in a thousand different directions. Is that a cruel imp ? A shapeshifter ? Who is sending that to her ? Who would go that far to hurt her that deeply ?

"Time travel," the alien supplies in a lilted voice.

The words sweep Kara in a riptide ; she feels weak at the knees. Is that her... ? Her...? The word is on the tip of her tongue, it's one that she would have never thought in a thousand years she would ever be privileged enough to use. She turns to look at Lena, feeling like they could throw aside all their differences to share this moment together. But Lena's face is cold, her stare unforgiving and wounded.

"Please," the child says, "say something."

"No," Lena snaps. "No. I’m not dealing with this. It’s your fucking problem." She storms out of the room, seems to think better of it and marches back in, stopping right in Brainy's face. "Did you know about that ?" she asks angrily.

"I don’t know what you mean."

"You’re from the fucking future. Did you know about that ?"

He sighs, takes a step back and after glancing around the room, confirms the thing that has been hanging over all of their heads since they stepped inside of the room. "In the future, everyone knows."

Like she’s the one with superspeed, Lena is out of the room before anyone can stop her. Kara doesn’t follow. For the first time since she’s met her, Kara isn’t tethered to her every move ; instead, she’s tuned into the figure lying next to her, she’s tune into her child. She wants to reach out, searches desperately for words of comfort, for sentences to excuse Lena's behaviour ; but before she can truly wrap her head around it, the kid is gone in a gust of cold wind.

***

Lena makes it halfway through the main hall before Kara catches up with her. It seems like the days of space and respect are over. And she doesn't want to make a scene in the middle of the DEO, doesn't want to publicly make a fool of herself, but Kara is right here, much too close, and Lena is so, so angry. "Go away," she seethes. "I don't want to talk to you."

"Lena..."

"No," Lena barks, refusing to turn around to look at her, even when all the atoms in her body scream at her to do so. "You're smart. You can figure out a way to ship your spawn back to the future without me."

"Our," Kara corrects much too softly. "Our child. And they need us."

"Oh no." This time, Lena can't stop herself. She whirls around to stare Kara down, her eyes prickling with furious tears, and delivers her next words right in her face. "No. No. You don't get to do that. You don't get to be all high and mighty and fucking heroic right now. I can't even bear to be next to you, what makes you think for a single second that I want to take care of a child with you ?!"

"Because they need us," Kara repeats infuriatingly. Lena wants to fucking punch her.

"No !" she shouts. "No !" So much for not making a scene. Her head buzzes terribly. She feels like a broken record, same thoughts and ache every single second of every single fucking day. "Don’t you understand !? I gave up everything for you ! I killed my brother for you ! What makes you think I would ever want a family with you when I gave up my own for a fucking liar !?"

"Lena..."

"Fuck off Kara. Fuck off."

Her palm hurts when she slams it against her chest, but Kara at least has the curtesy of taking a step back. She can feels dozens of eyes on her and it's unbearable. Their gazes hurt, and the knowledge that they've all witnessed her tantrum hurts even more. When she leaves, Kara doesn't follow her.

She stands in front of the building for God knows how long, chest heaving painfully and tears streaming down her face. She’s confused, and tired, and mad, and hurt, and full of too many emotions. Luthor’s aren’t equipped to deal with feelings and they’re spilling out of her unrestrained and indecent and she just want for everything to stop. She can't make it stop, can't make it quiet, not on her own, not without help ; and it's horrendous, but the only one who can make it quiet is Kara, and she's the one who made it loud in the first place.

Powered by a restless energy, she walks all the way back to L-Corp, unwilling to disturb her driver. She walks fast, her feet chafing against the leather of the too big boots. She'll have blisters, but it's the least of her worries.

She has a child. A fucking child. And not just that but a child who made it into early adulthood which means future her is a somewhat competent mother and the idea is laughable. Kara probably did all the work. Because she has a fucking child with Kara of all people. She entertains the thought for a second that this isn't real. That this is an imp, or a shapeshifter, or that she's finally drunk herself into another dimension. Maybe she's even dead and this is her own personal hell. She entertains it, but the thought doesn't hold for long because deep down in herself she knows it's real. She doesn't understand it, it's too foreign for her to grasp it, but this is her child, no matter if she wants it or not.

***

"She’ll come around."

Kara feels a warm hand on her shoulder. She didn’t even hear Alex approaching.

"Stop saying that," she spits with no fury. "You don't know that."

Alex sighs, wraps her arm around her shoulders and kisses her on the side of the head. "The two of you have a kid in the future. It’s pretty obvious."

"Had," Kara mumbles almost inaudibly, unwilling to share her fear.

"Had ?" Alex repeats, because of course, she heard.

"Time travel is dangerous. If Lena's been shocked enough by this encounter, our future kid could be erased from existence." The thought twists low in Kara's guts. She's known her child for a grand total of five minutes, but the very concept of their disappearance is inconceivable.

"Well then we better look for Taylor," Alex says resolutely. 

She pushes her forward and Kara goes with the move out of habit. They start down a random corridor, though it's no doubt very methodical in Alex's head, and start opening every door, Kara making a quick sweep inside of each room. They've reached the end of the second one by the time the name registers in her brain. "Taylor ?" she repeats, testing the name and finding it already familiar. 

Alex shrugs. "Maybe Lena’s secretly a Taylor Swift fan."

At that, Kara chuckles and the sound almost surprises her. She hasn’t laughed in a while. Alex stops to stare at her fondly, and before long, they resume their search, checking every nook and cranny of the building.

"How do you feel ?" Alex asks as they check off another room on their list. "About all of that ?"

"I don’t know," Kara admits wearily. "I haven't had much time to think about it. I never thought I'd have a child on this planet, much less with Lena, and it's a bit, a bit..."

"A bit much ?" Alex offers gently.

"Yeah," Kara whispers. "All I know is that Taylor is lost here, and I know what that's like. I have to focus on that, I have to help."

"Okay. Then I'll help you help them. And when you feel like you can talk about it, I'll be there."

Kara sighs. "I don’t know what I’d do without you."

"You’d be dead," Alex replies bluntly. "But to be fair, so would I without you. Now, what kind of absurd place would your child hang out in ?"

"Hey !" Kara says with no trace of real offence. She goes to lightly punch Alex on the shoulder when a piercing sound drills down her ears. It's almost similar to a signal watch, but it's not a frequency she recognises. "The roof. Taylor’s on the roof."

***

Taylor almost chucks the watch over the ledge in frustration. The time beacon is broken because of course it is and they're stranded here and their mum hates them and no one is coming to the rescue. 

It's quieter up there, the sounds of the city not quite so deafening and with no one annoyingly breathing next to them, it's easier to calm down. With a couple of deep breaths, they slip the watch back on their wrist and take a defeated seat on the ground. They need a moment alone before going back down and asking for help. 

Soon though, a figure plops down next to them and Taylor turns their head to find their Yeyu casually sitting crossed-leg next to them. She looks younger, not by much, but it's significant enough that Taylor is forced to notice all the ways Kara Danvers isn't their mother yet. Her suit is different, almost entirely blue with no trace of the familiar red accents. She's sporting bangs, and there's languor in the way she carries herself, a weariness that she carries all by herself instead of sharing it with Taylor’s Mum.

"I'm sorry," they say eventually breaking the silence gracefully offered by Kara. "For crash landing into your life and making everything worse."

"You are in no way responsible for anything that's happening here."

Taylor sighs, a brief smile dancing on their lips. "You always do that. Or you will." They want to reach out, to huddle in the warmth and safety sitting inches from them ; but it's not their Yeyu, so they can't. The pull is strong though, the need to cry, to unload on the strong figure that has been there for them since their birth. When an arm wraps around their shoulder, a tear slips out.

"I’ll help you get home, I promise."

"My time beacon is broken," Taylor says, hiccuping around the words. "No one knows I’m here."

"I don't know how many blows I've taken to the head in your time, but in 2019, I'm still pretty smart, I'll figure something out. And if I can't, I'm surrounded by people who can. I won't let you down."

"I know you won’t," Taylor whispers. "You never do. Or, you know, you never will."

"This is weird," Kara chuckles sombrely. "I’m sorry you have to go through that."

"She’s never looked at me like that. Mum. Lena. She’s never looked at me like that."

"She’ll come around," Kara says with a sad smile. "She’s going through a tough time, but she’ll come around."

"I know that but, but it’s right now that I need my Mum and... She’s not my Mum anyway." 

It's silly really, crying over someone who isn’t yet who they know. And Taylor feels stupid for breaking down, they feel terrible for adding pain and weight to the burden that their Yeyu already carries when what they should be doing is push forward to find a way of going home.

"I know aonah. I know exactly how you feel."

Kara draws them closer and they stay like that for a while suspended in a familiar moment that is unknown to one of them. 

"Will you tell me your name ?" Kara asks when Taylor doesn’t think she’ll say anything more.

"My name ? Didn’t Aunt. Didn’t Alex tell you ?"

"She did, Taylor, but I was wondering about. Well I wanted to know if you had another one. Kryptonian."

Of course Kara would want to know about that.

Taylor glances to find her looking at them hopefully. "Lor-El," they whisper. "My name is Lor-El."

"Lor-El," Kara repeats soflty, "that’s a beautiful name."

"We picked it out together. When I came out."

Kara stays silent for an excruciatingly long minute, and with each passing second, Taylor feels more and more like crawling into a hole. Their day has already been terrible, this can't be happening.

"Was I," Kara says tentatively, "will I be...?"

"Supportive ?" Taylor offers without looking at her. They feel Kara nodding, and so carefully, they go on. "Very. Overwhelmingly so even."

Kara chuckles softly. "Sounds like me."

"You also cried for two hours straight because you were convinced you'd ruin my life for not realising I was not a girl for the first eleven years. Then you took me out for ice cream, triple scoop, and Mum started a non-profit to help non-binary kids in the foster system."

"That's definitely a Lena thing to do."

Taylor clenches their jaw. "Yeah, that’s definitely a Lena thing," they mumble. And so apparently is running away at the mere appearance of her future child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Yeyu_ is a pretty common word in this fandom at this point but just in case, it means "mum" in Kryptonese.  
> As for _aonah_ , it means "child".  
> [kryptonian.info](http://kryptonian.info/doyle/dictionary.html)


	4. Crucible Academy part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Taylor goes to space boarding school and makes an ass of themself (but it doesn't turn out too bad).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things before I let you go on with this chapter :  
> \- you'll notice that Taylor is quite young. I did consider ageing them up but I consider that their age plays a huge part in the way they react to things so I ultimately decided to keep it that way.  
> \- this is when you need to forget about the show's take on Maxima entirely because she gets her introduction in this chapter and she's quite important if you know what I mean. There are some others comic characters mentioned in this chapter, they are loosely based on their appearance in _Supergirl New 52 TP 6 : Crucible Academy_.  
> \- this is the 1st of a two parter in which we get a quick glimpse (try fitting 3+ years in one chapter ^^) of Taylor's past and Lena and Kara's future. In total it's almost 10k long but I couldn't see myself editing this in one go. Plus, it gives me the opportunity to use an A+ pun as next chapter's title. The 2nd part should be up this week-end !
> 
> Soundtrack for this chapter can be found on [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) and comprises of :  
>  _Free to decide (acoustic)_ \- The Cranberries  
>  _Tomorrow_ \- The Cranberries  
>  _Summer song_ \- The Cranberries  
> (yes, there's a reason it's all The Cranberries song and yes that reason is weird)

August 31st, 2041, National City

Taylor surveys their room one last time, trying to memorise the details that have been inconsequential for so many years of their life yet so important in making the place their own. The light blue walls, the corner bed, the overflowing bookshelves, the sanded down floorboard, the picture of their mums on the bedside table, the little shrine to Rao ; they've never lived anywhere that isn't here for longer than a summer. They aren't reconsidering their decision, far from it, but it would be lying saying they won't miss home when they'll be light years away from it. 

Their mothers’ voices drift from the living room. Taylor can hear fretting, their Yeyu fidgeting ; and skin rubbing on fabric, their Mum trying to comfort her.

"Taylor will be fine," their Mum says softly, her voice lilting around the words.

"I know that," their Yeyu sighs. "Taylor is always fine. It’s just..."

"Space travel ?"

"Yeah, space travel. I don’t have the best track record with that and I’m worried. Aren’t you worried ?"

"Of course I am. But you’re more worried than I am, and one of us as to stay level headed."

"Rao. I love you."

Fabric shifts on fabric and Taylor smiles. Sometimes it feels like they've never seen their mothers not hugging or touching in some way.

"I know you do darling. I love you too."

And that’s the reason why Taylor can allow themself to disappear for three years ; their mums have each other, always, and they won’t be alone. 

"Can’t believe I’m about to shoot my baby into space," their Yeyu says, her voice muffled in the crook of their Mum’s neck. "I thought that was an El family trait I’d manage to dodge."

Taylor sighs longly. They knew this was going to be a problem, their Yeyu's intrinsic fear of getting lost in space-time. When the first hyperspace way to Earth was open, she cried herself into panic and neither Supergirl nor Lena Luthor-Danvers made it to the ceremony. But it's something that Taylor has to do. They've been coddled their whole life, on their own accord sure, but it's time they learn to fly on their own, and this will have to happen light years away from home, in the middle of nowhere. They are not afraid of space. The universe is majestic, its quietness welcomed, and its vastness somehow reassuring in its constant reminder that there is something bigger than them. Bigger than their insecurities, bigger than the constant noise in their head, bigger than being the prodigy child of the brightest minds of their time. Space is bigger than Taylor, and it's reassuring.

With one last glance around and a quick look inside of their bag, Taylor exits their room, leaving the door open ; it doesn't take being a genius to know their mums will be sleeping there tonight.

The ride to the DEO is mostly quiet. Soft jazz plays in the car and Taylor wonders if they’ll miss the sounds of Earth, the swishing of the airlink train, the screeching of car tires, the constant chatter of conversations. Probably not, they think. Noise is something they never quite got over, something they never quite managed to tune out. From the moment their superhearing developed, this planet has been a bit overwhelming. Their Yeyu's heart spikes up when their Mum brushes her hand against her thigh and maybe that's one sound Taylor will miss, the soft patter of their mothers' hearts.

The DEO's hangar is packed with most of Taylor's loved ones. Their aunts Alex and Kelly are here with their son Jem and his boyfriend, and their foster kid Lee. Alex stands ramrod straight, trying to project the confidence suitable for the director of the DEO, but Taylor can see her fingers twitching nervously. Aunt Diana made the trip from Themyscira and she's eyeing aunt Sam like she's a five course meal ; Taylor frowns at that, her bonkers family is worse than that old _L Word_ show. Aunt Nia, as gorgeous as ever, stands next to uncle Brainy who keeps his eyes trailed on the toddler running around the room. Grandma Eliza and grandpa J’onn are here too, their figures warm and reassuring as ever. There’s only one person missing, but that’s bound to happen in a family almost exclusively constituted of superheroes. 

Taylor’s already personally said goodbye to all of them, and so after a round of quick hugs and a couple of deep breaths, they step inside of the ship, their mothers trailing after them. 

"I've uploaded the itinerary," their Mum says, her nervousness visible in the way she triple checks the settings of a ship she designed herself. "So you should be fine but just in case, do you remember which way to go ?"

Taylor sighs, barely repressing an eye roll. "Yep," they say, "I'm taking the N52 off Earth up to the jump point, then it's hyperspace way R to the 2814 hub and a twelve hours flight to the Crucible portal. I'll be fine. And you'll be able to follow my trip from here, in real time."

"Alright," their Mum says, raising her hands in surrender. "Alright, I trust you."

"Be careful, okay ?" their Yeyu reminds softly. 

"I’ll be careful. I promise. And I’ll come back super badass."

"You’re already badass," their Mum laughs.

"Rao, I’m going to miss you _aonah_."

"I’m going to miss you too _Yeyu_."

With not much warning, Taylor finds themself engulfed in a bone crushing hug, their Mum's more delicate arms wrapping themselves around them a moment later. 

"Call us when you land," she says in their ear. "We love you."

Taylor's throat constricts. Three years in outer space ; no big deal.

***

Earth year 2041, Crucible Academy

Crucible Academy is fucking huge. That’s about the only thing Taylor can think about. When they approach, and when they dock, and later, when they disembark ; the one thing they really notice, is that the school is gigantic. The building consists of one uninterrupted ring orbiting around a small artificial red sun, and though some parts stick out like they've been added as an afterthought, the school projects a crushing majesty that causes Taylor to forget how to breathe for a full minute. 

The main hall, lit with various coloured led lights, is bustling with activity, students of all origins rushing between classrooms ; and as Taylor trails after preceptor Lys Amata, they realise that for the first time ever, they are not the weirdest person in the room. A red alien, akin to a giant cockroach, groans when they past by them, and further down the all, a wolflike individual playfully jostles a tall and tan anthropomorphic bombshell in an out of place flannel shirt who wields her sword as well as an Amazon.

"Maxima," the preceptor barks when she walks past them, "no weapon in the corridors."

The alien grumbles something under her breath, but the sword recedes into nothing more than a pen and Taylor can't help but let out an impressed sound. "No weapon in the corridors," they repeat, "noted."

The living quarters are situated opposite the main entrance and by the time they get there, Taylor is almost out of breath, unaccustomed to going around without powers. "So," Lys Amata says, when they step inside after the door has disappeared into the wall, "this is your room. As the kryptonian champion, it has been modelled after the fashion of this late planet. You can of course rearrange it to your taste should you feel nostalgic of your Earth parentage. Food is served all day in the mess hall and your schedule has been uploaded to your tablet. If you require guidance, my door is always open. Welcome to Crucible Academy Lor-El, I see brilliance in your future here." 

Winded by the speech and the trip, Taylor does little more than nod to acknowledge the onslaught of informations, and once left alone, it takes great effort not to simply collapse on the bed and take a five years nap. Instead, they take in their new room, their home for the next three or so Earth years. It's almost perfectly circular, the wall only giving way on the right to deep into a shallow alcove that hosts a decent sized bed. In its centre the room deeps in three steps and houses a low table and plushy inviting chairs. There's a desk opposite the bed. It protrudes from the wall like nothing more than an extension of it and on its surface lays a small square box, a hologram communication device. 

It comes to life with a touch of the hand and with a couple more tweaks, two faces flicker to life. At the sight, Taylor feels a knot loosen in their chest that they didn't know was there in the first place. Immediately, their mothers start firing questions after questions and they mash around in their brain with little chance of understanding a single one of them. "Guys," Taylor tries to interrupt, "guys ! Slow down."

"Sorry," their Yeyu says with a teary eyed smile. "How are you ?"

"Fine, but tired," Taylor answers after a moment of reflexion, choosing to display the least complicated of the thoughts swirling around their head. "Oh, and hungry," they add when their stomach grumbles with perfect timing.

"Go eat then," their Mum says with a fond eye roll, "we can catch up later, once you’re settled."

"I’d like to talk to you for a moment first," Taylor admits, "if that’s okay. I’ll go get dinner later. Or lunch. Breakfast ? I don’t know what time it is."

"9pm here," their Mum supplies, "but I don't know how that convert to space time. Let me check."

"Have you made any friends yet ?" their Yeyu suddenly asks, the question almost incongruously timed if it weren't for the lip gnawed by worried teeth that speaks of her fear of her child not settling well so far from home.

"Yeyu," Taylor sighs affectionately, brushing their hand through their messy hair, "I’ve been there for five minutes."

"Right. Sorry, you know me, I just worry."

"I know, but I’m okay for now. And if I’m not, I promise I’ll call you."

They end up talking well into the evening, Taylor skipping dinner in favour of figuring out a high end food fabricator embedded in the smooth wall. The potstickers don't really taste like the ones back home, but they're not bad. They disconnect late, only pushed to doing so by their insistent mothers, and sleep doesn't come easily. The bed is different, almost too soft and not properly tucked into a corner. The room is too silent, the red sun dampening Taylor's hearing to the point that even the sound of ventilation is not bothering them ; they thought it would be welcomed, but they're unused to the absence of noise. They toss and turn restlessly, bouts of sleep bringing strange dreams, until morning comes and disaster strikes.

It starts with a medical check up, where they are probed and poked and searched for any kind of disease and left with no time for breakfast and no choice but running across the school in the hope of eventually stumbling upon the training room for their sparring lesson. Instead, they crash head first into a woman shaped brick wall, and frustration boils over. They barely have the time to recognise the sword wielding alien from the prior day before angry words that they don't really intend tumble out of their mouth.

"Oi ! Watch where you're fucking going !"

"Are you okay ?" Maxima asks in a perfectly rough voice.

A burning hand comes to steady Taylor and they shake it off furiously. "Don't touch me."

"You know, when people bump into other people, they usually apologise."

Taylor feels like a fucking child and they hate it. Dozens of retort accumulate on the tip of their tongue but before they can spew any of them, Maxima bypasses them haughtily. "Training room's that way," she says curtly before disappearing around a corner, her muscles taunt and threatening under her faded inapposite _The Cranberries_ t-shirt.

Training doesn't go much better. Taylor is paired with Maxima, because of course the universe would play them like that, and finds themself on their ass more often than not. The teacher, a surprisingly graceful seven foot boulder gives good advice, but Taylor is too frustrated to apply any of it. Maxima is a tireless war machine. She moves with dangerous precision, her punches hurting just one notch above what is acceptable until Taylor all but refuses to get back up again. 

Class ends shortly after that and they drag themself to a spacious gender neutral changing room. They make quick work of changing back into day clothes but can't help but linger, feeling like they might owe an apology to Maxima. Their eyes trail lazily around the room taking in the shameless students who change in front of each other regardless of their anatomy. They try to keep their gaze above the belt, but some silhouettes are too ambiguous for them to really be sure what they're looking at. "It takes some getting used to," a voice suddenly says as a hand is thrusted into their sightline. "I'm Adam. Adam Blake. Post-human. Champion of Earth. Would you like to eat lunch with my friends and I ?"

Lunch is a terrible affair, but at this point, Taylor isn't even surprised. It takes them forty five minutes to navigate the mess hall trying to find anything edible all the while Adam trails after them and keeps a steady stream of one way conversation. He introduces two wolves, for lack of a better word, outgoing Tsavo and broody Roho, with whom they sit in almost peaceful companionship until Maxima shows up, sitting gracefully across from Taylor. "Gods," she says, "I don't know where they found this Lor-El but..." Adam elbows her in the ribs and she stops abruptly, taking stock of the newest member of the group. 

Two paths open in front of Taylor, and they choose to walk the wrong one. Any other day, they would have asked Rao for strength, breathed deeply and let it go, but today isn't a good day. Today, their skin is bristling and they miss home and they feel sick and tired and this mighty warrior is getting on their nerves. "What's up with you anyway Cranberries uh ? Did you get lost in the fucking 90's ?"

The jab isn't even good, and Taylor chooses to end the argument by shovelling pasta into their mouth. Across from them Maxima stares, confused and Adam has to offer an explanation for her. "I think they insulted your fashion sense."

The table shakes when Maxima gets up, her body trembling with a sad sort of anger, and even before she opens her mouth, Taylor knows they've fucked up in a major way. "This garment," Maxima snarls, "belonged to my late father, rightful king of Almerac. Show some respect Kryptonian." She's out of sight before Taylor can even consider apologising.

"So," Tsavo says, his snoot twisting into a small smile, "we should have warned you, but the princess’s got a bit of a temper. That being said, what you said wasn’t cool."

The rest of the day is uneventful, but it's too late for it to get any better and Taylor just feels out of place. They don't fare too bad in their pre-galactic alliance history class, and the intro to an intergalactic language course is not uninteresting, but all Taylor wants is to go home. They think that it might have been too soon to leave, that at eighteen they should have stayed home with their mothers and get another Earth degree instead of insisting on playing hero. Sure, an invitation to study at Crucible is an once in a lifetime opportunity, but right now it weights nothing against a hug from their Yeyu. 

They end the day on the bed, huddled against a scruffy shark plushy and with soft jazz filling the room. They ache in a strange way, feeling hollow and untethered, and the sight of space and the artificial sun outside the window doesn't help. Instead of being comforting, the immensity of the universe is suddenly overbearing, and Taylor has never felt so small. On the desk, the holo comms light up and with a sigh, they cross the room to answer the call. They hesitate though, their hand hovering over it like not answering will make them a bigger, stronger, adult ; but the moment they accept the call, they know it was the right decision.

"Oh honey," their Mum says with a sad smile, "what's wrong ?"

"I didn’t have the best of days," Taylor admits in a small voice.

An impressively large glass of wine briefly appears on the hologram and their Mum takes a short sip out of it. "Do you want to talk about it ?"

Before Taylor can answer though, the background blurs and their Yeyu drops next to their Mum, hair messy and grin wide. "Hey sweetheart. Sorry I was in the shower. Fought a twelve foot liquid creature. It was messy." She laughs, and the warm sound transports Taylor thousands of light years away.

"Not really," they say in answer to their Mum. "Tell me about your day instead."

The conversation loosens the knot in Taylor chest, it gets easier to breathe, and by the time they hang up, the universe doesn't seem so soul crushing. It's almost midnight when they exit their room with no idea of where to go but a restless need to find this person. They trail along the far more empty and quiet corridors, their feet guiding them to a yet to be explored place, the library. They act on instinct, on a gut feeling, and it seems to work, because it's amongst the shelves of scrolls, leather bound books and electronic texts that they find Maxima. 

The princess of Almerac is sitting on the ground in the Earth section, lost in a thick paperback. She's still in her band t-shirt but looks far less threatening, her flaming red hair untied and framing her shoulders. Taylor hesitates for a minute, unwilling to disturb her, but Maxima seems to sense them, and when she reaches the end of her chapter, she marks her place in the book with her finger and lifts her head. Her features tense when she meets Taylor's gaze and Taylor knows they can't blame her. Yet, when Maxima talks, her voice is soft, devoid of aggression. "What do you want ?"

"I," Taylor starts, "I came to apologise. I didn't sleep much last night and I know it's not an excuse, but I'm usually not that much of an asshole."

"You’re homesick," Maxima nods wisely, "I can understand that." She motions for Taylor to sit beside her. "I apologise too. For taking it out on you in sparring class. You’re not a bad fighter."

"Don’t lie, I was terrible."

"Yeah," Maxima chuckles, "yeah you were. But you’ll find your footing."

"I hope so."

"I know you will," Maxima says, her voice rough and regal. "What’s that ?" she asks after a short moment of comfortable silence. 

"Oh," Taylor whispers, suddenly remembering the purpose of their late night stroll and shoving the crystal in Maxima’s hand. "Music. For you. It’s the entire discography of _The Cranberries_."

Maxima’s hands wrap around the crystal and she studies it for a second. She's got large palms, and even as they hold the object delicately, they radiate strength. "Thank you, Lor-El," she says gently.

"Taylor. Call me Taylor. Lor-El’s my kryptonian name, nobody really calls me that except for my Yeyu."

"Okay, Taylor," she says, and Taylor swears they've never heard anyone say their name like that. "I’m Max."

***

Earth year 2042, Crucible Academy

"This is so boring," Tsavo groans. "I don’t see the point of any of this." He punctuates his sentence with a wide gesture of his front paws, threatening to unbalance the precarious structure they're standing on. 

Taylor has never agreed with anything more in their life, but they keep their mouth shut for the sake of keeping appearances.

"I agree," Max says, her annoyance seeping in her clipped tone. "There's no point in standing in the rain when we could barge in and take what we need."

"Totally," Taylor hurries to say, briefly glancing Max's way. Blissfully unaware of how ridiculous they sound, they take in the sight of their friend, her dark red hair plastered to her angry beautiful face, and their heart stutter. 

"We are gathering intel," Adam reminds them with barely concealed irritation, "so we can plan our attack and act in a well thought away. Also, I want a good grade on this one so stop acting like little shits."

Taylor sighs, Max shivers, Tsavo bristles, but they say nothing ; Adam is the team leader after all. The rain is cold and relentless and Taylor is grateful for the somewhat waterproof jacket they remembered to slip on their suit. They stand relatively still on top of the frail scaffolding, periodically peeking through their night vision binoculars and cursing their lack of x-ray vision. With the chill settling deep into their bones, they'd give just about anything for their training to happen under a yellow sun, just once. 

Max sneezes violently and the metal pillars rattle beneath the team. Adam throws a frustrated look her way and opens his mouth, ready to assault her with instructions but Taylor silences him with a sharp elbow to the ribs, and admittedly, a bit more strength than necessary. "Fuck off Adam," they mumble under their breath. "Here," they add louder for Max, before draping their wet and heavy jacket over her shoulders. Their fingers brush against each others when Max adjusts the jacket around her, a grateful smile on her face.

Thoughts swirl around Taylor's head and they tentatively grasp at one of them, a recurrent one when it comes to Max ; she's so pretty, even when drenched and furious. Sometimes Taylor feels almost paralysed when they're next to her, like they could die on the spot and wouldn't even mind because Rao blessed them with Max's existence ; apparently, it runs in the family.

Tsavo groans, and Taylor regretfully snaps back to the present. "There’s movement," he grumbles. 

Sure enough, someone is approaching the building housing Roho's fake team meeting. The guard lets them in after they carelessly wave the prised document that the drenched students are supposed to recover, and Taylor almost topples over trying to get a good look inside. "They don't seem to be guarding the back door," they say, righting themself with Max's assistance.

"We could catch them in a vice," Max suggests, "split up and use the unguarded door as an advantage."

"There’s only four of us," Adam reminds, "and eight of them."

"But it’s not a bad idea," Taylor muses. "Three of us could attack from the front while another slips in the back. They’ll be distracted."

"It’s primitive."

"Oh fuck off Adam," Max cuts sharply. 

He seems to have a retort at the ready but thunder in the distance covers his attempt and, thinking better of it, he hangs his head in shame and whispers instead ; "sorry guys. I just want a good grade."

"I want a good grade too," Max says, "but we’ve been standing under the rain for three fucking hours and I’m pretty sure I caught pneumonia. We have to do something."

"Taylor," Adam says in an almost pained voice, "you were saying ?"

"You, Max and Tsavo can take the front, I’ll go in the back. And then I'm taking an hour long hot shower."

"Why would you want to stand under water more," Tsavo asks, confused, "when we’ve already been standing under water ?"

"You wouldn’t know," Max laughs, "you don’t bath."

"I’ll have you know, your Majesty," Tsavo retorts, "that I’m a very clean Ngoan."

"I don’t doubt that you are," Max replies with an eye roll before she gracefully jumps off their precarious tower, her sword unfolding in her wake. 

The rest doesn't go exactly to plan, and it's the euphemism of the century. 

The team manages to take the fight out of the building just fine but the back door is stuck and by the time Taylor manages to get it open, they fall right into a trap. They aren't eight people in Roho's team, but nine, and one of them has been hiding there the entire time. They match Taylor blow for blow, moving faster than they themself can and by the time they manage to knock them out, they're bleeding on one side of the head and feel so dizzy that they have to take the whole stack of paper instead of just the one they're supposed to steal as they can't see straight enough to recognise it. 

Out front, the battle is still raging. Adam stands on a sprained ankle and Max tries her hardest to avoid inflicting any real injuries with her sword. She's got a swollen eyes and a cut lip. Tsavo and Roho are locked in a frightening wrestle and when Roho tries to snap is brother's neck, it doesn't look like an exercise anymore. Much too quickly, they're surrounded, Adam struggling to stay upright and Max cornered by her refusal to cause harm to her classmates. Tsavo howls, Adam tumbles to Rendll's feet, Max narrowly escapes one of Vax's pincer ; Taylor calls for outside help, good grade be damned. 

The lights of the training room are turned back on and the artificial cold rain stops falling. Roho's team falls back, graceless smirks on their faces, but Roho himself doesn't stop fighting. Under the harsh light, it's easier for Taylor to measure the extent of her friend's injuries, and they don't think before running to the rescue.

They awake in the softest of bed, feeling warm and feather like. There's an annoying beeping in their left ear, but their right one is occupied by uneven breathing and occasional sniffles. There's a hand resting on their naked arm, soft in places and calloused in others, where the handle of a sword usual rests ; it’s Max’s. Taylor ignores the fluttery feeling in their stomach in favour of opening their eyes to the blinding lights of the med bay.

"Are you crying ?" they ask, the question appearing ludicrous once it hangs in the air.

"You did something incredibly stupid," Max says, sniffling boorishly. With snot running down her face, she doesn't look as regal and unattainable as she usually does ; Taylor likes her all the same.

"Tsavo needed help."

"That’s what the teachers are for," Max snaps before schooling her bloated features.

"Is he okay ?" Taylor asks hesitantly.

Max sighs. She sounds frustrated, tired, and Taylor, feeling braver than they ever have in the face of their silly crush looking so defeated, threads their fingers with hers. "He'll live," Max says. "And Roho earned himself detention for the rest of his time here. Preceptor Amata wanted to expel him, but Tsavo interceded in his favour."

"Of course he did," Taylor mumbles. It's typical of Tsavo, defending his family and friends against everyone and everything. In the almost year Taylor has been at Crucible, there's not a day she hasn't seen her friend standing up for his less talented brother. The twins are a package deal, that much they figured out quickly, but it's also clear that without Tsavo, Roho would have never been admitted at Crucible.

"I called your mothers," Max says dragging them out of their thoughts.

"Oh fuck."

"Accurate reaction. I said you were fine and that you'd call them once you'd have woken up."

Taylor groans. "I’m gonna be in so much trouble."

"Your mother’s a hero," Max points out, "she’ll understand."

"Oh you don’t know my Yeyu, she's going to be pissed." Taylor rubs their free hand against their eyes. "Will you stay with me ? While I delay the inevitable and pretend to be asleep for a moment ?"

Max nods, and wordlessly slips out of her pocket the small music player that have become a staple of their friendship. She doesn't let go of Taylor's hand.


	5. Ready, set, Ngo (Crucible Academy part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Taylor accidentally stumble upon a revolution.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 !
> 
> I hope you like Taylor and Max as much as I do ! (Or even half as much as I do because I love them an awful lot ^^)  
> For a little bit of comic book history and also because it's one of my favourite thing about _Crucible Academy_ (the others being the school itself and the fact that Kara wears kryptonian armour in this comic (!!)) Maxima has a super cute crush on Supergirl in the comic and that's why she's involved with Taylor here :')
> 
> No soundtrack for this part, it's the same as the 1st part but if you feel like it you can listen to just about anything by The Cranberries (if you too have a deeply personal connection to _Zombie_ we're gonna be great friends).
> 
> Finally, Taylor's ship is named the _Wayfarer_ after the [Wayfarer trilogy](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22733729-the-long-way-to-a-small-angry-planet?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=vBd430iwhc&rank=1), one of the best sci-fi thing of the past years (it won a Hugo Award !)

Earth year 2043, Ngo

If they could hit pause on their life, Taylor would very much like to know how they got here, on a strange planet, in the ruins of a thousand years old monarchy, battling former classmates, for real this time. Well they're not entirely stupid, so they know ; they've seen the signs, Roho slowly spiralling into bitter hatred, Rendll forgoing her tamaranean glory to follow him around like a lost puppy and Vax gladly leaning into his more violent tendencies. But it used to be playful, they used to be somewhat friendly, and when Taylor stopped paying attention, when they blinked, everything blew up. This isn't school anymore, they won't get an A+ for getting out of here alive.

It was supposed to be a nice getaway, a cool trip to a nearby planet, featuring good food and history lessons, maybe even getting the guts to ask Max on a date. Instead, the moment Taylor stepped foot inside of the ngoan royal castle, it blew up, taking out both of Tsavo's parents and all comm links out of the planet. They have no way of getting out of there, Tsavo is missing, Adam is panicking and useless and Max is so deep in thought, watching as the castle burns in the distance, that Taylor doesn't know how to reach out, how to motivate their team to do exactly what they learned in class and save the day. Truthfully, they don't feel much like a hero right now.

Out of habit, they toy with the sun grenade strapped to their belt, a gift from Alex that travelled thousands of light years to arrive in the mail one morning with a simple post-it note, just in case. Taylor has carried it everywhere ever since. 

"Don’t," Max says, her gloved hand cold on their arm. "It’d be a waste of resources."

Taylor wants to lean into the touch, but they don't. There's been something going on between them, lingering touches, glances, fucking sleepovers ; they've let it spiralled way beyond a simple crush and now it's too late to ask. 

It occurs to Taylor, distantly, deep in their mind, that they might not go home, that this might be the reason why their Yeyu was so wary of letting them play hero, why she's sheltered them so much. With powers come responsibility, and their Yeyu of all people knows that it's impossible to carry this knowledge without doing something to help. 

"With my powers at least I’ll be able to do something."

"Do what ?" Max asks with a prickle of annoyance. "We have no plan. You can't just burst into that place and hope to find Tsavo. We don't even know if he's..."

"Don’t," Taylor cuts, refusing to even begin to think about it. "I could get to the ship, rewire it to send a message out. Then all we'd have to do is wait for back up or extraction."

"You don’t need powers to do that," Max points out. 

"Say the person who doesn’t need a fucking yellow sun to do anything."

"I’ve seen you cross battlefields and reprogram satellites with your hands tied behind your back. You once stole my sword, one handed, to decapitate a robot, while disarming a bomb, and there were no casualties. You come from a whole family of heroes, it’s in your blood, you don’t need the sun to do any of that."

"It was in class !" Taylor snaps. "I did all of that in simulations with no real stakes !"

"Pretend you’re in class then."

"I don’t want to interrupt your panicking," Adam cuts, panicked, "but this is a stupid idea."

"It’s not," Max says harshly. "It’s how I escaped Almerac. I pretended this was a game, that my father had given me a ridiculous challenge and that I had to get to my ship, silently, without getting caught by my mother." She stops, tenses in the way one does when they’re holding back tears. She never talks about this ; her history is nothing more than a looming cloud that hangs over her head, turns her broody and frightening at times. "When I slit the throat of my handmaiden, I pretended it was a game, when I got lost in space, when I was alone and scared, I pretended it was a game, when I arrived here and I didn't know what preceptor Amata's intentions were, I pretended it was a game. It's kept me alive all this time, it’s not stupid Adam, and it can get us out of here."

"Okay," Adam says, raising his hands in surrender, "okay. What do you suggest ?"

"Taylor," Max says, "you’re the best at anything technology related. If anyone can send out a call for help, it’s you. I can protect us through the battlefield with a force field."

"You got hurt," Taylor retorts, barely resisting the urge to trace the trail of dried blood that adorns Max's face. "Using your powers is too dangerous."

"Not if we're fast. I can run and Adam can carry you."

"Max..." Taylor sighs. They hate this plan.

"Taylor..."

"Okay," they concede, "but I’m keeping the sun grenade as my number one back up plan."

"Fine," Max mumbles with a decisive nod. "Are you ready ?"

No. No Taylor isn’t ready, but they think about their Yeyu, about her ability to leap head first into danger with no qualm when her help is needed. Kara Zor-El was not ready to be a hero the day her sister's plane when down and likewise, Taylor isn't quite ready to make the decisions needed to save their friend, but it's time to make the jump, and with that in head, they join the battle.

It's not a bad plan, considering their narrowed options, it's even quite smart, but Taylor can't shake the bad feeling from their gut, can't shake the deeply rooted suspicion that things are about to go very very wrong. The ground disappears. More precisely, it explodes beneath them and they find themselves propelled through the air, flying across a new impressively large crater. Even without their supersenses and with the protection of Max's force field, Taylor can smell the potent scent of burnt flesh and boiled blood.

They land harshly, the ground aggressively meeting them again, and it's Max who takes most of the impact, sheltering them with her force field until she can't anymore. Taylor swears they hear her bones snapping. And realistically, they know they can't, with their dimmed senses and the deafening sounds of battle, this one noise is impossible to single out, but they hear it nonetheless, along with the sharp breath evading Max's body, and the absence of an intake after it. Their hand is on the sun grenade before they can give themself too much time to think about it.

The switch is immediate, still, Taylor feel it gradually, can decompose the return of their senses like the world has slowed down around them to offer them this moment. It starts in their toes, a warm spark that quietly spreads in their veins, the artificial sunlight tingling on their skin until it reaches their fingertips, then their head, spreading all the way to the tip of their hair. Then it's power, untamed and raw, their fists clenching with pure strength, their feet leaving the ground to hover inches from it. Only after comes the stench of war, so strong they can taste it, and the drilling noise of anger and fear that makes their ears vibrate. A wave of nausea hits them and they fall into a crouch, webs spreading in the dust all around them. 

It takes a moment to shake off the surge, to remember the advices and the years of practise until they manage to isolate a single weak and too unfamiliar heartbeat, Max's. Her breathing is laboured and slow but it's there and it's enough to give Taylor hope. They take off, distantly aware of Adam trying to keep up after them. Their speed and strength is second to one person only, and it's Supergirl. They're at the castle door in a matter of seconds, have crossed the courtyard in less time than it takes to think of it, and in a beat, have bursted back first through the final wall that separates them from the hangar. 

"Holy shit," Adam whistles behind them, out of breath and covered in grime. "Holy fucking shit."

"Make sure she keeps breathing," Taylor says in lieu of a reply, tenderly thrusting Max in his arms. "I’m going to rewire the comms."

"How do you plan on sending your signal out ?" Adam asks, struggling a bit under Max’s weight. "Nothing's in working order around here."

"I’m a certified genius. I’ll figure it out. You keep watch."

And figure it out, they do. The hull shielded most of the ship's tech from the EMP blast that took the planet comms out but a few wires are still fried beyond recognition. They make quick work of replacing them, cutting, shortening and resoldering with precise bursts of heat vision, all the while feeling like their Mum is whispering guidance and encouragement in their ear. In this moment, they feel like the worthy child of Lena Luthor. 

With a few more tweaks, they snap the covering back into place and after a couple experimental taps on the control panel, the ship blinks back to life, a string of letters indicating the AI rebooting itself. "Okay," they mumble under their breath, "okay, that's good." They take a step back, a makeshift amplifier in their hand and survey the ship, trying not to let their confidence dwindle when they take note of the scorch marks maring the inside of their ship. 

"This is Captain Lor-El on board of the Wayfarer. I repeat, this is Captain Lor-El on board of the Wayfarer." They are met with nothing but dead silence. "Calling out all intergalactic forces in proximity of Ngo for immediate back up." The line doesn’t so much as crackle. "I repeat. This is Captain Lor-El on board of the Wayfarer calling out all intergalactic forces in proximity of Ngo for immediate back up. There was a coup. We are down two members, one injured, one MIA. This is Captain Lor-El on board of the Wayfarer calling out all intergalactic forces in proximity of Ngo."

They repeat their call, over and over until the words lose their meaning and their throat is raw and painful, until Adam enters the ship, Max propped up against him and Taylor throws the amplifier down in barely contained rage. The effects of the sun grenade are fading, and their fit barely leaves an indent on the floor. "We’re fucked."

"We’re not," Max groans, staggering forward and into Taylor’s arms. They don't resist the urge to bury in her hair, catching a whiff of her honey-like smell, hidden deep under the scent of smoke and dried blood. "We just need to get higher. There’s a. There’s an antenna on the far east tower. It's still mostly upright. Could be used to boost the signal." 

"Okay," Taylor mumbles, detaching themself from Max's limp embrace. "Far east tower. Opposite from here. Easy."

"You can do it, I believe in you."

A ghost of a kiss is laid on their temple, a sword is slipped in their hand along with a small communicator, and with that they're back in the chaos.

They navigate the castle with poor remains of x-ray vision, dodging incoming blasts by ear and taking advantage of already blown down walls as shortcuts. They're starting to see it, how it can feel like a game, how it's easier if it's a game, if it has no consequences, if the unknown body they just sliced open will simply be fully revived once the teachers decide it's the end of the lesson. Like all games though, there's a final boss, and Taylor doesn't see him coming.

Roho rams into them with the strength of an out of control wrecking ball and Taylor is sent sprawling through two walls. They land on their back, the wind knocked of their lungs and the sword out of reach. Roho is above them in a second, grasping them by the collar only to pummel them further into the ground. "Hello, spawn of El," he groans his sharp teeth bared by his devious smile, "got lost ?"

"Spawn of El ?" Taylor scoffs, "is that the best you got ?"

The comeback might appear petty, but Taylor knows Roho, has fought him before, and so they know he's bound to react poorly. He slams them down on the ground twice more, Taylor can feel their right arm snapping in two but refuse to acknowledge the pain. Roho's fury has jolted the sword closer to their reach and with the last ounce of their superstrength, they lift it and slam the pommel against his temple. They scream as they do so, their broken arm protesting against the sudden move, and the sudden roar and attack are enough to get Roho to fall back enough for them to grab the sword with their valid arm and slam it clumsily against his thick armour.

With just enough room to move and breathe, Taylor scrambles to their feet and rams into Roho, the intense pain in their body causing them to black out for half a second. They regain their footing quickly and though the world is fuzzy and everything hurts, they attack with heightened rage, grateful that Wonder Woman herself taught them how to fight with their left hand. 

"Where's Tsavo ?" they ask, narrowly dodging a large paw and striking back swiftly only to miss him by a hair.

"Like I’d tell you."

"Where’s Tsavo ?" Taylor repeats, striking again. This time their sword hits his flank, slipping between to ornate plates of armour to cut his thick skin. 

"He got what he deserved. Shouldn’t have stood in my way."

He pushes them hard, striking right in the middle of the chest and Taylor staggers back, staying upright only thanks to years of training. They lose no time in charging again, this time aiming for a knee left open by Roho's attack. He's always relied on his brute strength and this is exactly what Taylor has always refused to do, why they came to Crucible and why the sun grenade was last resort only. Aunt Diana may have taught them how to fight with their weak hand, but Crucible taught them how to fight blinded and with their hands tied. Taylor has done nothing but train and learn and Max is right, they can do it. 

"You're going to lose, you know that right ? Intergalactic forces are already on their way."

"You’re lying !" Roho roars, back on his feet already and charging blindly.

Taylor sidesteps him, twirling their sword cockily. Technically they are lying but, "I’m not," they say. "Called them myself. Preceptor Amata is very disappointed." 

The last jab is a bit too much and Taylor knows that before their legs are swiped out from under them. "I can’t fail," Roho grunts. 

"And yet that’s exactly what’s going to happen." Taylor scrambles back, ignoring the pain in their arm in favour of gripping the swords with two hands. They have to buy themself time. "Where are your friends ? Vax ? Rendll ? Do you really think they’ll stick with you when you fall ?"

Roho lunges, and Taylor meets him with two booted feet to the stomach and with everything they can muster, they push until he’s sent sprawling in a graceless arc over them and lends hard on his back. Heaving and puffing, Taylor rolls back up to tower over him. Arms trembling, they tilt his head up with the sharp point of the sword and square their shoulders, invoking Rao or whoever is listening for five more minutes of strength.

"What are you gonna do ?" Roho growls. "Kill me ? Isn't that against your little family's code ?"

"Where’s Tsavo ?"

In lieu of a response, Taylor gets spat on the face, and find no regret in themself when they knock Roho out with a heavy boot to the skull. Distantly aware of the blood trickling down their face, of the sharp pain in their arm, they make their way to the tower. It's on instinct only that they make it there alive, or maybe it's a higher force watching over them. The climb is painful, rocks cutting their hands as they scale the wrecked facade and then cling desperately up the flimsy metallic antenna. 

The wind nearly knocks them over several times and the blood on their hands make them slippery, but they hold on. They hold on because Max is injured and needs help, they hold on because on top of this antenna is their way home, they hold one because when they repeat their message, the voice that answers is familiar.

"Taylor ?"

"Aunt Alex ?!"

***

Earth year 2043, Crucible Academy

Taylor comes to in a very strange environment. They feel warm and floaty, yet grounded, and the strong scent of lavender that fills their nose is definitely out of place. It's the smell of home. Without opening their eyes, they identify the weight of two arms thrown across their body, one strong and muscly and the other lithe and supple. "Mum ?" they cough, "Yeyu ?"

"Hey," their Yeyu rasps, "look who’s awake. How are you feeling _aonah_ ?"

"Like I’ve fought an alien twice my size," Taylor tries to joke, failing miserably when their words are swallowed by a coughing fit. They’re propped up by two sets of arms and a soft hand runs up and down their back until they calm down.

"Breathe love," their Mum says in their ear. "You’re okay."

"Did everyone make it out ? What are you doing here ?"

"There was a beacon in the sun grenade," their Yeyu answers. "As soon as you activated it we were able to portal there and signal your position to the intergalactic forces. They're trying to regain control of the situation but we thought it was better to bring you back to school."

"Did everyone make it out ?" Taylor asks again, afraid of the answer when they can feel both of their mothers exchanging a look.

"Tsavo is," their Mum starts in her bad news voice, "a little worse for wear. They had to place him in a medically induced coma. I’m sorry."

"It’s okay," Taylor whispers half heartedly. "He’s strong. He’ll be okay. What about the others ? Max ? Adam ?"

"Your friend Adam had a bit of a nervous breakdown. He’s asleep now. And Max’s being looked after. She refused to leave until we were back at your side," their Yeyu says, her teasing smile perceptible in her light tone. "Preceptor Amata had to literally drag her away from you. We had an interesting discussion with her and some of your teachers. About sending students on day trips without checking the political stability of their destination first."

"Are you mad ?" Taylor asks tentatively.

"At you ? No," their Yeyu replies with no place for discussion. "You were very brave. I’m so proud of you."

"We are so very proud of you," their Mum adds with a soft kiss to the temple.

With no more warning, Taylor finds themself engulfed in a bone crushing hug and it makes everything worth it. The blood, the pain, the fear, being away from home for so long, everything fades to the background in favour of savouring this one moment of love and safety.

"Where’s Aunt Alex ?" Taylor asks after a while. "I think I heard her voice."

"She’s coordinating forces."

"Having the time of her life," their Yeyu adds with a soft chuckle.

"Aunt Kelly is going to be so mad."

"Oh for sure. Alex is in a lot of trouble."

"As she should," their Mum grumbles good-naturedly, accompanying her statement with a light smack on her wife's arm. 

"It's a Danvers thing," their Yeyu whispers in Taylor's ear. "Doing heroic things that worry the wives. Between you and I though, it's always worth it."

Taylor must doze off after that because they blink and when they open their eyes again, their mothers are gone and Max is next to them instead, looking grumpy and tired in a wheelchair. She's bundled under heavy red fabric and it takes a moment for Taylor to recognise what it is.

"Hey Cranberries. Is that my Yeyu’s cape ?" they croak reaching out to touch the familiar material. Instead of touching the cape though, their hand is met with warm fingers that tangle themselves with theirs. 

"You’re awake," Max breathes in relief. "Thanks the Gods, you’re awake."

"How are you feeling ?" Taylor asks softly.

"Like I’ve been run over by a boat. Wait no. What’s that Earth saying ?"

"Like you’ve been hit by a train ?" Taylor offers cautiously.

"Yeah," Max replies with a firm nod closely followed by a wince. "That one."

"Come here," Taylor says, shuffling clumsily to make space on the hospital bed.

"What ? No. You’re hurt."

"Come here," Taylor repeats. "I don’t even know why I’m on bedrest, I’m fine."

"You fainted and fell off the tower," Max supplies in a flat voice. "But you're on so many different kind of painkillers right now that I'm not surprised you don't remember." She does concede though, and clambers out of her chair and into the bed, shuffling until her head is pillowed against the crook of Taylor's neck and their limbs are indistinguishable from one another, Supergirl’s cape draped over both of them. "You scared me."

"I’m sorry," Taylor sighs. 

"It’s okay," Max dismisses flatly. "I talked with your mothers a bit. It helped. I’m happy you have them."

"I’m glad they’re here," Taylor mumbles, snuggling under the cape. "You don't seem okay," they prob softly after a beat.

"It’s stupid," Max rejects immediately.

"I’m sure it’s not. What’s wrong ?"

"Tsavo’s family. Monarchies. Revolutions," Max enumerates with crafted carelessness. "Do you. Do you think I have a duty ? To go back to Almerac ?"

"No. You escaped from a terrible situation. You literally never have to go back there."

"What if my people need me ? What if the only way I can help them is by going back to my mother to take my place as her heir ?"

"What did she do to you ?" Taylor asks gently. "Exactly ?"

"Beat me up when she found out I was gay," Max replies, her face set in a careful mask of blankness. "Forced me into an arranged marriage so I would participate in the national effort and produce an heir. Threw me into a dungeon. Starved me. Killed my father. Forced me to compete in violent games. Beat me up some more."

"Max..."

"It’s okay. I’m okay now."

"Clearly you’re not," Taylor fires back. "When you said you were a refugee I didn’t think..."

"There’s a reason I don’t talk about it," Max snaps. "I don’t want anyone’s pity."

"I don’t pity you," Taylor whispers, softly rubbing their hand up and down her arm. "I just wished you’d trust me with things like that. So you wouldn’t have to carry them alone."

"I didn’t want you to see me any differently," Max admits, her voice barely audible.

"I don’t. But I want you to know you can always talk to me. Even about the hard stuff. And you’ll always have me. Even when we’re not at Crucible anymore. I promise."

"Thank you," Max murmurs. 

"Thank you for trusting me with your story."

Max leans in across the few inches that separate them, and Taylor does something both incredibly reckless and brave ; braver even, they think, than jumping head first into a war and climbing a tower in the night to save millions of strangers. Before Max's lips can land on their cheek, they turn their head swiftly so they can kiss her instead. There's a beat during which nothing happen, during which this is nothing more than the soft press of lips on lips, until Max smiles, and deepens the kiss, because like Taylor, she knows that's where they've been heading the whole time.

***

July 19th, 2044, Crucible Academy

Taylor surveys their room one more time, trying to memorise its nook and crannies, taking in the smooth walls that use to be infuriating and have now become a synonym of home. It's weird to think about how they'll be gone the instant they leave the school, how this room will be repurposed for someone else and the only trace of their passage will be a plaque in the hall of honour. They're not fully packed yet, their mums won't be there for another week for graduation, but it already feels like the end of an era.

"This is so weird," Max says, her head pillowed against their chest. "I’ve seen you everyday for almost three years and now..." She lets her words disappear in a vague gesture of the hand. "I’m going to miss you so much."

Taylor’s heart misses a beat. "You could always come with me," they say. 

"Sure, I’ll visit you," Max hums sadly, tightening her arms around Taylor's middle.

"No I mean come with me. You don’t want to go back to Almerac and you can’t just be a perpetual refugee in space boarding school. Come with me."

"I..."

"We’ve got a very good immigration program on Earth. You already speak English and you’re super smart, you’d find a job in no time, or not, if you don't want to work. And we, we could be together."

"I..."

"No pressure though," Taylor cuts again, their words rushing against one another in an almost overwhelming hurry.

"I’d like that," Max says softly.

"Yeah ?"

"Yeah," Max echoes, an uncontrolled grin stretching on her face. 

Taylor leans in to kiss her but their own wide smile makes it hard to do so and they end up messily giggling against one another instead. 

"What’s the first thing you’re going to show me when we get there ?" Max asks, schooling her smile long enough to lay a soft kiss on Taylor's lips.

"The aquarium," Taylor replies springing up excitedly and dragging Max in their wake.

Max laughs sharply, her eyes squinting a little. Gently, she pushes on Taylor's chest so they can lie down comfortably again. "Somehow," she says, "I feel like I could have predicted that answer. Sharks ?"

"Sharks," Taylor confirms with an energetic nod.

"You're so cute," Max mumbles against their lips.

Taylor goes in to deepen the kiss, shivering when Max starts hiking her hand under their shirt, but before they can fully appreciate the moment, a low ringing fills the room and they regrettably pull back.

"Whoever that is," Max grumbles, "tell them you're busy."

"That's probably my Mum," Taylor sighs. "If I don't pick up she's going to think I've been sucked into the vacuum of space."

They cross the room quickly, intent on getting the call over quickly but when they switch the comms on, their heart plummet to the bottom of their stomach.

"Yeyu ?"

Their mother's face appears to them completely disheveled, tears hastily wiped out but having clearly fell recently. "Hey sweetheart," she says hoarsely.

"Yeyu ? What’s happening ? Is Mum okay ?"

Max swiftly comes to sit next to them, out of the hologram sight, her hands lightly grasps Taylor's.

"It’s Eliza," their Yeyu sniffles. "She's in the hospital. The doctors said it's bad."

"I’m on my way," Taylor says immediately, springing from their seat before anyone can add anything.

"No, no," their Yeyu cuts quickly. "I just wanted you to know she’s not going to make it to your graduation and I might stay there with her, that’s all."

"This is not open to discussion," Taylor cuts, gathering their shark plushy and shoving it in their backpack along with a couple of mostly clean t-shirts. "If grandma’s sick I’m coming home. I don’t care about graduation."

"Lor-El..."

"Yeyu..."

"You’re not going to take no for an answer are you ?" their Yeyu asks with a sad smile. "You’re so much like your mum... I’ll let the DEO know we should expect you by tomorrow ?" 

"Yes. I’m living right now."

"Okay. Okay I love you. Be safe."

"Love you too Yeyu," Taylor answers before switching the comms off. "I’ll send you a flight plan," they add, turning to Max. "In case you want to join me later."

"What ? No. I’m coming with you."

"No you’re not," Taylor says, shaking their head softly. "You’ve worked very hard, and this has been your home for many years. You should get to graduate and say goodbye properly."

"But are you gonna be okay ?"

"I will. I promise," Taylor says with a soft kiss to her cheek before starting in the opposite direction to grab their tablet. "I just need to see my grand mother in case she, in case she..."

"Shhh," Max whispers, halting Taylor's whirlwind packing course to gather them in her arms. "Breathe." Taylor goes slack against her.

The next two hours are excruciating. Taylor feels like they're running at full speed towards a brick wall and no matter what they do, they can't shake the uncanny feeling of impending doom. They manage to find most of their teachers to say goodbye, hug Tsavo and Adam for a good minute each with the hasty promise of seeing each other soon, and loose a full hour in Preceptor Lys Amata's office to discuss their future. By the time they reach the hangar, Max is the only one there, leaning too casually against the hull of the ship.

"You're good to go," she says with a somewhat forced smile. "I went through the pre-flight checklist twice. You sure you don't want me to come with you ?"

"No," Taylor reiterates. "Enjoy the rest of your time here, say goodbye to your home. I'll be okay, and I’ll see you soon."

Before they can add anything else, Taylor find themself flat against the hull, Max's body pressed against their own. Insistent lips find their way to theirs and they get lost in the feeling of sharp teeth and a soft tongue trailing into their mouth. 

"Gods," Max mumbles, her head falling to the crook of their neck. "I love you."

"I love you too," Taylor whispers. "So much. Give a proper goodbye to this place for me, alright ?"

"I will," Max laughs. "Now go," she adds, gently pushing Taylor’s toward the hatch. "Call me when you land."

Taylor doesn't dare to look back, but they hold their breath until the door slides close behind them with a hiss. Once they're alone, they sag against it, trying to control their wild heartbeat in the face of the storm that suddenly broke all around them. They go through the pre-flight checklist too, out of habit, before switching the main engine and the comms on.

"This is Captain Lor-El on board of the Wayfarer," they say with a surprisingly steady voice. "Requesting authorisation to take off."

"This is Maxima of Crucible Academy. You’re clear for take off." Taylor lets themself being comforted by the familiar voice. "Good luck," Max adds softly.

Crucible Academy recedes quickly behind them and Taylor doesn't have as much time as they'd like to get a good look at it before the portal opens and they find themself light years away, face to face with a bright green light that definitely shouldn't be there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"Call me when you land."_ 😭😭😭  
> We're leaving Max behind for now, sorry ^^
> 
> I promise you in the name of Rao that I am not killing Eliza Danvers !! I just needed a good reason to bring Taylor home early and on their own ^^


	6. The intricacies of time travel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kara has a lot of feelings and nobody can sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to the present ! Which also means we're back to Kara and Lena being sad… :)
> 
> [Soundtrack](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) for this chapter is :  
>  _Reprieve_ by Capstan & _Magnolia_ by Hoobastank

It's night time, finally. It's almost surprising in a way, with the way the day dragged and dragged and dragged until Kara wasn't sure she'd see the end of it, until she couldn't breathe but had to keep going because, well because she has a kid now. Taylor is asleep on the couch, on the other side of the city, Lena isn't ; and Kara is truly alone with her thoughts since her future child crashed in her future wife's apartment. At least she assumes Lena is her future wife and this isn't some insane evil scheme in which future Lillian harvested their eggs to produce a baby. With everything that has happened, this isn't out of the realm of possibilities.

It's quiet, or as quiet as it ever gets when one has superhearing and noise is always turned up to eleven, and so Kara, no matter how much she loathes self introspection, decides to do some thinking. Her heart is both heavy and light and it takes her a moment to understand why, to put a name on her emotions, to disentangle them until they're mostly clear and recognisable. She's feeling hopeful, and it's almost laughable because no matter how much she stands for it, hope isn't something she has experienced a lot lately. She's been feeling sad, crushed, depressed, anxious, scared, but not hopeful. But Taylor is sleeping only meters away from her and they're the living breathing embodiment that things do get better, that the rift between Lena and her isn't forever and most of all, that loving her won't bring an extinction level event upon them.

But she's feeling afraid too, and that little spark of darkness threatens to overpower the beacon that just lit up inside of her. Taylor is another name on her list, another person that she'll fear to lose, another loved one that she'll have to ask Rao to keep safe, and it's overwhelming. She can see it coming a mile away, the crushing feeling that will settle deep in her chest if she lets herself care for her child. It's too late of course, Kara knows that, she knows that she made her decision the moment she sat down on the roof next to Taylor. She's already let them in, and it's weighting down on her. But what choice does she has really when the arrival of the newest member of the House of El mirrors her own in so many ways, when everything they know is out of reach and they're lost and afraid, when they need help. Kara won't turn her back on her family, even if it means she can't breathe.

She's used to it anyway, the crushing feeling in her chest, the sudden spike of fear when she thinks she can't hear a familiar heartbeat anymore. She wonders if future her goes to therapy. Distantly, she's aware of the irony of this thought, since she herself is not willing to open the Pandora box of her trauma. It's nice though, to think that someday her life will be stable enough that she might be able to deal with everything in a healthier way, and not simply by punching things to clear her head. Punching things isn't always enough, especially when there's nothing to punch in the first place, when it’s something that requires subtlety and patience. Patience isn't really Kara's thing. With twenty-four years in the Phantom Zone under her belt, she thinks she's been patient enough for several lifetimes.

There's rustling behind the curtain, soft whispers in Kryptonese, a language Kara rarely speaks anymore, then quiet footsteps, a window creaking open, a gush of fresh air ; Taylor is not as asleep as Kara thought they were. They make her think about her own Yeyu, how she doesn't really know her anymore, how they never quite managed to reconnect, and how much it hurts still to think about her. It must be like that for Taylor too, because Kara has their Yeyu's face but she isn't her, not really, not yet. 

The city is louder with the window open and with her head so full, Kara doesn't think she'll manage to sleep now. Out of habit, her hand is already halfway to her phone, ready to shoot a text to Alex to see if she's awake, and trying not to think about how for a brief, too brief, time in her life, it used to be Lena she would call to the rescue. But the whispers stop, and before Kara can talk herself out of it, she's out of her bed and joins Taylor in the living room.

"Can't sleep ?" she asks, floating to sit on the windowsill next to them. She cringes at the mundanity of the question, her brain working double time to find something better to say.

Taylor doesn't answer, their eyes trailed instead on something small clutched in their hands. It's a watch, dark blue with a white and blue woven strap that's much too long for anyone's wrist but one person.

"That's Jeremiah's, right ?" Kara probs softly.

"Oh," Taylor sighs. "Yeah. Grandma gave it to me. We modified it to add a Super signal and then I added a time beacon myself. I should be able to fix it you know ? Certified genius. It runs in the family." The last word is almost inaudible, even to Kara. It's whispered, perhaps not meant to be uttered, and buried under the sound of a passing police car.

"Can I ask you a question ?" Taylor nods and Kara takes it as a sign to go on. "Does that mean we found him ? Jeremiah ? In the future ?"

"I," Taylor stammers. "It's."

"You can't tell me, can you ?" Kara sighs. "And anyway you'll wipe my memories before you go, right ?"

"Not really," Taylor replies with a tentative smile, their eyes shining in the way Lena's do when she's about to nerd out about something. "I'll have to remove my existence from your memory. It'll alter all the things you might have learned through me. It can be traumatic, go as far as causing memory gaps for the events that can't be filled in or explained by anything else than me being here. Some people literally lose their mind. That's why there are regulations. I was supposed to stay put and not say a thing until someone could come and pick me up but I, I..."

"You panicked," Kara finishes for them, her hand hovering over their’s before she brings it back to her own side. "It’s okay, it happens to the best of us."

"Except it's not," Taylor explains crookedly. "Time travel is very dangerous. Everything I do now directly affects the future. I'm lucky I'm still there. You've seen the way she looked at me. I could blink out of existence if she so much thinks about never having me. It could happen at anytime." 

"It won’t happen."

"You don’t know that. You're not in her head. You can't control what she does."

"I'm not in her head," Kara admits, "but I know her." She speaks slowly, deliberately keeping her words in the present so she doesn't have to think about all the ways she doesn't know Lena anymore. "She could never hate you, could never hate anyone. She thinks she's tough and unbreakable and cold, but she's not. She's warm and soft and full of love and she'll come around. She'll help you get back to future her."

Taylor sniffles, and this time Kara allows herself to wrap her hand around her child's. "I can tell you one thing," they say. "In my time, you and her, you're very happy."

***

Highly conscious of the sleeping figure next to her, Alex tosses and turns and tosses again, her mind restless and her body thrumming with unspent energy. With a sigh, she entangles her legs from the covers and pads across the room to the kitchen, shivering when her bare feet make contact with the freezing cold floorboard. Quietly as can be, she pours herself a glass of water, then another, after she downs the first in a couple of seconds. The moon is cutting a silver line across the room and she thinks about Kara ; wondering if her sister needs help, if she's okay, if she's managed to fall asleep. Probably not.

She doesn't think it was the brightest of ideas to have Taylor move in to Kara's apartment ; but what can she do really, when she's seen the look in her sister's eyes, when she knows with no doubt that she could lay her life for this familiar stranger simply because sometime in the future, they will be family. Or might. Alex isn't entirely sure that this isn't some kind of trap, even if none of their fifth dimensional energy detector went off when the kid crashed in Lena's apartment. Kara has no shortage of enemies. This suspicion however, clashes with the look on Taylor's face when they saw Kara, the relief that washed over their features, the smile, a pull of lips that Alex had seen on nothing before but her own sister. And it would be hypocritical for her to fight Kara on this, because she knows that in similar circumstances, she would do the exact same thing, would take the lost kid under her wing, safety and precaution be damned. Hell, she did that before. When Ruby needed someone safe in her life, she jumped in with no second thought, even when she knew it would lead to nothing but emptiness and pain for herself.

With a sigh, she makes her way back to bed, avoiding the creaking plank at its foot and slipping under the covers and into Kelly’s warmth.

"Can't sleep ?" her girlfriend mumbles, drawing her closer semi-consciously.

Alex sighs again, rubbing the heel of her hand on her face. "Didn't mean to wake you up."

"It’s okay," Kelly whispers against her shoulder. "Want to talk about it ?"

"I'm worried about Kara," Alex admits softly, hesitating between coaxing Kelly back to sleep or unloading her heart a little.

Kelly hums lowly. "Is it classified," she asks, "or Lena related ?"

Alex laughs humourlessly. "Both."

"Sounds complicated."

"There's no harm in telling you I suppose. I could use a second opinion."

"Sure. You can tell me anything you want. I'll just swing by Pam tomorrow and sign an NDA. I'm getting the hang of those."

"Fuck NDAs," Alex groans pressing closer to Kelly and hoping that maybe if she melts into her, all of her problems will disappear.

"If you say so," Kelly chuckles. "I'm not the boss of an underground organisation. So, what’s happening ?"

"Kara's got a kid," Alex says, cutting right to the chase. "Well Kara and Lena have a kid. A kid who's accidentally visiting from the future."

"That sounds messy," Kelly says, straightening up and turning the lights on to Alex's great regret. "How are they holding up ?"

"Well Lena wants no part of it, and Kara is, Kara is..."

"Ridiculously invested already ?" Kelly offers gently.

"Yeah," Alex sighs. "That. And she was so confused by all of that, lost even, but five minutes with the kid and now they're living at her apartment and she's promised to help them no matter what. I'm afraid she thinks this is some sort of magical fix that's going to make everything better between her and Lena."

"If they have a child together in the future, then it means things did get better," Kelly points out softly. "Maybe it's not that bad to give Kara a little hope, she needs it."

"Except that's not exactly how it works," Alex explains dismally. "Time travel is a fucking mess and Taylor's presence has probably already screwed up the future. Now that they're here, if Kara so much has breathes at the wrong time, Lena could choose to never forgive her or one of them could die or..."

"I understand that I don't understand everything completely," Kelly cuts ever so gently, "but what's the likelihood of a catastrophic chain reaction, really."

"The last time Kara time travelled she ended up with, a brainwashed by Lex Luthor, and ultimately, comatose clone, so the possibility of things blowing up to our heads is very very high."

"Breathe," Kelly says, putting her hand in the middle of her chest. Alex takes a sharp breath, realising as she does so that her heart is beating erratically and her lungs are constricting from lack of air. "Breathe. You're catastrophising."

"I. Okay," Alex concedes. "But what am I supposed to do ?"

"For now ? Nothing." Kelly exhales. She lets her words resonate for a moment and Alex almost cuts her in frustration. "You need time to properly assess the situation," Kelly adds. "Sleep. You, we, can save the world in the morning."

Alex wants to protest but deep down, she knows Kelly is right. Sleep doesn't come easily, but she focuses on Kelly's hand on her chest, how it makes her feel warm and protected, and against all odds, she dozes off anyway.

***

Lena can't sleep. It's not surprising really, she hasn't slept well since she killed her brother ; but tonight is somehow even worse. It's hard to breathe, and her heart constricts painfully in her chest as she tosses and turns on her office's couch. She used to be able to text Kara when that was the case, and sometimes Kara would call her instead of simply messaging her back and they would talk until the early hours of the morning, until it was easier to breathe and being alive wasn't so painful. She's been lulled to sleep by the lilt of Kara's voice countless times only to wake up well rested and with a single red heart emoji in their text thread. They never had a sleepover though, somehow they both knew it would have been much too close to the boundary they were trying not to cross. She doesn't know if she's grateful or not for the fact that she never experienced the sweet embrace of Kara's arms at night.

There are no curtains in her office, and the moonlight is annoying, basking everything is silvery shadows that have her think her furniture is alive and ready to attack her. Her jacket hanging by the door is a menacing figure, the flowers on her desk are venomous and intent on killing her, her desk is a shifting beast ready to pounce ; her hair is a hand around her neck eager to strangle her. She sits up, bringing her knees to her chest, and curls up into a ball, hoping against reason that the blanket around her shoulders will protect her from the dark. For a fleeting moment, she wishes she could will away the monster of pride and hurt that sits heavy on her chest and that she could call someone, that she could call Kara, to get her through the night. It makes her angry, almost irrationally so, and out of options, she gets up and marches to her desk. If she can't sleep, the least she can do is figure out time travel and send one of her problems back to the future. She doesn't give herself enough time to acknowledge how thinking about her own child as a problem makes her sick to the stomach.

She doesn't figure out time travel during the night, ends up instead falling asleep at her desk and when Jess finds her there in the early morning, she simply wraps the blanket around her shoulders and cancels all her meetings for the day. 

***

Hovering in the limbo between sleep and consciousness, Taylor keeps their eyes closed, wishing with not much hope that they could open them to their room at Crucible, Max curled at their side and with a bright day of training and learning ahead of them. It's foolish though, and they know it, because they can smell their Yeyu's warm scent, and Kara Danvers' painfully familiar heart is beating next to them. She stayed up all night comforting them when Taylor's done nothing but bring more chaos into her life. She's asleep on an armchair now, snoring delicately and with her legs sprawled out in front of her. With a yawn, Taylor stretches awake and rounds the coffee table to cover her with a thick knitted blanket. It's bright red, soft to the touch, and Taylor has known it their whole life ; they used to take naps in it when they were little. Kara shudder at the added weight but doesn't wake up, and Taylor sets to figuring out breakfast.

The appliances are antic compared to what Taylor remembers from Earth and to what they've used for three years at Crucible but they're not their Mum's child for nothing and after a bit of tinkering, they at least figure out how to turn the stove on. There's a kettle shoved deep in the highest cupboard next to a red pack of tea that Taylor knows with certainty isn't for Kara. The sight makes them a little sad but it's perfect for them anyway, they drink the same brand as their Mum's, imported here at great cost. 

The tea does its job warming them and by the time the pancake batter is sizzling in the pan, Kara starts stirring. She yawns and stretches, hovering slightly above the chair before floating to her feet. "Oh," she says when she notices Taylor in the kitchen. "You didn't have to make breakfast." She looks soft, and young in a way that pulls at tendrils of memories in Taylor's brain. She yawns again, rubs her hands on her eyes and smiles sleepily. She's so like their Yeyu, yet not enough.

"I don’t mind," Taylor says, flipping a perfectly round pancake. "I wanted to do something nice for you. Coffee’s ready, but your milk is out of date so it might taste weird." For a second, they curse themself for knowing how she takes her coffee, but Kara only beams and takes a sip with no mention of the taste, and maybe it's okay.

"Do you have any plans for the day ?" Kara asks, setting her mug down on the table and float-hopping on one of the stools. "Something you’d like to do in particular ? I called in sick from work last night so I'm free if you want me to show you around or if you want to swing by the DEO and find a solution to get out of here as fast as possible. I'm good either way."

Taylor hesitates, studying Kara for a moment. The crinkle between her eyebrows disappear quickly under scrutiny, but it's enough for Taylor to know there's an option she favours. "I was thinking of going to the aquarium if you'd like to come," Taylor offers. "To unwind, do something nice before I tackle the big problem head on."

Kara frowns. "The aquarium ?" she repeats. "Sure, why not. I mean, it’s under construction and there are zero fishes inside but I’m sure if I drop by as Supergirl and ask nicely, they’ll let you in."

"The aquarium doesn’t exist yet ?"

"It doesn’t," Kara says slowly. "I’m sorry. Is it an important place to you ?"

Taylor's heart drops to the bottom of their stomach. Distantly, the smell of burnt pancakes registers in their brain but they pay it no mind. They hate everything about this situation, everything is out of place, like someone took sly pleasure in moving their furniture two inches to the left and they’re doomed to keep bumping into things that look right but aren't. "It's my favourite place in National City," they whisper. "It's quiet, safe. And fishes are kind of my thing. I have a degree in marine biology."

"You do ? That’s really cool," Kara says with a proud smile on her face. "You're so smart. And young. What are you, twenty ?"

"Twenty-one," Taylor grumbles, trying to tame down the swirls of feelings that accompany their future mother both being proud of them and not knowing them at all. "I may have supersped through my master thesis," they add sheepishly, feeling compelled to truthfulness under the searching eyes of Kara Danvers.

Kara laughs, her eyes briefly crinkling. "I do that all the time," she says. "Alex finds it really annoying but it’s not cheating if you have the natural ability to do it."

"Oh I agree," Taylor chuckles. "But yeah, Alex doesn't." 

They clench their jaw hard when they realise they've done it again, talking like they really know anyone of them. None of these people are those they know yet but they keep slipping and it's only a matter of time before what they say causes a terrible chain reaction.

"Would you like to go for a walk ?" Kara asks gently, gifted already at getting them out of their head. "We could go to the waterfront. It's not an aquarium, but there's water, and you could tell me all about fishes."

"I think I'm gonna go for a swim instead. If you don't mind," Taylor says, draining the rest of their tea and getting up without waiting for a reply. "Is the pool on Cordova Street already there ?"

"Yeah it is," Kara replies, jumping to her feet. "Right next to L-Corp. You can borrow anything from my clothes."

"Thanks. Is the airlink a thing ?"

"The air what ?"

"I’ll take the bus," Taylor grumbles, disappearing through the partition and ruffling through Kara's clothes before swiftly making their way to the door. 

"Wait," Kara stops them. "How do I get in touch with you ?"

"Just call," Taylor replies curtly before sighing softly. "I know your voice, I’ll hear you."

"Okay," Kara says, disappointment seeping into her tone though her face remains gentle and open. 

Taylor stops on the threshold, inhaling and exhaling deeply. "I'm sorry," they say. "I just need a moment for myself."

"I get it," Kara replies with a small smile. "I do. I'm here if you need anything."

***

"I get it," Kara sighs. "I do, really. It can’t be easy for them, being here. And I know it’s different from what I went through, but it was hard for me too at the beginning, and I want to help. They’re my family."

Alex frowns, opens her mouth, "Kara," she whispers. 

But Kara knows that whatever her sister is about to say, she won’t like it, and so she keeps going, distantly aware that her thoughts are just turning into word vomit. "They’re my kid. And I never thought I’d ever have something like that, a child of my own. And, and things have been so bad Alex, so hard but Taylor being here it’s like a signal that things are going to be okay. That what’s happening now isn’t forever and that some twenty years into the future I’m okay and Lena is okay, and, and we’re okay together. It means there’s hope for us somewhere..."

"You know Taylor isn’t a magical solution to your problems, right ?" Alex interjects softly. "For one they're a living breathing being ; and time travel is a shady thing. The future isn't set in time, a lot of things can change as a result of them being here. You need to be careful."

"I know that," Kara replies, her voice edgy with frustration.

"Are you sure you do ?" Alex probs gently in the way she does when she knows her sister needs a little push. It could almost make Kara angry, but she knows Alex is right.

"I do know," she mumbles. "But the way I screwed up with Lena ? It really hurts, and a lot of times, I don't see a way of making it better. So if there is even the tiniest flicker of hope, then I have to hold on to it. I know the conditional existence of my future child doesn't absolve me, that I still need to work to win Lena back, but it's hope, and I really need that."

"Okay," Alex says, opening her arms and motioning for Kara to step inside of her embrace. "I was just making sure you knew what you were doing."

"Oh I have no idea what I'm doing," Kara admits, melting into the warm hug like Alex's arms have world saving capabilities.

"I’ll help," Alex promises. "I have your back, always."

"Thank you."

"Ask Taylor to bring that watch around please. I’m sure I can figure something out."

"Since when are you an expert on time travel ?" Kara teases.

"Since I slept with Sara Lance."

"Rao ! Gross !" Kara yelps, jumping out of the hug with the most offended glare she can summon.

Alex shrugs, turning around to pick up her tablet. "You asked."

Kara's got a retort on the tip of her tongue when the telltale sound of something piercing through the atmosphere at full speed reaches her ears. She barely has the time to grab Alex when the room is shook by a quake and Brainy's voice comes through her sister's comms. "Director Danvers ? We have a situation."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I watched a documentary about sharks around the same time I started writing this and that's the only reason Taylor has a thing for fishes. I personally know only one thing about sharks and it's that they're cute.


	7. Like mothers like child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which disaster strikes, Kara and Taylor are self-sacrificing idiots and Lena is left wondering how she got stuck with these two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a bit of math at the beginning of this chapter. Let's all close our eyes and pretend it's accurate ; I'm gay, I can't do math.
> 
> [Soundtrack](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) comprises of _Theme from Supergirl_ by Nstens1117, a weird and wonderful electric guitar cover of the original theme ; and _I still do_ by The Cranberries.

"Crash site is about fifteen miles at sea," Brainy says, not bothering with niceties as he falls into step with Alex and Kara. "We've got an incoming tidal wave moving at about forty point five miles per hours." With a swift motion, he displays his tablet's screen on the monitors. "We have nineteen minutes and twenty three seconds to evacuate the city."

"That's not enough," Kara whispers.

"Indeed," Brainy agrees, "but we do have to evacuate. The wave has an eighty one point five percent rate of absolute destruction."

"I can freeze it over."

"You can't. The kryptonite concentration in the bay spiked by three hundred percent. I suspect whatever this is was dragged in the wake of Taylor's ship."

"I can slow it down with dream energy," Nia says, popping up beside them, out of breath and disheveled. "God," she mumbles, "I need a bike. Or a portal watch." She bends over, hands on her knees and exhales erratically. "It would give you enough time to figure something out."

"This would require a tremendous amount of strength," Brainy points out, "and would be incredibly dangerous."

"I’m a hero," Nia fires back. "Heroes put themselves in danger."

"Wait," Kara cuts, trying very hard not to think about how L-Corp is the tallest building on the path of the wave and that's certainly where Lena is right now. "If I use my anti-kryptonite suit without the helmet will it still shield me ?"

"The shielding would be about sixty seven percent less effective."

"But it’s still something, right ?"

"It’s not enough Kara," Alex says. "You need to sit this one out. And Taylor does too, you need to call them."

"Rao. Taylor. We know about the kryptonite but they don't and..."

"If they’re anything like you," Alex whispers hoarsely, realisation downing on her face, "they're bound to do something reckless."

"I’ll stop the wave," Nia says, blue energy sparkling at the tip of her fingers, "you stop the kid."

Kara doesn't stick around long enough to hear the rest of the plan.

***

For the first time in weeks, Lena doesn't arise to the phantom sound of the gun she shot her brother with but to a shockwave that knocks her awake and off her chair. It takes her a second for her to get her bearing, to notice the way the quake resistant structure of the building sways under her feet, sending the remnants of last night's drink slopping out of her glass. 

"What the fuck," she mumbles to herself as she scrambles up, leaning on her desk to keep her footing.

Jess barges in half a second later but her hurried words are swallowed by the deafening sound of the city's evacuation siren.

"What the fuck," Lena repeats, not fully awake yet, and not completely convinced that this isn't simply a nightmare. If it is, it's a welcome change in the routine of her dreams.

"There's an incoming tidal wave !" Jess yells over the alarm. "We've received orders to evacuate beyond the mountain range !"

"A tidal wave ?! Can't Supergirl do something about that ?!"

Jess glances down at her tablet. "This isn't mentioned in the evacuation order Miss Luthor !"

"Fuck. Evacuate the building Jess ! I'll see what I can do to help !"

"With all due respect Miss Luthor, you are not fit to fight a tsunami !"

Lena gives herself a quick once over. She's in yesterday's sweats, barefoot and she hasn't washed her hair in three days. "Evacuate the building !" she yells, her words booming in the room as the evacuation siren cuts and she's left with tinnitus and a vague nausea.

"Miss Luthor."

"It's an order Jess," Lena says firmly before she plunges her hand in her pocket to get her phone. 

She hesitates for a moment as Jess hurries out the door, her finger hovering over the screen, then, refusing to let her pride get in the way of saving lives, she shoots a quick text to the one person she's still vaguely in touch with, Brainy. What's the plan ? How much time do we have ? How can I help ?

The no nonsense answer comes instantly. Fifteen minutes. Force field if you have that in your inventory. 

Lena does not have a force field at the ready, though at this point, maybe she should, with the number of time she's found herself in life threatening situations ; but she has half-baked schematics, and a genius brain. And another text from Brainy. There’s kryptonite.

Lena's heart briefly drops to the bottom of her stomach and in the time it takes her to push the fear away, a blue blur has already flown past her window.

***

Swimming is peaceful. Especially this early in the morning, when the pool just opened and the fast swimmer lane is still empty. Taylor cuts through the water with precision, exercising restraint so as to produce as little ripples as possible. They make one with the liquid, holding their breath for the entire length of the pool as they let the familiarity of these movements anchor them to the world. 

When they were little, their Mum vowed that they would never be afraid of water like her, and so they took lessons, their mothers always watching carefully from the side until they could have made the olympic team if they wanted it. When their powers started developing, water was their saving grace. In it, they're weightless, with no fear of putting a foot through the ground ; underneath it, the world is quieter, less overwhelming, safer.

A quake rocks the pool and Taylor find themself thrown out of it, the blue tiles cracking under them when they land hard on their back. It takes them a second to recover, the air knocked off their lungs less from the blow than from the surprise, but to a less trained eye, they're on their feet just as soon as they touched the ground. They take a second to make sure the lifeguard is okay, bringing the startled man to his feet while trying to decipher something from the shouts coming from the old talkie-walkie strapped to his faded board-shorts, then break into a run to the locker room. Whatever caused a tsunami in a pool can't be good, but Taylor isn't about to save the day in an ill-fitting bathing suit.

With their hair dripping in front of their eyes, they jump into Kara's clothes and rush to the roof, trying to get a better read on the situation. It occurs to them, as they run up the stairs, adrenaline coursing through them, that it might be more useful to call Kara, to rely on her and her team. But they want to be useful, they need to help, to do something that isn't just sitting around hopelessly waiting for someone to notice they're gone from the future ; so when they reach the edge of the roof and the city sirens start blaring just as they catch sight of a giant wave hurtling toward the coast line, they just jump.

Gravity catches onto them pretty quickly and the ground comes to them much too fast for them to fully understand what's happening. Rao must still be looking out for them because they land on their feet, crouching right in time to better absorb the shock. It's still not normal though, they should be soaring through the sky, not standing in a small crater in the middle of a chaotic street. Whatever time travel and kryptonite did to them, they can't fly anymore, and that's the literal opposite of a good thing.

A flash of blue passes above them and with the help of their enhanced vision, they manage to slow the blur down to the outline of Supergirl ; Supergirl in her anti-kryptonite suit. Whatever is happening, it just went from bad to worse, and Taylor's fears are confirmed when, before they can take a step out of the crater, Supergirl makes a sharp U-turn to instead land right in front of them.

"Whatever you're thinking of doing, don't," Supergirl says. "There's kryptonite and I don't want you to get hurt again."

Taylor considers arguing, but considering their recent encounter with the deadly substance, they know it's the farthest away from the right thing to do. At least the crash didn't damage their brain too much. "I'll help coordinate the evacuation," they say instead. "Just in case." Supergirl hesitates a beat too long and Taylor barely holds back a frustrated sigh. "I'm not a child. I know what I'm doing."

Taylor can see it on her face, the same concerned crinkle as their Yeyu, the realisation that she has to agree even if that's not what she wants. "Okay," Supergirl says. "But I don't want you anywhere near the shore. Or I'm kicking you back to the future myself."

And with a curt nod, almost a salute, they take off in opposite directions. Only when Kara is out of sight, does Taylor stop, hit by the sudden thought that unless the suit is different from what they remember it to be, Kara can't do anything against the wave either. With no time to think about it, they turn on their heels at full speed to run after her ; they are not about to be obliterated from existence because their mother decided to do something heroically stupid.

***

Kara lied, of course she did, she can't let anyone put themselves in danger if there's something she can do about it. At this point though she considers that it's not her fault anymore ; with the number of times she's said she wasn't going to do something reckless just to do something reckless, people just shouldn't believe her anymore, it would be easier for everyone.

Glass breaks, splattering her back when she flies too close to a building ; she accelerates anyway, Nia's laboured breathing as she struggles against the wave already reaching her ears. She thinks she hears shuffling on the ground too, the strange sound of someone running at a supernatural speed, but when she tries to glance back, she drops several feet, hit by a strong nausea. She catches herself before she hits the ground but she's wobbly, her flight unstable and her trajectory imprecise. Brainy was right, of course he was ; without the helmet, the suit can't compensate for what kryptonite does to her body. 

She reaches Nia in more time than she should, finding her friend struggling against the water, her dream energy almost ineffective against the push of the wave. Dreamer is powerful, has grown stronger in the time Kara has known her, but she can only do so much, and she has only carved out a small portion of the water. Kara drops down next to her, stumbling to her feet after she fails to land properly. Bile coats the inside of her mouth, and the world around her is blurry and painful. When she tries to use her freeze breath, she chokes, and on the next time she inhales, there's more kryptonite than air in her lungs.

"You shouldn't be here !" Nia screams at her, grunting and struggling, her feet almost slipping out from under her.

"You need help !" Kara yells back. She tries her luck again at freeze breath, ignoring the blood that leaks from her nose and into her mouth. This time, she manages to freeze a significant portion of the water in front of her, but it doesn’t do much to stop the wave, and soon, the ice she created cracks and explodes in her face. She shoots back, expects her back to meet the ground in a painful way but finds herself encompassed in weak muscled arms instead. 

"You shouldn’t be here," she grunts, trying to push away the panting green silhouette.

"You need help," Taylor fires back, trembling and almost choking on their words. Their face glows sickly, and Kara wishes she didn't have to chose between saving the city or her child. There has to be something she can do.

"I don’t," Kara coughs. "I’m going to vaporise it."

"You’re going to what ? Are you insane ?! It will kill you !"

Taylor is right, the idea is insane, "but it will save everyone else," Kara says with a shaky but resolute nod.

"Yeyu no !"

It's clear on their face that they didn't intend for the word to slip out, and their expression is seared into Kara's mind as she pushes them back as hard as she can, turns back towards the wave, and wills her body to last long enough against the poison for her heat vision to do the job. She doesn’t stay conscious long enough to know if it works. 

***

Lena hates flying. She also hates the Lexosuit with a burning passion. But when the news playing on her TV grant her with an aerial shot of Supergirl, bent in two and seemingly arguing with an equally trembling figure, she doesn't give herself time to second guess her decision before jumping out the window, barely completed shield bomb in her hand.

Her heart lurches to her throat and as she hurtles towards the ground, it occurs to her that she just did something incredibly stupid. The suit finishes forming in the nick of time, stopping her descent right before she can splatter on the concrete and she takes flight as best as she can, unused to the bulky armour that restricts her movements and her field of vision.

She shoots towards the shore, cursing under her breath when she notices two black DEO vans speeding towards the water against the flow of civilians trying to flee the impending disaster. The wave however, isn't as high as Lena thought it was ; by the time she reaches it, it even seems sizeably smaller than what she saw of it in the distance. And it recedes by the second, almost like it's disappearing into thin air. The source of this is Supergirl. Of course it is. Only Kara would do something as stupid as using her heat vision when she's weakened by kryptonite, when so much as thinking of doing so could kill her. 

The Lexosuit makes Lena considerably faster, but she's not nearly as fast as she needs to be. She's not quick enough to prevent the kid from shakily running after Kara, not quick enough to get the luxury of saving the both of them. She snatches Dreamer and the younger kryptonian out of the way, struggling under their weight but thanking whatever god there is that the hero was clever enough to start running back to safety, throws the shield bomb praying, again, that it's enough, and watches helplessly as Kara disappears under the wave.

She doesn't even know if she screams, all sound muted by the force field that springs in between them. The water crashes against it, dark and frightening, and for a moment Lena feels smaller than she has ever felt before. The water leaks on the side of the shield but it covers a wide enough part of the shore that it loses its destructive force before it can start running into the city. Lena lands next to the DEO vans, thankful for the waterproof armour that leaves her dry in the two feet of water that spread as far as she can see. 

The water laps against the force field, receding little by little, and Lena watches, hypnotised by the motion. It's almost soothing in a way, after the chaos ; or it would be, if she could catch sight of so much as one inch of Kara in the water. She registers agents fretting around her, the weight of Dreamer and the kid disappearing from her arms when they're guided towards stretcher. She hears the sound of someone retching, and a voice, insistent and annoying. "Where's Supergirl ? Lena, where is Supergirl ?" She raises a shaky arm, points to the ocean, tries to speak but can't ; the rest of her actions seems to be nothing more than a dream. 

She leaps forward, flies over the force field, almost tripping when she miscalculates her trajectory and her boot gets caught on top of it, and plunges into the water. It's muddy, almost opaque from all the sand that was dragged along with the wave, and she can't feel it, but she imagines it to be cold. Her overhead light cuts a bright path in the darkness, specks of green dancing in it, and near the bottom of the sea, floating in the current, is Kara's armour clad body. Her eyes are closed, her mouth half open, and her skin glows a pale green that churns deep in Lena's stomach. 

With a little help from her boosters, she swims to her, trying to ignore how the embedded AI doesn't pick up any sign of life from the body, how she might be too late, how she never told Kara she loved her. They emerge from the ocean in a burst, water spraying all around them and Lena hurries back to Alex's side too afraid to lose Kara to try to save her on her own.

"She's not breathing," she says hurriedly. "Move away, I'm going to zap her."

"You can’t do that," Alex interjects, refusing to let go of her sister’s hand now that it’s within reach.

"Move away Alex," Lena spits, annoyed and afraid to the point of madness.

"Don’t do that," Alex says again even as Lena’s gauntlets are charging and almost ready to go.

"Alex, move," she says through gritted teeth.

"Salt water is conductive you fucking idiot ! You're gonna fry half the city !"

"I," Lena stammers, "I..." Alex is right, and she would kick herself for forgetting something so basic, but Kara isn't breathing, her heart isn't beating and there's no telling the kind of damage she's sustained ; she needs to something, and she needs to do it fast.

Alex's shoulder snaps out of its socket when Lena takes off with Kara but it doesn't register as something she should care about. She flies to the top of the nearest building, drops Kara there, and with a strength she didn't suspect she had, she punches her square in the chest while unloading her gauntlet. Kara’s body seizes, and for a second, it's Lena who stops breathing. Then she coughs, gasps as water dribbles slowly out of her mouth until she rolls on her side, and promptly unloads flashy green puke on Lena's booted feet.

"You're welcome," Lena mumbles, shuffling her feet in what appears to be chunks of half digested pancakes.

***

"...there's nothing. Just a crater..."

"...doesn't seem to have had too much of an impact on the ocean..."

"...kryptonite's starting to clear out on it's own, it should be viable again by tomorrow at most..."

"...thank you for saving her..."

"...hasn't woken up yet..."

"...serious injuries..."

Taylor drifts in and out of consciousness, trying to hold on to the voices around them. They feel fuzzy, warm, like they've never known pain at all.

"You don't have to stay."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Why ?" That’s Alex, Taylor is almost sure that this is Alex.

"What do you mean why ?" And that’s Lena ; Taylor knows it with absolute certainty.

"You say you want nothing to do with us yet you're always here. You show up in the nick of time, gift us life saving technology, wait for Kara to be awake and then you just disappear again. I want to know why."

Lena sighs, and in this short exhale, Taylor hears many more words. "Isn’t it obvious ?"

"But...?"

"Are you really going to make me say it ?"

"No. No I suppose you don't have to say anything."

"I'm just not ready. I'm hurt. I don't get what's so hard to understand with that. I can't breathe when I'm around her and I can't breathe when I'm not with her ; I need time Alex."

"I get it."

There's a pause after that, and Taylor considers signalling that they're awake, but Alex resumes talking.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry about your brother."

"I’m not. It had to be done. He's a xenophobic megalomaniac and nobody would have been safe with him still around."

"You did it for her though, didn't you ? I get it. Sort of. Kara is a the kind of person you'd kill for with no second thoughts."

"Oh I assure you I have plenty of second thoughts." Lena sneers, there's a pause again and Taylor starts feeling extremely uncomfortable. Or as uncomfortable as they can be with their emotions dulled down by a hefty dose of painkillers. "I did do it for her. And that's the worse. Because even after all the lying, the betrayal, even after I've made a fool of myself time and time again, I still love her, and there's nothing I wouldn't do for her. I hate this, but I don't hate her, I can’t."

"You get it then, why she didn't tell you ?"

"Because she knew I'd go unhinge and she wanted to keep me clueless and to herself ?"

"You're not unhinged, you're hurt, you said it yourself. I just. She's hurt too, you know ? Kara doesn't get to tell her secret to many people. They just know, or someone else tells them, and it rarely ends well. And well I'm to blame too. My Mum and I, we were the first one to tell her she couldn't tell it to anyone. It's buried deep inside of her, the false knowledge that her identity will do nothing but hurt people. That's what she wanted to protect you from."

"I don’t care."

"Don’t you ?"

Taylor doesn't have to open their eyes to know Lena's resolve is cracking in front of Alex's "big sister voice." And Taylor, Taylor is cracking too, because this is overall a shit situation, one that they can't fix and where everybody is hurting. A soft hand cards through their hair, and they lean into it, not bothering with fighting back tears.

"You’re okay," Alex says gently. "You’re okay kid."

Taylor isn't quite sure of that.

Alex stays for another ten minutes to run checks, but now that Taylor is awake, the conversation with Lena seems to be over, and when she's done, she exits the room with no more soft reassurance or advice. As predicted, Lena herself doesn't go. She stays unmoving, sitting ramrod straight between the two beds, her eyes glancing from one kryptonian to the other with mechanic precision. She's deep in thoughts, her features twisted in the way they often are when she's trying to say something important. 

"That was incredibly reckless," she finally says, her words coming out strangled and tensed, "running after Kara like that."

"Learned it from the best," Taylor mumbles, ready for this conversation to be over before it has really started. They do not need to be begrudgingly mothered by Lena Kieran Luthor.

Lena sighs, and it’s achingly familiar. "I do care," she says after a long minute. "I just..."

"I know you do," Taylor concedes. "You wouldn't be there otherwise. It's her you need to tell that." 

They nod towards Kara's unconscious body and Lena follows the movement, turning her head to look at her. Her face softens imperceptibly, then hardens again just as quickly. "I don't know how to do that," she whispers.

"Just try."

They sit in silence for a few more instant, Taylor sipping cold water from a paper cup and Lena hugging an empty mug to her chest.

"Jess, my secretary, found me a new place to live. There's a guest room."

Taylor waits. They want Lena to ask a real question, to mean it when she offers what she’s about to offer.

"You can come and live with me," she says tentatively. "Until we find a way to get you home."

"Do you even know what my name is ?" Taylor asks with more bite than they intend to.

"I..."

"It's Taylor."

"Okay," Lena whispers. "Do you want to come live with me, Taylor ?"

They look at Kara, slightly less bruised and battered than she was when Lena dragged her out of the water, but still asleep, with no way of knowing when she'll wake up.

"Okay," they agree softly. "Until she wakes up. Then maybe we can talk and see."

A small hopeful smile takes residence on Lena's face and when they look at her, Taylor tries not to see their Mum.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up, there'll be no new chapter next week because there's no wifi on the beach. I hope you appreciate that I didn't leave you on a cliffhanger ^^


	8. Mum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lena does some soul searching and growth, and Kara does the opposite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back from holiday and I almost skipped this update too because I wanted to read _Harrow the Ninth_ instead. I hope you appreciate my dedication ^^ That being said, there's a heat wave going on where I am so don't look too closely at the editing, I'm dying.
> 
> [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) for this chapter is : _To build a home_ by The Cinematic Orchestra and _Alien_ by Cary Brothers.

  
Lena wishes the way Taylor is like her would be tiny, indiscernible, so it wouldn’t be so damn obvious ; but it’s not. First there are the eyes, not just their colour, but their careful, measuring, gaze ; there's a certain kindness to them too, though it's something Lena hasn't seen in her own stare for a while. Then it's the jaw, chiseled from marble, almost haughty in the way it dominates their face and the world. There's the lilt of their accent too, a slow Irish drawl, barely there, that can come from nothing but hours upon hours spent in Lena's company.

There's the shadow of Kara too, in their golden skin and light blond hair, in the set of their shoulders, the slope of their nose, the way they carry themself with a weary restrain ; in the crinkle firmly lodged between their eyes. 

"Do I have something on my face ?" Taylor asks in a mumble.

Lena blinks, startled out of her deep observation. 

"You keep on staring at me and it's weird. So, do I have something on my face ?"

"No, no you don't," Lena says, forcing a forkful of overcooked pasta into her mouth. "It's just." She stops, remembers that she's not supposed to talk with her mouth full, swallows, then remember there's no need to set an example for her adult child. "This is all very weird and I don't know how to deal with any of that. I'm sorry," she sighs, "I shouldn't tell you that. You're not my therapist."

"That would require for you to go to therapy in the first place," Taylor retorts in a deadpan sort of way that would be funny if Lena weren't exhausted.

"Right," she mumbles. "I’m definitely going to need therapy after that." Taylor just stares at her, fork halfway to their mouth, and Lena has never felt more inadequate in her entire life, which coming from her, means an awful lot. "I'm sorry," she says again. "I have nothing against you."

Taylor sighs. They don't look sad, or disappointed, just exhausted in a way that breaks whatever's left of Lena's heart. "I know," they say with a small smile that reminds her of Kara. "It's just this whole situation… I would know, I'm the one stuck in the past talking to someone who looks like my Mum but isn't her."

"I don't understand how I can be a mother," Lena blurts abruptly.

"You fell in love with your best friend," Taylor says slowly, testing the words against Lena's resolve, "and then..."

"Oh no," Lena cuts with a short bitter laugh, "that I understand. I just don't get how it could lead to you instead of..."

"... utter doom ?"

"Yeah."

"You’re stronger than you know," Taylor replies with a dismissive shrug like this simple sentence is somehow supposed to solve Lena’s turmoil. "Really, you are. I hope you know that, even if I can't tell you too much because it will mess up your brain when I go back to the future. If there is a future to go back to. But you are strong. And the version of you I know is kind and loving and a great mum. I get it if you can't be my mum right now, I get that it's too much and not what you want and that I messed up your life when I landed here but, but I don't know, just don't give up. Please."

There's something distinctly Kara in the way Taylor looks at her and it downs on Lena that she doesn't have a choice. Not because everything has been thrown at her without her consent but because her heart knows best. Slowly, giving Taylor all the time in the world to move away, she reaches out and wraps her hand around their’s, squeezes lightly before letting go. "I'm not giving up," she says though this single sentence might be the hardest thing she’s ever had to say. "I'm nowhere near ready to be your mother, but I'm not giving up on you, nor on myself. Now, I'll make some tea and you can tell me everything about time travel so I can get you home safe."

***

Taylor wakes up alone. It's not the first thing they notice, no, first they take note of how quiet it is, how the penthouse is high enough that the city is dulled down around them, and before that, they realise that they're alive, something they didn't dare to assume they would be. They stayed up late last night, talking with Lena and trying not to fall into old patterns with her, trying, almost desperately, to keep her separated from their Mum. When they did go to bed, it took them eons to fall asleep as they tossed and turned, the fear of Kara dying because of them and the future being obliterated keeping them awake until the early hours of the morning. They are not particularly well rested, but the world around them is quiet and welcoming.

They pad out of the guest room, their feet careful on the cold floor, their ears heedful out of habit. There are two notes on the kitchen table. One from Lena, with instructions on how to navigate these antic times along with a phone and a black mate credit card ; and one from Alex, sticked on top of a bundle of clean clothes with an access pass to the DEO. It seems like what they’re going to do of their day has already been decided for them ; and it’s a relief, because 2019 is different from 2044 in such tiny and insidious ways that the most basic of tasks could become overwhelming at any turn. 

They've been doing well until then, or relatively so, but time disorientation is a looming possibility, threatening to take hold of their brain with every action they take. It would have been easier to land farther back in time, at a less technologically advanced age where things would have been different enough that they wouldn't have had to constantly remind themself that nothing works the way they think it does. For now though, it's nothing that they can't figure out. Sure, the kettle is comically complex and the phone doesn't turn on the way it's supposed to ; but it remains relatively easy. The problem comes from all the horror time travel stories they've heard in which people went insane over inconsequential things just like these ones, and it's hard to remain level headed.

Not having much to do, they take their time getting ready, scrubbing inexistent layers of dirt in the shower and enjoying a long breakfast on the balcony. The impersonal rented penthouse is a blessing. There isn’t a picture in sight, no throw blanket that smells like their Yeyu, no furnitures that they know will make the trip to their future home. Lena has been mercifully containing her own things to the master bedroom and so there isn't even a book, or a stray science journal, abandoned on the kitchen counter, a habit Taylor knows she most likely already has. Nothing is out of place, there is not so much as a speck of dust on a countertop, and with its white wall and smooth flooring the penthouse is almost too clinical. It even smells of the detergent that was used to erase all trace of its previous occupants. Right now though, it's all they need. The sun is high in the sky, already hot on their skin and full of the promise of a warm summer day ; and for the first time since they landed here, Taylor can truly relax. That is until Jessica Huang strides in at the head of an army of movers and they have no over choice but to superspeed to gather their things and climb down the facade of the building. Well admittedly, there are other possibilities, but it's the one Taylor choses.

***

Once the door of Taylor's temporary bedroom closes, Lena doesn't consider sleep for even one second. She's running on residual adrenaline and painkillers and she knows she won't get the luxury of unconsciousness tonight. Instead, she abandons her sweatpants in favour of her less business-like slacks and Kara's sweater, making a note of asking Jess to gather her clothes for her, and marches back to the DEO.

Kara is still asleep, but the sunlamps have been turned off and it loosens a knot in Lena's chest ; Kara is going to be okay. No matter how complicated things are right now, at least she's alive, if not well, and Lena still has time to forgive her. Kara grunts in her sleep and Lena brings her chair closer, hesitating for a second before laying her hand on top of hers. This time, she doesn't think she'll leave when she wakes up. She wants to stay, not just because she cares and needs to show it, but because she's had enough of leaving ; it's time to let Kara in again, even if it hurts. The pain will be worth it, or at least she hopes so. 

At first, she tries not to look at Kara too much, out of some self-consciousness that appears more and more superfluous with each breath she takes. When she gives in, she's thankful that no one is around, because a small gasp escapes her parted lips, and from then on, she stares to her heart's content. The bruises have all faded away, and there's no trace left of her attempt at wrangling a kryptonite wave, no hint of her short stint with death. She looks at peace, and beautiful in ways that go beyond Lena's comprehension. She squeezes her hand, and would swear Kara returns the pressure in her sleep.

Bit by bit, she starts to see it, how things can get better for them, how they can climb out from the hole they dug themselves in, how they can hold each other up. It's in the frown on Kara's face when Lena gets up for some water, in the sigh she releases when she brushes the hair on her forehead, in the way her raw strength melts away when she's asleep and Lena can see her best friend again. And the more she stares, the more she can see how Taylor fits into this, how they're part of the natural progression of their story, how some day Kara and Lena could become Kara, Lena and Taylor, a unit, a family. Kara mumbles in her sleep, tugs at her hand so she can shift position, and Lena sees with a frightening clarity how this woman will make her want to be a mother. A long, long time ago, she was loved by her Mum, and someday, she will love her own child too.

Alex swings by in the early morning, mumbling fondly about Kelly forcing her to get some rest, before going through a series of check on Kara. She doesn't comment on Lena's presence, doesn't ask her to move her hand, but she does nod in appreciation, and Lena knows she's on the right path.

***

The last thing Kara remembers is pain ; a pain so intense actually, that this word doesn’t seem fitting enough to name it. Her head splits in two, her eyes are gouged out of it, her brain melts. Every single one of her nerve screams, acid eats her from the inside, her lungs fill with concrete and sink into herself under their own weight. Then, death. At least that's what it feels like, even if Kara isn't sure she's supposed to be aware that she's dead. 

It's more of a long stretch of semi-consciousness during which she can hear voices but can't tie them back to anyone or make out the words they're saying. She feels warm too, her body tingling with sunlight and either knitting itself back together or spreading itself into the void. Either is fine with her. 

It's easy to pick up the moment the world comes back in focus. Her hearing sharpens, her nose tingles with familiar smells, a hand makes itself known around hers. It's one that's clearly recognisable, with its long fingers and slightly calloused palm, and Kara resists the urge to squeeze it, choosing instead to exist in this limbo a while longer, delaying the moment she'll have to ask Lena to leave. She can't allow anything like that to ever happen again. She lost focus for a minute, allowed herself to fall in love for a second, and all it brought is disaster. Who knows what will happen next time ; who knows how long she has until her actions inevitably bring about the end of the world. The hint of a rational thought springs at the back of her mind, but she squashes it. It's hard enough without having to fight herself.

Disentangling her fingers from Lena's is like ripping a bandaid, she does it quickly, hoping to spare herself the pain ; still, it's like tearing away a piece of her heart. She opens her eyes to find Lena smiling at her and she pushes back with words as scathing as she can manage.

"What are you doing here ?" she asks, failing at infusing ire in her question. 

"I was waiting for you to wake up," Lena says slowly. She looks at her empty hand for a second, before she puts it on her lap, seemingly confused as to what is happening. "I came to extend an olive branch. I did some thinking and was hoping we could talk."

"I think you should go," Kara bites back, forcing herself to look away. Lena looks soft, clad in her college sweater and she doesn't want it to melt away the ice she's trying to grow around her heart. "I don’t want you here."

"Kara..."

"I don't want to talk to you," Kara pushes again.

Lena looks taken aback. She frowns, a hint of sadness shading her eyes before she schools her face and gets up. "Can I ask why ? You seemed pretty intent on talking to me up until now."

"Haven't you seen what happened ?!" Kara explodes, throwing away the covers to spring out of bed. "I can’t let my guard down."

Lena takes a step back. Kara hates it, but it’s for the best.

"You can’t seriously think this is your fault..."

"Isn’t it ?" Kara asks, seething. "Isn’t it ?" she repeats. "Thara, Kenny," she says, shoving a finger in Lena's face with each new name, "James, Mon-El. Every single time, it brings nothing but catastrophe, and this time is no different."

"This is ridiculous," Lena says, swatting her fingers away and taking another step back.

"It’s not." _It is_. "You don’t understand."

"You're, right, I don't," Lena fires back, her face contorted between anger and exhaustion. "I don't understand how you can confess your undying love for me only to push me away the second I take a step toward you. I don't understand how you get to turn my life upside down, how you get to ruin me and play hero only to refuse that I stay by your side. You're right, I don't fucking understand."

She looks hurt, and angry, furious even, in a way that has Kara taking a step back of her own and thinking she might have done this the wrong way. "I don't want to push you away," she whispers, "but I have to."

"Bullshit. You don't get to do that. You don't get to retreat to your ivory tower for some heroic reason. You're not alone in this, you're not the only one who's going to get hurt if you do that. Think about Taylor."

It's like a slap in the face. Kara's breath gets stolen from her lungs and she falls seated on the bed. Taylor. "Where are they ?"

"At my place," Lena says slowly, hesitant in front of Kara's reaction. She's convinced that her face mirrors her own, she wants to reach out, but there's no way she'll allow herself to.

"Good," Kara says, shaking off all emotions. "I can’t be near them."

"But they need you."

"I don’t care about that," Kara lies. "I don’t care about them."

There's movement behind her and when she turns she finds Taylor lingering on the threshold. They're dressed in Alex's old clothes, a shopping bag in one hand and a bakery box in the other. Kara refuses the ache that this sight brings.

Taylor takes a step into the room, then another, before they stop abruptly. "I brought donuts," they whisper.

Kara's hand reaches out on its own but it's too late. Taylor deposits the box on the floor and marches right out.

The silence that follows their exit is jarring, Kara feels herself burn under Lena's intense gaze. Unspoken words fly between them and Kara doesn't know what to say. Lena wanted her to make it better, and all she's done is make it a thousand times worse.

"You know," Lena says eventually, her voice rendered rough by a sob, "even after everything that happened, I didn't believe you could be cruel."

Kara doesn't give herself the right to look away when tears start streaming down her face.

***

Taylor doesn’t go too far. Lena finds them on the DEO’s balcony, looking forlornly at the sky in true Danvers fashion. She hesitates before stepping next to them, wondering what her place in this is, if she’s even allowed to have one. This situation is so foreign to her and she doesn't know how to act. Kara should be right beside her to help ; and yes, she realises the hypocrisy of this thought, when she herself didn't want to be with Kara mere days ago, but this is different and she needs her now. She feels like her feet are too loud when she pads closer to Taylor, and when she stops next to them, shuffling uncomfortably, she can't help but think she takes up too much space. She looks at Taylor, and Taylor looks at her ; non of them talks.

The city bustles below their feet, Lena stares for a moment, almost hypnotised by the ants carrying on with their lives like it doesn't matter that hers has been turned around on its head. When vertigo catches up with her, she looks away, shaking her head to get rid of the mental image of the building tipping forward and sending her hurtling to the ground. Taylor keeps their own eyes firmly turned to the sky ; Lena wonders what they're looking at, or what they're looking for.

"She'll come around," she says eventually, when the silence between them has lasted long enough.

Taylor chuckles with no joy. "It’s funny," they say, "she said the same thing about you."

"And she was right. I’m here now. And you're here too, which mean she'll come around."

"That’s not how it works," Taylor mumbles. The statement is somber, enigmatic, and Lena needs to ask, needs to know what more could go wrong ; but she doesn't have the words. Thankfully, Taylor supplies her with an answer. "There's a delay," they sigh, "a very short one but still. Some sort of failsafe in case someone really fucks up. So I'm not going to be erased right now. No, I have just enough time to see it coming before my future stops existing, and not enough to do anything about it."

"It won’t happen," Lena retorts immediately, overtaken by the need to comfort ; not the need to be useful, or to help by fixing something, but simply to comfort, to be there for them. "I won't let it happen." 

"Just find a way to ship me back home," Taylor snaps, their voice harsh in a way that has Lena thinking about Lillian. Her mother would have never allowed her to speak like that to her. "Please," they add after a second, their body going slack against the railing.

"We could ask Brainy's help. His cruiser has a time beacon, right ? It could be used to fix yours."

"He used his to send Mayo back to the 31st century," Taylor says flatly before turning away from Lena like this doesn't require some kind of explanation.

"Mayo...?" she probs tentatively.

"Yes, Mayo. White bread. Mon-Ew. Mon-El, Kara’s ex-boyfriend ?"

Lena can't hold back the sharp laugh that escapes her. She does try, but it bursts out of her like cool water out of a spring ; and though it's definitely crude, it makes Taylor smiles, so it's worth it. "That’s certainly original," she says once she's managed to regain composure.

"He visits from time to time," Taylor elaborates. "And he's not a bad dude, but Rao, he is so boring. He took personal offence that I don't see him as some sort of father figure, but according to everyone, he's vastly improved in every department."

"I never liked him very much," Lena grimaces.

"She's always deserved much more than him."

The rest of their thoughts are heavily implied, and when they look back at Lena, there's a mutual understanding of who Kara should be with that settles high and warm inside of her chest.

***

Kara doesn’t stay in the med bay long enough for Alex to circle back. She dodges out as soon as she hears her sister’s footsteps getting closer and, with the use of a little bit of superspeed, finds herself on the other side of the DEO before she's really figured out where she intends to go. The door is grey, made of smooth metal, and rigorously identical to most of the doors of the DEO, yet, Kara knows exactly where she is. 

She quickly scans her hand and slips inside of the room before the door is fully open, closing it behind her and laying heavily against it, feeling like she can breathe properly again for the first time since she woke up with Lena next to her. The room is mostly bare, home only to a hexagonal platform in front of which Kara goes to sit cross-legged. 

The hologram room has evolved past its primary function and instead of simply housing Alura's memories, it serves now as a direct line to Argo City. Kara fiddles with the dial for a moment until she hears the telltale sound of her signal being properly sent. A translucent blue ball appears at eye level, rotating slowly until it's replaced by her mother's face. It's not really her though, but a pre-recorded message indicating that she's busy.

"Hi Kara," the hologram says, "it's good to hear from you. I'm away at the moment but you can leave a message and I will call you back."

A short beep annoyingly fills her ears and her mother's face disappears, replaced by the hovering ball. 

"Hey Yeyu," she whispers. "I. I really fucked up." 

She doesn't know what more to say, doesn't know how to unravel all that's happened, where to begin. Instead, she lets her time run out, and when the hologram asks her if she wishes to send her message, she deletes it instead. It's better if no one else is involved in this mess anyway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kara will be accepting hugs in the form of kudos and comments.


	9. Letting go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Alex is the best human being on this Raoforsaken planet and things get better through the magic of communication.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been trying to think of a clever opening for this but all I can think about is my crepuscular queen Harrowhark Nonagesimus so instead I'll offer you : this mess.
> 
> [Playlist]() is : _Who’s gonna carry you home_ by Elder Brother & _You and I (stripped)_ by PVRIS.

_"Call me when you land."_

_Pain._

_"I love you."_

_They struggle to breathe as fire courses through their veins and they register the sudden disappearance of strong warm arms previously wrapped around them. The world flickers between darkness and bright pulsing green until their eyes manage to focus on the light grey floor underneath their feet and without understanding why, they get the impulse to run. As soon as they start doing so, Crucible Academy manifests around them, but the faster they run, the faster the school disintegrates around them until there is nothing but void, and a perpetual fall._

_"Call me when you land."_

Taylor gasps awake, wondering for much too long what stopped their fall as they try to get a hold of their erratic breathing and assess their surroundings. Moonlight cuts a straight line through the room, landing on the sheets twisted around their legs. The sight helps grounding them, bringing a reminder of their own body and how it currently exists in the space they occupy. They're in bed, in Lena's penthouse, not hurtling through space and time, and not dying.

Slowly, they manage to regain control of their breathing ; and when they feel like they can move without accidentally breaking through things, they slip their legs out of the sheets to hug their knees to their chest. Though they aren't cold, they shiver, missing the warmth and presence of the one person that doesn't yet exist in their 2019 world ; Max. They don't even have a substitute for her here, no one that will be her in the future, and though it most certainly is for the best, it doesn't help. They've spent almost everyday for the past three years with her and the fact that she simply isn't here now doesn't seem real, and it certainly doesn't feel fair.

Max would know what to do. Max wouldn't have panicked and made things worse. Max, Max doesn't know where they are now. 

Taylor wonders for a full minute if anyone has noticed their disappearance yet. Probably. They can't really pinpoint when they arrived in 2019 but they've probably been gone for long enough that their mothers are ripping through the cosmos trying to find them. The question is : will they think about ripping through time ?

They think about their Yeyu, the panic and misplaced guilt she must be feeling after thinking she discarded her child in space, House of El style, only for them to not return. It's not true of course, she isn't responsible for any of this, and that's exactly what their Mum must be repeating to her over and over again, as she tries to hide her own distress. Taylor wishes they had a way to reach out, to send a simple message, _I'm here, it's not your fault come get me home please._ But without a time beacon, there isn't, and though they love their uncle Brainy, they wish now more than ever that he hadn't stupidly forsaken his right to return to his own time. They never asked if he feels out of place, never considered for one second that it could be hard for him. Maybe meeting Nia righted all the wrongs.

Ruffling reaches their ears, the familiar sound of fingers on paper, of a page being turned in the next room ; Lena is awake too, reading, like she often does late at nigh, or early in the morning. It appears to Taylor then, clear as day, that there is a way they can signal their presence ; a very simple one. 

Carefully, intent on not making a single sound, they pad out of their room and to Lena's office, pushing open the unlocked door to find the massive bookshelves that have followed Lena here from her trashed apartment and will then move, Taylor knows that, to the Luthor-Danvers family home. They're sturdy, made of imported Irish oak because Lena is nothing if not consistent, and Taylor has known them their whole life. Later, the bookshelves will be moved to a descent sized library, filled with comfortable plush armchairs and home to their first accidental flight experience. For now the bottom shelves are filled to the brim with science journals, but soon enough they will house comics and children books that Taylor will carefully pick for bedtime stories, bargaining for two or more and winning easily when their Yeyu will be out crime fighting and their Mum won't want to be alone either. 

Or not. Maybe this is never going to happen at all.

Blinking back frustrated tears, they run their hands on the shelves, trying to think of a book her Mum might turn to in times of distress. It's not an easy task ; their Mum reads a lot and it must be a book that's connected to Taylor, otherwise it might be read at the wrong time and the message will serve no purpose. Cursing their lack of flight, Taylor climbs on a chair to reach the top shelf, home to the books Lena doesn't care much about, and of the ones she tries to hide from her own view. There, they find a brand new copy of _On a sunbeam_ , a recent gift from Kara that Taylor knows Lena will never read and that will stay here until they themself pick it up and haul it everywhere for two full years, mildly obsessed with the concept of fish shaped spaceships. They received a digital version of it right before leaving for Crucible, and if everything is right, this exact copy still sits, in 2044, on their bedside table. It's a long shot, but it's worth trying.

In the hope that their Mum might find refuge in their room, that she might pick up this book trying to feel close to her missing child, Taylor retrieves it and hops down the swivelling chair. They crack the book open, speed read through it until they reach the page where a mother ships her child to school and there, in the margin and in pencil, they write _Taylor, National City, 2019_. It's discreet enough that they might not pick it up the numerous times they will read it, but it's there, and they hope that their distressed mother will understand. Hope is just about everything they have right now.

"Can't sleep either ?" a voice sounds behind them, startling them out of their thoughts.

Taylor wheels around, book clutched to their chest ; it's not often that anyone can sneak up on them, even when they were powerless at Crucible. "Sorry," they say. "I was just looking for a book."

"It’s alright," Lena replies softly, "I’ll let you go back to it. Feel free to read anything you want."

"What are you doing up ?" Taylor asks, trying to keep Lena with them for just a moment longer.

"Trying to invent time travel," Lena says, waving around the thick journal she holds in her hand. "But I'm not getting anywhere."

"You can try again tomorrow," Taylor points out when Lena blinks sleepily and yawns.

Lena shakes her head, then nods. "I can try again tomorrow. Do you want some tea ? Or would you rather go back to sleep ?"

"Tea sounds good."

Lena nods again, walks out of the room with the journal still in her hand. She looks tired, and a little bit sad. With a sigh, Taylor climbs back on the chair to put the book back where it belongs. A shadow briefly falls over them and they almost fall off, unbalanced by the speed at which they turn to the window. For a brief second, they swear they see Kara hovering out there, but the silhouette disappears in the blink of an eye, and maybe it’s for the best. 

***

It takes Alex a couple of hours to find Kara and when she does, she would kick herself for not thinking about looking for her here right away. It’s as a last resort that she unlocks this door, and when she finds her sister asleep in front of Alura’s hologram, the relief she feels is enough to overpower her slight anger at Kara running away. She's slumped forward, head resting on her knees, hair falling over her face and hiding her features from view. She's basked in the soft blue light of the hologram and when Alex turns to look at Alura, she finds on her face a soft expression that she would have never associated with this woman before. She's never been too fond of Kara's mother.

"Oh hi Alex," the hologram says, "Kara attempted to contact me but by the time I could call back she’d already fallen asleep. Is she okay ?"

"She will be," Alex mumbles, crouching next to Kara to tenderly wipe the dried tears on her face.

"Then I'll let you take care of her," Alura says with a smile. "She seems to need to rest."

And just like that, the hologram flickers off. Alex barely resists the urge to hurl something at it ; this is why she can't get behind Alura. This is the woman who shot her daughter in space with no semblance of a concrete plan, the woman who turned out to be alive but never visits, the woman who, in the first place, knew about Krypton's fate and didn't do anything. It's a bit easy, Alex realises, to pin all of Kara's troubles on one person, but it's easier than fighting against nothing. 

At the disappearance of the blue light, Kara starts steering awake. She groans, leans heavily against Alex like she's the only thing tethering her to the world, and in this moment, it's probably true."What's happening ?" she asks hoarsely.

"Your mother called back," Alex replies softly, tucking a few strands of hair behind her sister’s ear, "but you were asleep. We can call her again if you want."

Kara straightens up, her features hardening in an unsettling way. "No. It's okay."

Alex though, refuses to let her go and she tugs at her until Kara goes slack against her seemingly emptying herself of all the air she's ever breathed as she does so. They stay like that for long minutes, unmoving, waiting, maybe, for the other to say something, for words to appear to make it all okay.

"Did something happen with Lena ?" Alex asks eventually, trying to keep her voice as levelled and soft as possible. "She seemed intent on talking with you."

"I don’t want to talk to her," Kara replies with a strange sort of finality that takes Alex aback more than she'd want.

"Did something happen," she probs again, "to make you not want to talk to her ?"

Kara tenses, trembles, her arms taut and her fists clenched tight ; Alex doesn't move back so much as an inch. "Isn’t it obvious ?" she seethes.

"No Kara, no it’s not. Please," Alex says, "explain it to me. So I can help."

"You can’t help me."

"I can try. Haven't I always tried to help you ?"

Kara goes slack again. Her body weights a thousand tons and she's heavy against Alex, but again, she doesn't move.

"Every time I let my guard down, every time I care about someone, something bad happens. Thara on Krypton."

"Isn’t Thara alive now ?"Alex interrupts gently. "On Argo City ?"

"That’s not the point. I had a crush on her. And now Krypton is gone."

"Kara that’s now how..."

"Kenny. Dead. James. Astra tried to enslave all of us. Mon-El. Rhea tried to take over the world. Lena. Lena is the one I like the most. I love her Alex. If I let go, if I give in, something terrible will happen."

"If you let go, you could be very happy."

"If I let go," Kara counteracts with so much self hatred that she might explode from it, "I'll sign her death warrant. Everything I touch turn to ash, everywhere I go I bring doom. I let myself care for my child for a minute and the city was nearly destroyed by a tidal wave. I'm a menace, I can’t let go."

"This was nothing but a coincidence Kara."

"It was not ! There are patterns. The odds are not in my favour. If I love her it will kill her."

"It won't," Alex says slowly, trying to find the words that will make it better, trying to craft the perfect sentence to unravel her sister's pain and make everything okay. "Lena can take care of herself, she knows what she’s doing. And you don't bring pain and death wherever you go, that's not true. You help people. Not just as Supergirl. But as Kara. You help, you bring love and happiness. You make Lena happy. And you make me happy. You're my favourite person in the world."

"Jeremiah is gone because of me."

"Dad made his own conscious decision." Alex frowns, and she's grateful that Kara isn't looking at her right now. "Lillian is in prison, and we're working on dismantling what's left of Cadmus. If he wanted to come back, he would. That's not on you. Not every bad thing that happens is on you. Can you say that for me please ? Not every bad thing that happens is on you ?"

"No."

"Kara please."

Kara sighs. And her words are begrudged, she doesn't want to say them, but still, she looks at Alex and she tries, and it's a start. "Not every bad thing that happens is on me."

Alex chuckles sadly. "You don’t believe a word of that, do you ?" she asks.

Kara doesn't dignify her with a response, but there's a hint of a smile on her face, no matter how small.

"I think you should talk to someone. Not right now if you don't want to, but ultimately. I'm going to work on bringing more therapists to the DEO, so you can choose someone who'll be good for you."

"Okay," Kara whispers, and though Alex is mildly taken aback by the lack of fight, she accepts this small victory. 

"For now though, you’re gonna get cleaned up and we’re gonna go for ice cream, alright ? Then I’ll go home to Kelly and you’ll go think about everything and if you want to talk to Lena, I’ll be there, and if you don’t want to, I’ll be there anyway."

Not effortlessly, Alex gets up, dragging Kara with her. As soon as they're upright, her sister tumbles into her arms ; and she hugs her a little too tight, but they both need it. "Thank you," Kara says, barely over a whisper.

"Always."

***

Kara doesn't go to Lena right away. It's not that she doesn't want to, she craves her, needs her around like a flower needs the sun ; but it wouldn't be right. Deep in herself she knows that they need just a little more time. More time to be angry, more time to be sad, more time to forgive themselves and each other. And it's not just about Taylor. It's not about Lena rejecting Taylor when Kara was there for them and it's not about Kara rejecting Taylor when Lena finally showed up. It's about everything that has happened before. The lies, the fights, the hurt, and the deeply rooted love that sometimes make it hard to breathe. Kara needs some time to think.

She takes a long scalding hot shower, hoping it will melt away the terrible things that cling to her. All it does is cleaning the remains of ice cream that dots her face but still, she does feel a bit better by the time she exits the bathroom, dressed in threadbare sweatpants and a t-shirt she stole from Alex when she left for college. It stopped smelling like her sister about ten years ago but it's well worn and comfortable and most of all, it makes her feel safe.

She's at a loss, then, for what to do. She wanted to give herself time to think, but thinking is unbearable and she can't make sense of the things in her head long enough to even begin. Nothing is right anymore ; and truthfully nothing has really been right since Krypton exploded but she'd managed to built a sense of normalcy that now lays shattered at her feet. It's happened before, her bubble bursting, the outside world and everything that she's repressed tumbling on her until she can't breathe, until she wishes she would have died on Krypton with no second thoughts for what she built on Earth. But this time, it feels different, and it means that in a way she was right, Lena is the straw that broke the camel's back ; no matter how things go now, her normal will never be the same.

And maybe it's okay, maybe change will bring good things ; but it's hard for her to feel this way when change has so seldom brought kindness to her life. It's hard also, to tell herself that it's not her fault, to realise and drill into her brain that she isn't a harbinger of doom. Tragedy has followed her from the start, and she can't fathom why it would change now ; no matter how irrational it sounds, there's no way this isn't her fault. 

When she stops to think about it for more than five minutes, when she can breathe and divert her brain from the death of everyone and everything long enough to be coherent, it also sounds strangely egoistical, the way she places herself at the centre of every bad events. And egoism is not a kryptonian virtue. Not that there's much that tethers her to Krypton in the first place.

And this, this is very much not okay. Not just the fact that she's lost Krypton, she knows there's nothing she can do about that ; but the fact that she has managed to retain so few things about her world, that she's made herself human enough to lose her connection to her culture while remaining enough of an alien that she'll never truly fit here. Not even finding out her mother was alive could bring this back to her. She's a hybrid. Not quite a Kryptonian anymore and very much not an Earthling ; no one has ever managed to bring these two parts of her together. Not Alex, no matter how hard she tries ; and not anyone she's been with before, not Adam, not James, and certainly not Mon-El. For all of five seconds, when she revealed her identity to Lena, she thought she could be the key, she thought she would make her whole ; and maybe she can. If they stop backtracking every time they take a step towards one another, if they stop fighting and hurting, maybe Lena can make her feel normal. And if Lena tethers her then maybe the rest will come easy. But for that she needs to let go, and it's easier thought than done.

***

Alex loves sleeping at Kelly's. She loves how her apartment isn't open-planned like hers, how it has real secluded rooms and how her bedroom is a cocoon of warmth and safety. She loves waking up next to her, legs tangled in the sheets, light streaming in the room because she can't sleep in the dark. She loves getting ready with her, exchanging glances over perfect cups of coffee and brushing their teeth next to one another. Getting dressed and undressed, being slightly late. She likes when they sleep at her own place too, and she doesn't mind spending nights apart either, this early in their relationship, it's important that they keep slight boundaries ; but mornings at Kelly's are her favourite, and they always have her strutting in the DEO with an unshakable grin.

Today, she has no problem listening as Brainy babbles on and on about the prerequisites for the new protective gear they have to order ; she doesn't even consider calling J'onn to ask him how he dealt with boring things like that. She doesn't bat an eyelash when she notices Kara has emptied the vending machine of all Chocos, and she doesn't think about complaining when she walks past the lab and sees Lena seems to have decided to reorganise it entirely. What does take her aback though is hearing the telltale sound of concrete being smashed to pieces when she swears she just saw Kara hanging out on the opposite side of her personal training room. Literally hanging out, from a metal beam, while not so subtly keeping an eye on the lab and shedding cookie crumbs all over the place.

She enters the room cautiously, fully aware that she should not startle whoever is inside if she doesn't want her face to become closely acquainted with a heavy object. It happened once already, when she snuck up on Kara and ended up with stitches and a new haircut because she couldn't be bothered with picking that much concrete out of her hair. The figure in the room is shorter than Kara, though not by much, and their hair is different, but from behind, they share every other characteristic with her sister ; broad shoulders, impressively quick and steady feet, frighteningly powerful punches. 

Alex watches her future nibling for a moment, observes the way they move, finding familiarity in their fluidity and stances. She doesn't want to interrupt, even considers retreating back to her office and letting Taylor unwind the way they need to, but the next time they go to take a swing at the quickly diminishing slab of concrete, she sees specks of blood flying and her eyes zero in on raw fists, the skin painfully teared open in multiple places.

"Taylor ?" she calls out from the stairs. "Everything okay here ?"

Taylor freezes almost comically, up on one leg with the other half raised in the premise of a kick. They stay like that for a second before whirling around too fast for Alex to follow.

"I'm fine," they mumble, dusting their clothes hastily. "Am I allowed to be here ?" they ask, less aggressive, more hesitant.

"Of course," Alex reassures, starting her descent down the stairs at a slow pace. "Of course. I'd like to take a look at your hands though, if that's alright with you. Then we can spar if you want, so you can let out steam in a less harmful way."

Taylor stares for a moment. Alex doesn’t feel like they’re really looking at her, but more at her outline, like they're trying to fill her silhouette with something that isn't there. "Okay," they say eventually. "If you’re not busy."

"I’m not," Alex answers quickly. It's not entirely true, she has a meeting in fifteen minutes, but Taylor needs her more right now.

She patches them up quickly but gently, disinfecting the wounds and wrapping their hands in fine gauze and taking the opportunity to collect a blood sample ; there has to be a reason why they're not back at a 100% of their capacities yet. 

While she busies herself with that, Taylor doesn't say much. They don't seem like the quiet type, and Alex can see their eyes flickering on everything with intense curiosity, can sense the questions bursting in their brain, but she also understands why they choose not to talk so she doesn't push. She also lets them take the lead to the Kryptonite training room, aware that they need to regain whatever control they can.

"You have Kryptonite in there ?" Taylor hisses, taking a step back when Alex turns the emitters on.

"You don't...?" Alex asks hesitantly. "How do you dim down your powers for training ?"

"Red sun emulator. Using Kryptonite is sort of barbaric."

"I never thought of that... I can turn it off," Alex offers though it’s admittedly not the best of ideas if they intend to train here.

"Nonsense," Taylor fires back, stepping into the ring after shedding their hoodie. "I don’t want to accidentally snap your neck."

"I trust that you won’t," Alex says, taking her stance in front of them with an open smile.

"You shouldn't," Taylor whispers with a sudden, almost feral, grin. "I scored high marks in all my sparring classes."

Alex gets her legs taken from under her before she can muster a retort. She jumps back to her feet and feigns an attack of her own, failing at catching Taylor off guard. She falls back, dodges their grasp and manages to lend a hefty roundhouse kick that gains her precious seconds. 

"So what kind of school did you go to ?" she asks, blocking one punch and deflecting another just enough that it doesn't hurt too much, the fist sliding on her cheek instead of landing on her nose. "What kind of place teaches sparing lessons ? Is that just a thing in the future ?"

"Crucible Academy," Taylor huffs, bending to avoid Alex’s hand. "Intergalactic school for heroes."

"What ?"

Taylor rolls their eyes, lazily avoiding another punch, and, both feet momentarily leaving the ground, they lunge back and land on their hands before falling to a perfect fighting stance again. Alex feels like she needs to give up now, and go back to bed. "Space boarding school. And before that I spent a summer on Themyscira learning sword fighting. And you taught me, you will teach me, how to throw my first punch."

"I can see how that will be a thing," Alex says, glancing down at Taylor’s feet to admire the posture that took her hours and hours of repetition before she got it right herself.

"Really ?"

"Yeah," Alex says with a smile, "you leave the same stupid openings as I did."

It's not true, Taylor's fighting form is perfect, but it surprises them enough for their next strike to be a little slower, for Alex to grab their arm, twist it behind their back and send them to the ground head first with a swift elbow to the middle of the back. She allows herself a second to breathe, doesn't expect them to get up as quickly as they do, and before she can truly grasp what's happening, the room spins around her and she lands harsh on her back. 

"I don't leave stupid openings," Taylor groans.

"You do," Alex mumbles, rolling forward, swiping their legs from under them and sending them both tumbling off the platform. Once again, and though they take the brunt of the fall, Taylor is up quicker, and Alex finds herself pinned down, face smashed in a fine layer of dust. "Okay," she concedes, heaving and puffing, "you don't. You're very good at this." 

"Thank you," Taylor replies cockily, extending a hand to help Alex up. "You’re not so bad yourself."

"Respect your elders," Alex mumbles, rubbing her painful ribs. "God," she groans, "I miss when I didn’t systematically got my ass handed to me by Kryptonians."

Taylor laughs sharply. It's brief, but it's the first time Alex hears them laugh and she can't help but notice how much they sound like Kara. "Was that ever a thing ?"

"I’ll have you know," she replies, wiping her sweaty hands on her legs, "that Kara used to be a very bad fighter."

"I know," Taylor whispers, "you told me that already." Their smile disappears as quickly as it made its way to their face, and they tense, pushing on the wall they’re leaning on to make their way out.

"So hero school ?" Alex asks softly, scrambling to fall in step next to them before they can exit the room. "Is that what you want to be ?"

Taylor stops abruptly and Alex finds herself ahead of them, almost at the door. She turns back, finds them lingering, looking everywhere but at her. "I don't know," they admit before suddenly whirling around and marching right back to the platform to sit on it. Alex joins them slowly, sitting down at what she deems to be the perfect comforting distance.

"It's not a given, I don't want to go in the hero business just because I'm Supergirl's kid. At first, I only learned how to fight as a way of owning my powers, otherwise, I'm a brain person, I like learning, books, quiet," Taylor sighs, and after a short second of deliberation, Alex lays a light hand on their shoulder. "I breezed through school, it was almost too easy. But then I was done with college at eighteen, wasn't sure I was ready for real life and when Crucible contacted me precisely because of Supergirl I jumped at the opportunity. I wanted to see if I could do it for myself and not just because of my family. And also a little to push adulthood back."

"So what's the verdict ?" Alex asks. "If there is one ?"

"I love it. I love helping, I love being useful. I accidentally stumbled upon a rebellion and participated in saving millions of people. There’s a spot with my name on it in the intergalactic forces. I could carry out Yeyu's legacy. But I also enjoy lots of other things. Technically, I'm a marine biologist. There are dozens of things I want to do with my life and now I'm here and I don't know what I want anymore."

"You have time to figure it out," Alex says, squeezing their shoulder. "And you won’t be here forever. It can be a learning opportunity."

"But I also don’t know how long I’ll be here. I can't make any plans, everybody's taking turns at hating me..."

"I don’t hate you," Alex cuts quickly, revolted by the mere idea.

"Kara..."

"Kara is stubborn and slightly traumatised she'll..."

"If you tell me she’ll come around," Taylor grumbles, "I swear to Rao I’ll find a way to send myself farther back in time where none of you are."

"Okay," Alex says, raising her hands in surrender, "okay. I won’t say it. We have some staffs laying around, if you want to not think about any of this and teach me sword fighting instead."

"Do you want to get your butt kicked that much ?"

"That's my preferred method of learning," Alex laughs, rising to her feet and offering her hand to help Taylor up. Her sister's child looks at her for a minute before accepting her hand, their brow set, Kara's infamous crinkle resting between their eyes, but Alex refuses to falter, she's been confronted to a lost alien once and it turned into the best part of her life, she can do it again. 

***

Lena notices her right away. She knows it's scientifically inaccurate but to this day, she's still convinced she somehow developed a Kara radar, an uncanny ability to sense her when she's close. It's what causes her to glance up from her work just in time to notice Kara shuffling on a beam almost out of view ; and after that, it’s impossible for her not to know she’s here. She can feel her intermittent burning stare, and every time she looks up, she catches sight of her in various positions, hanging upside down, sitting with her legs swaying wildly, or in the perfect imitation of a sloth. It's okay at first, even if she doesn't like it Kara has always been a soothing balm on her mind and her remote presence helps her work ; but it soon grows to be infuriating and the third time she burns her thumb on her soldering iron because she glanced up at her, she snaps.

"You can come in you know," she mumbles under her breath, knowing that even if it’s inadvertently, Kara is listening and will hear her. 

Her silhouette shuffles on the beam, and soon her boots appear instead of her dangling hands and she drops to the ground, landing in a graceful crouch before promptly tripping on thin air when she takes her first step towards Lena. She can't help but scoff at the sight, Kara's clumsiness meeting Supergirl's dexterity lightening the load in her chest.

"I was hoping we could talk, if that’s okay with you," Kara says, hovering awkwardly on the threshold. "I brought a peace offering," she adds, extending a half eaten pack of Chocos. 

"Depends on what you have to say," Lena grumbles, wondering already if inviting Kara inside was a good idea. These days their relationship is one step forward and two steps back and sure, she has herself done the majority of the backtracking, but Kara did too and the ground beneath them is too unsteady for Lena to know where to stand. "You can keep your biscuits."

Kara looks at her hands for a good minute, fidgeting annoyingly with the plastic wrapping and with a sigh, Lena returns to her work. They’re getting nowhere and the more Lena looks at her the more she misses her and, "I’m sorry," Kara suddenly says causing Lena to drop the hot iron on the table. She looks up from her work and her heart misses a beat. 

It's not the words Kara said, Lena has heard this exact sentence so many times that she isn't sure it still means anything. No, it's the way she says them with sincerity and conviction with no trace of the desperation that has coated all of her previous attempts. She stands tall before her, shoulders drawn back and head high and she says it again, "I'm sorry."

Lena's mouth drops open of its own accord. She has no intention of speaking, doesn't know what to say anymore.

"I'm not perfect," Kara says, "far from it. I'm leaden with by my past, I get so angry sometimes, and scared, that I act without thinking and I hurt people. Or I think too much and it does the exact same thing. I'm so, so afraid of losing you that sometimes when I'm around you I can't breathe and I'm sorry for drawing you close and then pushing you away, it wasn't fair. I've never had much luck with relationships, every time I get close to someone it ends in absolute catastrophe and I'm so in love with you," Kara says, her voice cracking on these exact words, "that I'm paralysed, thinking of what will happen if I let my guard down. This is not an excuse, it's an explanation, and if you can find it in yourself to forgive me for the way I've treaded you like crap as Supergirl to then comfort you as Kara, if you can get past the way I played you, I'd like for us to try, in any capacity you can. Because you're my Red Sun, my sense of normalcy, my home, and if you let me, I’ll work everyday of my life to do right by you."

"I," Lena says, wondering by what kind of miracle she's still standing when her legs are trembling so much she might be about to trigger a small scale earthquake, when her ears are ringing so much from the blood pumping in them that she isn't sure she even truly heard what Kara said. "I," she tries again, "that’s a lot of words."

"Sorry," Kara whispers, hanging her head in shame.

"Don’t be. Can you forgive me too ?"

"I’ve already forgiven you," Kara replies immediately.

"You don’t even know what I’m apologising for," Lena says, bitting back a smile.

"I. You’re right," Kara chuckles, the low sound setting Lena on fire. "What are you apologising for ?"

"For the way I treated you after you came clean," Lena whispers, trying to pour her heart in her words without baring too much, afraid still of Kara pushing too hard or flying away. "I'm not apologising for being angry, for being hurt, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you, not that hard."

"I understand, and I forgive you."

"I heard what you said," Lena continues, "and I forgive you. I think it’s time I stop being angry at you, I want to let go of the hurt, I’m so so tired of being hurt. But we can’t just pick up where we left. I don’t want to rush into things I want you to work for me and I want to work for you. Taylor isn't a magical fix, just because we're okay in the future, just because we have a child together doesn't mean it's all sunshine and rainbows right now, we have to work to get there, I want us to make the effort to be better. And you also have to apologise to them."

"I will," Kara says with a decisive nod and a smile so bright Lena is just about ready to throw caution in the wind and marry her right here right now. "I will apologise to Taylor and I will work for you. I promise."

"That’s all I ask for."

"Can I...?" Kara starts asking, her smile dimming down with sudden shyness. "Would it be okay if I hugged you ?" 

She looks down at her feet, shuffling awkwardly in place and god, Lena loves her so much that it hurts in a different way.

"Come here," Lena says, and a second later she finds herself wrapped in the arms she’s missed so much, safe and warm for the first time since she put a bullet in her brother’s chest. 

The hug starts lax but she hangs on to Kara like a buoy in the storm and in turn Kara hugs her tighter, enveloping her in her dizzying scent of ozone and lavender. Lena buries in the crook of her neck, intent on never ever moving again, even if the world falls apart around them.

A loud beeping is what ends up separating them, a light blush peeking under Kara's kryptonian complexion and warmth coating Lena's own cheeks. She turns back to the watch she's been tinkering with all morning to find it glimmering, a small holographic disk hovering over it and projecting in neat writing : _do you want to signal your time position ?_


	10. The Fatal Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which shit goes down by way of cheap comic books villains. Taylor has feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) : _Strange visitors from other planets_ \- Blake Neely & _It has begun_ \- Starset

  
Taylor's legs dangle over the edge of the bed and they let them sway back and forth ; they're beyond wanting to mask their nervousness. The med bay is packed with people, everybody suddenly very intent on seeing them. Brainy and Nia are standing close to each other, but there's an awkward gap between their bodies, like neither one of them knows how to grab the other's hand. J'onn is standing behind the couple, hands in his pockets in a fake display of relaxation. He eyes Taylor curiously and they're glad that their kryptonian biology shields their mind from him. Kelly made the trip too, she left work early and hovers in the back next to Kara whose gaze Taylor avoids purposefully. She walked in with Lena, their bodies close but not touching, like two celestial orbs orbiting around each other. Lena is standing the closest to them now, sleeves rolled up and hands covered in band aids. She has Taylor's watch and from where they stand, it seems fixed ; even the glass has been replaced. She takes a step forward, opens her mouth, but before she can say anything, Alex walks in, eyes glued to her tablet.

"Your exams are clear," she says, weaving her way into the room without registering anyone's presence, "I think you just need time to readjust..." She stops, turns around and to Kelly, tuning into her like a compass to the north. "Why is everybody here ?" she asks slowly, a frown slipping low on her face.

"I figured out the watch," Lena explains, the precious object dangling in her hand as she shows it around. "It should be good to send a signal out now."

"So you’re going home ?" Alex asks for clarification.

"I have to signal my position first," Taylor says, "but yes, I’m going home." 

They wait for the clear sense of relief that they should be feeling but instead comes a wave of mixed emotions and a strange pull that compels them to look at Kara. Her eyes are fixed on her feet and she stands rigid with her arms crossed, intent on not looking at them. Eventually, she must sense Taylor's searching gaze and when their eyes lock, she smiles tentatively.

And the thing is Kara will grow older slower than everybody else in this room and she looks so much like their Yeyu that it's hard for Taylor to clearly separate the two, almost impossible to drill into their brain that this person that pushed them away isn't really the one they will meet again in the future. They feel oppressed all of a sudden, like an animal in a zoo, crushed by the heavy gazes of the people that came to see the latest attraction in town. Tears build behind their eyes and they hesitate between snatching the watch out of Lena's hand and running or staying put. They hate the hesitation, and the weakness, and the pain, and Rao, their hands should be healed by now. 

"Can I have a moment with Taylor ?" Kara asks quickly. "Alone ?"

Murmurs of affirmation sound all around them and one by one everybody trickle out of the room, Lena laying the watch on the bed next to them before she leaves. 

It's both easier and harder to breathe once the room is empty and they get back to avoiding Kara's searching eyes. The both of them stand like that in silence for endless suffocating minutes and the longer it lasts the more Taylor wants to scream.

"Do you want Chocos ?" Kara asks eventually, reaching in her hidden pocket to retrieve a slightly crushed pack of cookies. 

Out of everything, everything, that has happened since they accidentally time travelled, this is the most absurd and Taylor can't help but laugh, and laugh, and laugh until they burst into tears surprising Kara and themself. Kara is by their side in a flash, hovering close but not touching them, and when Taylor manages to stop hiccuping long enough to see her clearly, there's a full apology in her eyes. 

"So that’s a no on the Chocos I suppose ?" Kara says. "How about ice cream ? I’d really like to talk to you, apologise, before you leave. If that’s okay."

Taylor nods. It’s the best they can offer right now but it seems to be enough for Kara who reaches in her pocket again to find her glasses and lets a plain blue shirt and black chinos replace her suit. "Whenever you're ready," she says softly, cocking her head towards the door. Taylor straps the watch to their wrist and follows wordlessly. 

They don’t walk too far ; just around the corner of the DEO to a small square that in a couple of years will engulf the whole block to become National City’s biggest park. Right now, it's home to a wonky fountain and what Kara proudly introduces as the best ice cream in the entire city ; they agree to disagree on that, but it's as far as the conversation goes until they've both finished their triple scoop and they have nothing left to occupy themselves.

"I'm sorry," Kara finally says when Taylor is deeply absorbed by a bushtit collecting branches. "I promised I would help you, that I would take care of you, and I did the exact opposite."

Taylor sighs. "I get it," they say. And they do. Beyond the pain of seeing the person that wears their Yeyu's face act like this, they do understand why Kara reacted the way she did. They have the benefit of knowing her and who she will be, and even if it hurts, they can understand why she acted that way.

"I know you do," Kara says, "but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t apologise. I don't want you to think I don't care, because I do. And no matter what my life is like right now, if there is one person I should set my problems aside for, it's you." 

"No you shouldn’t," Taylor retorts, shaking their head in disbelief. "For one it’s not healthy, and two, you’re not my mother. And I know it. It's just, it's harder with you because you, you look like you, for lack of a better term." They glance at Kara, making sure she's following along and find her looking straight at them, concentrated and open. "You, Rao, I don’t know if you’ve noticed that yet but you age at a slower rate than anyone else. And Mum, well she has grey strands and crow’s feet but you don’t look that different and..."

Their train of thoughts is interrupted by something moving fast right in the corner of their sightline and a second before they can take cover, the fountain explodes. The world slows down around them as they are carried away from the wreckage and when it comes in focus again the billowing smoke is almost blocked from their view by a broad figure clad in a supersuit. 

"Are you okay ?" Kara asks, her eyes trailed on the former fountain as she tries to catch a glimpse of what's happening. Before Taylor can reply however, a stream of light bursts out of the smoke and sends Supergirl flying back, taking them down with her. "Seriously ?!" Kara yells, jumping back up in a flash. "I was kind of in the middle of something !"

"The time as come Supergirl, for you to answer for your crimes," a low voice sounds, preceding by a second the emergence of a tall bulky man, the sight of whom turns Taylor's stomach upside down. Half robot half raw flesh, he's twelve feet tall and his species was definitely not covered in class. With a flutter of his large hand, the smoke parts around him, revealing three companions, not as ugly but definitely just as terrifying. "I am Tharok, kneel before the Fatal Five."

"Fatal Five ?" Taylor sneers. "There are only four of you."

Any other witty remark is taken right out of their mouth by a gigantic axe flying inches away from their face. The axe rounds them like a boomerang to return to its wielder's hand and before Taylor can fully understand what's happening, their feet leave the ground and they start floating away. And not just them, but the bench that got blasted away with them and a half torn lamp post and tufts of grass ; almost like gravity ceased to affect this square foot of the world only. 

"What the fuck ?!"

"Language !"

"Seriously ?!" Taylor screams as Supergirl tackles them to the ground away from the affected area. "That’s your main concern right now ?!"

"We need to take out Axe Man, that’s our main concern right now !" Supergirl yells back.

"On it !" Rolling their shoulders, Taylor puts their hood up and launches themself at their target, leaving torn grass and dirt in their wake.

"I am Persuader," the axe’s wielder growls.

"Cool," Taylor retorts as their fists make contact with his face with a satisfying crunch. "I’m Lor-El, and you have bad timing."

Persuader wobbles back to his feet and Lor-El has to back flip to narrowly avoid both his axe and Supergirl being blasted away by energy, again. They quickly find themselves back to back, Supergirl blasting Tharok with heat vision and Lor-El attempting to freeze Persuader. He's strong though, stronger than anyone they've ever faced and he frees himself from his ice restrains simply by tensing his muscles and loses no time throwing his axe again. This time, it doesn't seem to affect gravity, instead leaving in its wake a large glowing tear in the very fabric of the universe.

Supergirl succeeds in fending off her attacker, sending him flying away in a tree that cracks in two and fall on them. Without thinking, Lor-El pushes Supergirl out of the way, and the tree gets siphoned off by the tear.

"What’s that ?!" Supergirl yells over the deafening roar that overtook the previously quiet park. The approaching sirens of the DEO's strike team almost succeed in covering her voice.

"Don’t touch it ! It's a dimensional rift ! Our universe is gonna fold in on another one !"

"What ?!"

"It’s a dimensional rift !" Lor-El repeats.

"I heard you ! How do I close that ?!"

"Destroy the axe ! We have to destroy the axe !"

Lor-El words seem to fall into deaf ears and it doesn't take them long to figure out why ; the world just went very quiet. In the middle of the destroyed fountain stands one of the attackers, at least Lor-El thinks so, everything around him is blurred, and it's hard to make out the details. Where Persuader seemed to cut through the universe, this one seems to be syphoning it, destroying every inches he touches in bigger and bigger circles. 

Lor-El's feet slips on the ground as they start getting sucked towards him and they grab the first thing they can, a broken handrail, and stick it into the ground to anchor themself for precious seconds. Supergirl comes deliberately and stupidly flying by them and they grab her by the cape, catching her in the nick of time and dragging her back mostly out of range.

"I think he's eating matter !" Lor-El yells, their words lost even to their own ears. "He’s eating matter !" they try again. "Please know how to lip read already. Please. Please. Please."

Like a gift from Rao, Supergirl nods and Lor-El can make out a reply on her mouth. "Push him into the dimensional rift ?"

"Too impredictable."

"Then what ?"

Lor-El's grasp weakens around their makeshift anchor, their feet unpleasantly slipping towards the newly created void, they don't have much time, or at least not enough to go the safe route. Three DEO vans pull up much too close from them, and Alex is the first out of them, already running towards them.

"Coming from his right hand," Supergirl seems to say.

Persuader runs past them and without taking the time to communicate their half baked plan, Taylor lets go of the hand rail, trips him and grab his axe. Thankfully, Supergirl seems to catch up because she grabs them and fly them out of range, letting Persuader go crash in the fourth attacker, whose only purpose seems to be protecting the one who's decomposing matter. But he's strong, and with his feet firmly anchored to the ground he deflects both his companion and himself outside of the syphoning range and closer to Supergirl and Lor-El again. 

"Take care of them ! I’ve got anti-matter guy !" Lor-El screams uselessly, half of their words lost because they aren’t turned toward Supergirl properly. Supergirl does seem to get the most of the message and almost too easily, she soundlessly cracks Persuader and his buddy's heads against one another. "All muscle, no brain," Lor-El mumbles to themself in a weak attempt at a joke, before throwing, with all the strength they have, the axe towards the last one standing.

It's a shot in the dark, literally. They can't see much of anything anymore and their body is starting to pull itself inside out but the axe seems to hit its mark because the world snaps back to normal with a brutal force that sends them flying back and crashing in a car. In the assailant place is a muddled corpse perfectly cut in two.

"Shit," Taylor whispers, their voice suddenly much too loud. "I think I just killed someone."

The axe comes flying back their way but Supergirl grabs it dextrously and uses its handle to knock Persuader out again when he starts groaning.

The world is loud, very loud ; sirens and cries and a roaring fire not far from them and Alex talking in their ears as she helps them back up. 

"You alright kid ?"

Taylor nods, their eyes fixed on the corpse dangling from what is left of the ledge of the fountain. The corpse that seems to be reforming on itself, the suit it's clad in working to put it back together.

"We have a new and disturbing problem," Taylor mumbles. 

Swiftly, Alex whirls around and with two precise blasts of her gun and a net bomb, separates the two body part again. "We'll just have to put it in custody in two different cells."

"Sure," Taylor agrees, slowly nodding again like this isn't immensely disgusting. What, for the love of Rao, just happened ?

***

"God I need a drink," Alex groans, "or seven."

"I second that," Lena mumbles with her head between her hands.

For a brief second Alex wonders if it would hurt to claw her own brain out but she dismisses it pretty quickly ; it would be a mess to clean. Today only, she's had her butt kicked, willingly, multiple times by a time travelling Kryptonian, the universe was almost destroyed in two different ways, and she ended up with three aliens and two halves of another in custody. She needs a nap, and for someone else to be in charge for a minute or so. Last year was definitely terrible for an array of reasons but at least with Colonel Haley pulling the rug from under her, she didn't have to pretend to be on top of everything all the time.

"The prisoners are fully secured Director Danvers," Brainy says, striding inside the room with Nia in tow. She's sulking, having been too late to participate in the villains' take down, and it would be funny if Alex weren't exhausted.

"Thank you Agent Dox. Any chance they’ll talk anytime soon ?"

"I’m afraid not."

"We could ask J’onn for help," Kara suggests. "It’s a breach of privacy but one of them tried to swallow the universe so I think we can make an exception."

Alex shifts to look at her sister. She's standing directly behind Lena and she can't tell if her hand is indeed on the small of her back or if it's just a trick of perspective but it wouldn't surprise her. Lena jumped into her arms the moment she came back to the DEO and they've been standing awfully close ever since ; knuckles brushing, Lena's hand briefly fisted in Kara's cape, Kara's hand tenderly brushing Lena's hair away, and they don't even seem to be aware of it. Alex supposes that between yelling at each other and fixing Taylor's watch they must have had an earnest talk, and it makes her somewhat happy.

"Already done," Brainy replies, bringing Alex's attention back to him. "He said they all have mental shielding coming from an outside source that he hasn't been able to locate."

"Fuck," Alex mumbles under her breath.

"Accurate reaction," Brainy says almost cheerfully. "Thankfully, we might be able to wear them down with interrogation. One of them in particular, Validus, might be a little more open to manipulation."

"Validus ?" Taylor sneers from the back of the room. "Why do they all have shit names ?"

"Language," Kara fires as an automatism causing Taylor to groan and briefly hide their face in their hands.

"I’m not twelve," they grumble to no avail. 

But they don't seem really annoyed, more amused, and Alex takes in their dishevelled appearance ; the neatly torn fabric around their knees, the jeans altered to give them more fighting room, the entire missing sleeve on their hoodie lost to battle and the scuffed boots, their rubber soles entirely burned away. They've been through the wringer but they look in their element, and Alex feels privileged to witness this, happy also, to know that though she's bound to forget them, they will meet again in the future. 

They straighten up eventually, arms clasped behind their back in a way that reminds Alex of herself and with the authority of a twenty something who is also somehow a space soldier they ask : "do we have more information on their origins ? Were you able to trace them back to anything ?"

"Well I wasn’t able to really pinpoint anything," Brainy says, shaking his head, "but their weapons and armours are definitely not from our times." He marks a pause ; Alex sees the rest coming from a mile away. "There is a high probability that they came from the future through the same wormhole as you, and a smaller but very possible chance that they are also the ones who attacked you in space."

"So I brought them here," Taylor whispers.

"It’s not your fault," Kara corrects immediately, quick to wipe out the mere thought from Taylor's mind.

"My name is Lor-El," Taylor sighs. "El. At Crucible my lineage wasn't exactly a secret. We also have a very similar heat signature. They might have found me first, but they’re clearly after you and I brought them one step closer to you."

Kara frowns. She has that distinctive -why is it always me ?- look on her face, but when she speaks, she's calm, and reassuring. "We apprehended them," she says, "you don't have to worry."

"Their dumb name is the Fatal Five," Taylor points out. "We're missing one."

"Then we’ll find them," Kara says firmly, hand living Lena’s back to come resting on her own hip. "We always do. Don’t let that stop you from finding a way home, okay ?"

"I know you will," Taylor replies. "And I already activated the beacon anyway." When they say that though, their hand come surreptitiously rest on the watch and a crinkle form between their brow. Neither Kara nor Lena seem to pick up on it, but Alex sure as hell does. There's a beat when Taylor's eyes cross hers, a moment of hesitation during which Alex thinks she should say something, that she should voice her concerns, ask for clarification ; but there's a plea in Taylor's gaze, a call for Alex to keep that to herself, and they reach a silent understanding. Whatever the reason is, Taylor didn't activate their time beacon, and Alex just has to trust them.  



	11. Settling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Taylor is all of us and has a crush on Nia and everybody else is soft and just a little bit sad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week's song is _Hold back your love_ by White Lies. Last week I forgot to update the [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) but it's done now.

Alex Danvers is, and always has been, Taylor's favourite person. There's no competition, she trumps everyone, and sometimes even Taylor's own mothers. Alex has always been there for them, grounding but fun, wise beyond her years but also childish and fiercely competitive. Alex was there to babysit when their mums were stuck at work, she reopened dusty textbooks to help with their homework, taught them how to make perfect pancakes, how to punch, how to pick up girls (though this last one was criminally under-utilised by Taylor). She also fought tooth and nail to foster their best friend when they were kicked out from their parents' house, even when she already had a feisty teenager at home. 

To make it short, Alex is Taylor's favourite person, and this version of her is no different ; it’s just also really fun to kick her ass from time to time.

"God," Alex grunts when her back makes contact with the floor for the seventh time in a row, "I'm gonna have to kick my future self for teaching you anything."

"I can do that for you," Taylor replies cockily, offering their hand to help Alex up. 

"Very funny," Alex mumbles, grabbing the offered hand to boost herself to her feet.

"Thank you, I thought so too," Taylor laughs, light on their feet and ready to strike again.

Alex gives up soon after that, stating important director business but Taylor knows it's because she's afraid of developing permanent bruises in various places. She accompanies them to the locker room where they find a locker with their name on it, and this is the other reason Alex the real MVP here, she doesn't ask questions. There is a mutual understanding between them that Taylor has a good reason for not activating the time beacon, for delaying their return home even when home is all they think about. Even if to be completely truthful, Taylor isn't sure their reason for staying back is a good one. It's more of a visceral feeling, anchored deep in their guts, that they have to stay and help fix the mess they accidentally created. If they play their cards right, they can even convince whoever will pick them up when they activate their beacon to drop them back a little earlier in the future so it doesn't appear like they lingered too long in the past. And for their grandma ; mostly for their grandma. 

Taylor doesn't have much to do after their little sparring session, and it's weird. For the first time in a very long time, they have no obligation, no class to go to, no schedule. They can get up whenever they want in the morning and fill their time whichever way pleases them ; and they hate it. The sheer number of possibilities is almost overwhelming. They could go for a walk on the waterfront, to the library, to the swimming pool, to L-Corp, to CatCo, back to the penthouse ; in the end, they end up going for ice cream again. It's a good thing their physiology will never say no to the extra calories.

The square next to the DEO is still in shambles, no action has been taken yet to clean it up and they wonder if by some twisted time effect, this is the reason it will grow into a park. Though maybe now there is no park at all here in the future. Maybe it's been replaced by a gigantic ugly building, maybe there's no airlink station here, no artificial lake, no space to grow up and run around, no place to take Max on a picnic date.

The ice cream vendor is still here, just a little further away from his usual spot and he greets Taylor with a squinting smile, maybe already recognising them. It's strangely heartwarming, to have someone completely removed from this situation be happy to see them. They take their time choosing their flavours, since time is something they have, eventually going for stracciatella and lemon with extra sprinkles. If there's one thing they’re good at, it's choosing ice cream and overthinking, perks of being raised by a chronically anxious ball of nerves and a professional food eater. They're about to dig in when light footsteps come to a stop next to them.

"Taylor ?" a cheerful voice asks. "Didn’t thought I’d bump into you here."

Taylor turns to look at the newcomer, quickly averting their eyes to their ice cream cone when they come face to face with Nia. "Oh hi Nia," they say, extremely proud of themself when their voice comes out clear and only minimally flustered. "Aren't you supposed to be at work ?"

"Lunch break," Nia replies, waving her hand dismissively. "I felt like having some of National City’s best ice cream for dessert. Also, crime fighting." She whispers the last detail conspiratorially, with a wink.

"Agree to disagree."

"Well where is National City’s best ice cream then ?" Nia asks with a playful frown.

"Doesn’t exist yet," Taylor shrugs. "What do you want ? I’m buying."

Nia selects a terrible bright blue concoction aptly named "Dream" and its smell assaults Taylor no matter which way they're facing. They've had it once, in the future, and it's the only thing they dislike about Nia. It's a mix of bubble gum, blueberry and white chocolate that in Taylor's humble opinion tastes like death. They can feel their indestructible arteries clogging just by looking at it.

"So," Nia says, happily munching on her abomination as they go to sit on the last upright bench of the area. "Can you tell me stuff about the future ? I can't dream that far ahead and I'm curious."

"I can't tell you much. Not anything important at least. You would risk brain damage when I remove myself from your memories."

"Damn," Nia mumbles, taking a large bite of her frozen plague. "I wanted to know if I’m still hot."

Taylor snorts half of their ice cream, chokes, coughs, and the world blurs as their eyes water with cold tears. "You're still very beautiful," they say to a very smug Nia when they've managed to regain their composure. "You're happy. And your suit sparkles because you decided to add more silver to it."

"More silver..." Nia repeats. "I like that. What about Brainy ?"

"What do you think ?" Taylor probs gently.

Nia only sighs in response, looking forlorn and small for a fleeting second before she draws herself to her full height and smiles. "What about you ?" she asks. "Are you happy ? Not here I mean, I know here must be complicated for you. At least I think so. But in the future ?"

"I am," Taylor replies plainly, not caring much to elaborate. It's a simple answer but it's the truth, future Taylor is very happy.

"Alex said you went to space boarding school," Nia probs. "What's that like ? Do you have friends there ? A girlfriend ? Boyfriend ? Significant other of any gender and species ?"

Taylor blinks, the ability to form coherent thoughts evading them for a second under Nia's bright smile and onslaught of questions. "Crucible Academy is great," they ultimately manage to say. "Exigent, but great. I have friends there, and also on Earth. And a girlfriend. Max." Taylor feels a bit silly at the way their voice goes soft when they say her name, the way their heart spike up at the mere thought of her ; and sad, when they realise they unconsciously tried to tune into her.

"What is she like ?" Nia asks, wiggling her eyebrows with a teasing smile.

"Tall," Taylor deadpans, taking a crunchy bite of the wafer cone. "She's a princess. Heir to a fascist kingdom. Really good at sword fighting. Funny, a little guarded, soft and warm even if she pretends to be tough," they add, words flowing out easily. "She likes The Cranberries, the Irish rock band, not the fruit, and thinks Earth is very cool because it was her father's favourite planet."

"You miss her ?"

"A lot," Taylor whispers. _But this is important._

"I understand," Nia adds with an encouraging smile. "I don't know if you've noticed, but we're very big on the self sacrificing idiot trend here."

"You...?"

"Precognition," Nia laughs gently, before she points at the watch. "But I won't say anything. You do you."

Taylor exhales longly, loosening the knot that had begun to form in their chest. "Thank you."

***

Kara hovers hesitantly in front of Lena's office. Literally hovers ; she feels her feet leave the ground at least a demi-dozen of times while she stares at the door. She can feel Jess' burning eyes on her and focuses hard on keeping both feet on the floor. It's a real gift from Rao that Jess stepped up when she did, picking up the load after Eve's untimely betrayal ; Kara wonders how she can thanks her. Lena has a tendency to work herself to exhaustion and if it weren't for Jess, Kara is utterly convinced that this whole place would fall apart.

"You can go in you know," Jess says, returning her attention to her paperwork. "Your privileges have been restored Miss Danvers and she'll be happy to see you."

"I," Kara stammers.

"But if you hurt her again," Jess adds without looking up, "there will be no place for you to hide. I will personally hunt you."

"Understood," Kara gulps with a sharp nod. Reasonably there's not much Jess could do to hurt her, but the short woman is also very scary in her determination so Kara feels like it's better to comply. Not that she intends on hurting Lena ever again, but she also knows it's not something she can fully control. Anger can rise, words can fly, and even if she is determined to love and protect Lena for the rest of her life, it'd be unrealistic to place herself above temper and accidents.

She stares at the door for another full minute, then knocks, and steps in.

Lena is working, probably forgot about lunch entirely, and doesn't raise her head when Kara enters. Instead, she lifts her hand in a painfully familiar -just a sec- gesture, speed reads through two pages and signs her document with a flourish. Only then does she puts her pen down and meets Kara's gaze. She smiles hesitantly, it's almost not there for a second, perhaps just a figment of Kara's imagination for a moment, and then it widens, reaches her eyes and she breathes two heavenly syllables. "Kara..."

"I brought lunch," Kara whispers awkwardly, raising the takeout bag and waving it around before letting her arm drop back to her side. 

"Oh," Lena exhales, "I forgot to eat again, didn’t I ?"

Kara nods in reply. It's all she can do when Lena gets up and rounds the desk slowly, clad in spray painted black slacks and a wrap around blue blouse that has no business being this revealing. She feels her cheeks heat up, averts her eyes respectfully though it's too late, Lena's silhouette is already engraved in her mind. 

They sit on the couch, three feet apart then just a bit closer, shuffling towards each other stiffly. It’s only now that Kara realises they used to touch all the time. A hand on a forearm, on an elbow, around shoulders. Fingers brushing on cheeks, on hair, against one another for every possible reason when passing a book, a cup, a sweater. Now that they're in each others vicinity again, not touching is excruciating. 

Kara sighs, then holds her breath, pushing every thought out of her head in favour of focusing on the single minded motion of tucking a loose strand of Lena's hair behind her ear. She lets her hand lingers for a second more than is necessary, though the gesture itself was already superfluous, the tip of her fingers burning against ever soft skin. Lena looks straight ahead, still as a statue ; but when Kara retreats she grabs her hand, brushes her lips against it and settles it on her thigh. 

"Let's eat," she says. 

Surprisingly, or maybe not, Kara has managed to forget this is why she's here.

Softly, she asks Lena about her work, pretending that she hasn't kept herself up to date about everything relating to L-Corp. She wants to hear her talk about it herself. So Lena talks, and Kara fills herself with the sound of her voice until it's all that she is. Her hand doesn't leave Lena's thigh for the duration of their lunch, she leaves it here, light and somehow heavy too, even if it means she has to eat her burger one handed and it spills on her lap. She can't help but steal glances, afraid that she could forget what Lena looks like if she doesn't look at her enough. It feels familiar, yet new, tender, and raw ; and it hits her straight in the face that given enough time to heal, the two of them could be forever.

***

Lena is used to feeling awkward. There hasn't been a single day in her life where she hasn’t felt at least somewhat out of place and at this point she's even considering trademarking this feeling. Feeling awkward in Kara's apartment however is new, and she doesn't like it. Even when they barely knew each other, when she was not yet in love with her, and even when she was, holding back constantly, she's always felt at ease here, safe, welcomed. It doesn't seem to be the case anymore, and it's not entirely of her own doing. Sure, she's sitting a bit too straight, her head is held just a bit too high, the grasp she has on her wine glass is just a bit too tight ; but it's not her fault that everybody keeps on surreptitiously staring at her before looking away very conspicuously.

Even Kara is acting weird, fluttering everywhere, never still long enough for the group to actually start a game and topping Lena's glass every time she takes a sip out of it. Her nervous ballet is exhausting and all Lena wants is for everyone else to go home so she can just set everything aside and hug her until the world ends. She craves her in an all consuming way, can still feel the hand she put on her thigh earlier, burning like the sweetest of brand. She avoids looking at it, afraid that if she does, everyone will know and it will extinguish this spark before it can truly burn.

It's weird, to think of the two of them as something real and not as a far fetch daydream or a frightening possibility. Well, Lena is still scared, of course she is ; but she's also reassured and comforted in the knowledge that Kara loves her, that they will heal and they will be okay. It already hurts just a little less, it's already that much easier to breathe, and when Kara smiles at her from the other side of the room, Lena smiles back like it's her sole purpose in life. If she allows herself to lean in the feeling for a moment, maybe it is.

"Hell no, we are not playing Monopoly !" Alex exclaims, startling Lena out of her warm thoughts. "Lena always wins and it's unfair."

"Aw, stop whining babe," Kelly laughs. "It's okay to lose from time to time."

"Considering Lena's previous games," Brainy says, "there is a 79.9% chance that she will indeed win. We should play Monopoly as a way of celebrating her return to game night."

All at once, Lena deflates on herself, feeling dizzy in the face of their obvious care for her. They want her to be here, they are happy that she is, and maybe they even missed her. It's almost too much.

"Lena ?" Kara asks softly, much closer to her than she was a second ago. "What do you think ? Monopoly ?"

"I," Lena stammers, washing away the onslaught of emotions with a giant gulp of wine. "I think Taylor should choose," she deflects. "They're the newcomer."

Taylor glares at her in an -I will murder you in your sleep- way that reminds her of Alex in a way that feels right to a point that her chest tightens painfully. This is her family, there's no denying that ; they all fit together like puzzle pieces, and she's not really ready for that.

"I'm not bad at Pictionary I guess," Taylor offers with a shrug. "You can be on my team."

They do end up making a pretty good team, which is surprising because Lena can't draw to save her life ; all honour falls on Taylor who's just insanely good at deciphering her scribbles. Kara and J'onn still wipe the floor with them though and Alex immediately accuses them of cheating which devolves into a popcorn fight that Lena dodges by slipping behind the kitchen counter in a quest for healthier snacks for Kelly and herself. Kara still keeps her favourite things in her cupboards, judging by the date on some of the packets she never stopped buying them, and Lena takes longer than she needs to process this information. She knows Kara never stopped thinking about her, never stopped loving her even when they were at each other's throats ; but seeing a brand new jar of cream cheese and veggie crisps makes it weirdly concrete in an almost heavy way. It's like Kara loves her too much, cares more than she should, and Lena can't stomach all of it. She struggles between wanting to be swallowed whole by Kara's love and wanting to run and hide for fear of being crushed by it. Because Lena is strong, she has to, she lives behind walls so thick she's almost unreachable ; but if someone can break her, it's Kara, and it's a harsh thing to know.

Movement next to her startles her and the bag of crisps explodes in her hands as she's forcefully dragged out of her thoughts.

"You okay ?" Kara asks gently, her voice low, warm, safe. "You can hide in my bedroom for a bit if you need a time out. I don't mind."

Lena's heart stutters. She doesn't dare to look at Kara, she's much too close for that. "I'm fine," she whispers, shaking her head dismissively.

Slowly, giving her enough time to move away, Kara reaches out to uncurl her fingers one by one and retrieve the crushed snacks from her hands.

"Do you want to talk about it, or do you want some space ?" she probs, smartly ignoring Lena's bullshit answer.

"I don't know," Lena replies honestly.

"I'll stay with you for a moment then, if that's okay. I need a time out." She gestures to her ear with no other explanations but Lena understands nonetheless ; she knows now how loud the world can get for Kara. She wishes she'd known sooner, that Kara had just let her in, had told her and let her comfort her. She grits her teeth, the sharp pain reminding her that Kara is doing that now, that's she starting to open up, to trust her. She doesn't entirely get how retreating only a few feet away from her friends' ruckus is enough to relieve Kara but she seems content, just standing next to her, so she doesn't question it.

Seconds pass, turn into minutes and Kara doesn't move. When she's ready, Lena shifts to look at her, and even under the kitchen's lights, she's ethereally beautiful in a way that would be utterly unfair if Lena wasn't allowed to exist in her space. Instead, she basks in her glow, revels in how steady and warm she is until eventually, she forgets to be afraid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 💀 While you're here and if you're into _Gideon the Ninth_ (if you're not what have you been doing with your life ?) I wrote a one shot that according to myself and a bunch of other people is very funny ! You can find it [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26126791) ! 💀


	12. For the love of Rao

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kara begins to reconnect with her faith and Taylor is a 100% done with Kara and Lena's antics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one goes out to everyone who remembers Kara is a Raoist. Also fuck the CW for constantly fucking up her character.
> 
> [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) includes : _California dreamin’_ by Diana Krall & _Passagi_ by Fabrizio Paterlini.

Today is a beautiful day ; not that Kara wants to jinx it or anything, but it is, with a blue sky and perfect cottony clouds that seem almost artificial, and a light breeze that ruffles her hair as she stands in front of her open window to greet the sun. Lena also happened to ask her to come over for breakfast. She feels giddy, like a schoolgirl with a crush and it's a nice change from feeling trampled by the weight of several worlds. It's not going to be easy, and she doesn't want it to be, she wants to work for Lena, but they are rekindling their relationship, and it's a start.

She's changed her outfit thrice before settling on a worn grey t-shirt and a checkered flannel that has been buried far in her closet since her college days ; she didn't even know she still had it but if feels right to be wearing it right now. The fabric is soft, smells like several kind of laundry detergents and it's a bit too big for her, the sleeves drooping down to cover her thumbs. She's taken a pre-breakfast, so she will look at least semi-civilised, and she's got flowers for Lena and a book about deep sea fishes for Taylor. She asked Alex to not call her unless the threat is of a planetary level, and operation perfect morning is a go.

She elects to go there by bus, because flying will most likely ruin the flowers she picked, and she wonders if she can tell that to Lena, if it will make her smile, or if it's too soon for secret identity related inside jokes. She ends up being ten minutes early, despite the slight traffic and it gives her a bit too much time to fret in front of the penthouse after being allowed up by the doorman. She rearranges her hair, rights her glasses, re-rights them when she nervously bumps into them on her way to adjust her shirt around her shoulders, then anxiously goes through a round of Kelly's breathing exercise, gently taught on a late night when she barged into Alex's apartment to spill her guts. Eventually, when she's only one minute early, she raises her fist and knocks on the door. 

Her knuckles only connect with the wood once before the door is swung wide open and Kara almost tumbles in with the momentum of going to knock a second time.

"Hi," Lena breathes. "Security cameras," she adds, justifying her eagerness by waving to a monitor embedded next to the door. "I thought you weren't going to come in."

"Hi," Kara echoes stupidly, caught in the shy softness that radiates from Lena. She's wearing an oversized cardigan thrown over a dark heather grey shirt carefully tucked in the waistband of washed out jeans, almost frayed at the knees. Her hair is up in an untidy bun, like it's been tied as an afterthought to reveal the slope of her neck. Kara clears her throat clumsily, trying to find a place for her eyes to settle without it being too much. "I brought you flowers," she says, extending her arms to breach the gap between their bodies.

"Plumerias," Lena smiles. "Thank you." She takes the bouquet from Kara's hand and rubs her fingers on delicate petals. "Yellow ?" she probs, "that's different."

"New beginnings."

"New beginnings," Lena repeats. "I’ll go put them in water, make yourself at home."

Kara nods, hesitates for a second before she toes her shoes off and pushes them next to the door. The floor is cold under her feet. "Where’s Taylor ?" she asks, following after Lena, and trying to familiarise herself with the new space. The penthouse doesn't quite smell like Lena yet, strong detergent still overpowering the usual scent of white flowers and hot metal.

"On the balcony," Lena says as she arranges the flowers in a vase. "Doing Kryptonian things. I had to buy new candles because mine, and I quote, 'suck.'" She shakes her head, smiles good-naturally to show she doesn't really mind.

Kara glances around, finding Taylor sitting cross legged and shoeless on the balcony with a large candle lit in front of them. "Oh," she whispers, the sight tugging at her heartstrings, "they're praying."

"Do you do that too ?" Lena asks quietly, giving Kara room to answer by busying herself with laying out golden scones on a plate.

Kara sighs, resisting the urge to adjust her glasses. "Not really," she says. "I. I’ve..."

"You’ve lost touch ?" Lena offers.

"Yeah."

"Go then if you want. I’m sure they won't mind."

Kara glances at Taylor then back at Lena. "You need help with breakfast," she says, shaking her head dismissively.

"I don’t. Everything is ready, you can go. If you want." She stares at Kara in a gentle calculated way and Kara stares back because her heart doesn't give her a choice. Lena seems to ponder over something for a minute and then, with slightly shaky hands she reaches out to pluck Kara's glasses off her face. "Go."

Kara's heart stops ; the world does too, only to resume its course around this single moment, Lena's fingers brushing against her temple, the timid smile on her face. Kara never would have dared hope something like that would ever happen and yet, here they are, her glasses folded in Lena's hands and no secrets between them. It's like taking her first breath all over again.

***

With each intake of breath, Rao flows through their body, anchoring them to something immutable and kind, and giving them strength and peace to go on. Even with their eyes closed, they can perceive everything around them, the warmth of Earth's sun, the flicker of the candle's flame, the soft whistle of the wind, and below their feet, thousands of pumping hearts. They take everything in with each breath, and release it gently with each exhale. Rao takes their worries and returns them along with the power to deal with them. 

They don't really remember when they started doing it, there's a fairly old picture of them sitting cross legged on their Yeyu's lap while she's praying, but at this point it's second nature. There was a moment when it got hard, when the world became to loud and they couldn't just let it flow through them with Rao's help. They got angry, and sad, at being half part of a dead culture ; and then it passed, and Rao became a grounding strength once more, even if they will never feel His true warmth on their skin.

They welcome a new disturbance, a body dropping down a couple of feet away from them ; Kara is here, and it’s nice to have her there with them. Except it's supposed to be a well oiled machine, in the future, they do it together all the time ; but this Kara clearly isn't used to it yet and she just can't seem to stop moving. She shuffles, changes position, breathes out loudly, clears her throat, scratches her neck, her nose, her feet, shuffles again, sighs, and Taylor might want to strangle her, just a little.

They exhale longly, trying to push away the frustration of all these little wrongs before they can pile up and swallow them whole. "You have no idea what you're doing, don't you ?" they ask, opening their eyes and turning to find Kara with her face scrunch up and a deep frown between her closed eyelids.

"It's been a while," Kara admits quietly, uncrossing her legs and almost knocking the candle over when she spreads them in front of her. "When I landed here I used to pray a lot, but I was trying to fit in and I was so angry," she says, her voice strained, almost on the verge of being too harsh. "I felt abandoned, so I stopped. I tried again, later, recently even but, but..."

"You've lost faith ?" Taylor offers weakly.

"No," Kara fires immediately, clearly afraid of even just thinking about it. "No," she says again, quieter, "I've just lost touch with it and I don't know how to pick it up again. I want to. But I don’t know how."

Taylor mulls over it for no more than a second before they jump to their feet and extend a hand to help Kara up before they can think too much about it. "Come on," they say. "We're trying something different."

Kara stares at their hand for long seconds, long enough for Taylor to reconsider it, to wonder if the truce between them is too fragile for that, before Kara grabs it and accepts the help.

"So..." she trails.

"Sometimes," Taylor begins, starting to slowly walk the length of the balcony, "when I can't stay still, when I'm angry, I just walk and vent to Rao. Like you know 'hey buddy, this sucks and I could use some strength.' It helps, and I think it'd be a good place to start again for you."

Kara snorts and falls in step with them. "You call Rao buddy ?"

"No I don’t. It’s an example to lighten the mood. Try it." 

They stop, let Kara walk past them and observe as she keeps pacing around, a deep thrown etched on her face. She mouths along to what she's thinking and Taylor thinks they catch an amusing "buddy" but mostly they notice the way she walks slower and slower as tears start streaming down her cheeks, the way she almost stumbles before she slumps against the railing, face turned towards the sun in excruciating pain. Taylor wavers, wondering if their plan was a good idea, if they haven't done more harm than good. Behind them, in the apartment, they can hear Lena putting her book down and walking closer to the open window. 

Time goes still, then Kara turns her palms up and opens her eyes. "It's a start," she crooks with a sad smile. 

***

Truthfully, this isn't what Lena had in mind when she asked Kara to come over for breakfast ; but it's nice, in an -is this real ?- sort of way. She didn't expect the flowers, but she expected the nervousness ; she expected awkward conversations, she didn't expect to see Kara praying, to be the witness of such a raw and intimate moment. It makes her want to hug her and never let go, to coddle her in blankets and rock her to peace until there isn't even an ounce of pain in her body. 

And it makes her want to run, as far as she can and to never look back. It's visceral, the urge to not let Kara in and to not peek behind her own walls ; it tears her apart, the need to hide, to protect herself, and the desire to learn by heart every inch of Kara and to show her all of her soul in return. Battle rages inside of her and it's a fight she wants to win, but doesn't know how to.

Because how does she love Kara so much and gets to be loved in return when there is so much history ?

And how does she get to be loved so fiercely, so unconditionally, when in exchange she brings nothing but pain and flaws ?

Maybe it's a dream, one that staggers just on the edge of being a nightmare, and she doesn't want to wake up, because no matter how confusing it is, no matter how hard she has to swim to keep her head out of the water, it means that somehow, she gets to have Kara, and it's worth it.

She tries not to look at her too much, or at least to make it less obvious, but she can't stop herself, her eyes drifting up from her book every minute or so to find Kara. She reads the same page over and over until both Kryptonians return to the living room. 

Kara finds her immediately, not that it's hard really, she's sitting on an armchair right across the balcony ; but she can't help but marvel at Kara's tendency to just know where she is, to find her always, each time she enters a room. It's reassuring, makes Lena feel less alone in her own capability to tune into Kara's presence ; at least, they're in this together.

Sometimes she can't help but wonder how exactly she managed to ignore the tender look on Kara's face for so long, how deeply in denial she must have been to just not see an exact mirror of her own expression on her best friend's face. Because it's here, clear as day, a certain softness that Lena has seen taking over Kara's face time and time again when she lays her eyes on her. Even now, with red eyes and tear tracks on her cheeks, her face lights up when her gaze finds Lena's, and she looks at her like she's hung the stars and moon in this way that is sometimes too much, and sometimes just right. Today, it's just on the verge of being too much.

"How much bacon do you want ?" Lena asks, clearing her throat in an awkward attempt to defuse the moment.

Kara coughs on a wet laugh. "How much do you have ?" she asks back.

Taylor rolls their eyes, pushes past both of them on their way to the kitchen, and the morning rolls on.

With warm creamy coffee in her stomach and several slices of bacon under her belt, Kara regains some energy and tentatively launches herself in a retelling of her most recent phone call with Cat Grant, her former mentor having taken to checking in with her every few weeks. She's in the middle of mimicking Cat's distinctive speech pattern, drawling an amusing "Kieeera," when she stops, stutters and blushes. 

It takes Lena a full thirty seconds to realise what's going on, absorbed as she is in her contemplation of a ray of light dancing on Kara's face, and another half minute to realise that her intense staring is the reason Kara stopped talking in the first place. She chokes on nothing, manages, somehow, to stammer even though she isn't talking. Caught in the act, her own cheeks heat up, and she ducks behind her mug of lukewarm tea, the liquid having grown cold while she was busy memorising Kara.

***

Taylor feels like they are third-wheeling on Kara and Lena's date ; there is no other way to describe this. It's not an entirely unfamiliar situation. Their mothers have been insanely in love since before they can remember and they are used to them making gooey eyes at each other in various settings and situations. Most of the time, they tend to admire their love, its resilience and capacity to grow and flourish, ever strong. Some other times, it's just plain gross. Right now, with the way Kara and Lena are stealing glances over their respective cups and floundering over their words, Taylor feels like they're sharing a meal with two awkward teenagers.

It's not an ideal situation, not one they would have ever thought they'd find themself in ; but it's also strangely heartwarming, to witness the beginning. It's a good reminder of why they're here, of what they are protecting by staying behind to fix the mess they accidentally dragged in their wake. It's not just about them, about protecting their future and their place in it. It's about Kara and Lena, and the ferocious, but tottering, love they share.

Kara shovels a forkful of pancakes in her mouth and Lena snort-laughs when she notices the syrup running down her chin and it's disgusting, truly, but it's also somehow a small divine gift that Taylor intends to enjoy. So of course, this is the moment the day chooses to go awry.

Kara's DEO phone start shrilling and she groans, setting her fork down in favour of dropping her head in her hands.

"This better be of galactic proportions."

The words are barely out of her mouth when the sky quite literally splits open, bright blue lighting bolts shooting from the crack.

"Supergirl," a low voice booms. "The time has come for you to answer for your crimes."

Kara sighs, the suit already materialising over her clothes. "Oh for Rao's sake ! Again ?!"


	13. Everything is in the timing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a space asshole interrupts breakfast, the Danvers sisters are awesome as always and Lena has a minor freak out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) : _Fight or flight_ \- Blake Neely & _Streetlights & Silhouettes_ \- Framing Hanley.

Kara is very, very, very upset. She was having a good morning, taking in consideration her little religious crisis, and there was no reason at all for it to be interrupted by an inter-dimensional asshole, again. The fact that she did everything right, that she put all the chances on her side to have a good day only to end up flying at high speed towards danger with Alex screaming in her ear about prisoners transfer and dimension breaching weapons is proof, if she needed one, that she will never be able to rest.

"Alex," she tries to cut, "Alex ! Slow down ! What's happening ?"

"The axe dude," Alex pants in the comms.

"Persuader," Kara corrects half-heartedly.

"Apparently he can call his axe to him and escaped during prisoner transfer."

"Why are you transferring prisoners on a Sunday ?!"

"Paperwork. Takes. Time. To go through !"

"Okay," Kara sighs, stopping midair to exhales longly. "Okay. I'm going to retrieve the prisoner, get him back to you and then we're destroying that stupid axe. Quickly, because I was in the middle of something that I would like to get back to."

"Well I’m sorry for interrupting your date," Alex grumbles with a bit too much snark than what Kara can handle right now.

"Not a date," Kara mumbles, picking up speed again and taking a sharp turn around a building. Persuader comes into view, standing on top of a high building, his axe slicing through the air to widen the portal. It doesn't seem to be doing much for now, apart from spouting occasional lightning bolts that have taken out the power in the entire block.

"Right," Alex snickers, "not a date."

"Shut up," Kara groans. Just then, Persuader notices her. "I'm going to punch him. Be there to pick him up, I don't have all day."

"Hey ! My plans got messed up too."

"I know," Kara says, slipping a hint of apology in her voice. "Just pick him up, okay ?"

She knows it's not Alex's fault, but she would have rather not have to abandon Lena in the middle of breakfast. They're trying, both of them, but she's afraid that Supergirl could still be a touchy subject and she'd rather ease Lena into it little by little rather than constantly shove it in her face. It seems though, that she never gets to do things the way she wishes she could do them, and it’s getting really old. 

Fuelled by a persistent spike of annoyance she pushes harder, breaking the flow of air in front of her to propel herself towards Persuader at high speed, both fists extended in front of her, with the semi-conscious desire to crack his skull open. Just a little, in a non life threatening way and only to make him understand that escaping on a Sunday is not cool. 

"Hey !" she yells when she's close enough for him to hear her. "Did anyone ever tell you your timing sucks ?!"

Just when she's about to connect with his face though, he sidesteps her, and her own momentum has her crashing right through a billboard. 

In a flurry of cape, limbs and wood chips, she makes a sharp u-turn, ready to tackle him and already calculating the angle at which she'll have to grab him to pummel him right at the feet of the DEO agents only now pulling up under the portal to clear the perimeter. She'll have to talk to Alex about her team's tendency to lateness. 

Taylor is arriving too, hood up to cover their face and boots fuming from their speed. They make a weird motion, like a broken dance, and in the time it takes Kara to understand they want her to send Persuader their way, the cheap villain of the week is already raising his hands in surrender, axe held in a dangerously loose grip, a conspicuous devious smile on his face. 

"Supergirl," he drawls in his low rumbling voice. "You're right on time."

"Right on time for what ?" she growls, tired and refusing to be puzzled by the situation as she brutally grabs him by the waist to hurtle both of them to the ground.

She feels it more than she sees it coming. A growing weakness, a rolling wave of nausea, a sharp beam of Kryptonite hitting her square in the back. 

The concentrated shock sends her sprawling away from Persuader and she tumbles towards the ground at high speed, the world around her going too fast for her to consider doing anything but hitting her chest repeatedly to activate her armoured suit. 

Things slow, they become dull and muted, and for a moment, Kara's world narrows to the pain burning through her veins. Just when she expects to hit the concrete however, her suit finishes unfurling, mercifully sucking the Kryptonite away, and she stops her descent an inch away from the ground, the display in her helmet unhelpfully providing her with the composition of the dust she almost crashed into.

"You okay there Supergirl ?" Alex asks with just a hint of sisterly concern.

"I'm fine," Kara groans, righting herself in a flash and tackling Persuader before he can even begin to consider harming anyone.

He's not anyone’s main concern anymore though. The bright glowing green orb in the sky is.

"The fuck ?" Taylor mumbles under their breath.

Kara doesn't bother with correcting their language ; the expletive is even a little lax considering the situation.

Sensing another blast incoming Kara abandons her prisoner to duck out of the way, taking Taylor with her and rolling with them behind a van. Glancing back, she finds a small crater where she was standing moments ago, a glowing green web spreading in the cracks of the pavement.

"You need to get out of here."

"What ?" Taylor protests immediately, trying to get out of the hold Kara has on them. "No. You need help !"

"Alex has my back. You, on the other hand, are not Kryptonite proof so you need to get out of here. I can't fight whatever that is if I have to..."

Kara's rant is interrupted by the van bursting into flames.

She digs her heels in the ground just in time to withstand the blast, shielding Taylor from the Kryptonite with her body and cursing her lack of cape. She's grateful for this version of her supersuit and it has saved her butt numerous times but the absence of her cape always leaves her slightly unbalanced. And not just that, but her cape has always been her shield, she's saved numerous lives just with it and it would be really helpful right now.

"You need to go."

Though slightly dazed and with green veins popping out on their forehead, Taylor still opens their mouth in protest.

"Lor-El I'm serious," Kara groans. "This is dangerous."

This seem to be the right card to play because Taylor finally takes a step back getting themself just out of range of an incoming blast that catches Kara right on the shoulder.

"Somebody get me a gun !"

"A gun ?!" Kara repeats, "are you mad ?! You have heat vision !"

"I can’t fly ! What makes you think I can shoot lasers with my eyes ?"

"And what exactly are you planning to do ?" Kara asks, trying to keep her breathing measured even if the helmet seems to be getting smaller and smaller around her face as the world around her gets increasingly louder.

"Get out of range and shoot at this thing !" Lor-El yells, already a dozen of feet away. One handed, they catch a machine gun that Alex provided out of nowhere and plain and simply start shooting at the sky orb.

To say it doesn't have the desired effect is an understatement.

The bullets just bounce back on the ball, raining down on the agents standing below, and, the orb blinks. 

"Is it," Kara mumbles to herself, "is it an eye ?"

She doesn't really have time to draw any conclusion from this before a different kind of beam shoots from the eye/orb/alien thingy and she's snatched of the ground, limbs flailing uncontrollably.

She tries to push against the beam to get out of its field but it's no use ; she's trapped, and the more she wrestles against it, the tighter the beam presses against her. Which is great. Awesome even. Just what she was missing on this fine Sunday morning ; being abducted.

Why is it always her ? She's just so fucking tired.

On the ground, Lor-El resumes their useless shooting and Alex starts running. She gains speed, jumps on the hood then the roof of a car, launches herself on a building at a decent height in an almost flawless move, bounces back from it and snags Kara's boot. The added weight slows the climb considerably and almost dislodges Kara from the beam but it's not enough, and before Alex has time to catch her breath, they are both ascending in the green light.

"That was stupid," Kara berates, helping her sister climb up so she's in a more comfortable position for their kidnapping.

"I'm a little out of my depth here," Alex replies through gritted teeth, "but I'm trying."

"I know," Kara sighs. "I know. Any idea how we can get out of here ?"

"I can shoot at it ?" Alex offers, contorting to reach her gun.

"Because that seems to be working," Kara snarls under her breath.

Thankfully, Alex disregards her comment and starts sending precise blasts above their head. Against all odd, it seems to be working, and each burst of her gun pushes them in the opposite direction. It also has the unfortunate effect of tightening the beam around them as the giant alien eye struggles to keep their grasp on them.

They're almost back on the ground, Alex's aim less and less precise as her face grows red from lack of air and if only Kara could grab something, anything, to anchor them away from the beam, they would be fine. There's a torn lamppost just outside of her reach and she struggles in this direction feeling the supersuit crack under the pressure.

Alex goes slack against her.

Kara pushes and pushes but her hand is stuck inside the beam and she starts ascending again. She feels her lungs tighten, knows she could hold her breath and be fine for far longer than Alex, but her brain instructs her to breathe and she chokes. Just then, a burst of bright blue light cuts through the beam just above her head and she drops several feet down.

"Sorry I'm late !" Dreamer shouts, sending another blast of dream energy. "Time to put you to sleep," she adds cornily, sending a burst of light towards the alien.

The ground hurtles towards Kara's face at an impressive speed and giving up on trying to fly she twists midair, intent on landing on her back to shield Alex as much as she can. She doesn't collide with the concrete however, but with Lor-El who jumps to catch her and gets her away from the fight.

"You good ?" they ask.

"Alex..."

Lor-El fumbles for an excruciating moment but Kara barely registers what they're doing, mildly aware only of the disappearance of the weight in her arms, and when they speak, it comes muffled through the ringing in her ears. "She's got a pulse. She's okay Kara. She's got a pulse."

Relief washes through Kara and she rips her helmet of her head. On the ground, Alex coughs and sputters, grinning lopsidedly when she catches sight of her sister. Her smile disappears quickly though and she groans as she brings a hand to her chest.

"Just one peaceful weekend," she moans. "Just one. That's all I ask for."

Kara cannot agree fast enough.

***

As she watches Kara, and then Taylor, disappear through her window, Lena tells herself it comes with the territory, and that she’d better get used to it. At least now she knows. Kara isn’t talking nonsense about flying buses or taking care of cats that, as it turns out, don’t exist. It used to make her feel terrible, almost worthless, Kara bailing on her all the time for no reason only to text her later, loving as always. 

Of course, knowing where Kara is right now doesn't do much to alleviate her anxiety. It only trades it for something more deeply rooted, a tighter knot that settles at the base of her throat and makes it hard to breathe. It was one thing when it was Supergirl, her sometimes coworker, rarely friend, risking her life to protect the city ; it's different now that it's Kara, her everything.

And it's not like she can ignore the threatening inter-dimensional portal that tore the sky open just a few blocks from where she is. It’s not like she can not see it, or not hear the screams of the people whose Sunday brunch was interrupted by yet another enemy of Supergirl. She wonders how they all feel about her ; right now specifically, when she isn't saving a python from a tree but fighting against a threat that wouldn't be there if it weren't for her. Maybe they don't realise, or maybe they don't care. After all, Lena doesn't care about the dangers that come with Supergirl, she loves her anyway ; she does have to admit though that her situation is radically different from all of these strangers.

She gulps down the last of her cold tea, tries to drown her fear in another cup before she decides to make her way to the DEO. There's no doubt this is where Kara will go when she's done with her accidental Sunday workout. Paperwork always follows the punching ; something Lena can't help but find funny. Kara hates paperwork, and she likes to think it's revenge enough, for all the lies. She doesn’t care if it’s petty, she’s allowed to be, and it distracts her from the worrying for a minute or so. 

By the time Lena gets to the DEO, it's pretty much empty and Kara isn't here yet. Just in case, she makes a beeline for the med bay ; at least she'll be here already if something happens, and this way, she doesn't have to watch the fight live on the wall of monitors. These villains have truly terrible timing. She had a hard time, getting herself to invite Kara over and now it's ruined. And granted it was just breakfast, and Taylor was here too, but for Lena, it's a gigantic step out of her comfort zone, agreeing to lower her walls to let Kara in like that after everything, and she wishes they could have seen the morning through, that she could have walked Kara to the door and watched as she would have hovered there awkwardly, not quite ready to go but aware of all the boundaries she isn't allowed to cross yet. Instead she's here, shivering, trying to hang on to the lingering warmth of the morning, and torn by the terrifying fact that for Kara, every second of worrying is worth it. 

She doesn't know how much time passes, how long she waits in the med bay for Kara to make her appearance. She just knows it's long enough that she wouldn't be surprised if she were to become one with the chair she's sitting on. With how much time she's been spending here lately, glued to this very uncomfortable chair, she really should consider bringing a throw blanket and a pillow, though some might argue, including herself, that it'd be pathetic. It's just that spending time with Kara has aroused in Lena a new understanding of what comfort is, and this place is everything but homely. It reminds her of her old apartment, before she met Kara and after she shot her out of her life ; cold, and inhospitable. 

Idly, she promises herself that the next time she swings by to visit Red Daughter, she'll bring her a nice blanket, maybe a thick knitted throw, like the kind Kara likes. It's as she thinks about this, absentmindedly picking at a loose thread on her jeans, that Kara walks into the med bay, carrying a fretting Alex in her arms. She misses a step when she catches sight of Lena, smiles at her softly in a way that lights up the whole room.

"You don't need to carry me Kara, I'm fine," Alex grumbles. "You can put me down."

"Oh I'm going to put you down," Kara replies under her breath. "On the bed."

"I’m fine !"

"No you’re not. You stopped breathing."

"For less than a minute !" Alex fires back. Still, she lets her sister push her back on the bed and begrudgingly agrees to be hooked up to a monitor. "Is this payback for all the times I poked you with needles ?"

"No," Kara replies, fluffing up her pillow. "A little," she admits a beat later. 

"Can you at least call Kelly for me ? Let her know I’m here."

"Already done," Taylor says before Kara can answer, strutting in the med bay with a disproportionate gun in their hand. "She’s on her way."

"You need to be checked over too," Alex says sternly. "Both of you."

"I'm fine," Kara dismisses, echoing her sister's previous words flippantly.

"You were almost abducted by a Kryptonite space eye. There's no way you're fine."

Lena rises of her seat in an uncoordinated flurry. "Excuse me what ?!" she cuts in a shriek.

"I'm fine," Kara repeats, shooting an admonishing look to her sister. "Your suit protected me," she adds with an unfairly radiant smile.

"How," Lena starts, exhaling forcefully through her nose, "how exactly are you fine after being abducted by a space eye ?"

"Almost abducted," Kara corrects. 

"Kara !"

"Fine," Kara mumbles, looking down out her boots sheepishly. "I'll go lie down under the sunlamps."

Alex gasps in mock offence. "So you’ll do it for her, but not for me ?" 

"Alex..." Kara threatens under her breath.

Next to the door, Taylor is bent over laughing, leaning heavily on the massive gun as tear streams from their eyes. Lena will have none of it. Putting on her sternest look, she nods sharply towards the other sunbed. "You too."

Taylor sobers up in a flash, straightening up almost comically at Lena's tone. "I wasn't abducted by anything," they complain.

"Taylor..."

"Fine," they grumble under their breath, dragging their feet all the way to the bed before they plop down on it dramatically. It's Alex's turn to snicker and Kara and Taylor throw her a twin offended look.

"The lot of you are insufferable," Lena grumbles, dropping down on her chair heavily. She’s going to have to start spiking her morning tea again. 

"But you love us," Taylor sing-songs happily, their voice lilting around a statement that has to be familiar to them.

At their words, a suffocating blanket of silence falls over the room. Their mouth hangs slightly open, horrified, like they're trying to compute what could possibly have compelled them to say that. Lena struggles to breathe as she watches their fists clench and unclench around the frail sheets. She has to say something, she knows that, but her body is rapidly entering shut down mode, and she feels her skin scorching under Kara's and Alex's stares ; she can’t speak. So she nods, it's the best she has to offer. She looks at Taylor, at Alex, and finally at Kara, keeping her eyes on her the longest, and she nods. _I do. I do love you._

Kelly barges in shortly after that, dishevelled and with two different coloured socks peeking from under her slacks. Her worry and light scolding don't leave much place in the room for anything else and Lena is ever so grateful for that.

***

If they weren't surrounded by so many people, Taylor would just kick themself. Repeatedly.

They try to be kind with themself ; or even just to breathe. It's the adrenaline of the fight that caused them to slip, Lena isn't mad, she's smiling, and Kara is too. It's okay. Except it's not, not really ; and there's a deep pressure in their chest that's on the side of hurting just a bit too much. Kara shuffles awkwardly and after a bit of rearranging, manages to extend her hand about halfway across the gap between the two beds. Taylor hesitates, but not for long, and they too extend their hand to squeeze Kara's briefly.

Kara's hand is warm and smooth, strong also, and it stays wrapped around Taylor's at just the right pressure for just the right amount of time. On its way back, it's snatched midair by Lena who seems surprised by her own gesture and blushes furiously, staring at their two hands like they're twin ticking bombs. Kara however, goes with the flow and intertwines their fingers before adjusting so they can both rest in a comfortable position. Taylor averts their eyes ; their clumsiness is almost too intimate to be witnessed.

On the other side of the room, Alex and Kelly are tangled on the narrow bed, Kelly's shoes neatly aligned at its foot. They're whispering sweet nothings to each other, their threaded hands periodically dancing in the air above them as Alex mindlessly gestures around. Taylor tries not to listen in, tries not to breach their privacy, focusing instead on hearts and lungs.

With no one's hand to hold, they feel strangely isolated ; and it's of their own doing, but they wish they hadn't declined Max's offer to come with them. It didn't seem important at the time, it was going to be a quick and easy trip and they'd see each other soon. Now they wish they hadn't refused, they wish she were here, not just to share a tiny hospital bed in a room full of familiar strangers, but to make each day better, to fill each moment with their, albeit young, but so very strong, love. It doesn't hurt that Max would no doubt know how to handle strange Kryptonite space orbs. But it's too late now to bring her in, they missed their window and they won't drag her in now ; no matter how much they miss her. Plus, if they were to signal now, they'd risk everyone barging in and it would be a nightmare. First, they have to make everything right, they have to fix this and figure out how and why a bunch of half-assed villains with a seemingly unlimited supply of Kryptonite followed after her to get to Supergirl. They seem to be missing a piece of information, or several ; namely what the fuck did Kara do to set them on her trail ?

***

Despite everything, Kara feels warm, and safe ; and it is in no way related to the sunlamp shining above her. Or not entirely anyway. Most of it comes from the feeling of Lena's hand in hers, the way their fingers fit like they were made to do so, the softness of the skin on the back and the slight callousness of the palm. Right now, Lena's hand is her only reason to live ; she was born to cherish this hand, to worship it. She runs her thumb across it, marvels at the way warmth burst in the trail when the rest of the skin is strangely cold. Her own hands are alway warm, almost burning, like the rest of her body ; it's the perfect fit for Lena.

Everything has been turned on its head, things for Kara rarely make sense anymore. She has a child, a comatose clone, an increasing supply of bad guys coming at her for a reason she can't put her finger on (she foolishly thought the -we hate Supergirl- trend was over) ; yet, when Lena is next to her none of this seems insurmountable. It doesn't mean she isn't afraid, doesn't mean she won't panic to the point of losing her breath and her mind the moment she's alone again ; but right now, with Lena's hand in hers, she feels invincible, like she could conquer anything.

She turns her head slightly, just enough to see her without being noticed, and as she takes her features in, as she looks at her like it's the first time or like she could ever forget how beautiful she is, she starts making plans. She wants to take her on a date, wants to make it special because if she stops to really think about it, they might have been platonically dating for a while now, and Lena deserves nothing short of the best. Right now probably isn't the right time to ask, after all, she's just been almost abducted and everyone is a little bit on edge. The heart next to her is still beating just a bit too fast and Kara has no doubt Lena wouldn't appreciate her poor timing. She does consider testing the water, dipping just a toe in to gauge Lena's reaction ; but as she goes to open her mouth, a string of words half formulated and lined up for delivery, Brainy barges in the room.

"Good, you're all here. Red Daughter is awake." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JUSTICE FOR RED DAUGHTER


	14. Red Daughter awakens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Red Daughter comes back to the land of the livings and Kara wouldn't mind taking a thousand years nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) : _Waking up_ \- Pinar Toprak ; _Warzone_ \- Framing Hanley ; _Lonely star_ \- Chet Baker.
> 
> A little heads up for this chapter, there's some Russian and Kryptonese in it, translated immediately in the text. All you need to know is that Ghim is roughly pronounced _Yim_.

  
Red Daughter stares off into the distance, her gaze fixed on something no one else can see ; a memory perhaps. Or at least that's what Kara supposes since one of her eyes seems to be out for the count permanently, its blue iris dull and unfocused. A familiar crinkle creases her brow and her lips are upturned in a concerned pout. She looks lost, worried, scared even, and Kara remembers this all too well, what it's like landing in an alien place, amongst strangers, when everything you know has been wiped out entirely. She wonders if she should have done more, if she should have been there night and day, guarding Red Daughter to make sure she wasn't alone upon waking. She isn't sure the answer is that simple. 

Nobody in the room dares to move, Kara herself suspended to Red Daughter's next breath. The ground feels fragile beneath her feet, like whether the Earth will open up and swallow them all is linked only to her clone's next action. She fears that she might snap and kill everyone, and immediately feels guilty for this thought. Red Daughter was manipulated and brainwashed, none of what happened is her fault.

Finally, after an eternity of seconds, Red Daughter's gaze settles on Lena and she breathes out her name, soft, and full of wonder.

"Lena..."

Lena freezes for a moment, mouth opened in a silent gasp, taken aback, Kara supposes, by the reverence in Red Daughter's voice. To her credit, she recovers quickly, quicker than Kara would have, and steps closer to the bed with a tentative, but open, smile.

"Lena," Red Daughter says again, her tone still dripping with admiration, "where is Alex ?"

Alex takes a step forward, but with a discreet wave of the hand, Kara stops her ; this is not the Alex Red Daughter is asking after.

"He," Lena starts, swallowing harshly and glancing back at Kara with a hint of something indistinguishable in her eyes. Kara smiles softly and whatever Lena finds in this is enough for her to keep going. She nods firmly and turns back to Red Daughter. "Lex is dead," she says gently, her voice trembling only for Kara's attuned ears. "I’m sorry."

Red Daughter blinks, once, twice, then keeps her eyes screwed shut for a long minute before she opens them and focuses her gaze somewhere above Lena's left shoulder. "He was not a good man," she says. "He did bad things. To me."

"He did," Alex confirms softly, stepping around Kara to get closer to the bed. "But you are okay now, you’re safe."

"This is a lie," Red Daughter refutes almost violently. "This is prison and my eye is broken."

Taylor scoffs before straightening up comically and Kara has to refrain from shooting them a death glare ; after all, they're right, the DEO is part prison. Instead, she reports her focus on Red Daughter, infusing her tone with all the kindness and patience she has. "Do you remember what happened ?"

Red Daughter nods sadly. "Alex tried to kill you. He killed me instead. But I am not dead. Is this why my eye is broken ?"

Kara scowls. Red Daughter's insistence on calling Lex Luthor Alex doesn't sit right with her. This twisted asshole shouldn't be associated with her sister in any way.

"There were some side effects," Lena explains gently, cutting in when Kara flounders for a beat too long.

"I should not be alive."

"But you are," Kara says, "and it’s a gift. Once you feel better, we’ll work on finding something good for you."

"Why are you showing kindness ?" Red Daughter asks abruptly. "I tried to kill you."

"You were manipulated," Kara says so fast that it's a miracle her words come out in a comprehensive form. "You are a victim of Lex just as much as I am. You deserve a chance."

"Alex told many lies about you Supergirl. You are not a monster, you are kind." Red Daughter delivers this with a strange solemnity, one that is both heartwarming and chilling.

"You know, you can call me Kara."

"No, I did not know that," Red Daughter replies endearingly, her tone tentative and rough in a way that makes Kara want to hug her. She isn't sure this would be welcome though, there is no handbook for this very specific situation. 

"Thank you Kara," Red Daughter adds before repeating the name under her breath, "Kara," her voice this time confused, and tinged with a peculiar sadness.

Silence falls over the room and it's almost suffocating ; perhaps because Kara is still waiting for something more to happen, for Red Daughter to get angry, or maybe for her to reveal that her presence is a post-mortem scheme of Lex. She may want to give her a second chance, may think she deserves it ; but a part of her, engrained deep inside, can't forget what it was like, briefly dying at her hands. 

Red Daughter surveys the room slowly, her good eye blinking furiously as it takes everyone in. Her shoulders are taut, her body tense, even as she reclines further into the pillow. "Kara," she finally says, repeating the name once more. "That is your name."

"It is," Kara confirms, nodding cautiously.

"And you are Lena," she continues, her voice softening on the familiar name.

"I am."

"You, I don’t know," she says, pointing at Taylor with a scarred hand.

"I’m Taylor."

"Taylor," Red Daughter repeats with a sharp nod. "Taylor," she says again in this voice that Kara finds is so like and unlike her own ; a little rougher maybe, and then of course, there's the accent. "Kara, Lena, Taylor. And you are Alex," Red Daughter concludes. "The good Alex."

"That’s me," Alex confirms with a slightly confused frown. 

Red Daughter plunges into silence again. She seems to be mulling over something, something important. Eventually, she asks, "what is my name ?" and the questions slams into Kara like a freight train.

Her heart drops to the bottom of her stomach, she has no answer to that. She glances furtively at Lena, then at Taylor, who remains silent despite probably knowing the answer. She feels her discomfort growing as she looks at her clone who stares back at her hopefully like she holds all the answers in the universe. "What do," Kara gulps, "what do people call you ?"

"The Americans," Red Daughter says with learned disgust, a deep crinkle pulling at her brow, "they call me Linda. That is not my name."

"And Lex," Lena probs gently, "what did he call you ?"

"Alex, bad Alex, he calls me Красная Дочь."

"Red Daughter," Lena translates unnecessarily. "Do you want us to call you that ?"

"No, I do not want that," Red Daughter answers harshly. "It hurts," she adds in a whisper, her confession probably meant for herself only.

"Your people, in Kasnia, what did they call you ?" Kara asks.

"I have no people. I am alone."

"You have me," Kara corrects. "You have all of us."

Red Daughter averts her gaze to her hand seemingly studying the map of scars on her skin. "They call me снежная птица."

" _Ghim nahv tiv zhizhaf_ ," Kara whispers, shocked, for a second, by how easily the words come to her. "Bird from the cold."

At that, Red Daughter perks up, her hands going still on her knees. "What language is that ?"

"It’s Kryptonese," Kara answers softly, "from my home planet, Krypton."

"Krypton," Red Daughter repeats, "bad Alex told me about it." She pauses, nags her lips between her teeth. "Say it again. Please."

"Ghim nahv tiv zhizhaf," Kara repeats.

"Ghim. Bird ?"

Next to her Taylor nods encouragingly and Kara glances at them, trying to get a read on what they're thinking. Taylor simply beams at Red Daughter and when Red Daughter smiles back, Kara knows they're about to take an important step. When Taylor feels their mother's eyes on them they school their face but it's too late. 

"Ghim," she says, looking at Red Daughter.

Red Daughter turns to her with no hesitancy, like she's already taken the name for herself. "Ghim," she says, "that is my name."

"Thanks Rao," Taylor sighs, "I hate secrets."

"You knew my name before me ?" Ghim asks, puzzled. 

Taylor runs their hand on their face in a gesture so reminiscent of Alex that Kara’s heart ache for all the things she’ll be forced to forget once her child gets back to the future. "It’s complicated," Taylor says.

"That’s one way of putting it," Alex grumbles. "Alright," she says louder, "everybody out I need to run some tests on Little Bird other here."

"Little Bird ?" Ghim repeats.

"That’s a nickname," Alex explains, unsure of what Ghim is asking. "It’s a family thing."

"Good Alex," Ghims says. "I remembered only your name when I woke up in the cold."

Alex hesitates for a second, stammers, looks back and in her eyes, Kara can see the memory of her death, can remember gasping alive to find her sister clutching her once dead body. She does put her hand on Ghim’s, and Kara follows the gesture, trailing from Alex's face down her arm and to Red Daughter’s, Ghim’s, scarred figure, so similar to her own. "We’re family," Alex says gently.

***

Lena stares deep into her murky cafeteria mug, swirling the off brand tea bag until the water takes on an appropriate brown colour. She's just on the edge of being too tired, not quite irritable yet but it won't be long. At least the cafeteria is mostly empty at this time of the day, it's quiet, and no one is here to think too much about how Kara and her are sitting a bit too close to each other, how she leans on her comfortably. Well Kara is probably thinking about it, but overthinking is a Kara thing. 

They could all be home right now, in their respective apartments off course, Alex could have texted them with more news from Red Daughter, Ghim, Lena chides herself ; but somehow staying felt important so here she is, waiting, and stirring her cafeteria tea. 

The name is going to take some getting used to. She isn't even sure how to spell it and knows for sure she won't be able to pronounce it correctly with her human vocal cords ; which doesn't mean she won't try, Ghim deserves as much.

"You can go home you know," Kara offers, considerate and soft as always. "I’ll text you if anything happens."

Just as Lena is about to refuse, Alex walks into the room, expertly navigating between the metal tables without lifting her head off her tablet. She plops down on a stool across from them, grabs Kara's drink and gulps down half of it without a single word. A beat passes before she puts the cup down during which she eyes Lena curiously and clears her throat.

"There's nothing we can do for her."

"That was ominous as fuck," Taylor mumbles.

"Language," Kara hisses.

"I don't want to cause you pain," Taylor laughs, "but it's a lost cause." 

"Don't say that. Lost causes are like challenges for Kara." Alex snorts, then takes another sip out of Kara's cup, keeping it out of reach when her sister tries to grab it back from her. "What I meant to say," she adds, picking up her previous train of thoughts, "is that there's nothing more we can do for her. Except maybe develop an implant for her eye if she wants it. I gave her some sleeping meds so she can rest and I think we should find her a place to stay."

"I have a guest room," Lena offers immediately, straightening away from Kara, vaguely aware of how eager she sounds at the idea of being helpful.

"Isn’t that just my room…?" Taylor points out slowly.

"Of course not !" Lena exclaims in reply, mildly astonished by the stupidity of the question. "I have multiple guest rooms."

"How many do you have exactly ?" Alex probs, the beginning of a smirk pulling on her mouth.

"Three. Well two now that I’ve converted one in an office. That’s a perfectly normal amount." Lena says, only somewhat aware of the fact that her voice slipped far into defensiveness.

"I don’t have a guest room," Kara frowns, "let alone three."

"You don’t even have one bedroom Kara."

"That's," Kara gasps, her mouth hanging open for a second. "That's fair."

"Are you sure you're okay if she stays with you ?" Alex asks, redirecting the conversation. "This isn’t some quest to right your brother’s wrongs, right ?"

Lena sighs. She isn't sure if she can answer this question without lying. All she knows is that Ghim deserves a fair chance to start over and if she's in position of helping, she doesn't see why she shouldn't. "I really don’t mind if she stays with me. As you kindly pointed out, I have more than enough space."

Kara eyes her for a moment, her gaze piercing and almost overbearing. Sometimes she feels like she can see right through to her, like there’s no point in hiding anything from her because if Kara stares at her long enough, she will uncover all of her secrets. She doesn’t know how she feels about it, what it says about her that she’d lay bare her deepest darkest thoughts at the mere flicker of her blue eyes. Maybe one day it’ll be a good thing ; right now, it makes it hard to breathe. 

Kara catches on that too, of course she does, and she averts her eyes to look at Alex instead. "Then it’s settled," she says. "Ghim can stay with Lena. I’ll lend her some clothes and we’ll figure the rest out as we go."

"Or we could take her shopping," Taylor suggests. 

"No," Alex cuts before they can add anything. "She has a history of hating consumerism and we are not traumatising her so early into her normal life."

"Her life is anything but normal," Taylor protests immediately. "She literally is a clone of the most powerful being on the planet !" 

Taylor’s got a point, and Lena wants to point that out but before she can agree with them, they’re back to talking at full speed, spewing words out in a way that is very similar to Kara. 

"I’m not saying we should take her on a shopping spree but maybe she could choose just one thing for herself. Jeans and a t-shirt ! So she can start defining herself away from Kara and not by what makes her like her or not like her. She can’t just be Kara’s clone, that wouldn’t be fair to her."

"That’s a good point Alex," Kara muses, gnawing on her lips thoughtfully.

"Fine," Alex concedes begrudgingly. "But we’re asking her what she wants first. No traumatising her under my watch."

"Yes Director Danvers," Kara jokingly replies, saluting exaggeratedly. 

"Shut up Kara. This is nothing but the third lost alien that falls on my lap. At this point, I’m an expert."

Taylor gasps in over-acted offence but the rest of the conversation is lost to Lena. On her way down from her mock salute, Kara slides her arm on the back of her chair, her fingertips just grazing the top of her shoulder, and all her senses zero in on that single point of contact. 

***

Kara visits Ghim again before leaving, spends a long moment just looking at her sleeping. She knows on the scale of things you shouldn’t do, it falls on the side of creepy ; but this is her clone, and she’s curious. Truthfully, she didn’t thought she would wake up at all ; she was already preparing herself for another Bizarro, gloomily planning an intimate kryptonian burial for when everyone would have come to the same realisation as her. But Red Daughter, Ghim, is very much alive and she’s going to need a lot of help. Her help. 

It’s selfish and she knows it, but Kara wishes for one normal day, just once. Or maybe a quiet one, since normalcy for her ended a long long time ago. No supervillains, no clones, and no future child ; she wants to sleep in, wakes up on the side of just late enough that she'll still be on time to her actual job, get lunch with Lena and watch a movie with Alex, no interruptions. That's the only thing she asks for. Well that, and maybe potstickers, she's hungry.

She does get her potstickers ; Lena asks her driver to make a detour on the way home. She firmly insisted that she shouldn't fly home and Kara let her. There was no need for the strong argumentation though, she was convinced the moment she thought of their thighs pressing against each other in the back of a town car. She doesn't even care that Taylor is squished on her over side, periodically stealing her food like it's a somewhat acceptable thing to do. She's sleepy and feels a bit dizzy and when the car stops in front of her building, she doesn't immediately register that she's supposed to get out and bid Lena goodnight. To be completely fair, Lena hasn't moved either and unless Kara contorts over her, she won't be able to reach the door.

"So," she says, clearing her throat and feeling more awkward by the second, "this is my stop."

Lena shifts to look at her and blinks. "Right," she says. 

"Thanks for the ride." She clears her throat again. This is ridiculous, they're best friends. "Wanna come up for a minute ? I have that wine you like ?"

Lena stares at her for the longest second of her life ; Kara feels her atoms coming apart under her gaze. "Sure," she says eventually, her eyes glazing over to the side before they refocus somewhere on her hands.

Beside Kara, Taylor snorts then coughs over a laugh. "I'm gonna go do literally anything else," they say. "Just let me know if you’re staying over so I don’t panic search for you in the middle of the night."

Kara turns back just in time to see Lena furiously blushing. "I won’t be staying over," she mumbles before launching herself out of the car. Kara follows wordlessly.

In her apartment, she pours them both a glass of wine, even if this particular brand Lena likes tastes like nothing more than fancy mouldy grapes. They sit at the counter, face to face, a plate of organic cheese crackers that Kara has absolutely no recollection of buying set halfway in between them. It's not quite like what it used to be, they blew everything up and the foundations they're standing on now are rocky and unstable, but it's nice. Lena is lit up from behind by the living room light and she glows delicately. She looks almost intangible, like if Kara were to reach out to touch her she'd encounter nothing but smoke ; so she doesn't move, and looks only.

As her eyes trail on the wine stain on Lena's lips, she can't help but wonder who they'd be in another life. If they were regular people, would they have even met ? Probably not. Kara's normal and Lena's normal are different, and right now, they'd be light years apart, never to cross path. It's weirdly comforting, in a way Kara doesn't quite know how to unpack, that even if she lost everything, she got to have Lena. It makes it worth it in a way that makes her feel guilty and more than a little uncomfortable.

She shakes her head softly and Lena catches her eyes, a questioning glint in her irises. "Do I have something on my face ?"

"Uh ?" Kara produces very eloquently.

"You’re staring."

"Oh. Well no. Yes. You have wine. On your lips."

Kara coughs awkwardly, hides behind her glass and gulps down her own wine uncouthly.

Lena blushes, again, and raises her hand to go wipe her lips. Before she can complete her intentions however, Kara grabs her hand, momentarily forgetting her fear of her disappearing into thin air. "Leave it."

Their hands hang midair for a moment before they come to rest on the countertop and Lena smiles softly, almost to herself. "You look light years away," she says after a beat and another sip of wine. "What are you thinking about ?"

_You._

"Just," Kara waves dismissively. "Normal people."

"Normal people ?"

"Yeah," Kara breathes. "I mean my life will never be normal because my planet exploded and 99% of my people were wiped out, but you know, normalcy, what it could be like if I at least weren’t Supergirl." She chuckles stiffly. "Sorry, that was dark."

"It’s okay," Lena says slowly, like she's mulling over every syllables before agreeing to let them out. "I want to know about that." She coughs, takes another sip of wine. "I want to know all about you."

"Really ?"

"Yeah. Believe me, I wish I didn’t," Lena says with no spite in her voice. "It's unfortunate, this need of knowing and being known. But I still want to know about all the parts you hid from me. If you want to."

"I sleep fly," Kara whispers, delightfully choking in the heavy atmosphere that descended on them. She feels drunk, and it can't be from the wine. "What would, what would your normal be like ?"

"If my mum weren't dead, I'd still be in Ireland. Probably. I'd have a berry farm."

"A berry farm ?"

"Yeah," Lena shrugs, "normal people stuff. And I think, I think I’d know all about stars, and at night I'd look for you. I'd know you're out there." She blinks, glances down at her empty glass. "Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that."

"You can take it back if you want," Kara offers in a breath, even if Lena’s words are already engraved in her mind and playing on repeat.

"I won’t." She sighs. "Can you take me home please ?"

"I thought I wasn’t allowed to fly." 

Lena tries to glare at her, but her gaze comes out soft and sleepy.

"Fine," Kara says, disentangling their hands. "Come here."

Lena rounds the table to wrap her arms around her neck ; she doesn't wait for Kara to fully lift her in a bridal carry to bury her head in it. Kara waits for a full minute, hovering in place in her kitchen. "I'd look for you too," she admits eventually. "Even on Krypton, even if I had everything, I'd look for you too." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point there's no way Bizarro is still in a coma somewhere at the DEO and I absolutely refuse to believe Kara wouldn't have given her a proper kryptonian send off 😢


	15. An ordinary day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kara gets her wish and various people discuss _Terminator : Dark Fate_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's [song](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) is : _Analyse_ by The Cranberries.

Kara doesn't need an alarm clock. Everyday, she simply wakes up with the sun and is ready to roll. According to Alex, it's one of her most annoying traits. Well a lot of her traits are her most annoying traits if she listens to Alex. It doesn't mean that she doesn't like lounging in bed, stretching like a cat under the rays peeking through the window, but most days she doesn't get the luxury and is up at the brink of dawn ready to help one law enforcement unit or another before she even has breakfast. It's not her favourite thing to say the least.

On Krypton she used to sleep in a lot, and then her mother would have to send Kelex to drag her out of bed so she wouldn't be late for her morning classes. Her favourite mornings were on rest-days, when she could slip into her parents bed to sleep for a couple more hours under Rao's blessed rays. The older she grew and the harder she trained to make it into the Science Guild, the less she indulged in this ; some days, she still regrets it bitterly. She almost did it, back on Argo, almost slipped into her mother's room to nap next to her, but she didn't ; it would have been too unlike her memory of it. This, she doesn't regret, not really. Alura is too different from the person she grew up with for her to really know how to reforge a connection with her. And it's not like her mother is really trying either.

She shifts under the sun, following it as it moves across her bed. It now falls directly on her face and she looks at it, indulging in something that has been deemed -suspiciously non-human- by Alex very early in their sisterhood. Humans don't stare straight into the sun ; Kara does, and she loves it. It makes her feel both tingly and powerful, like she's drunk on raw strength and there's nothing she cannot do. It has the added advantage of not giving her a hangover, which on second thought might be why Alex is so against her doing this, she's jealous.

When she feels satiated enough, she's just on the verge of being late and has to superspeed through breakfast and getting ready. When she crosses the threshold and leaves her home behind for the day, she's wearing mismatched socks and her shirt is misbuttoned ; all in all, it's a perfectly normal morning. 

She makes it to work only five minutes late and Nia isn't there yet, which considering that sometimes Kara wonders if the young reporter lives right here under her desk, means she's perfectly on time. She does already have seven emails from Cat wondering why she wasn't here two hours early but that's not particularly unusual. Wherever she is in the world, there's no doubt Miss Grant is still aligned on National City's time just so she can, gently, berate _Kiera_. Not that she really minds, it's better than when she disappeared for a whole year after thrusting a new job and a new boss upon her. And she also still has nightmares from the recent year Lena left James in sole charge of CatCo ; that was an interesting mess. Every year, if not every month, is different for the media conglomerate, and whatever happens next, between her and Lena at least, she hopes CatCo will remain somewhat of the same ; she needs the stability. Or relative stability, since this particular building finds itself in the crossfire of Kara's other life on a semi-regular basis.

Nia makes her appearance a little after 10am with a smudge of smoke on her cheek and two tall take-away coffees, both for herself. "Crime fighting," she mouths conspicuously before plopping down unceremoniously on her chair and taking the biggest gulp of coffee one can possibly manage. She's missed the pitch meeting and complains about her assigned article for the better part of the following fifteen minutes, her sentences bisected by still impressively large sips of coffee. It's good-natured though, and Kara doesn't mind. She's finished her own report on Supergirl's most recent stint, carefully keeping all speculations about Taylor at a minimum, and is now researching L-Corp's newest technology to get a head start on her series on green initiatives. A warm ray of sun skirts around her back to create a flare on her screen and a rainbow through her glass and though it's a little distracting, her eyes drifting to the side to follow the colours every few minutes, it's also nice, and she welcomes happily this little touch of non threatening magic.

Around noon, and though she's had a hefty second breakfast as usual, she starts getting hungry, and she's considering making a round to ask if anybody wants to get lunch when Cat's formerly private elevator slides open and a hush falls upon the previously bustling bullpen ; Lena is here.

She struts into the office, silence following in the wake of her pencil skirt and absolutely illegal burgundy blouse. She doesn't seem to notice anything however, as she makes her way to Kara, only briefly stopping to greet Nia before she resumes her course with purpose. Suddenly incredibly thirsty, Kara hurries to gulp down her water before Lena reaches her ; half of the liquid ends up trickling down on her chin, and she chokes on the rest. Lena smirks, and she tries to smirk back but realistically, she knows she looks closer to a bright red chipmunk than anything else. She can almost hear Alex laugh and she knows Nia's snickering is not just in her imagination.

"Do you think your boss would let you take an extended lunch break ?" Lena asks when she reaches her desk, leaning over it like it's an appropriate thing to do.

"I'm sure," Kara squeaks, forcing her gaze to stay at eye level, "I'm sure she wouldn't mind."

"Your boss seems nice," Lena muses.

"Oh she's amazing," Kara replies, finally finding it in herself to smile back with confidence. She fails at replicating Lena's smouldering gaze but does manage to pull her lips in a little half smile. "We can eat on the balcony."

Lena clears her throat, manages to trip while standing still as she clumsily raises a take-out bag. It appears she didn't really plan past Kara agreeing to get lunch. "Lead the way."

Prying eyes follow them all the way out of the bullpen and Kara has to stop herself from snapping at her colleagues. Instead, she levels the room with a harsh gaze of her own and lets her hand hover protectively on Lena's back.

The weather is nice, perfect even, with a light blue sky and a comfortable temperature. Kara presses Lena to sit in the shade, teasing her about her vampire-like complexion, before she rolls her sleeves up and starts unpacking an astronomical amount of food. She takes her time laying the containers on the table, putting a little bit more effort than is necessary in flexing her muscles ; Lena's eyes are glued to her forearms, and it feels nice.

"They seem surprised to see me," Lena says when they're both seated and Kara already has a forkful of pasta halfway to her mouth.

She has to swallow quickly, curses herself when sauce drips back in the cardboard box. "I think they are," she says, "you, um, you haven't been there in a while. There was even a rumour about you selling CatCo."

"You heard about that ?"

"So it's true ?" Kara fires back, feeling a pang of disappointment in her chest at the confirmation that Lena did intend on selling CatCo and wouldn't have said anything about it if she hadn't asked.

"I considered it," Lena admits, averting her eyes to her own food. "I needed a starting investment for a new project and a friend of mine was interested in acquiring the company."

"Andrea Rojas from Obsidian North."

"You know about that too ?"

"Investigating is literally in my job description Lena, and I wanted to know who was going to take over." She doesn't mention how Cat is the reason she knows about it. Or how she cried herself to sleep the moment the rumour turned out to have real foundations.

"I trust Andrea with my life, and she's a fine CEO. We went to boarding school together."

"You went to boarding school together," Kara echoes slowly, attempting to wiggle her eyebrows tauntingly.

"We did," Lena whispers, blushing heavily, "she's a good friend."

"Were you going to sell my job to your ex ?" Kara asks point blank, the beginning of a laugh teasing her throat.

"I'm not selling anymore," Lena deflects, cutting all other questions by shovelling salad in her mouth at breakneck speed.

"And your investment money ?"

"I extorted it from my usual sources," she deadpans, straightening up and setting her fork down. "It's uncanny how easily people can be persuaded to invest in green technology when you have dirt on them."

"Is that legal ?" Kara asks though she doesn't care much for the answer. She just wants to keep Lena talking, revelling in the way she radiates now that she's managed to steer the conversation away from her presumed ex-girlfriend and back into known territory.

"Depends," Lena replies, leaning back in her chair and taking a small sip of water. "Are you asking as a friend, or a reporter ?"

"As a friend."

The -always- goes untold, but with the way Lena looks at her, soft and trustful, Kara is sure she can see it in her eyes.

Lunch flies by much too quickly ; even if they try to extend it way past what's acceptable. Lena lingers long after both of their coffees have been drank to the dregs and she has no real reason to be here except to stare at Kara and listen to her talk. So Kara finds more things to say, even if she knows she has to get back to work and Lena has to go back to L-Corp. She talks and talks, going from one story to the other, talking about her articles until this topic is exhausted and she drags her chair as close to Lena as possible so they can rank pictures of all the puppies she's seen on the street since their friend-break-up.

Lena has been here for more than two hours when her phone starts ringing with various meetings' reminders. To Kara, it feels like no more than five minutes. She'd spend all the time in the world with Lena, and more, and it still wouldn't be enough.

Their sighs disappear in one another when Lena starts gathering her things, an apologetic smile tugging at her lips. "I'm afraid I have to go," she says softly. "And I've taken enough of your time. I hope I haven't hijacked your day by staying that long."

"You haven't," Kara reassures quickly, her words rushing out before Lena can think for one more second that she's an inconvenience to her. "We should do that again soon. I've missed doing this with you."

Lena's eyes drift to her feet. She stays silent for a moment, long enough for Kara to consider backtracking ; maybe confessions are meant for the night only. Before she can say anything though, Lena looks up, teeth gnawing on her lower lip. "I've missed this too. I've missed you."

Before Kara can stop herself, she wraps Lena into a hug.

She considers backing off for half a second, deeply aware that she should have asked for consent first ; but Lena drapes her arms around her, hesitantly at first, then tighter, until she buries her head in the crook of her neck and stays there like she has no intention of ever moving again. Kara lets her head fall in her hair, inhaling deeply to surround herself with her unique scent of white flowers. She knows she shouldn't, but she doesn't resist laying a soft kiss there, on the crown of her head.

***

A bag of crisps hits Kara's square in the forehead, and because of course it's open, its content spills down her shirt. She blinks out of her daze, and starts mechanically fishing snacks out of her sport bra.

Next to her, Alex barks out a laugh. "Are you even listening to me ?"

"Yes I am !" Kara replies, indignant. She just took a shower, smells like her favourite soap, and now there's salt and vinegar clinging to her skin. "Linda Hamilton’s got great arms. You’ve watched the trailer seven times already." 

"No. Well yes, Linda Hamilton’s got great arms. But I moved on to Mackenzie Davis about ten minutes ago." She picks a rescued crisps straight out of Kara's hand, crunches it down with zero grace and continues with her mouth full. "And I’ve watched the trailer eleven times."

"You're obsessed."

"And you have your Lena face on."

"I don’t have a Lena face," Kara bites back, schooling her features to erase all trace of emotion. 

"Yes you do," Alex chuckles, "it looks like that." She frowns for a second then contorts her face into the perfect imitation of a love sick puppy, holds it for another two seconds then bursts out laughing.

"I do not look like that !" Kara protests, petulantly crossing her arms which only results is to crush a forgotten crisp between her bra and her breast. "I do not look lovestruck !"

"So you admit you're lovestruck ?" Alex teases.

"I’m not admitting anything." It's a lost cause though, Kara can feel herself blushing and Alex levels her with a death glare. "Fine," she concedes. "I'm a little bit lovestruck. But in my defence, she's amazing."

"So I've been told," Alex hums. "By you. Multiple times."

"She brought me lunch at work today," Kara says, trying really hard not to slip in a Lena induced ramble. "And we talked. Just like before. I missed her so much and now she's here again so, so I'm really trying to, I don't know, I'm really trying to not freak out."

"I know, and I’m proud of you." Alex reaches out across the couch, takes the empty crisps' bag out of her hands and tugs at her until they can meet for a hug. The atmosphere gets heavy for a second and Kara feels the sudden urge to cry. What for, she isn't quite sure, but she can feel pressure building up behind her eyes and she buries her face in her sister's shirt breathing in the clean scent of her laundry detergent. "But you're also a lovestruck idiot," Alex mumbles in her ear, expertly cutting the tension with just a few words.

Kara scrambles away immediately, over-acted shock inscribed on her face. "Excuse me ?" she huffs, "have you seen you and Kelly ?"

"Yeah but we’re you know, actually dating."

"You’re an ass !"

"And you love me," Alex shrugs.

"Yeah I know," Kara groans, bumping her shoulder with her own. "It's the worst."

***

Kara follows Alex's heart all the way to her apartment ; even if she knows her sister will text her when she's home like she always does. Once she's sure she's safe, Kara lets her ears drift after Taylor, finding them on the brink of sleep in their temporary home. Lena isn't there with them however, but still at L-Corp, because she never learns. Kara hesitates for a minute, she's already in her pyjamas and she's had a really good day ; she doesn't want to push her luck too far. But the urge to see Lena again is stronger, pulls her out of bed before she's fully decided to go, and after a quick super-change, she's soaring through the sky in direction of L-Corp.

She finds Lena on the balcony, swirling a half empty tumbler and looking off wistfully into the distance. Kara hovers out of sight for a moment, hesitant to disturb her. She looks beautiful, her pale skin shimmering under the moonlight, her hair creating a halo of void around her face. It's not a new realisation, but Rao, Kara is so in love with her. She could stay there, simply watching her, for hours, but admittedly it's a bit creepy, and so after another minute of soaking her in, she touches down next to her.

"Good evening Supergirl," Lena says with a tired smile and a glint of amusement in her eyes.

"Miss Luthor," Kara replies, bowing her head slightly.

A gust of wind ruffles their hair and Lena shivers violently. Silently, Kara unclasps her cape to drape it her over her shoulders. She pretends not to notice when Lena buries her nose in the fabric and inhales deeply.

"Shouldn’t you be home already ?" she asks after long minutes of gazing upon the city. "It’s a little late."

Lena sighs, drains the rest of her glass. "Last minute conference call with Paris. I'd rather have not dealt with entitled white men at this hour of the day but unfortunately, it comes with the pay check."

"If you want me to throw them into the sun, all you have to do is ask."

Lena throws her head back, bursting out in a throaty laugh. "Wouldn't want you to get in trouble for me," she says, her eyes sparkling almost mischievously. "But I appreciate the offer."

"Can I offer you a ride home then ?"

"Maybe later. Can we stay here for a little while ?"

"Sure." _Anything for you._

Lena shuffles closer tentatively ; and Kara lets her come to her, lets her take her time until they're standing shoulder to shoulder. "Tell me about your day ?" Lena asks shyly. "How was sisters' night ?"

"It was good," Kara hums. "But Alex attacked me with snacks." 

Lena laughs. "I’m sure you don’t really mind."

"I had crumbs in my bra ! It itches."

"You’re virtually invulnerable. Crumbs aren’t going to defeat you."

"Commiserate with me for a second, I'm miserable."

"I’m commiserating," Lena chuckles. "I’m commiserating."

Kara shoots her a sideway glance, finds her looking up innocently. She looks too devilishly cute for her to really be mad.

"What does Alex think about the new trailer for _Dark Fate_ ?"

"Not you too !"

"What can I say," Lena muses, "Mackenzie Davis' got nice arms."

"I have nice arms too," Kara grumbles, flexing to prove her point.

"You do have nice arms darling."

Her hand comes wrap itself around Kara's bicep. It stays there for a moment, slowly squeezing before treading down the length of her arm. Kara looks down to find Lena blushing uncontrollably, her cheeks flaming under the pale light of the moon. She seems on the verge of internal combustion, but she doesn't take anything back, not her appreciation, and not the pet name. Kara feels her feet leaving the ground and she isn't sure if she's blushing, or just going through an out of body experience.

***

Unfortunately, Kara’s reprieve barely lasts 24 hours. Sure, it’s only a drunk alien causing mayhem behind the dive bar, but still, it delays her return home enough to be annoying and she has to make a detour by the DEO to take a decontaminant shower after ending up covered in corrosive puke. If she ever was to give one of these "tell-all" interview, that would probably make the top of the list of things that annoy her. Granted, it's not that big of a deal, especially compared to other times. Tonight, she wasn't beat into a coma by a friend, didn't have to ship anyone into space to save their life, didn't have to see her sister get mind wiped and didn't have to save Lena from any incoming threat. Still, she's had a nice day and would have rather it stayed that way until the end instead of breaking a drunkard fight and getting puked on. Though with the number of times she's thrown up on other people, she supposes it's deserved pay back.

It's well past midnight when she finally gets back to her apartment, reeking of chemicals and with her hair fluffed up from the high pressure decontaminant. She wants nothing more but to crash in bed and sleep until morning but she doesn't have much choice but to take another shower, or three, to get rid of the smell. She wonders if she could bribe Lena into creating a decontaminant that doesn't stink. Realistically, all she'd have to do is ask nicely, and it’s a nice though to fall asleep to ; that, and the single red heart emoji waiting for her on her phone. Things are not quite the same, they will never be, but Lena is here again, and that's enough of a reason to go on. Even if her hair still somewhat smells like death. 

She falls asleep like that, thinking about Lena and clutching to her face a throw pillow that still bears her scent. It might be a little creepy, but no one has to know. She hopes to dream of her, but when she wakes up in the middle of the night, glued to her bed, the figure hovering over her is definitely not Lena, and it definitely is not a dream.


	16. Losing it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kara loses her cool just a little and Alex is the best sister in the universe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) : _Falling sky_ \- Red & _You are my sister_ \- Antony and the Johnsons.

"I’m telling you there was someone there !"

"And I’m telling you our sensors didn’t pick up any heat signature apart from yours !"

"There was someone there !"

Lena doesn't need superhearing for Kara and Alex's screaming match to reach her before she's even set foot in the corridor leading to the med bay. Kara sounds terrified, Alex sounds lost and Lena's heart is about to leap out of her chest. Receiving vague texts summoning her to the DEO for unknown reasons is going to get old really fast. She picks up the pace, covering the remaining distance in long strides ; she'll be late to her board meeting, but Kara needs her. She skids to a halt in front of the glass doors, tottering on her high heels for a second before she rights herself and storms inside.

"Could be sleep paralysis."

The suggestion comes from Taylor. It's spewed sombrely between two bites of a french baguette the size of Lena's arm. They're sitting cross-legged on a chair in the far corner of the room, their knees picking out from ripped holes in what Lena is almost sure were still brand new jeans this morning.

"I’ve never had sleep paralysis even once in my life," Kara bites back, her voice strained from the effort she makes to keep it even.

"And realistically, there's little chance you'd develop it so late in life," Lena says, stepping into her sightline with the most reassuring smile she can manage when she didn't have time for breakfast and is running on pure adrenaline and half a cup of tea. "It’d most likely have happened right after you crashed on Earth."

"Lena," Kara breathes in greetings, her voice lilting in that way Lena can never describe but that always twinges her heart in sweet pain.

"Can you tell me what happened ?" she asks, stripping off her jacket and folding it neatly in two before depositing it at the foot of Kara's bed. She's a little bit overdressed, in her burgundy slacks and vest ; at least compared to Taylor's purple hoodie and torn jeans, and the blanket that has temporarily replaced Kara's cape around her shoulders.

"There was someone sitting on my chest," Kara says, frowning deeply as she grasps at recollections of whatever happened. "Their face very close to my face but I couldn't make out their features. And, and there was a sort of blue glow. I couldn't move, my arms were pinned to my sides but I don't know by what. And I tried to call out but I couldn't speak."

"This does sound like sleep paralysis," Lena mumbles under her breath.

"I'm telling you there was someone there," Kara repeats, her voice going shrill with frustration. "They were standing on my chest and they smelled like burnt plastic."

"I believe you darling," Lena says softly, the term of endearment slipping out for the second time in less than a day, not that she really has time to worry about that. "If you're telling me someone was there, then someone was there. We're going to run another scan of your apartment, right Alex ?" 

"Can I speak with you ?" Alex seethes, tugging her by her elbow without waiting for an answer. "Outside ?"

"I'll be right back," Lena mouths, electing to go with the flow rather than to fight Alex.

They're not even out of the room yet that Taylor is already next to Kara to share their breakfast with her.

Alex drags her to the opposite side of the hallway, as far as this floor allows to be from the med bay without bypassing a biometric door. Lena resists the urge to point out that Kara can no doubt still hear them if she wishes to.

"Kara has a history of vivid nightmares," Alex says with zero preamble. "Not sleep paralysis, sure, but it's not out of the realm of possibilities."

"Olfactory hallucinations are not commonly associated with sleep paralysis. If she says someone was there it's worth investigating."

"I’ve investigated !" Alex shouts, her voice more worry than fury. "There was only one heat signature, hers. She's had a rough couple of weeks and Ghim, who need I remind you, is the clone who killed her not two months ago, just woke up. She just has too much on her mind."

"What about someone who doesn’t have a heat signature ? Or can cloak it temporarily ?" Taylor blinks into existence next to them and Lena yelps, nearly jumping out of her skin. "You guys are anything but discreet," they add, motioning to their ear to justify their sudden appearance.

"Could that really be a possibility ?" Alex asks, heavily running a hand across her face.

Taylor shrugs. "I’ve seen weirder things."

Alex deflates in one go, sagging on herself and staggering back to the wall for support. "It's not that I don't believe her," she says, "but I, I'd rather nothing more happen to her. She can never catch a break and now if heatless creatures start attacking her in her sleep..."

Lena glances back at the med bay. From where she stands, she can see Kara's silhouette propped up against pillows, staring woefully at the last bite of bread in her hands. She looks tired, sure, but not more than for the past few weeks.

"Something's gotta give," Lena whispers, unsure of what, or who, exactly she's talking about.

***

Kara is exhausted. Solar flare level of exhausted. Except she hasn't solar flared, she checked by taking the liberty of burning a hole in the wall of a side conference room at the DEO. She's bone deep tired, but every time she closes her eyes to take a surreptitious nap all she can feel is the pressure of someone sitting on her chest ; there was someone there, and she knows it. 

Alex is right, she is accustomed to vivid nightmares, it comes with the job and the tragic backstory ; and she does have to give credit to her sister for handling years of night terrors. But this time was different, she feels it deep in her gut. It was almost like being back in her pod in the Phantom Zone but not quite, she was suffocating, and the presence there with her was familiar in a way she can't put her finger on.

Once the initial panic had passed, once the anxiety had abated back to its usual flow, she'd tried to convince herself it was just a dream, but she'd fail ; and even now, she can't control the erratic beating of her heart.

Across the bullpen, Nia eyes her curiously but Kara shakes her head dismissively ; Nia's powers are dream-based, she too would no doubt try to convince her it was only a nightmare, and she's not in shape to fight back. 

Lena is stuck in a board meeting so Kara decides to skip lunch, powering instead through her break so she can get out of work sooner. She eats five of the protein bars she keeps on hand for emergencies and washes them down with mediocre coffee from the break room ; Franklin is a wonderful coworker but he shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a coffeemaker. Unfortunately, it means she looks crazed enough for Nia to simply follow her when she slips out early. They fall into step before Kara can reach the elevator and she finds herself trapped with her in the metal death box before she has the time to consider escaping through a window.

Nia leans back against the wall, arms crossed, and glares at her silently for the entire ride down. Kara is suddenly very glad that she picked a dark shirt this morning, at least no one will notice she's sweating through it. She counts the floors under her breath, calculating the exact speed at which she'll have to exit the elevator to bolt out of here in a mostly human way. Before they can reach the ground floor however, Nia hits the emergency stop with surprising strength.

"Can we maybe not do that ?" Kara squeaks. "Tight spaces and I are not friends."

"It's tough love time," Nia says, her glare somehow more frightening than a second ago. Kara is starting to regret training her.

"Okay...?"

"Lena, Alex and Taylor have all spent the day texting me to ask if you're alright. That's three persons Kara, three."

Kara resists the urge to point out that she comes from a very advanced civilisation ; she definitely knows how to count. What she doesn't know however is where Nia is going with this.

"Apparently," Nia continues, "you stormed the DEO in a panic this morning and despite everyone trying to reassure you, you managed to be even more anxious on the way out. Then you proceeded to avoid me all day which is about the dumbest thing you could have done." Kara coughs, trying to no avail to cut the flow of Nia's speech. "I'm the resident dream expert Kara, I could have told you it wasn't a nightmare."

_Oh_ , that makes sense.

"Which I've told everyone since then and you'd know that if you'd bother checking your phone instead of working yourself to death and feeding on out-of-date protein bars," Nia finishes in a breath before slamming her hand on the elevator button. "Oh, and Taylor is waiting in the lobby, we're all going to the DEO."

Kara's hand trembles when she reaches out to stop the elevator again ; she doesn't bother to steady it. "It wasn't a dream...?"

"No, it wasn’t," Nia says, voice softer, her whole demeanour shifting in pure reassurance. "I’ve been dreaming about you a lot lately. Shadows surrounding you, ominous glowing lights, generic doom stuff. I should have told you, but I didn't want to worry you before figuring it out."

"Nice," Kara gulps.

"And then last night I saw what you described to Alex. Someone sitting on your chest, their face close to your face. It was a bit blurry but I think they had blue skin. Maybe purple. That's all I saw, sorry."

Kara expects to feel worse at the confirmation that someone was indeed there last night but she doesn't. Instead, it's like a weight has been lifted off her chest ; if it's not a dream, if it's a real and tangible threat, then it's a problem she can punch. She sags against the wall, both in relief and in exhaustion.

"Brainy says he’s going to increase monitoring on your apartment, at least for a few days. But even if it's not a dream, I, we, think you should take it easy. You have way too much on your plate. Taylor, Lena, Red Daughter, and then everyone who seems intent on murdering you these days, you can't take care of everything Kara."

"They need me," Kara fires back, mostly out of habit.

"They do," Nia says, "they need you alive and well. Not anxious and burning holes in random walls."

"How do...?"

"My boyfriend works at the DEO. I know everything. Now come on, Taylor is waiting, we have work to do, and you're buying us ice cream on the way."

"I’m buying you ice cream ?" Kara repeats dumbly, extremely confused as to why this is what her brain decided to latch on.

"Of course you are."

***

Taylors feels uncomfortable to say the least. They're not really sure what their role is here apart from standing at the back of the room looking scary. Which they are very skilled at doing, but still. Tension permeates the air. It crackles around them like high voltage electricity to the point that they're surprised they can't see it. Alex is gritting her jaw so hard her teeth are probably about to burst from it and Kara is so tensed, her ice cream reprieve forgotten as soon as she stepped foot inside of the building, that Taylor wonders when her skin is going to rip apart at the seams. In a show of support, though both sisters have their backs turned to them, Taylor draws their shoulders back and affixes a scowl to their face. They need to bribe Brainy for a new suit, since theirs went up in flames and they don't look anywhere near superhero-like in their ripped jeans and loose t-shirt. They look regal either way, it's the Luthor's genes, but they'd feel more comfortable if they looked less out of place.

"Why are you after Supergirl ?" Alex asks, over-carefully splaying her hands on the jagged metal of a rusty table.

Persuader snarls, looking relatively unbothered by the whole situation even as he's handcuffed to the table and probably won't see the sun again for a very long time. Unless he escapes, which with the way things seem to be going, isn't completely out of the realm of possibilities.

"That's none of your concern lady."

"This is the Department of Extranormal Operations," Alex enunciates slowly. "You are extranormal, you fall under my jurisdiction. So again, why are you after Supergirl ?"

"Under the Intergalactic Justice Convention, I'm allowed a lawyer. I won't speak without one."

Taylor is surprised ; he's less dumb than he looks. "Newsflash," they say, uncrossing their arms and stepping forward to align themself with the adultier adults. "You're too early. That won't be a thing for the next fifteen years. So you better start talking, because Director Danvers packs a mean punch."

"The double time travelling was unintended," he growls.

"Doesn't mean you don't no longer fall under the laws of your time," Taylor points out just as Kara exclaims, "wait, double time travelling ?!"

"There was an incident," he grumbles. "Don't think you can trick me into talking."

"I'm not going to trick you into anything," Alex says slowly, her voice low and threatening. She flexes her fingers against the table, leans forward until her face is inches from his face. "But I am going to make your life a living hell if you don't talk."

Kara grabs her away just in time to avoid his attempt at a headbutt.

Persuader growls, baring rotten teeth that threatens to send Taylor's ice cream back the way it came.

"You went after me twice already," Kara says sidestepping Alex before she can retake the lead of the interrogation. "And last night someone broke into my home. I want to know why."

She shivers, it's almost imperceptible and Taylor knows Persuader won't have noticed but they do, the slight quiver of Kara's shoulders giving away the fear she still feels after last night's home invasion.

"You've committed a crime, you need to answer for it."

Taylor sighs, pinching the bridge of their nose. "Can we stop the broken record routine ? Supergirl obviously has no idea what you're talking about."

"And I have no idea what you're talking about," Persuader fires back. "I can't have visited Supergirl last night since you're holding me here."

"Do you think we're stupid ? Is that what you think ?" Taylor asks, lowering their voice and taking Alex's previous position, hands firmly planted on the table as they try to tower over the prisoner. A hand gently claps itself on their shoulder and for a second, they consider resisting it before they step back and let Alex take over again.

"Let's say that you didn't," Alex says, "your boss might have. Who are you working for ?"

"The Fatal Five are indivisible," Persuader bites back immediately, something akin to offence taking over his face. "She wouldn't trust anyone else."

"You say indivisible," Alex says with an almost predatory smile, "I say expendable. Clearly your boss found herself another team."

"She wouldn't."

Kara snorts, falsely confident. "Seems like she did."

Persuader jumps up, tries to at least, his chains stopping him in a ridiculous crouch above his chair. "You will answer for your crime Supergirl," he growls again. "You took her Highness' family and she will take yours." He seems about to say more, mouth opened to spew more nonsense, when his body seizes and a short fizzle fills the room. He collapses, foaming at the mouth and thrashing violently before stilling just as brutally, leaving them in ominous silence.

***

Kara wonders if she's going to pass out or throw up. Both is also an option. She's hungry, tired, the residual fear of her home invader spiked up significantly and the room feels constricted around her, like she's going to open her eyes and she'll be trapped in space all over again. There's a nagging thought at the back of her head, a narcissistic _why is it always me ?_ And part of her knows the universe isn't specifically out to get her but still, why is it always her ?

Brainy tinkers a few feet away from her and she decides to focus on anything but the open brain he's got his hands in right now. At least she's not the only one who's mildly bothered by that, Taylor is looking at their feet and Alex has been inching closer and closer to the door for the past fifteen minutes. 

"So," Brainy eventually says, straightening up abruptly, "his brain was fried from the inside."

"I think we all gathered that from the smell," Taylor mumbles under their breath, their face scrunching up in a painful imitation of Lena.

"I've retrieved this microchip," Brainy adds, brandishing clamps and a bloody piece of metal. "It was most likely encoded with a failsafe to prevent Persuader from speaking. And there is a high probability this is also the case for his companions."

"Of fucking course," Kara sighs, the curse slipping out on its own accord.

Taylor elbows her gently. "Language," they whisper with a cheeky grin ; but Kara isn't really in the mood for jokes.

"Anything else you can tell us ?" she asks, a bit harsher than is necessary.

"I can try tracing the chip's signal back to its source but with the damage taken by the equipment, this could prove to be difficult."

"Can you try anyway ?" Alex asks, stepping a bit further into the room again though she still refuses to look at the sawn cranium.

"I will do my best. But I need to call Nia first, to rearrange our date."

Kara shakes her head, a knot of guilt tightening in her chest. "Don't push back your date, it's important."

"Your security is important."

"I'll be fine," Kara deflects. "I can take care of myself."

***

Kara is most definitely not fine.

She delays bedtime by having dinner with Taylor. They eat their weight in potstickers and watch two very unsettling documentaries about deep sea creatures. But when Lena's town car comes to collect them and they part over a not so funny joke about divorced parents, Kara starts feeling queasy again. 

She locks her door, something that she never does and checks all her windows thrice, something that has never been a concern before. How many times exactly has someone entered her apartment without her knowing ? 

She thinks about the previous months, how there's a very high possibility that both Lex and Red Daughter came here at some point. She gets the vivid image of Lex reading her journal, of his greasy fingers running over her furniture. She remembers all the times she's found things out of place, or simply missing, and can't repress the shudder flowing down her spine. 

How many times exactly has someone been here without her knowing ? 

She knows she's spiralling, can feel anxiety churning deep in her guts and she knows she should call someone, Alex, Lena, hell, even Taylor, but she doesn't. Instead, she stands still in the middle of her apartment, trying to get a hold of her out of rhythm heart and wondering how she’s survived this far when she's obviously so fucking careless.

And arguably, a little home invasion is not the worst thing she's had to face in the past year, but lately, her life feels too much like uncontrollably running down hill for her not to expect to trip on a surprise root and brutally crash at the bottom, possibly taking everyone down with her.

There's a ringing in her ears and it takes her a full minute to realise it's her own blood pumping erratically. She's getting slow, too slow to react, to protect herself, to protect others. If she keeps going down this slop soon she'll be paralysed and useless and they will have won ; whoever "they" are. She's irrational, but she isn't sure she knows that anymore. She catches movement outside of her window, rushes to check it out, just a bird, or at least it appears to be. In the distance, a blinding flash of blue light, just an ambulance beacon, or at least it appears to be.

The doorknob rattles. 

Her heart stops. She whirls around, loses balance, and burns a hole in the wall.

Then a jingle, a clang, and the door creaking open. 

She feels her eyes burning, her heat vision ready to fire ; she won't be caught off guard this time.

It’s Alex. Just Alex. 

Kara is okay, she's okay, she's okay ; her dinner makes the reverse journey and lands on her carpet.

***

When she cancelled on Kelly to go check on Kara instead, Alex had her doubts. When she packed an overnight bag, just in case, she was slightly apprehensive of encroaching on her sister's space. Now, as she's cleaning barely digested remnants of potstickers from the carpet while Kara is attempting to drown herself in the shower, she knows she made the right decision.

Kara is not okay. And well, it's not really new, she hasn't been okay for a long time, probably even since she became her sister ; but Alex still worries, still shows up, still helps, because no matter how used she is to Kara not being okay and no matter how good Kara is at handling herself, deep down Alex still sees a little scared alien when she looks at her.

In the next room over, the shower stops. She can hear the pipes creaking and smiles fondly at the sound. Kara was weirdly ecstatic when she moved in and found out that the plumbing in her building was noisy, said it reminded her of Midvale. Now every time Alex hears this sound, she thinks about Kara. 

In a matter of seconds her sister exists the bathroom looking small and tired with her wet hair dripping on her oversized sweater. She scans the room slowly, somehow both hesitant and hawk-like until her eyes falls on Alex who clambers up and throws the cleaning rag in the kitchen sink.

"Let me wash my hands," she says, "then I'll take care of your hair. You can't go to bed like that, you'll wake up with a bird nest."

"Can you braid it ?" Kara asks softly, her words barely perceptible as she stares down at her hands playing with the hem of her sweater.

"Of course, anything you want," Alex replies, nudging her gently on the shoulder as she bypasses her on her way to the bathroom. "And I'm staying over," she shouts to cover the sound of running water. "I brought pyjamas and a gun."

She doesn't hear Kara's reply, there probably isn't one and it doesn't matter. Minutes later, she's running clean and dry hands through Kara's hair, gathering it in strands while her sister rests on the floor against her knees. They stay silent for a long moment but Alex doesn't mind, she feels content just being here with her sister, taking care of her and witnessing her shoulders relaxing inches by inches the longer she spends untangling her hair. 

"I'm sorry," Kara says eventually, gesturing vaguely at the drying spot on the carpet.

"It's okay. Easier to clean than blood," Alex jokes. "And less scary than all the times you've died on me," she adds softly as an afterthought.

"Sorry about that too," Kara whispers.

"You don’t have to apologise."

Kara sighs. "I feel like I do. I mean, everything bad that happens these days can be linked back to me. I literally bring doom wherever I go."

"You’re catastrophising. You've been through a lot, lately and in general, and you're just overwhelmed. It's okay."

"I don’t think it is," Kara says, "okay I mean. I don’t think it’s okay."

"With all due respect, you're wrong. Wanna know why ?" She doesn't give Kara enough time to answer before she goes on. "Because I'm here, with you, and I'm not resting until I personally find the creep who was here last night."

"So you believe me ?"

"Of course I do," Alex answers as softly as she can, sliding a hair tie on the tip of her wonky braid. "I just. I’m scared too you know ? I love you, and I don’t want anything bad to happen to you."

"I don’t want you to be scared for me."

"You can't do anything about that," Alex replies. "The only thing you can do is let me take care of you, let all of us take care of you. We worry about you, same as you worry about us. That's what family is like."

"I don’t want you to worry about me." Her words come out whinny, less potent, like she knows it's not worth arguing.

Alex lightly taps her shoulder. "What did I just say ?"

"You’ve become too wise for me," Kara grumbles.

"I'm dating a therapist. Collateral damage was bound to happen."

At that, Kara barks out a laugh, clamping her hands on her mouth when she realises she's the one who made that sound. She twists, looking back over her shoulder and Alex takes her sister in, noticing the shadows under her eyes, and the tentative spark of amusement in them, the strength of her figure and the weariness that weights it down. She doesn't need to picture her twelve years old scared self ; beneath it all, Kara is still very much like that. 


	17. Roommates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everything is in the tittle, I literally can't say anything more or better than that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good whatever time of the day it is for you readers and friends ! Isn't today a beautiful day ? Nice weather, and it's Friday ! I'd even go as far as saying today is the perfect day to remind everyone that when it comes to abuse you don't need to hear "both side of the story" because there is **no** "both side of the story."   
> _Where she stands, we all stand. I stand with Melissa._
> 
> Anyway, on with the fic. This chapter marks the beginning of the second part, I hope you'll enjoy it.
> 
> [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) : _Sleepover_ by Hayley Kiyoko & _Eyelids_ by PVRIS, one of their best songs in my humble opinion.

  
Whoever visited Kara doesn't come back. Not the first night Alex spends there, dozing on and off with her gun tightly clutched in her hand, and not on any other night she sleeps there that week. Kara feels better with her sister here, and the part of her that feels guilty for taking her away from Kelly is easily silenced when they come home together after work and attempt to cook something edible to a mix of early 2000's pop and gritty punk-rock. It's almost like old times, when they briefly shared an apartment when Kara moved to National City, and it's nice, makes her feel just a little bit younger, and much more carefree. Almost, mostly, because when she wakes up early in the morning, she has to check that Alex didn't sleep with her gun's safety off. Almost, also, because her nightmares are now populated with faceless glowing blue figures, and more than once, she startles awake in the middle of the night, out of breath and afraid.

On Wednesday, when Lena has to work late, they have a Danvers movie night with Taylor during which they all eat their weight in unhealthy snacks and heavily criticise the last ten minutes of The Abyss (Taylor has very pointed opinions about that).

On Friday night, they host a game night and Kara tries, and fails, to make hummus from scratch. Alex laughs for fifteen minutes straight until Kara hurls her attempt at her and she has to take a second shower. Nevertheless, she's still picking chickpeas from her hair when Kelly shows up with her favourite bear and prepackaged dips from the grocery store. Kara slips away to let them make out in her kitchen ; she's a good sibling like that. Lena shows up much later than everyone dressed to the nines in a three piece midnight blue suit and killer heels that she immediately trades for one of Kara's sweater and a pair of bright pink fluffy socks. They spend the night sitting just a bit too close under Alex's watchful eyes, and Kara feels warm and content, like one does when sitting on the grass on a sunny afternoon when everything feels like it's right where it should be.

Eventually Lena falls asleep on her shoulder, completely flattened by her long week, and they call it a night. Kara carries her to her car and Taylor assures her that they'll make sure she makes it to bed in one piece. Back in her apartment, she finds Alex and Kelly cuddled on the couch and she reflexively blocks out the sweet nothing they whisper in each other's ears. She hesitates for a long minute before sending them both home with many great reassurances that she will be alright.

She spends the night in her supersuit, sitting against her headboard with her eyes wide open, her heart ready to beat out of her chest because something is wrong, she's sure of it. Against her will, she does succumb to slumber and when she opens her eyes in the dead of the night, the figure is back, heavy on her chest.

***

The DEO is in shamble. There is no better way to describe the state of the organisation when Lena steps in it on Saturday morning to pick up Ghim. There are bleary eyed agents hunched over monitors, empty coffee cupts littering the floor, files and stray slips of paper flying through the air. In a corner, Lena spies a tactical team asleep on its feet and on the balcony stands Alex, hands gripping the railing with a strength that rivals Kara's. Even from afar, she can see her eye twitching nervously. Lena rushes up the stairs two steps at a time, giving herself a mental pat on the back for wearing sensible flat shoes today. 

"What's happening ?" she asks, her momentum causing her to almost collide with Alex. She skids to a halt half a foot away from her, catching herself on the railing and probably dislocating her shoulder.

"Get back to work !" Alex barks in her face. Her breath distinctly smells of black coffee and lack of sleep and Lena would have rather not be confronted to that. "Oh," she mumbles a second later, blinking heavily, "it’s you."

"Who else would it be ?" Lena mumbles to herself. She sticks out like a sore thumb here, probably being the only one who slept at all and values basic hygiene. "What's happening ?" she asks again, louder.

Alex sighs ; Lena has a feeling she's going to regret asking this question. "They returned. Kara's nightly visitor. They returned."

Lena sags against the railing ; it's a wonder she manages to stay mostly upright. Suddenly, she regrets the breakfast she's had this morning, her half digested eggs and toast trying to make a reappearance through her mouth. She swallows, trying to get her bearing as the room swims around her and Alex gets blurry. "Where is," she starts, shaking her head violently. "Where is she ?"

"In the med bay. I gave her something for sleep."

Lena breathes in deeply. Kara is here. She’s safe. Mostly safe. "What are we going to do ?" she asks.

"I have no fucking idea..."

"Maybe we can," Lena trails, surveying the chaos below. "Maybe you can call out this whole thing ? I'm sure I saw at least three separated people about to cry when I came in. How long has this been going on ?"

"Kara called me at three," Alex says, rubbing the heel of her hands against her eyes.

Lena glances at her watch. It’s a little past ten now, and the night shift should have been relieved two hours ago. "Listen," she says, "I don't want to encroach on your job but maybe you should send them home. Come up with a real plan before everyone work themselves to death." She worries her lips between her teeth for a second, waiting for Alex to say something, anything, be it to agree with her or to brutally push back. "Kara can stay with me," she ends up adding even if half of herself rebels violently against this idea. "I have state of the art security and if anything happens, she won't be alone."

"Okay," Alex says, the word almost violent in its simplicity.

"Okay to what ?"

"Okay to everything," Alex sighs. "You’re right, and you’re smart."

"Thanks," Lena replies, "it's the one family trait I don't hate."

Alex eyes her for a moment, she blinks, but Lena isn't sure if it's in confusion, trying to assess if this is a joke or not, or if she's just tired. They part quickly, Alex to go dismiss her agents and authorise the shift change, and presumably to apologise ; and Lena to go find Kara in the med bay. Unfortunately, it means Ghim will have to wait. Lena doesn't feel particularly good about breaking her promise to be here at ten on the dot ; but if rushing to Kara's side when she is hurt is a habit she didn't manage to break when they weren't talking, it certainly isn't about to change now.

Kara is stirring awake by the time Lena gets to her. She looks strange, almost small in a way Lena isn't exactly used to seeing her ; even when hurt, Kara exudes a graceful strength that is now completely absent from her figure. She's bundled up under the thin sheet, knees drawn to her chest, but the arm that's peeking out is clad in standard DEO grey sweats and Lena wonders what state she was in when she arrived there last night. Probably not a good one.

She fears that Kara is starting to break.

More than that, she fears the role she’s played in that.

And she doesn't like it. Sure, she isn't proud of the things she said, of the way she behaved, but she won't backtrack on what happened. She pushed Kara away for a reason, she was hurt, she tried to protect herself, she might not have went at it the right way, but things aren't so black and white, and if she can acknowledge that she caused Kara pain, it doesn’t mean everything is her fault. Still, seeing Kara like that, seemingly so fragile, doesn't sit right with her, and if the rational part of herself is fighting tooth and nail against the weight of guilt, she can't help but feel partially responsible for weakening her. 

She shakes her head slowly, finding her reasoning almost risible ; their fight may have taken its toll on Kara, but she isn't the one who's actively trying to kill her.

Like she always seems to do, Kara picks up on her presence as soon as Lena sits next to her. When she was lazily blinking a moment ago, she now forces her eyes fully open, and unfurls her body so she can sit up against her pillow.

"How are you feeling ?" Lena asks, rather dumbly she'll admit.

Kara smacks her lips against one another, pondering over her answer for a second. "Like death," she finally settles on, rubbing at her chin like its existence bothers her.

"Sleeping pills will do that to you."

There's a carafe of water on the bedside table and Lena busies herself with that ; liquid spills on the bed when her fingers brush against Kara's as she passes her the glass. Kara drains it methodically and Lena refills it without prompting. She may never be able to fully understand what's going on in Kara's head, probably won't ever completely grasp the intricacies of her past, but feeling thirsty after a nightmare is something she understands, it's something she can fix. 

After this brief interaction, they fall into silence. It's not uncomfortable, but it's not exactly light either. Lena doesn't know how to bring up her idea. "I was thinking," she starts, slotting her hands under her thighs to resist the urge to fidget.

"Have you seen my glasses ?" Kara cuts inadvertently.

"I." Lena looks around, wondering if it's the kind of things a panicked Kara would remember to carry around with her. It seems like it is, and she finds them resting on top of a battered science journal, partially hidden by the now half empty carafe. "You know you don't need to wear them around me, right ?" she says even as she passes them along.

"It's not just an identity thing," Kara mumbles, forcefully slamming the frame on her face. "They help with the world. Dampen things."

"Oh," Lena breathes. "I didn't know that."

Kara shrugs. "I never told you."

"I was thinking you could come home with me," Lena says in a rush. "Sleep there until things settle a little."

Kara blinks, then frowns, her face twisting almost angrily. "No," she says with no place for discussion.

"No ?" Lena echoes anyway. "Kara..."

"It's one thing if Alex takes care of me, but I won't be a burden to you too."

A spark of flurry flutters at the back of Lena's mind. She wants to point out how ridiculous Kara is being but it's probably not the right thing to do. "Listen," she says instead, "if I'm offering it's because I don't mind. And if it doesn't work, for whatever reason, then we'll figure something out. Clearly something is going on and it's not safe for you to be alone. I. I couldn't bear it if something happened to you." The last part is said in a rush, almost inaudibly. It's far from being the most open she's been with Kara lately but it still feels like a raw and precarious confession, or like the secret weapon to her undoing.

"Okay," Kara says, echoing her sister's earlier words.

"Okay ?"

"I'll come with you. But you have to promise me that you'll tell me if it's too much for you. No hard feelings. I don't, I don't really want to be alone right now, you're right, but it's your apartment, and if you want me to go, I'll go."

"I promise," Lena says. Somehow, she has a feeling Kara knows she's lying.

***

Kara knows there's something she's forgetting ; a tiny, but important detail. It's not life threatening, at least she doesn't think it is, but it keeps on nagging her at the back of her mind as she rides home in Lena's slick town car and then as she shoves in her overnight bag more than can actually fit in it. 

Lena watches over her carefully as she packs her things. She's leaning against the kitchen counter, looking impossibly soft in week-end clothing. She's devastating, and Kara tries not to look at her. Taylor is a whirlwind of movements, picking up stuff seemingly at random before laying them carefully in a cardboard box that they found Rao knows where. Kara catches a quick sight of her colouring pencils, books she's been meaning to read, and her favourite throw blanket. She's so out of it that it takes her a full minute to remember why Taylor would know exactly what will bring her comfort away from home.

As for Ghim, she's waiting outside, of her own accord, and Kara is so very grateful that she didn't have to find the words to explain why she didn't want her to come in. She feels shaky and out of sort and the idea of the former Red Daughter being in her home makes her want to throw up. She doesn't know what prompted Ghim not to come in, in Kara's mind, it's because she reeks of fear, but the part of her that's clinging to rationality and kindness insist that Ghim is just being considerate. Maybe it's something else entirely, and any other day, Kara would ask, but not today. 

With Taylor's help, packing is a quick affair and soon enough they're all stacked in the car again. Lena takes the front seat and Kara finds herself in the back, squished against a window to give the other two Kryptonians as much room as she can. Taylor and Ghim spends the entire ride chatting in Russian and Kara wonders what their relationship is like, in the future, for her child to be so fluent in this language. Halfway through their journey, Lena sticks her hand through the gap between her seat and the car door and Kara latches onto it, refusing to give herself enough time to be embarrassed by her eagerness. Lena's hand is grounding, and for a short blissful moment, Kara forgets about everything that's gone wrong lately.

***

Kara drops her bag and her box in the lobby, removes her shoes and makes a beeline for the couch on which she drops head first with a groan. Lena doesn't know if she's allowed to find this cute, or if Kara's current situation is too alarming to leave space for anything else. As she watches Kara burrow further into the cushions she gets the nagging feeling that she's forgetting about something. Not something life threatening, at least it doesn't seem so, but something important. It's unsettling, but no matter how deep she digs into her brain, she can't quite put her finger on it. 

Instead of dwelling on it, she shows Ghim to her newly furnished bedroom. She's done her best to make it textbook homely, with a little bit of help from Jess. There are fairy lights, throw pillows, a thick knitted blanket, and the small bookshelf has been stacked with Russian classics, most of them first editions because Lena rarely does anything halfway.

Ghim makes her way into the room slowly, keeping her head slightly turned to compensate for her loss of vision. She stumbles on the plushy carpet, rights herself immediately ; from the back, she's almost indistinguishable from Kara. She sits down on the edge of the bed with infinite carefulness and Lena wonders if Kara was ever like that, openly raw and constantly calculating her every move ; probably. Ghim presses down in the mattress with a frown, staring at her hands in deep concentration.

"This is for me ?" she checks, lifting her head so she can look at Lena. There's awe in her gaze and it makes Lena feel just a little bit uncomfortable.

"It is."

"For how long ?" Ghim asks sharply before biting down on her lip like she's trying to physically restrain her words.

"For as long as you need," Lena says, keeping her tone light and her features kind even if her brain is working overtime to find a way to revive Lex so she can kill him again, more painfully.

Ghim looks doubtful, but she doesn't complain. Instead, she reaches out for a teddy bear that rests on the pillows, runs her fingers in its soft fur and buries her nose in it. She stays like that for a long while, breathing in what Lena knows is her laundry detergent, before she straightens up sharply, her eye drilling into Lena's. "I will be useful to you," she says.

"You don't have to," Lena replies immediately, barely reigning in her instincts to make her feel welcomed, safe, accepted. But Ghim suddenly looks frightened and it occurs to Lena that she has no purpose anymore, nothing to do, nowhere to go when she wakes up, and for someone who was brought up by a genocidal maniac in a military complex it must be terrifying. "All you need to do is rest, and focus on recovery. But you can help if you want to, on your own terms."

"May I," Ghim starts, testing the mattress by wiggling on it. "May I rest then ?"

"You can do anything you want."

"May I take over America and burn it to the ground ?"

There's a beat, and then a wide grin stretches on Ghim's face and a sharp laugh tumbles past her lips, twisting the scar that cuts them in two.

"Oh, that was a joke," Lena whispers, a wave of relief washing over her even though she will forever deny ever doubting that Ghim was only having fun.

Ghim grins widens, a twinkle of mischievousness shining in her eye. "I will sleep now," she says, giving Lena the strange impression that she's being dismissed.

"I'll call you for dinner. If you want to help."

Ghim mumbles an answer, but she's already buried under the blanket and Lena isn't sure of what she's heard. Quietly as she can, she exits the room, silently closing the door behind her. As she pads her way dow the corridor, she mentally takes stock of the rooms she passes and when she reaches the living room where Kara is still laying on the couch, she finally recalls the teeny tiny detail that was previously escaping her ; she doesn't have another guest room, and the places where Kara can sleep are very, very limited. 

***

Lena's heart is beating fast, too fast, and without her consent Kara's own matches its rhythm, threatening to skyrocket out of her chest. The thing is, apart from her wild heart rate, Lena doesn't look like there's anything wrong and Kara doesn't know what she's supposed to be afraid of. Not that she minds being frightened simply on principle. Taylor eyes the both of them curiously, and Kara gets the distinct feeling that they know what's going on ; but when she tries to question them, they dismiss her with a shrug before fixing themself a second lunch. 

Kara watches them move around the kitchen curious of the way they've integrated themself to this strange era. She's not particularly hungry herself. The medication Alex gave her makes her stomach feel swoopy and her head fuzzy and after throwing up one time too many in the past few weeks, she isn't too keen on adding food to the mix. Instead, she watches as Taylor grumbles at the military grade "antique" stove and marvels at the way Lena makes preparing tea look like an art form. One of the cups Lena is making is apparently for her ; something light and citrusy instead of the dark, and probably cursed, breakfast tea Lena herself enjoys. Sometime between the warm liquid soothing her stomach and Lena laying a heavy blanket on top of her, she drifts asleep, feeling uncannily safe.

She sleeps for most of the afternoon and wakes up well rested to the sound of laughter drifting from the open kitchen. From what she's gathering from the incessant chatter, Ghim is trying to cook and Lena is attempting to wrap her tongue around complex Russian words. She rises, sneaking a peek from behind the edge of the couch even though she's unsure of why she's hiding. The sight of Ghim leaning into Lena's space and Lena laughing with crinkly eyes makes her feel sick, like she's swallowed a tall glass of acid jealousy. She stomps the feeling down quickly before joining them ; she does not own Lena.

The rest of the evening is nice and quiet. There's enough overcooked pasta to feed three Kryptonians and a human and the sauce that comes with it is good, if slightly attached to the pan it was made in. When all food has been consumed and the plates have been scraped clean, Taylor decides it's time to start Ghim's cinematographic education which devolves into a debate on which order they should watch Star Wars that leaves her unsurprisingly stranded as she has absolutely no opinion on that. She frowns when Taylor thrusts Lena's box DVD set under her nose and Kara almost touches her own forehead when she notices the deep crinkle between her eyes. Looking at Ghim is like looking at herself in a distorted mirror. 

Ghim ends up deferring to Lena's judgement with a bright trusting smile that has Kara furiously squashing the tendrils of inappropriate ownership that curls around her heart. No matter what she does though, she still feels like she's won when Ghim takes one look at Lena and her and settles on an armchair to leave them the couch. Taylor settles on the other chair and Kara's heart aches a little when she notices how they subconsciously leave enough space for another body to settle next to theirs. Lena yawns and curls up to her, almost nuzzling her in her search for warmth, and Kara feels very silly for thinking for one second that there's any sort of competition going on here.

***

Nestled in Kara's warmth, Lena falls asleep. It's been an emotional day, she's clearly bitten more than she can chew, and she's exhausted. Plus, she thinks as slumber tugs her farther and farther away from consciousness, if she falls asleep, she won't have to deal with the sleeping arrangements. Kara is both solid and pliable against her and Lena is grateful to her past self for working over all the yelling and the lies to get them to this point where even though Lena never returned the confession, Kara feels confident enough to wrap a perfect muscular arm around her.

Unfortunately, she doesn't get to avoid the bed problem by staying asleep through the morning.

She awakes several feet above the ground, in Kara's arms, and by the look of it, she's just been lifted straight off the couch like she weighs nothing more than a feather. Which she supposes is the case for Kara but still, the display of strength is nice. Around them, Taylor is cleaning up remains of snacks and Ghim is rearranging the throw pillows like she's practising a new art form ; but all of this recedes to the background when Kara glances down at her and Lena's sleepy eyes lock onto hers. Bloody hell, she's so in love.

"Hey sleepy head," Kara crooks like she's somehow allowed to have a voice like that. "I hope you don't mind me carrying you, I was just about to drop you off to bed."

"As long as you're staying with me," she finds herself mumbling, an alarm in a distant part of her brain informing her that this is not at all what she meant to say.

"Sure," Kara replies, "I'll stay until you fall asleep if you want."

"Where are you going to sleep ?" Lena goes on, distantly wondering why she's digging her own grave like that.

"On the couch of course," Kara shrugs. "That was the plan all along, right ? I mean unless I miscounted your spare rooms but I'm pretty smart so I don't think I did."

Kara is much much too casual about this and a spark of suspicion arises in Lena, tugging her fully away from sleep.

"You can't sleep on the couch. That's bad for your back."

"My back is virtually indestructible," Kara fires back. "And where would I sleep anyway ?"

"With me." That's it, Lena's signed her own death warrant.

"What ?" Kara sputters. "No ! I could never... I don't want to bother you."

Out of the corner of her eye, Lena sees Taylor hastily dragging Ghim out of the room in a flail of limbs.

"If I'm offering it's because I don't mind."

Lena minds very much. She knows she won't be able to sleep with Kara so close to her.

"I can't," Kara mumbles, her demeanour shifting entirely like she's just sunk into herself. "It's not that I don't want to. Believe me. But. But what if."

"What if what ?"

"What if that thing comes back when you're here ?" Kara sighs. "The first two times I was paralysed," she continues, her voice rising with panic, "I wouldn't be able to protect you."

"I can," Lena says. "Protect you I mean. You'd be safe with me."

"You don't know that," Kara fires back immediately. "And I'm not exposing you to that. I'm sleeping on the couch and that's final."

Kara's arms disappear from under her and with a start, Lena realises they're now in her bedroom. Before she has the time to react, Kara is already at the door.

"I'm sorry," she sighs, "that was very rude of me. Thank you for letting me stay in your home."

Confused by a spike of anger and sadness, Lena doesn't dignify her with an answer.

"Goodnight Lena," Kara whispers before disappearing into the hallway, leaving the door half open behind her.

***

Kara tosses and turns, huffs and puffs, tosses again. It's not that the couch is that uncomfortable, it's no more uncomfortable than any ultra luxurious white leather couch that was definitely not made with sleep in mind. She just can't stop thinking about Lena, and how she would be sleeping next to her right now if she could just get a grip on herself.

She doesn't really think she'll be visited by her nighttime invader again ; she feels strangely safe here. But sleeping next to Lena feels like taking everything a step too far. What if she takes too much space in her bed ? What if she turns into a koala and smothers her during the night ? Worse, maybe, what if they end up getting too comfortable and cross boundaries they're not ready to cross ?

She shifts again, overly aware of every sound her body produces against the crisp leather ; there's no way she isn't bothering everyone right now.

"Stop being a bloody idiot," Lena mumbles from her bedroom, "and come here."

Kara freezes. It's too late to pretend she's asleep but who knows, it could work.

"I know you can hear me," Lena adds.

Kara stays frozen for a good minute, hoping that Lena might fall asleep in the meantime. But she's fooling herself and she knows it, and the more she stays there on the couch, pretending to be asleep, the more ridiculous it is. The blanket pools at her feet when she gets up and she takes the time to fold it correctly before making her way to Lena's room, her heart trying to beat its way out of her chest.

The room is plunged into darkness but it doesn’t stop Kara from zeroing in on Lena immediately. She's curled up on her side, eyes trailed on the silhouette Kara cuts in the door, a tired and delicate smile dancing on her lips. She's changed into sleepwear, and Kara is suddenly overwhelmed by the urge to trail her fingers over the cotton clad shoulder that peeks from under the covers. 

She doesn't, at least not right away. First, she makes her way to the bed, slowly, and sits on its edge. Lena attempts to roll her eyes, but through her tiredness her expression isn't that discernible and she mostly looks cute and grumpy as she pats the spot next to her on the bed. Kara feels dizzy, and idly, she wonders if she's going to pass out from lack of air as it seems she's forgotten how to breathe. Can she really be blamed though, when Lena just looks like that ? She breathes in sharply, spares a thought for her poor heart that seems to be rushing towards an early death, and slips under the covers as far from Lena as the bed allows.

She stays like that, curled on her side and staring at Lena until shuffling closer to her doesn't seem too insurmountable. She doesn't think she was that afraid when she lifted Fort Rozz into space. Her heart is about to take off out of her chest but she presses on, lifting her arm and pushing it until she reaches Lena ; the shirt is just as soft as she imagined, and the skin underneath is even softer.

Lena inhales sharply, frowns as her whole body seems to stutter and Kara withdraws her hand, a thousand apologies on the tip of her tongue ; but Lena grabs her hand and sets it back on her shoulder, just on the edge of where the garment gives way to skin.

"We’ve never done this before," Kara finds the courage to whisper as she lets her fingers trail up Lena’s neck and back to her shoulder again.

"What ?"

"Sleepovers," Kara says, low, like it's a forbidden word and saying it any louder will bring about the apocalypse. "I wonder why," she adds softly, brushing a strand of hair away from Lena’s face. 

"I wanted to," Lena confesses, averting her eyes to stare right in the middle of Kara’s chest.

"Then why ?"

"You know why," Lena chuckles, not quite sadly but almost. "Don’t make me say it."

"Can I say it then ?" Kara asks, a strange wave of calm washing over her.

There’s a beat, a second of silence that stretches on and on then, "please," Lena whispers.

"I love you."

"I know."

They reach out for each other at the exact same moment and Kara is convinced she's never been that in synch with another being. Lena's hands slide on her shoulder to tangle behind her neck and her owns come grab at her waist like its the only thing anchoring her down to Earth. 

It takes a minute to adjust, not just to make the position comfortable enough to sleep but because Lena's body moulding itself to hers is so overwhelming Kara isn't quite sure how to cope. The whole world narrows down to Lena and the feeling of her skin against her own and the way she breathes in deep and slow in her neck, clinging to her just a bit tighter when Kara dares to let the tip of her fingers rest in the place where her shirt rides up.

For the first time in a week, she's out like a light. 


	18. We didn’t think this through, did we ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which some issues arise, Lena basks in the glory of her chosen family and realises she's in for a lifetime of teasing. Also, Ghim has no filter and Kara is Edward Cullen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had a little bit of a tough week so I'm thanking past me for staying on track with the updates so I could post a not completely depressing chapter today. Also, as a general life update, I believe in God now because I thought I was out of tea but I found a brand new box at the back of my cupboard.   
> [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) : _You are in love_ by Taylor Swift, _Gotta make it last_ by Selah Sue & _Wanna be missed_ by Hayley Kiyoko.

  
Kara wakes up to absolute chaos. Well, not end of the world chaos, but a fire alarm blaring, the overwhelming smell of smoke and colourful multilingual swears sounding from both the kitchen and the warm body that gravitated on top of her during the night. She doesn't get nearly enough time to appreciate the way Lena's body fits with hers before her human blanket has sprung out of bed to rush out of the room. 

Soon, the noise abates, replaced by the sounds of an awakening city drifting in from a newly opened window. Kara tries her best, but she can't suppress the groan that escapes her and shatters the last remnants of sleep. She was so warm and comfortable ; who in the name of Rao decided to set fire to this place ? 

Minutes pass as Kara stays laying in bed, staring at the ceiling and trying to imprint in her memory everything she's feeling in this moment and all the new micro-sensations she can now associate with Lena ; her soft sleepy face in the dark, her pliable body against her own, her warm breath in the crook of her neck. If it didn't feel so real, if Lena's warmth wasn't still seeping into her, and she couldn't still smell her perfume, she'd think it's a dream. The words don't come easy to her, neither does the initial thought, and her prayer is clumsy and out of synch, but before getting up, she chooses to thank Rao for this small moment of peace and for the second chance she's getting with Lena.

Finally, Kara pads out of the bedroom and the sight that welcomes her is one she realises she's been waiting for her whole life. Taylor is bent in two, one hand gripping at the kitchen counter as they laugh within an inch of their life while Ghim stands, sheepish, in the middle of a cooking disaster, a melted down spatula in her hand and batter on her face. Lena is standing on her toes on the counter, shirt riding up as she fiddles with the fire alarm on the ceiling, a screwdriver held limply in her mouth. Her hair has been tied up in a hasty bun that's already coming undone and the checkered pyjama bottoms she's wearing are a bit too large for her, falling loosely on her hips and rolled up thrice at her ankles. Kara didn't think it was possible and yet, she's more in love with her now than she was when she woke up ten minutes ago.

"I attempted to make cake in a pan," Ghim says, scratching her head with the ruined kitchen utensil.

"Pancakes," Taylor corrects in a wheeze, straightening up as best as they can.

"Right. I tried to make pancakes. For you."

"Um," Kara says, forcing her eyes to look at anything but the slither of white skin beneath Lena’s shirt. "Thank you."

Ghim smiles tentatively and with a good night of sleep, Kara finds that she isn't as annoyed by her presence as she was the day before.

***

Lena is having the nicest Sunday of her life. She doesn't remember feeling this loved and relaxed since she was four years old, and really at this point, it's more of a concept than a real memory. She feels like if she were to close her eyes, she'd open them to a completely different place ; exposed brick walls, steam rising of a chipped mug, and distantly, the smell of freshly baked bread. She's not in Ireland though, but on the couch of her new apartment, her head pillowed on Kara's lap with strong fingers carding softly through her hair. It's the eleventh time she’s read the same sentence and she's no doubt about to fall asleep. 

This is so different from her usual Sundays ; from her usual life even. This single point in time is on the exact opposite of everything she knows and is used to. She should be in her home lab right now, combating anxiety and crippling loneliness with an experiment or another. If she's lucky, she might be able to facetime Sam and Ruby over a cup of tea and her latest attempt at baking and feel warm and content for a while before inevitably hanging up and hiding stray tears under the shower stream. 

Instead, she's surrounded by three people who care about her unconditionally and who she's growing to care about with no condition. She's happy, and as strange as the feeling might be, it's also welcome. Kara and hers relationship has been so complicated to navigate lately ; ever shifting as they were trying to find their footing again. She's not sure she's ready to take the leap yet but it's so reassuring, knowing that Kara is there on the other side ready to catch her when she will. And she will soon. She just needs one more second to make sure the foundations are steady, one more minute to be sure it wouldn't ruin everything, one more instant to definitely accept what has been seared on every inch of her soul long ago, she loves Kara, and it was always inevitable. 

Lena blinks, somewhat conscious that she must have drifted asleep for a minute or so. Kara's fingers are not in her hair anymore but prying her book out of her hands and marking her place in it. "I'm not sleepy," she mumbles as tender hands lay a blanket over her. It's a lost battle though, and she yawns, burying herself further onto Kara's lap. She slept well the prior night but it's going to take more than that to catch up on years of restless sleep.

"Your heartbeat begs to differ," Ghim says from the other side of the room and Lena springs up so fast that she almost fractures her skull open on Kara's chin.

"You're listening to my heart ?" she squeaks, trying to glare in what she hopes is a dignified way.

"I do," Ghim says conversationally, bobbing her head to a soundless rhythm. "It has a very recognisable pattern. Kara does it too."

"You do ?" Lena asks, whipping her head around so fast to look at her that it's a miracle it doesn't unscrew and jerk away.

"Did I, um," Kara mumbles, averting her eyes and scratching the back of her neck sheepishly. "Did I never tell you about it ? My bad."

"I..."

"I don’t do it on purpose," Kara stammers. "At least not at first. It just happened. Like Ghim said, 'recognisable pattern'. But, um, it helps me fall asleep. And sometimes I just check on you, make sure you’re okay."

"You can just," Lena starts, trying to get her bearing and regain some semblance of control over this situation. "You can just pick up my heart amongst everyone else's ? Just like that ?" She's trying not to be too impressed, or flattered, but deep down, she knows she’s failing miserably, and the hot blush that burns her cheeks is making all of them aware of that.

"It’s really loud," Taylor chimes in between two bites of a chocolate bar the size of their forearm. If she squints, Lena can make out the golden lettering of an expensive Swiss brand on the packaging. "I can pick it out too. It made for a very traumatising childhood."

Ghim closes her book slowly, a deep crinkle furrowing her brow. "I am not sure I understand how Lena’s heart could be traumatising. It is the most beautiful sound," she says like she’s talking about the weather. "Can you elaborate ?"

"No they can’t," Kara cuts before any other comment can be made, her cheeks flushing bright red and mirroring the blush that is starting to spread further on Lena’s body.

"I'm going to the bathroom," Lena announces much too loudly before speed walking out of the room. These three Kryptonians are going to make her life a living hell. 

***

It takes thirty minutes for Lena to come back from her trip to the bathroom ; and if Kara wasn’t indeed listening to her heart, she’d be worried. But her heartbeat is steady, she doesn't seem to be in distress, and actually, Kara is sure she saw her leaving with her book. Why she's hiding in the bathroom to read is anyone's guesses but Kara isn't about to encroach on her privacy. Maybe Lena is simply part of this fringe of the population who reads on the toilet, something that Jeremiah also used to do and that used to puzzle her immensely. 

But then again, the concept of toilets and bathrooms also befuddled her when she first landed there. Hygiene on Krypton was much easier with sonic showers and toilets that didn't need to use litre upon litre of water to function. It took her so long to get used to the noise that she didn't shower for a full month. Ironically, watery showers are now one of her favourite things.

When Lena exits the bathroom, she does have her book in hand, but she also looks stressed, borderline panicky as she speeds walk into the living room. Kara is up on her feet and at her side, card game abandoned on the coffee table, before Lena even has the time to explain what’s going on. "Are you okay ? What can I do to help ?" she asks so quickly it's a wonder her words are understandable.

"I forgot I invited everyone over for tea," Lena shrills, her free hand coming to wipe her hair out of her eyes and ending up caught in a tangle. 

Kara trails after her on her way to the kitchen, her superpowered legs struggling to keep up with her wild pace. She manages to coordinate enough to untangle Lena's hand from her hair and retrieve the book she sets down a good foot away from the countertop but she doesn't pay attention to the chair on her path and almost trips both of them on it. "What time are they coming ?" she asks, hovering a few inches from the ground to keep Lena steady.

Lena manages to bypass her in a small tornado. "3pm," she replies, getting cups and bowls out of the shelves.

Kara swallows a laugh. "We have time then," she says hesitating for a second before grabbing Lena’s wrists to stop her whirlwind course. Behind her, Taylor darts up from the couch to catch a pack of flour set just an inch too close to the edge.

"Do you have any idea of how long it takes to make scones ?" Lena asks like she's forgotten the nuclear codes.

"Hum, no ?" Kara admits.

"Is that a common thing to know ?" Ghim chimes in from her spot across the room. Kara can do nothing more than shrug.

"It takes less than twenty minutes," Taylor says flatly.

"Thats," Lena starts, her voice on the verge of snapping, "accurate. I overreacted didn’t I ?"

"Just a little," Taylor laughs.

"But it’s okay." Kara relaxes her grip on her wrists but doesn’t entirely let go, choosing instead to let one of her hands slides down the length of hers to thread their fingers together. "Show me how to make scones."

***

Brilliantly refusing to beat herself up for her small nervous breakdown, Lena returns to her previous state of mind, relaxed, almost untethered ; and her Sunday returns to being perfect. She breezes through scones making on autopilot and Kara produces a surprisingly good heat vision cooked chocolate cake of which only a quarter ends on the floor, courtesy of Ghim trying to help. All the while, Taylor cackles in the background, taking pictures on what Lena is almost sure is her own phone. A part of her wonders if the photographs will still be there once Taylor has gone back to the future but she squashes it fervently ; now isn't the time to think about that. 

The Super Friends, as Kara ridiculously calls them, show up fifteen minutes late, and Lena suspects that someone warned them to delay their arrival enough to give her time to get ready. Alex, Kelly, Nia, Brainy and J'onn pile up in her apartment ; and that's when her day truly and well descends into chaos. Of the reputation ending kind. Because Lena knows she looks uncharacteristically happy and the sweater she's wearing is very obviously not hers and Ghim has been repeatedly telling to anyone who might listen, while stuffing her face with little delicacies Kelly brought from a hole in the wall bakery, that her heart sounds different when she's around Kara. As for Alex, she keeps on staring at her with an -I'm amassing a mountain sized amount of blackmail against you- smirk ; there isn't an ounce of dignity left in Lena. 

She watches as her world comes undone around her and is rebuilt bit by bit, better, by Alex's sisterly demeanour, Kelly's warmth, Nia's enthusiasm, Brainy's unchained interest in her work, Ghim's fresh gaze on life, Taylor's unbridled laugh, and the unrestrained love in Kara's eyes. It's overwhelming and scary and Lena doesn't know how to even begin to handle all of this, but the new life that arranges itself for her is worth all the teasing, all the jokes, and even all the pain.

That is until Alex decides to give herself a tour of the apartment and asks the question that will be Lena's undoing.

"So Kara, where did you sleep exactly ? Because I know it wasn't on this luxurious incredibly uncomfortable couch. No offence Lena."

"She slept with Lena of course," Ghim replies conversationally before any of them can come up with a reasonable answer.

The wording is unfortunate at best but it at least offers a small reprieve to Lena when the room explodes in a ruckus of coughs and Taylor has to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre to dislodge a crumb from Kara's windpipe.

"I slept in Lena's room," Kara eventually manages to croak. "For security purposes." 

"Right," Alex says, dragging this single word excruciatingly with a -done with your shit- look so perfect it might even concurrence Lena's trademark glare. "You slept in her room for security purposes."

"Sounds reasonable to me," Nia says, attempting to come to the rescue though she's also hiding a laugh behind Lena's biggest coffee mug.

"Does it ?" Brainy whispers to her at the same time Ghim decides to add her two cents again. 

"It is," she agrees, "but I do not think that was the reason."

"Filter. Your. Thoughts," Taylor groans.

"Filter ? I do not own one of those."

"Yeah," Kara grumbles, "we’ve noticed."

"She’s not wrong though," Alex says with the widest grins.

Lena feels her body growing insufferably hot and wonders what it would take for her to manage to sink into her seat. Beside her, Kara isn’t faring much better, but it’s only a small comfort for the death of her grandeur.

***

By the time the Super Friends leave, Lena is beyond mortified. Sure, she's had an overall wonderful day, but her reputation is dead and buried six feet under and she'll never be able to intimidate any of them ever again when they've seen her like that, soft and cuddled to Kara in an oversized sweater. She's not really mad of course, or even displeased. In fact, she's never been that content and though she feels like she's driving blindfolded and at full speed on Mario Kart's rainbow road, deep down she knows it's not that bad ; she's never had that many people ready to catch her if she falls.

Dinner is quickly done with. Ghim and Taylor have a competition to elect the fastest pasta eater that results in tomato sauce somehow reaching her pristine ceiling. Even Lena's toughest glare can't prevent Kara from joining in the silliness but she at least has the decency of looking sheepish when she catches her with two overflowing forks halfway to her mouth.

Soon, the day has flown by and it's time for bed again ; and that, even more than anything else, is the nail in Lena's previous life's coffin. When she lays down next to Kara for the second time in as many nights, there's no turning back. And well frankly, she's bypassed any possibility of turning back when it comes to Kara a long long time ago, this has been the case probably since the very day they met ; but it's more apparent now, as they lie in bed together, a respectable two feet between their yearning bodies, eyes searing into each others', hands aching, yet hesitant, to reach out. It was one thing to invite Kara in her room late last night ; it's another thing entirely to go to bed at the same time.

Lena wants to reach out, wants to touch, but she doesn't know if she's allowed too and if she is, she isn't sure if she can, if her murky brain will allow her arm to perform the necessary movement. Now that it's just the two of them in the dark, things seem much more complicated than in the daylight. Kara is hesitant too, her hands constantly switching between hovering halfway between them and anchoring themselves to the sheets, gripping so hard Lena would swear she can hear them ripping thread by thread. She wonders how much gut it would take her to just cross the distance and kiss her. How is it that she can annihilate a boardroom full of entitled white men but can't bridge a two feet gap to kiss her best-friend ?

Lena sighs, much louder than she intended too, and it's enough to entice Kara to move. Faster than her eyes can follow, she finds herself wrapped in two strong arms, her head pillowed on Kara's shoulder, right where it ought to be. "Sorry," Kara mumbles in her ear. "I just. I just had to."

"Don't be sorry," Lena whispers, "I was waiting for you to make a move."

"Why is this so hard ?" Kara whines, rubbing her hands up and down Lena's back.

"I don't know," Lena muses, her voice low, like she can barely handle to hear her own words. "But you're doing better than me."

"It's all false confidence and bravado," Kara chuckles, almost sadly.

"Fake it 'til you make it."

"But I don't want to fake anything with you," Kara whispers. 

Her words settle low in Lena's belly, they simmer in her, not quite burning but she knows they could set her on fire at any moment. "You deserve all the genuineness in the world ; more than I can give you really. I want to be truthful with you. Myself. I'm just..."

"Scared ?" Lena completes for her. "It's okay, I am too. You, me, this, it scares me so much." She doesn't know where she finds the courage to keep going but somehow, she does. "But I want to try. God, do I want to try. Please, promise you'll try with me."

"I will," Kara says, laying the ghost of a kiss on her hairline. "I promise."

Lena falls asleep with Kara's words floating in her brain like a lullaby. She's safe, Kara's got her, Kara's not letting go ; and she won't let go either.

She wakes up in the dead of night, acutely aware of Kara's eyes boring into hers. It takes a full minute for her own to get accustomed to the lack of light and she finds Kara's face inches from hers, her breath warm on her lips. Kara's eyes are wide open, and Lena can feel a hot warmth seeping from her cheeks.

"Can," Kara whispers, the words almost said against her lips. "Can I...?"

"God. Please. Do it."

And Kara kisses her.

She kisses her and it's like the world stops and restarts in the same instant, like the universe ends and is reborn, like Lena herself is atomised and rebuilt around a brand new heart, hers and Kara's combined.

It's surreal ; almost like it's not happening yet it's the only thing Lena can feel. She feels like a teenager again, fumbling in the darkness of her dorm room with Andrea except it's different and better because it's Kara, and in this instant, Kara is the only one she's ever wanted. Her lips are soft and tentative, the pressure barely there at times, and they taste like cheap mint chapstick that would be unbearable on anyone but is achingly delicious on her. Kara fumbles with her face in the dark, one of her hands coming to rest on her jaw as she sucks on her lower lip and Lena wants to melt into her, to be absorbed and forever exist in a state where her body is Kara's.

Time stops, she's sure of it. There's no way it doesn't because how is it possible for her to lose herself and to be found again in only a matter of seconds ? How can time still be running when every step she's been taking has clearly led her to the end of everything, to Kara drawing her closer and parting her lips to slip a delicate tongue in her mouth ? This is how time and space end, and Lena is more than okay with it.

Distantly, she's aware of her lungs constricting painfully as a result of the simple act of breathing taking the back-burner in her mind. Kara, always more in tune with things than her, draws back before she can and Lena feels the loss immediately. Sure, she can breathe freely now, and her lungs sip in grateful gulps of air but with it comes a rush of unwanted thoughts and a deep rooted fear that grows crushing again and has her launching herself at Kara.

She knows she's being a little bit too forceful but Kara doesn't seem to mind. She welcomes her in her mouth, lets her nip at her lips, and with ever strong hands, steadies her at the waist when she all but climbs on top of her, thighs bracketing her hips almost too boldly. For the first time in a long time though Lena doesn't feel out of place, but exactly where she should be, doing exactly what she was designed for. After years of searching, she's finally found her purpose, and her purpose is to kiss Kara Danvers.

One of them moans, her brain doesn't really care to determine who, and Kara's hips buck forcefully under her, almost dislodging her from her position. A too short second later, the warm hands that were tethering her to life and had begun to slip under her t-shirt, leave her waist and she's left reeling, confused when she hears the sound of ripping and Kara recoils as much as their current situation allows her to. "Timeout," she huffs. "I need a timeout."

The part of Lena's brain that isn't completely dazed with desire mercifully takes the lead and she manages to sit back on her heels, lifting off Kara enough for her to sit up further away. "Sorry," Lena apologises though she's unsure of why she's apologising.

"Don't be," Kara whispers, a trembling hand coming to wipe a strand of hair from Lena's face. Her biceps shake and she seems to be working hard to steel herself so she can set her hands on Lena's hips again, bringing her to sit on her lap. "That was..."

"Hot ?" Lena supplies dumbly and unhelpfully.

"I was going to say perfect," Kara says, smirking in the moonlight, "but that works too. That was perfect. You're perfect. I just got overwhelmed and I don't want to hurt you. I'm not really used to..."

"Making out with girls ?" Lena cuts for no reason, half ready to launch herself out the window if she can't get her stupid brain to shut the fuck up.

"What ? No !" Kara laughs, her body shaking under Lena in a very distracted way. "Well not since college really and I always had to be extra careful but that's not my point. You're just. You're you you know. And you mean a lot to me and I was definitely not prepared for everything you make me feel."

"Oh," Lena breathes, all ability to form coherent sentences flying out through the very window she was considering launching herself from a moment ago. This, even more than the kiss that got a little out of hand, makes her flush all over, and she feels like she could furnish heating to a decent sized city if she could only find a way to harness her blush.

Kara opens and closes her mouth like a fish out of water and with the way she's looking at her Lena would think she somehow managed to produce an entire love declaration instead of a pesky syllable. "I'm sorry," Kara says, "there are so many things I want to say right now but you make me bad at words and I don't know what to do not to ruin it."

"Kiss me again ?" Lena offers, trying her best not to sound completely desperate. "If you feel up to it of course. No pressure. I just think it could help with the lack of words."

Kara doesn't bother with replying. Instead, she lifts her whole upper body with the sheer strength of her abs, hands not bulging from their place on Lena's waist, her hot breath ghosting over her for half a second before she kisses her again. Little sleep will happen and she has a board meeting in the morning but the thought doesn't even cross her mind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😏


	19. Back to usual business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which all hell breaks loose, a dangerous foe revels themself and a beloved character makes an appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgot to mention it last week but I've updated the definitive chapter count (it includes the epilogue). We're a little bit more than halfway there !
> 
> [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) for this chapter is : _Take you away_ by Angus and Julia Stones & _Action Reaction_ by Rupert Gregson-William.

  
Taylor is not a particularly resentful person. After growing up surrounded by literal world saving geniuses, they've learned to go with the flow and not get too caught up on small annoyances. Yeyu is late for dinner because she's out rescuing a cat from a tree ? It's fine. Mum got abducted again ? Typical Monday ; she'll be home for lunch. Aunt Alex picked them up late from school, with blood on her face and new scorch marks on her uniform ? Not even worth mentioning, but it’ll probably end up being a fun story to recount at Thanksgiving. 

All this to say that by their own account, Taylor considers themself to be a quite "chill" person. Sure, they tend to be a bit hard on themself, but they're really good at not holding circumstances against other people. So when they get up the morning after their future mothers' intense night time make out session they are ready to just let it go, not out of awkwardness, but out of habit. What they are not prepared for however, is Kara and Lena ignoring it too. 

They first find Kara up at the crack ass of dawn, praying on the balcony ; and when Lena emerges too, they don't come within three feet of each other, going out of their way to avoid all form of contact in favour of wistfully staring when they both think the other is not looking. This breakfast is a top contender for most awkward within its first five minutes, and it says an awful lot.

There is a moment when their knuckles almost brush against each other, when after a too brusque movement, Lena almost knocks her mug off the table but she recoils faster than humanly possible, looking at Kara like the day sheds light on things she can only see in the dark.

***

Lena doesn’t know what possessed her to act this way. It doesn’t make sense, even to her. Even after waking up with Kara out of reach, she could have joined her on the balcony, kissed her there, even just on the cheek, touched her goddamn shoulder, anything instead of ignoring her and stepping away from an attempt at a hug. It's murky, and she doesn't understand, and now narrow-minded-white-man-number-three is taking all her headspace explaining why she's too incompetent to run her own fucking company when all she wants to do is unpack the fear she felt merely looking at Kara after exposing herself this way.

It's infuriating, truly, this way she always manages to self-sabotage herself no matter the circumstances like she knows no other way of being. If she's being truthful with herself, she really does not know another way of being ; plant the bomb, hope it makes as much damage as can be and takes her out in the same blast. If she weren't in the middle of a meeting, she'd kick herself, multiple times. 

And said meeting drags on and on like it's set in another dimension where time doesn't exist. Yesterday, when she was kissing Kara she didn't care about that, now, she's very seriously considering flinging herself out the window. The very window Kara is hovering outside of right now, glowing in the sunlight in all her Supergirl glory but with the saddened expression of a kicked puppy. The sight destroys Lena and makes her whole again in a way that is becoming familiar, if a little nauseating.

"Gentlemen, I'm going to have to cut this meeting short."

"Miss Luthor," bland-man-number-three attempts to protest.

"Unless you can turn your blabbering into significant progress in the next five minutes," Lena cuts, raising her hand to silence him, "this meeting is adjourned."

The room cannot empty fast enough and forever comes and goes before Kara touches down in front of her, hands behind her back then on her hips then behind her back again. Lena almost reaches out to settle her fidgeting but before she can talk herself into doing so, idly wondering if the world will end if she touches her, Kara's eyes pierce hers and she speaks.

"Have I done anything wrong ?"

***

"I don't understand what I did wrong," Kara says for what could be the first or the millionth time since she stepped into Alex's office.

"Shouldn't you be at work ?" her sister grumbles, cluing Kara into the fact that it might be closer to a million.

"You're one to talk ! You've been texting Kelly non stop since I came here."

"While being physically present at my job," Alex mumbles, glancing regretfully at her empty coffee cup. Kara refuses to acknowledge the logic of this.

Alex sighs, sets her phone down and with only one look, Kara knows she's about to be served a spoonful of sisterly advice. "You didn't do anything wrong," she says. "The two of you are consenting adults who decided to make out in the dark like teenagers instead of dealing with your feelings. To each their own." Kara tries to interrupt her here, feelings are hard, but Alex shuts her down with a single raised finger. "Lena is freaking out because it's her default setting. It's not your fault. That being said, you can always swing by at lunch time and ask her yourself."

Talk to her herself ? What a ludicrous idea... And yet. "I'll go see her right now," Kara announces, a bit too loudly for the small office, determined to make Lena feel loved and supported as soon as superhumanly possible.

"You have a job ! You should be at your job !" Alex shouts after her. "And shut the goddamn door !"

Kara is never too far not to hear her sister, still she chooses to ignore her in favour of flying straight to L-Corp, second guessing her decision only when she finds herself hovering outside of an impressively sized conference room, having followed Lena's heart there.

The room is huge, dwarfs everyone in it but Lena who stands tall, sitting ramrod straight in a high back chair at the head of the table. She looks bored beyond measure, her face devoid of expression until she picks up Kara's presence and her features morph into ones of sadness and relief. 

Kara is invited in much too quickly for her liking and suddenly afraid of confronting Lena, she regrets not listening to Alex. What is she even supposed to say ? _Do you hate me ?_ "Have I done anything wrong ?"

The shift in Lena is so immediate it gives Kara whiplash. To be fair, it probably gives Lena whiplash too. "No. No darling," she says, looking seconds away from falling to her knees in plea. "You didn’t do anything wrong." She takes a step forward, hands half-raised and face the picture perfect of brokenness. "It’s not you."

"Then what...?" Kara tries to ask, choosing instead to let her question trails off because speaking right now seems nigh impossible.

"I’m just," Lena sighs. She takes several steps back until the back of her legs collide with the nearest chair and she slumps down on it, head briefly tucked into her hands before she hesitantly looks up at Kara again. "Not used to any of this."

"Making out with girls ?" Kara says, echoing her words from last night in a poor attempt at humour. She doesn't know what compels her to say it ; maybe it's the sadness on Lena's face, or her own irresistible drive to fix everything, always.

"What ? No !" Lena exclaims her shoulders straightening up in shock. "You’re an ass," she adds after a second, trying, and failing, to glare irritably with her tear filled eyes. Instead she smiles a soft sad smile and Kara wants to hold her and never ever let go. "I just. I always do this." Vaguely, she gestures around and, taking the leap, Kara superspeeds to her side to grab her hand before she can tuck it away again.

"Do what ?" she probs gently. 

"Self-sabotage myself," Lena whispers. "I just. I. I don’t know. Who. What." She cuts abruptly, struggles, stumbles, opening and closing her mouth several times as her breathing grows more and more erratic.

Kara drops to her knees in front of her, puts her hand on her heart and finds it wild and afraid. "Breathe," she says as clearly as she can, squashing her own spark of panic. "Breathe love, I’ve got you. You’re safe, I’ve got you. Take all the time you need."

Lena looks up at her, eyes bloated, face blotchy and red, and still, she looks so damn beautiful that Kara doesn't fully understand how it's possible. She takes a couple of long deep breaths, her own hand coming to clutch at Kara's. "I just. I don’t know. I don’t know who I am if I’m not like this."

"Like what ?" Kara asks softly.

"Sad. Broken. Exhausted. I've always been like this I think. I can't remember ever not being like that, buried under the screed of depression. I'm so used to it that most of the time, it's when I'm happy that I can't breathe. I don’t remember what it’s like to be happy and you make me so fucking happy that I’m... scared I suppose."

"That’s okay, I think. I’m scared to you know ?"

"You are ?" Lena asks, her voice a little breezy, just on the side of being inaudible.

"I am. A lot even." Kara laughs, she lets out the tiniest of chuckle even if this isn’t even close to being funny. "You broke my heart," she adds in a whisper, the confession needed, but almost unbearable. "I’m scared you’ll break it again."

"I’m sorry," Lena says immediately, her voice louder and more assertive even when it seems to require all of her remaining energy.

"Don’t be. I broke your heart too, didn’t I ? But I promise I'll spend the rest of my life making up for it. I'll make you happy, and I'll love you more each day until you don't even remember what sadness is. Because I know who you are, it's the only thing that I know. And I'll be there until the very end to remind you every time you forget."

"That’s not a promise you can hold," Lena dismisses with a sad smile and a shake of the head.

"I’m making it anyway. And I’m stubborn."

"I know you are," Lena sighs. "I know you are."

"Are you going to be okay ? Are we ?"

Lena worries her lip between her teeth, looks up at Kara again and the time it takes her to answer is long enough for her heart to miss a couple of beats. "Yes, I think so," she whispers eventually.

"I can go back to my own place if you want," Kara offers. "Give you space."

"Don’t you fucking dare," Lena grumbles. 

And before Kara has any time to make sense of anything more, she finds herself dragged forward until she’s pressed flat against Lena, her arms responding automatically to wrap themselves around her. The position is a bit awkward, with her being on her knees and Lena about ready to tip over the edge of her chair but she makes do with what they have, hugging her like it's the only thing keeping the world going.

***

Sparing with Taylor is, unfortunately, becoming second nature, and Alex is set on enjoying it thoroughly before the whole thing is wiped off her mind. She’s coming to understand how they work, it’s easier to deflect their punches, to step around their kicks ; it’s almost as easy as sparing with Kara and it’s a good opportunity to keep her body busy while she works through the mess in her brain. 

She’s fucking exhausted. Not in the physical sense of the term, though it’s the third time this morning that her future nibling lands her on her ass ; no, what tires her immensely, what drains her of her energy, is the amount of bullshit she witnesses in this fucking world everyday, and unfortunately, her sister is part of it. She doesn’t want to force people into anything, damn if she doesn’t know first hand how difficult it can be to accept that you’re in love with somebody. But her sister and Lena have been practically joined at the hip since they met and it would be great, for Alex’s sanity, if they could get a grip on themselves and stop hurting each other. 

She’s idly thinking about lunch with Kelly, about the two sandwiches sitting in her lunch box for when her girlfriend joins her at half past noon, when the world goes black. Some distant part of her body registers the sharp pain of a limb shattering and then there’s nothing for a good minute. 

She comes to to a white hot pain pulsating from her right leg that blurs her perception for a too long moment. The edges of her vision are tinged with red ; emergency lights, she realises through the aching fog. "Fuck," she crooks. "Fuck," she says again for good measure. "Fuck. What the fuck."

"I’m sorry," Taylor shrieks, their figure cutting a slander black silhouette in front of Alex. "The kryptonite emitters turned off and I think I broke your leg. I’m sorry."

"Fuck. How long have I been out ?"

"A minute at most."

Alex scrambles upright, leaning back on her hands to take a peek at her leg. It’s bent at the wrong angle and the sight brings a strong wave of nausea but it's nothing that's not fixable ; quite frankly, she's lived through worse. "I’m gonna need you to reset my leg," she groans. 

"Excuse me what ?"

"Reset my leg."

"Did you hit your head on the way down ?"

"Reset my fucking leg Taylor ! We’re on lockdown. I need to be able to get my ass off the floor so I can check on my team."

"I could always carry you."

"Taylor..."

Taylor’s silhouette shrugs against the red backdrop. "Fine," they mumble. "But when you go into cardiac arrest from the pain, remember it was your fucking decision."

"I’m ready. Reset it in three, two," Alex swallows the last number in an undignified yelp ; Taylor reseted her leg on two. "Fucking hell."

"You asked," Taylor reminds her. "You’re not gonna be able to walk on that though."

"I know," Alex groans. She feels cold all of sudden and it takes her a second to notice the puddle of sweat she's positively bathing in. "There are emergency supplies under the platform. There should be a multipurpose brace in it. Don’t ask questions, just find it. We need to get out of here."

To Taylor's credit, they follow the order well and refrain from commenting or asking anything. The urgency of the situation seem to finally register in them and they move with a fast useful precision that leads Alex to restraining her own question when they emerge from under the podium with a machete, a bulletproof jacket and three guns in addition to the brace. They force her into the brace and the jacket, strap the guns expertly to the hooks of her stripped down uniform and before Alex can really catch up with their speed, she's been hauled up to her feet and dragged halfway across the room.

Taylor cocks their head to the side then shakes it nervously. "I can’t hear anything," they say, glancing back at her.

"You can’t hear anything as in it’s totally silent or as in something is tampering with your super hearing ?"

"Something’s tampering with my hearing," Taylor elaborates. "A sort of loud buzzing. I saw a bright blue flash before the lights went out. Could be electrical. Could be something else."

"With our luck it’s probably something else," Alex grumbles under her breath. "We’re on lockdown," she adds louder, "so someone is either trying to get in, or out. If you can't hear anything, then absolutely everything could be outside of this door. We're going to get back to command level using the outer corridors to reach the emergency stairs on the northern side of the building. Follow my steps, I'm going to keep us in the security cameras' blind spots just in case."

"Yes, Director Danvers."

Alex freezes, her hand halfway to the manual override of the door. She looks back at Taylor but the person who looks back at her, bathed in the red glow of the room, isn’t Taylor at all ; it’s Captain Lor-El. They stand tall, shoulders drawn back with their brow set in a neutral expression ; right now, Alex isn’t their aunt but their commanding officer. Shaking herself into this state of mind, Alex unlocks the door and steps out in the hallway, Lor-El following two precise steps behind her.

They walk around the building in silence, keeping close to the walls and communicating with short hand gestures with no trouble like they’ve done this all their lives. There’s no need for any of that though ; the corridors are empty, Alex’s agents are nowhere to be found, no one is running trying to catch, who, or what is loose in the DEO. 

Now that she’s out of the room, Alex can hear the same buzzing as Lor-El, and the closer they get to command level, the louder it gets, threatening to split her head in two. On the bright side of things, it distracts her from the throbbing pain in her leg, but she isn't exactly in a positive mood. She unlocks the last door, readjusts her grip on her gun just in case and rounds the last corner, Lor-El still two perfect steps behind her. What she sees steals her breath and all semblance of a plan from her.

Her entire team is suspended mid-air, frozen in various poses and expressions of pain by a bright blue electrical field. Her eyes trail down to the source and if she's taller and broader than the last time Alex encountered her, there still is no mistaking the fiery red hair, or the bright blue skin. The only problem, or the most prominent one, is that she's supposed to be "dead."

Alex doesn't realise she's voiced her thoughts aloud until Indigo revolves around and her nanite face splits into a wide grin. "Do I look dead to you Alex Danvers ?"

***

"But. But how...?" Alex sputters.

And just like that, Lor-El knows they are well and truly fucked. Because Alex sounds scared, and in her hands, her gun trembles even as she adjusts her grip around it.

"You’re dead."

Indigo sighs ; her electrical field crackles. "I’m very clearly not. Your friend may have ripped my physical body in half, but I was able to extract my consciousness and regroup on the closest technological item. Then I went dormant, and bid my time. It’s a neat Coluan trick, shame this version can’t do it."

She wiggles her long blue fingers and Brainy is extracted from the mass of bodies hovering mid-air ; his own hands wrapped around his throat.

"Let him go !" 

Alex shoots a burst of energy with her alien gun but, predictably, it doesn't have the required effect. Indigo simply absorbs it, fizzles, smiles and sends it back tenfold. The only reason Alex doesn't fry on the spot is because Lor-El jumps to shield her with their body. The shock hurts, and actually, they're pretty sure their heart stops for a second there. The world wobbles for a moment before they manage to spin in the air to correct their course and crash somewhere that isn't on Alex's human and fragile body.

"I got tired of waiting for you," Indigo says, idly trailing around the room with the sizzling bodies of the DEO's agents hovering after her. "So I came to you."

"It was you then, in Supergirl’s apartment ?" Alex asks, keeping her probably useless gun pointed at the blue figure. With her other hand, she signals for Lor-El to advance with her, which they do, falling in step with the Director, the machete raised in a poor approximation of a sword. "She’s not here just so you know."

"She will be soon enough," Indigo replies, taking a carefully cultivated careless interest in the dirt under her fingernails. "After all, it’s either all of your lives, or hers, and if she’s anything like I remember, she’d rather it be hers. I can see you moving by the way. You're not subtle, and I'm not blind." She flicks her wrist, Brainy groans, his usually pale blue face closer to purple now. 

Alex freezes, almost. Her whole body takes root in place but for her gun hand that very subtly tilts to the side, giving a sign that only Lor-El can see. Moving in an invisible blur, they launch themself at full speed towards Indigo only to end up impaled on her, her hand thrusted through their guts. 

It should not be possible, and it hurts like a motherfucker.

Indigo retracts her hand, and when Lor-El staggers back, feeling like their intestines are about to spill out from the wound, they catch a glimpse of something green being reabsorbed under her skin. "Do you really think," Indigo says, "that I would go after a Kryptonian without the necessary weapons ?"

Lor-El's vision swims and they blink heavily, trying to get rid off the black spots dancing in front of them. Something sticky is running past their lips, blood most likely. With a hand pressed to their stomach, they drive the machete forward, satisfaction piercing through the pain when the blade draws a thin clean line on the nanite body. Indigo’s hands turn into spikes which is a bit more than they can handle right now, but it’s not like they have the choice. 

Somewhat conscious that this could be the very last thing they ever do, they double down on her, parrying what they can and striking at each opening even as a part of their body that should definitely not be open to the outside threatens to empty itself from its content. The proximity of the Kryptonite makes them feel nauseous beyond reason but through sheer stubbornness, their feet fall into familiar positions, and recalling their days on Themyscira they force their body into a new balance, compensating for the arm that they keep glued to the open wound. 

The machete is short, closer to a gladius than Max's longsword, the last addendum they used in battle. The hilt isn't smooth, and the blade is rough, the edge only sharp on one of its side like a knife. It would never be Lor-El weapon's of choice but a choice is exactly what their lacking right now and it's not like they have to win this fight, they just need to distract Indigo long enough for Alex to slip away and override the lockdown. They shoot a sideway glance just to check Alex is enroute to the command panel and Indigo takes the opportunity to give them a new haircut. 

Careful, they have to be more careful. 

But they also have to be fast, faster, because engaging Indigo in battle seems to have rerouted her attention away from her electrical bubble, depriving its inhabitants of oxygen. Brainy in particular, has taken on a surprising teal colour and he thrashes painfully, not quite like he’s not breathing anymore but like he’s about to, explode ?

Lor-El doesn't have the time to duck out of the blast. On the bright side, it cauterises the wound. On the other, it knocks them out completely.

***

_"Feet further apart Lor-El."_

_Taylor shuffles their left foot a couple of inches back._

_"More than that. Widen your stance. Bend your knees."_

_They can feel the pommel starting to crack in their hand ; if it snaps, it'll be the third gladius they break today. The shield already hangs awkwardly on their arm, one of the leather straps having given out early on._

_"Good."_

_Taylor feels the tiniest wave of relief washing over them._

_"Now strike your opponent."_

_They take a tentative jab at their opponent, the weapon still more of an inconvenience than anything._

_Aunt Diana sighs. "Not like that."_

_Taylor barely registers throwing the sword down, they do hear however the thunder-like sounds the blade makes when it snaps in two. "This isn't working," they seethe between their clenched teeth._

_"I agree." Taylor's head snaps up so fast it's a wonder it doesn't detach entirely. Then : "what can I do to help you ?"_

_Diana's voice is as even and warm as ever and it's the only thing that prevents Taylor from taking off entirely. "Can we take a break ?" they ask, the defeat bitter on their tongue._

_"Of course we can Lor-El. Follow me, I have a secret ice cream stash."_

_"You have a freezer ? Since when do you have electricity here ?"_

_"Our war prisoners are chained to stationary bikes," their aunt deadpans._

_"They..."_

_"I'm joking !" Diana slaps their back in harsh camaraderie. "We have solar panels for essential accommodations."_

_"Like ice cream...?"_

_"Like ice cream."_

_"How do you do it ?" Taylor dares to ask once they’re sitting in the shade, ice cream dripping down their waffle cone. "You're stronger than them, right ? Your sisters ?"_

_"Training. Restrain. Discipline. It's not always easy but it's how I was raised."_

_"I broke my mum's arm," Taylor mumbles, hesitant to even voice this aloud._

_"She isn't angry at you."_

_"I'm angry at myself," Taylor admits, their words almost lost to the crashing sound of waves._

_"I understand. I was angry once too."_

_"How do you do it then ?"_

_"Find peace and let it go."_

_"But that's hard !" Taylor snaps. "I don't know how to do that !"_

_They feels almost ashamed of their outburst but aunt Diana doesn't bat an eyelash. She remains silent, licking at a bit of ice cream that has trickled down her gauntlets._

_"You are young. But with training, restrain, discipline, and, patience, you will be alright. I promise you so. Tonight, we will ask guidance to the god of your people but for now come with me, you must first learn the art of the blade."_

***

Alex's brain is caught in an endless _What the fuck ?_ loop and admittedly it's not the best of times for this to happen. She ducked out of the electrical wave just in time but the desk she's hiding behind still got blasted back a good couple of feet, right in her face. She knows something cracked open and she can feel blood trickling down her forehead but it doesn't really hurt, probably because the pain receptors in her body are already saturated.

She shakes her head, trying to get rid of the high pitch ringing in her ears. As far as she can tell, when her vision stops swimming in front of her, all of her agents have been liberated from the force field and they are all alive, if unfortunately not unharmed. That's a win ; and she's alive too which is also a big plus. She peers above the desk and finds Brainy and Indigo locked in, intense eye contact ? She has absolutely no idea of what is happening. Taylor lays on the other side of the room, clothes charred but their open wound thankfully no longer bleeding ; the only problem is that from where she's standing, Alex can't tell if they're still breathing. She needs to act, and she needs to act fast.

Springing to her feet, or attempting to, as her encased leg drags a little behind her, Alex makes a run for the central console, somehow still mostly upright in the centre of the chaos. Undoing the lockdown procedure isn't much complicated but Alex messes it up twice, her bloodied hands slipping from the keyboard when she forgets how to support her own body weight. She will forever curse herself for taking off her signal watch and leaving it in her office when she went sparring. It might be the dumbest thing she's ever done, and she's bound to get an earful from Kara about it, but if she's being honest with herself, she'll a 100% deserve it. Sans signal watch and a little worse for wear, Alex really hopes her sister is paying attention.

"SUPERGIRL !"

There goes her voice for the rest of the week.

The short stretch of time between her slightly desperate shout and Kara's arrival is the longest of her life. She makes the most of it by limping to Taylor's side, allowing a reasonable wave of relief to wash over her when she finds a pulse. They're gonna be okay, and Lena Luthor won't decapitate her for accidentally getting her child killed. The nth metal shutter rolls up slowly and just before Supergirl slips in the gap, Alex takes note of the sound of sirens and a large smoke plume rising from the street below. 

Then her sister storms the DEO, almost blinking into existence to the untrained eye, and pummels Indigo against the far wall.

"You're under arrest," Supergirl grunts in a corny way that has Alex briefly bubble with alleviation before the hero freezes, staggers back and sputters. "You..?"

And Indigo bashes her sister on the side of the head, hard, green veins spreading on the nigh impervious temple. "Surprise !"

To her credit, and considering the unplanned proximity of Kryptonite, Kara is quick to get back on her feet and if her grip on Indigo is a little laxer the second time around, she still doesn't give up. "How ?"

Indigo sighs, almost like she's bored. "Ask Agent Danvers. I don't want to do my speech a second time. It's time you answer for your crimes."

Alex sees it coming in slow motion, and no matter how hard she tries, she can't be here fast enough. Indigo's hand moulds into a spike again, angry with flashy sparks of neon green ; and she strikes. Kara bends backward, narrowly avoiding her untimely death by letting go of the Coluan. Her entire face is green, not just her popping veins, but her skin too and it's an absolute wonder, a testament to her strength, that she's still on her feet. She presses on her chest, a couple of times because her hand is shaking, and the anti-Kryptonite suit starts unfurling.

Embolden by her sister's might, Alex joins in on the action again, fumbling with her gun for a second until she can set it to release a net that Indigo dodges by diving for Kara and sending both of them crashing into a pillar. The entire building rattles from the shock and Alex tumbles to her knees. Struggling for a second she manages to take aim again, missing her target by a good two feet when Brainy comes rushing past her, jumps on top of an upturned desk and leaps into the air, lands behind Indigo and rips her fucking head of her neck.

"I can't hold her for long," he groans, struggling as Indigo's pixelated neck already reaches out for the severed head. "I've connected to her programming but she's stronger than I am." 

This time, Alex doesn't miss, and she sends the body rolling away in an energy net. Once Indigo isn't trying to reform herself anymore, Brainy tosses the head at Kara who catches it carefully, holding it out in front of her like it's a ticking bomb. Alex doesn't blame her.

"It was her, wasn't it ?" Kara asks, her voice trembling just as much as her body. "In my room ? How ?"

"Turns out she wasn't dead. Advanced technology, blah blah blah," Alex grumbles wearily from where she rests on the floor. "Do you think she's the fifth Killer Five ? She had the same cryptic catch phrase."

"Fatal Five," Taylor whispers hoarsely from the other side of the room, coming to only to correct Alex before they faint again.

"I don't know," Kara says harshly, "I didn't really have the time to think about that." Her helmet recedes in the suit and she starts walking to Taylor, covering the distance in long powerful strides. She's still a bit greenish, covered in sweat and when she walks past Alex, briefly stopping to help her to her feet, she wipes a trickle of bile on her cheek. 

"We'll have to interrogate her," Brainy interrupts. "And I believe we could use Lena's assistance in designing a device to prevent her from transferring her consciousness or reforming her body again."

"Good idea," Alex groans, leaning heavily on her sister as she limps with her towards her unconscious nibling. She almost tips forward when Kara abruptly freezes in place. 

"Lena..."she whispers. "I can't hear her..."

"What do you mean...?"

"I can't hear her Alex. She. She's gone."


	20. A typical Monday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lena gets kidnapped and the rest of the team goes a little bonker looking for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey people of the internet, it is I. Sorry for disappearing on you, I needed a little break from posting. Anyway, I'm back with what was supposed to be the Halloween chapter, this will make sense upon reading. I should warn you though that blood comes out of places it's not supposed to come out from.
> 
> This chapter features one of the first scene I thought of for this fic, it starts after _"it's a dumb plan,"_ right at the end of the chapter.
> 
> [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) for this chapter consists of _The price of love_ by White Lies, which is literally about kidnapping so I can't do better, and the beloved _Plane and simple_ by Blake Neely.

  
Something tangy coats the inside of Lena's mouth, something both sharply metallic and disgustingly sweet, and her brain supplies her with dozens of murky possibilities for the taste, none of which are useful to explain her current predicament. She tries to keep her breathing even, refusing to panic when her next exhale comes back warm and humid on her face. Tentatively, she opens her eyes only to find that she can't see anything no matter which direction she looks in. The world is a shoddy brown and stops an inch away from her face ; a burlap sack. Something sharp digs in her back and the chair underneath her is particularly uncomfortable. She tries to wiggle her arms, to get a feel for her position because she's almost sure her shoulders aren't supposed to bend that far back. Ropes dig deep around her bound wrists. The room she's in must be small because when a cold voice makes itself known, it reverberates all around her.

"Good. You’re awake."

Lena’s heart skips a beat.

"Mother ?"

***

"Okay," Alex says, taking a deep breath. "Okay. We are all going to stay calm and work methodically. She has to be somewhere."

Kara does not want to stay calm, and Kara does not want to work methodically. She wants to move Heaven and Earth to find Lena. 

She’ll wreck the universe if she has to. 

"She’s not in her apartment. She’s not in her office. There’s no trace of break-in but Jess was found asleep at her desk with no recollection of what could have happened. Kara rounded the city, no heartbeat, no remain of scent," Alex lists off blankly, "the traffic cameras show no trace of any suspicious vehicle leaving L-Corp. It's like she vanished."

Alex is just about the only one who's remotely calm in their little group ; Kara suspects it's because of the hefty dose of painkillers she injected to herself while doctor Hoshi was fixing her leg earlier. Even Brainy is fretting, pacing the length of Lena's office back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, to a maddening point that makes Kara want to scream. Every time he passes in front of Nia, she tries to grasp for his hand but he swerves just enough to avoid her and she has to resume her own fidgeting, a rhythmless tapping against her thigh. 

As for Taylor, they're sitting on the couch, head between their hands, hair gripped tight between their fingers. They're dressed in a peculiar almost absurd way, the top part of their outfit constituting of Kara's old suit and the bottom seemingly a pair of Alex's ancient, verging on decrepit, tactical pants. Their feet have been shoved in a pair of bulky red lace up boots Kara didn't know she still had. A banged up machete rests on the couch next to them for a reason Kara doesn't really want to investigate. 

Distraught doesn't seem to be a strong enough term to describe them and the more time passes, the more they seem to shrink into the couch. Kara can't tell if they're about to burst into tears or into rage but to be completely fair with them, she could herself fall on any side of this at any time. There's a clock sickly ticking inside of her head and deep in her stomach, she gets the gripping sensation that they're running out of time.  
***

"H. How...?" Lena sputters uncouthly. "You're supposed to be in jail." She breathes in deep through the mouth and out the nose, trying to keep her head clear and her ears trained on Lillian walking around the room. She moves quickly and Lena has to refrain from moving her head alongside her.  
"Lena, Lena, Lena," her mother tuts. "The answer is too complicated for you to wrap your silly head around it."  
There's something wrong with her voice, but Lena can't quite put her finger on it.  
"What do you want from me ?"

"Not much," Lillian replies and Lena doesn't need to try hard to picture her devious smile. "Quite frankly you're just collateral damage."

She should be used to it at this point but somehow, she still isn't ; and every time Lillian drags her into her schemes, showing less love and consideration for her than she would for a stray dog, it still squeezes her heart, still hurts in a way it shouldn't.

"What did you do ?" she asks, trying to make her voice steeled and assured and failing, when it comes out as a wet sputter half echoing in the burlap sack.  
"Nothing yet," Lillian replies, sounding almost careless. "At least not personally. But I do need to have a word with Supergirl and unfortunately for you, you're the straightest path to her."  
"Couldn't you fucking text like a normal person ?" Lena mumbles under her breath.  
The back of a hand collides with her cheek, hard enough to break skin. "Do not be impertinent."  
Lena's head swims around for a good minute. She feels like her brain isn't bound to her body anymore, like it's floating farther and farther away from her with each breath she takes.  
"Now, are you going to behave or do you plan on being an ill-mannered little girl the whole way through ?"  
Lillian doesn't wait for her to reply and rips the sack from over her head, its sides catching painfully on her ears. Having adjusted to the relative darkness, the onslaught of light blinds her and for a moment, she sees nothing but bright spots dancing in front of her eyes and a black shimmering silhouette towering above her.  
***

This isn't real. I can't be real. Taylor will not let it be real. They are also quite sure they started dissociating ten good minutes ago so at this point, who knows. Kara looks like she's either about to commit murder or suicide and they wouldn't hold either against her because Lena is missing. She's missing. How can she be missing ?  
Their Mum getting abducted is routine at this point, but she's also usually easy to recover. Her kidnappers are always dumb, there's a heartbeat to follow, or the trail of an expensive perfume. This time there's nothing, and the world has never sounded more silent.  
"There has to be something we can do," Alex sighs, sagging even more, if possible, against the desk she's leaning on.

"What ?" Kara snarks, "file a missing person report and wait for them to send us her body piece by piece ?"

It's the first time she's said anything since they all conveyed to Lena's office. Taylor wishes she had remained silent.  
"She's alive," Nia says, ceasing for a short moment the terrible tapping against her thigh before resuming at an aggravating pace.  
"You can't be sure of that," Kara mumbles and Taylor honest to Rao wants to get up and shake her senseless, maybe chuck her out the window ; she has no right being this defeated. If Supergirl isn't hopeful then who can be ?  
"I haven't dreamed of the contrary, so I'm basing myself on her being alive. I could try to astral project to find her if I had a general idea of where she is but I don't and," Nia continues, in a frustrating fast paced speech, "right now I can't dream because this room's got mad bad vibes that are blocking my energy."  
"Mad bad vibes ?" Alex repeats tentatively.

"Yeah bad vibes. Inferior energy. Abysmal vibrancy." A bit passes, Taylor blinks slowly and sees everyone do the same as they turn to look at Nia. Kara looks positively feral. "Y'all are really nervous and it's interfering with my dreamscape," Nia deadpans. "Also, something shady happened here."

"Nervous ?" Kara repeats. "Nervous ?! My," she stops, swallows. "My," she tries again. "Lena is missing !"

"And do you think I don't care ?" Nia replies, her voice even only through the power of the comforting hand Brainy lays on her shoulder. "I'm trying."

"Well try harder."  
Taylor's head snaps up to look at Kara, astonished that she'd say that even considering the circumstances. Everybody however, is looking at them and the sudden realisation that they are the one who spoke sinks into them like ice cold glass shards. "I'm sorry," they whisper though this apology as never felt so shallow.

Nia exhales longly. "It's okay," she says. "It's okay. I'm gonna try again. But I'd like for everyone to take a deep breath with me first because I also want to find Lena and none of our attitudes are helping right now. I’m going to try again, just, just make me some space on the couch."

Fused as they are with the couch, Taylor doesn't really understand how they manage to move enough to make space but Nia still settles next to them, closes her eyes and tips backward in that scary way Taylor has never quite gotten used to. 

For an unknown amount of time, nothing happens ; Taylor doesn't dare to look at the clock, doesn't want to quantify for how long they've been Lena-less. Then, Nia starts bleeding. Through her eyes. 

***

Lena does something stupid then, and tries to headbutt the shadowy figure of her mother. She fails of course. The chair tips forward, her face connects with the floor and fuck, it hurts. Lillian lifts her to her feet with a single hand, slapping the chair hard on the floor once it's upright again. Since when is her mother so jacked ?

"Is prison so boring you started to do push ups ?" Lena asks spitefully, all sense of self-preservation having apparently flown out the inexistent window.

"You have no idea," Lillian croons, reaching out, almost tenderly, to wipe a trickle of blood and saliva on Lena's chin.

"Well you did send me to jail once so..."

"I have no desire to hurt you."

"Where have I ever heard that before ?" Lena asks under her breath. "Oh yeah," she continues, louder, "every other time you’ve put me in a shit situation." She doesn't bother avoiding the hand that connects with her face, and by some miraculous fit of strength, even manages to school her face enough to keep pain away from her features when Lillian's wedding ring catches on her jaw bone, tearing the skin here. "You know Supergirl will find me, right ? You can't be so far gone into your latest power trip that you forgot that she will find me and send your ass back to jail in several pieces ?"

"She won’t," Lillian replies simply, deeply absorbed in the dirt beneath her fingernails. "Not until I want her too anyway."

"She can hear me. She’ll be here any minute now."

"She won’t," Lillian says, briefly looking up from her hand before resuming her inspection. "I’ve suppressed your heartbeat." Under the single naked light bulb that illuminates the room, Lena would swear her mother coruscates in time with her words.

"You what ?"

"I’ve suppressed your heartbeat," Lillian repeats. "Do I have to say everything twice ? I thought you were supposed to be a genius. Supergirl won't find you until I want her to. She needs to answer for her crimes, and her penitence starts with your disappearance."

***

"Fuck," Alex mumbles. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

Kara agrees wholeheartedly with this statement. 

Nia's entire face is covered in blood now. It seeps out from her eyes, her nose, her parted lips, even her ears. Taylor tried shaking her awake about five different times, but to no avail. They're about to go for it a sixth time and Kara is distantly aware that she should stop them, Nia is bound to have brain damage at this point, but she's rooted in place, scared and useless, every single cell in her body tuned into Lena's missing heartbeat.

"Don’t," Brainy says, stepping in before Taylor's hands can close around Nia's shoulders. "Let me."

His own hands are gentle when they come to frame her face and he rests his forehead against hers. Kara feels a pang of longing, yearning to be cradled this way.

"Nia, my love," Brainy murmurs. "It’s time to wake up."

There’s a beat, a suspended second that stretches on and on and on before Nia gasps, her eyes flying open and a single word tumbles past her bloodied lips. "Water."

Taylor springs to their feet, trips on the carpet and makes a beeline for the door. "I’ll get you some."

"No." Nia coughs, sputters a flake of dried blood. "She's somewhere with water. Lots of it. And rusts. Metal. I’m sorry. That’s all I saw. I was kicked out of my dream."

"You were out for a long time," Alex points out softly, producing a handkerchief from her pocket and crouching to dab at the blood on her face before Brainy takes over with mechanical but tender motions.

"There was nothing to see," Nia whispers. "Nothing at all. I was in there for ten seconds at most and then there was, there was nothing."

"Are you okay ?" Kara finds it in herself to ask.

Nia shrugs, winces. "Yeah. I mean, all things considered."

"We should try the docks," Alex decides, slapping her thighs resolutely before staggering up, leaning on her good leg.

"I flew over them three times. She’s not there."

"Water, rust, metal," Alex lists off with too much rationality for Kara not to be annoyed by it. "Lead could prevent you from hearing her."

"Or magic," Taylor points out offhandedly. "What ?" they add when everybody zeroes in on them like they just suggested the Earth is flat. "Lead isn’t particularly known for causing people to bleed through their eyes. Especially not remotely."

"Magic..." Kara whispers. She doesn't ever recall wanting someone to be wrong so bad. If Taylor is right then they are, as Alex would put it so nicely, fucked.

***

Something rings wrong with Lillian's words. Not just the fact that what she's saying does not make sense, because unless her mother somehow knows about the kiss, Lena doesn't see what "crime" Kara would have to answer for ; but her very voice sounds distorted, like it's not really coming out of her mouth. 

"You see," her mother blabbers on, "Supergirl acts and acts but never stops to think about the damages she does. Never considers the lines she oversteps, the lives she breaks. It's time someone put her in her place, it's time she pays."

Lena shakes her head, feels dizzy at the mere motion and wonders how much time as passed since her last meal. Maybe Lillian banged her head a little too hard when she brought her here. She doesn't even remember how that happened, can't put together the pieces of her mother showing up to her office, or really anything that happened after Kara left. 

"Everybody praises her," Lillian goes on, her voice syrupy and sickening. "They build her monuments, adore her like a false decadent god. But she has hurt so many people. So many people Lena. Even you. She's hurt you too, hasn't she ?"

Lena ignores the comment, instead looks around for clues and finds nothing ; the room is barren except for the chair she's tied too. Her vision swims around from the simple effort of seeing and there it is again, this damn taste coating her tongue, a metallic sweetness that makes her want to throw up. Maybe she already threw up while she was unconscious. She considers asking, but Lillian is still talking.

"She’s hurt my Master too. Hurt Her so deeply."

Wait, what ?

"But it’s you I’m concerned about. You are in love with a monster and you are going to give her a child, a family. How can you bear to do that ?"

Lena's brain is working triple time to make sense of this. It doesn't track. There is absolutely no way Lillian would know about Taylor. She feels like her brain is shrinking on itself and she has to fight against it, push against her own boundaries so she can keep herself in working order and get the hell out of here. This is the only thought that she can really grasp, the one thing that rises above the mud that swallows her brain ; she needs to get out of here, no matter what it takes. 

She looks down at her feet, trying to calculate the strength it would take her to get up with the added weight of the chair, trying to gauge if she'd be strong enough to take her mother out with it. She doesn't see her feet however, but a thick layer of mud. There was no mud a minute ago. She's sure of it. Mostly sure of it. What the fuck is happening ?

"See, it’s a shame that you love her, shame that you have to suffer because of it. It would be so much easier for you if you didn't. Even if what ultimately matters is that she loves you, and your death will break her."

Lena can't hold back a gasp. Lillian wouldn't, would she ? 

"I’m your daughter, that has to mean something ! You told me you loved me !"

Lillian shrugs in a very uncharacteristic manner. "A technicality," she says, not sounding like herself at all. 

Lena pushes on her legs, once, twice, fails miserably at getting the chair from underneath her. It's like her legs are locked, like her feet have been superglued to the ground. She tries again, times her effort with the sudden and welcome distraction of something thumping hard on the ceiling ; disturbingly, she perceives the hairline cracks on her bones when she breaks through whatever is holding her back. Lillian flickers before her eyes, raises her head to look up and for a short second, looks like someone else entirely.

"You're not my mother, are you ?" Lena breathes out before she launches herself at whoever that is. She doesn't collide with her though, but with an invisible barrier that rattles everything in her body.

"Clever girl," not Lillian says, "clever clever girl."

***

Kara lets herself drop on a particularly rusty container and Taylor follows suit, the metal creaking hard under both their weights. They’ve x-rayed every container on the docks thrice, every banged up ship and every warehouse in a ten miles radius ; Lena is nowhere to be found. Kara smacks her lips against each other, wets them with her tongue and without really meaning too, Taylor mirrors the gesture. There’s a weird taste coating the inside of their mouth, something sweet and metallic that’s bordering on nauseating. 

Wait.

They’ve been submitted to magic at Crucible, it was part of the training. Magic 101 when your powers were dependent on magic and resisting magic 101 when your powers could be tempered with by magic. This weren’t their favourite lessons. Sure, it was fun to witness some of their classmates perform magical fits that would have left Harry Potter jealous but when it was turned against them, it always left them in such a state that they could never remember how they got back to their room. They would often awake in bed hours later, Max curled into an armchair next to them, a metallic sweetness coating the inside of their mouth. 

"She’s in this one," they whisper in awe.

Kara raises her head, briefly averting her eyes from the silhouettes of Alex, Nia and Brainy attempting to climb the towering pile of metal to join them. "Uh ?"

"She’s in this one," Taylor says again with urgency.

Kara shakes her head, returns to her observation. "She’s not. It’s empty, like all of the others."

"Don’t you feel anything weird ? A sweet taste that makes you went to puke ?"

"To be honest I’ve felt like I was either about to throw up, pass out or die since she disappeared so no, not really."

"It’s magic," Taylor presses on. "I’m 99% sure she’s being concealed by some kind of ward. If only I knew which one..."

Kara turns to stare at them, blinks before her face morphs into a peculiar -what do I have to lose ?- expression. She slams her hand hard next to her and the metal creaks and deforms when she uses the momentum to haul herself to her feet. "Okay," she says, "what do we do ?"

"Bust it open."

"That’s all ?" Kara asks very slowly, these two words dragging out of her mouth like she’s afraid of asking the question.

"I had classmates so powerful they could create entire protective bubbles with one drop of blood, and not necessarily their own. Unless you have a magician friend you're hiding from me, our only advantage here is brute strength."

"I can do brute strength," Kara replies, and before she’s done talking, she’s ripped half the top of the container.

Which is empty.

Empty. Empty. Empty. Completely empty. 

Except it doesn’t seem to stop Kara at all. She drops inside and starts patting the air around her, evidently having won the competition of who was going to lose it first today. Taylor drops in beside her almost falling over at the gripping stench of magic. Kara is enraptured, bewitched almost, and she whispers, "you were right. She’s in here. I can feel her."

"It’s empt-," Taylor begins to say but then they hear it, two syllables, barely over a whisper.

"Kara."

And the world positively explodes around them.

They find themselves blown thirty feet into the air in a perfect parabola and when they begin their downward course they catch a glimpse of scrap metal in the centre of which Lena is pining someone down with a chair and Kara is throwing up on the side of the container pile. They spare a thought for their uncanny capacity to end up in terrible situation before they hit another towering pile of storing units and crash all the way down, busting metal panel after metal panel until they hit the concrete, a foot away from the murky water of the port.

They’re up and running again in less than a second, jumping from container to container and grabbing Alex and Nia, who grabs Brainy by the sleeve, on their way up so they can all join the fight.

The sight that welcomes them is, interesting to say the least. Kara is attempting to get Lena’s attention while Lena is attempting to crush Taylor’s grandmother, the evil one not the other, under her weight while proffering an incredible string of swears in a great variety of languages. 

For a moment, they’re winning. Taylor can smell the lovely scent of victory and then of course, the world tips sideway again and it’s replaced by another powerful wave of sweet metal that knocks theirs and Kara’s legs from under them.

Lillian, but it’s not Lillian, is it ? grabs Lena by the face, muffling her, and hauls herself to her feet before jumping into the void and taking flight. 

Definitely not Lillian then. 

Kara is up quicker than the rest of them, launches herself after them and after a second of hesitation, invisible to anyone else but clear as day to Taylor, she slams against the witch, grabs her by the waist, flips this weird entanglement of bodies and frees Lena so that when they all tumble on yet another pile of containers, she’s away from the frazzled and angry sorceress. 

It takes five good seconds for the smoke of the impact to dissipate and for Taylor to find them again and by then, Alex has started climbing down the pile to get to the other and the situation has been reversed again.  
The witch now stands between Lena and Kara, touching neither of them but still holding them both under her spell, their feet hovering a good foot other the drop. 

"Lillian !" Kara pleads. "Lillian ! Please, I’ll do anything. Anything. Just don’t drop her."

"Lillian ?" the witch scoffs. "They should call you Superthick."

"You’re not...?"

The witch sighs, them smiles, her grin widening and widening until her face splits in two and she seems to both melt and grow taller at the same time, slowly morphing from Lillian to a grey skinned woman with hair darker than the night and eyes that settle on multiple colours at once. 

"I’m not Lillian. No. My name is Selena and Superdumb, it is past time you answer for your crimes."

Taylor is still much too far when Lena starts thrashing, her face slowly but surely turning a violent purple. Panic seises their heart and grinds their brain to a halt and for the life of them, they can’t calculate the shortest trajectory to Lena. 

"Jump," someone says behind them. "Jump I’ll push you."

Taylor refuses to avert their eyes from their mothers. "What ?"

"I’ll push you," the voice repeats, Nia’s. "With a dream blast. Jump Taylor. Jump. None of us are strong enough."

It’s a dumb plan. Not even a fully fledged one, just the outline of a dumb plan. Still, Taylor jumps and as they’re propelled forward by dream energy, they spare a second to pray that this dumb idea is not the end of everything.

"Not my mother you bitch !" they yell uncouthly right before their fist makes contact with Selena's face.

The momentum carries them both to the edge of the container as Selena struggles to regain the upper hand. Behind them, Taylor hears Kara touch down on the metal plane ; before them, Lena tumbles into the void.

They don’t stop to think, don’t even consider how if propelling themself on a dream beam was a dumb idea, this is simply beyond stupid ; they just jump after her. 

For a moment they fall ungracefully, like a boulder, and then the reality of the situation catches up with them and they force their disarrayed limbs into an acceptable plunging form to dive after their mum.

They catch up with her ten feet before the unforgiving ground.

Rotate one feet away from it, hoping to shield her as best they can.

Reverse their course one inch from the concrete, rocketing up the sky, flying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I have your attention, I wrote a little Supercorp something that I'm really proud of, you can find it [here ☕️](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27509527)


	21. On hold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they wait and the villain of the week is anxiety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am slowly losing all grip on reality but I'm almost sure it's Friday so here's another chapter ^^
> 
> [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) for this chapter is just one song, _You_ by Framing Hanley.

  
So, this is how she dies.

Belatedly, Lena wonders if having paid attention all these times Lillian dragged her to church, if having been a more active devout, could have ensured her a less abrupt departure from this plane of existence. Deep down though, she knows it wouldn't have changed jack shit. She's already too far on her way to becoming a human pancake, flattened against harsh concrete after a fifty feet free fall. At least she won't die from suffocation which is a small relief if not much else. She would like to say she refuses to close her eyes and stares death right in the face but it would be a lie. What she does is screwing her eyelids shut to conjure the image of Kara in her mind. She might be about to die like a coward, but at least she'll do so with a smile on her lips.

Surprisingly, or not, who is she to know anything at this point, she doesn't die. Her body doesn't splatter against the muddy ground of the docks and her brain isn't impaled on the fragments of her own skull ; instead, someone snatches her by the waist after an infinite fall and she finds herself launched across the sky, anchored to a body that her own body doesn't yet recognise. She peeks one eye open, identifies Taylor, and closes it again immediately. The ground is much much too far below her feet for her to be comfortable about it.

"I've got you," her child says. "I've got you. Don't you dare fucking die."

Lena takes stock of her body, notices that her heart is already two steps beyond tachycardia, that her throat burns and her lungs seem fixated on not working properly. Her brain is probably also too far gone because what she settles on saying is, "language," in a small rough voice that doesn't bear a single trace of reproach.

"Shut up Mum. It's your foul mouth who taught me how to swear, you have no fucking ground to stand on."

Lena's slug-like brain is overtaken by the need to point out the accuracy of this statement, her feet are indeed very far from the ground ; but Taylor cuts all possibility of a reply by gently setting her down extremely high up next to a pair of hands that turn out to be Alex's, who hauled herself up an entire pile of containers using only the strength of her arms. Lena is mildly impressed and then, she passes out.

***

It's not so much that Kara would rather be anyplace else but here, there is, truthfully, nowhere she'd rather be in the universe but at Lena's side ; but she would admittedly pay a hefty amount of money to be in any other situation.

"Next time, I will be involved in this," Ghim says her voice dragging menacingly.

Not, _I would like_ , or even, _I want to_ ; but, _I will._

She's staring at her dead in the eyes with exactly zero room for discussion, and Kara is trying very hard to keep her mind from drifting to the memory of the time this absolute puppy, former death machine, successfully killed her for a good five minutes.

"This was a difficult situation," Kara explains, refusing to falter in this staring match. "We, I, thought it best to keep you out of it."

"I was trained by a dictatorial army, I am very good at getting rid of difficult situations."

"That's what I feared," Kara admits. She wants to avert her eyes to her hands, or to Lena, to look at anything but at Red Daughter, but she hangs on. "I've only ever fought you, never with you, and I feared you'd lack restrain. I didn't want you to be a liability when she was in danger."

"I understand," Ghim says, her voice suddenly small and pitiful. She's the first to break the staring contest and Kara wants to backtrack at the speed of light, to take back everything she just said and instead wrap her in a hug that will fix everything. "But I want to protect her and I hope you will let me show you what I am capable of so that shall the need arise, she will always have someone."

"I think that's fair," Kara agrees softly. "And for what it's worth, I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance."

Ghim nods. "It is worth a lot," she replies in that weird and ancient tone she sometimes employs. She often sounds both terribly wise and horribly young and Kara can't help but wonder how such dichotomy can reside in a single soul. Is she like that too ? She doesn't feel particularly wise.

They let the moment settle, both leaning back into the chairs that frame Lena's hospital bed. She'll be okay ; they arrived just in time and she herself put up one hell of a fight. It doesn't prevent Kara from feeling scared and terrible and anxious. She hates seeing her like this, small and frail, almost swallowed by the thick grey covers of the DEO's med bay and she struggles to keep her mind off what could have happened if Taylor hadn't been here, if they hadn't recognised magic, if they hadn't caught her when she fell.

She shudders, squeezes her eyes shut and opens them again to gaze around the room. With how much time they spend in it, the white clinical space could really use some decorating. A couple of candles and throw pillows, softer lighting to melt the sharp edges, maybe a framed picture or two. And a secret drawer for a secret snack stash.

"I am in love with her too," Ghim says suddenly, picking up the thread of a conversation she seems to have held with herself only. "I will not come in between the two of you, I know it is you that she loves." Kara forces her gaping mouth to close shut, shaking herself away from a near perfect imitation of a fish out of water. "But when I awoke there," Ghim continues, shuddering to a phantom cold than only she can feel, "I only knew two things. That I needed to find Alex. And, that I was in love with Lena. This knowledge has kept me warm ever since."

"I'm sorry," Kara gulps, frozen, perplexed, and completely at a loss for what else to say.

"Do not be. It is marvellous that you are loved by her."

They lapse into silence again after this confession, Kara sensing that Ghim will not be open to further discussion. The scarred Kryptonian extracts a Russian book from her satchel and Kara elects to take a nap, moving only to take Lena's hand in her own. She doesn't fall asleep, she's much too aware of every single menial thing going on around her for that to happen, but she does close her eyes, letting time pass her by, and she knows at least a good hour has elapsed before others start trickling in the med bay.

Taylor comes in first. They've changed out of their weird amalgam of tactical gear and make a beeline for the armrest of Kara's chair. They sit on it hesitantly and an entire lifetime passes before they curl in on themself and against Kara's shoulder, exhausted. In and of itself, it's a simple gesture, but Kara can't fathom life ever being the same after.

"You okay there aonah ?" she asks softly.

Taylor breathes out, very very slowly. "I'm fine Yeyu. I'm fine."

Alex comes in shortly after that, Kelly in tow. They make for an awkward sight, having merged in the past hour in a single creature with two heads, two functional arms and four legs. They limp, clumsily, Alex's broken limb getting in the way of every step. They stop and scowl in tandem but it's only Alex who speaks, producing a short and unwelcome sentence.

"She's not awake yet ?"

"Should she be ?" Kara asks back, heartbeat rocketing into the stratosphere.

"I don't know," Alex answers, her shoulders rising above Kelly's in a shrug. "I'm not the magic expert. She seems as fine as can be to me but she was deprived of oxygen for a while and then went through the stress of being dropped fifty feet so that has to be taken into account too." A strand detaches from her carefully gelled hair and she blows on it, letting out steam and trying to get it out of her face at the same time. Kelly brushes it away from her eyes for her and after a beat, she speaks again. "Can you tell us anything more ?" she asks, specifically to Taylor. "Was this covered in class ?"

At that question, Taylor promptly bursts into tears.

***

A black hole opens in their chest and now would be a very good time for it to swallow them whole. Instead, snot and tears dribble down their face as Taylor embarrassingly sobs and sobs like a fucking four years old. Why now of all moments ? Why in a room full of people ? Why couldn't their body just wait five more minutes, or send a nice little warning sign before releasing their soul in undignified wails ? It hurts ; and they feel wretched and broken and like nothing will ever be okay again even as Kara cradles them against her, rocking and blabbering reassurances in Kryptonese.

_"You're okay,"_ she murmurs, _"you're okay. And Lena's going to be okay too. I promise. Your mum is going to be okay."_

But Taylor is not okay, not even remotely. Every single event of the past few weeks comes crashing down on them in a wave of indistinguishable feelings that makes them want to die. They suffocate, their chest constricting unnaturally as they try to suck in ragged breath after ragged breath still weeping like all the pain in the world is unloading through their eyes. They feel utterly worthless. It was beyond stupid to think they could be of any use here, in this time.

This gives them pause, and they realise that even now, when the only clear thought they can grasp is that they want to go home and to be held by older arms, they won't activate the time beacon. They need to stay here, need to help, need to fix this ; because even if right now it feels like their world is crumbling all around them, they know with a strange, and just the tiniest bit frightening, clarity that it would downright explode if they were to go back to the future. So they hold on and they cry, bawling their eyes out against Kara's shoulder with not a shred of dignity as she whispers comforting lies in their ear.

A long moment passes, or maybe time ceases to exist entirely, during which they try to bury themself into their Yeyu, to crawl back into a metaphorical womb they weren't born from with the single minded purpose of being shielded from everything forever. Eventually, their tears abate, which is nothing short of a miracle, and they regain a semi-consciousness of the people around them. There's snot on Kara's suit, which is embarrassing, and Alex has disentangled herself from Kelly to kneel in front of them, hand on their knee, her eyes shining with something that isn't quite pity, but a unique tinge of sadness that might be even worse.

Crassly, they wipe the bodily fluids off their face with the sleeve of their hoodie, sniffling to get the leakage under control. Suffice to say, they feel like shit. But somehow, even with their obvious current state, they still find it in themself to lie, a laughable testament of having been raised by Lena Luthor. 

"I'm fine," they say, slipping in a wet laugh for good measure, "really."

"With all due respect," Alex says, her hand temporarily leaving their knee to wipe a stray tear on their face in an unfathomable gesture, "you’re not. What can I do to help ?"

"You can’t do anything," Taylor replies, their tone childlike and unnerving to their ears. "I just want Mum to wake up."

They might have found it in themself to lie the first time but in this instant, there isn't a single cell in their body that cares anymore about hiding the truth, or about the slip.

"She’s strong. She'll pull through I know it."

"I’m so tired. So tired of her having to be strong all the time. Aren’t you tired ?"

They turn to Kara as they speak but it's Alex who answers, voice so soft it might as well be a figment of their weary imagination. 

"I am," she says. "I'm tired of everyone around me suffering and getting hurt and still having to get up in the morning. And I'm scared. I've let Lena become another sister to me and now I'm scared all the time." She stops, sighs and then chuckles bleakly. "That girl goes through assassination attempts like I go through beer cans. Please do not mention my drinking problem right now. But I can’t let it stop me. I can’t let the fear and exhaustion stop me. And I’m sorry, but you can’t let it stop you either. Tell you what, why don't we set up camp here tonight ? We have enough blankets lying around to make it comfortable and Brainy can set up a little something so we can watch a movie, or four. I promise I won't force you to go home until she's awake."

Taylor ponders over this for a minute, there's not much of a choice to make however and they answer, scratching their throat to make themself sound less pitiful : "can we watch _The Abyss_ ?"

"Rao, again ? I hate this movie," Kara mumbles behind them, her own voice rough and tear-filled.

She doesn't protest much more, and once Taylor has decided to reverse back to being an adult and get out of her lap, she gets up, set on pulling her weight with the sleepover's preparation. She doesn't make it very far before her sister grabs her by the wrist and, tugging at her with surprising strength for someone whose arms should be liquified by now, brings her into a hug that Taylor can only describe as bone crushing. The sisters stay entangled like that for a long, immeasurable moment, heads tucked in each other's shoulders and arms snagged around each other's body in a vigorous yet tender grip.

***

The world slows almost to a stop. Kara knows it's only her perception of things going a little wonky, knows it's only because she's exhausted and terrified and the only thing she can focus on is Lena who seems to be suspended in a dark and unknown limbo. She knows it's not real, but it doesn't prevent her from feeling like the universe is about to stop existing. Even her own heart seems to be beating slower, an infinity stretching between each pump, and she wonders each time if there's going to be another one. 

She pays no mind to the movie playing on the screen, the third of the night, focusing instead on the clock on the wall to make sure each second correctly ticks by ; anchoring herself to the simple act of a hand moving around on a simplistic time giving device to make sure that things are running correctly and it's only her brain that's messed up. It's not that she doesn't trust Alex to keep all of them safe, that she doesn't trust her when it comes to finding a permanent housing solution for their new magical foe ; but it's hard to turn of the part of herself that permanently expects everything to blow up, especially when it comes to something she holds little advantage against.

What if Selena manages to break out of her power dampening cell ? What if she can slow down time ? What if she destroys Kara’s world and she has to stand there frozen and watch ? 

Her heart takes its next beat. She isn’t frozen in time, no one is. Nia is feeding Brainy popcorn and Alex is snoring loudly against Kelly’s shoulder and Ghim is mouthing along the characters on the screen and Taylor is fiddling with a stray thread on their blanket, their eyes intently following the movie. Kara waits for another second ; her heart does its job, so does the clock on the wall. Beside her Lena sighs, and she buries herself deeper against her frail sleeping form, knowing she herself won't sleep until she wakes up. She can't bear the idea of closing her eyes on a sleeping Lena to open them on a corpse.

Because, what if she doesn't wake up ? What if she isn't sleeping but only on the premise of her death ? What if Kara stops paying attention and Lena slips away from this realm ? What if, what if she simply dies ?

She can barely compute the thought without her body verging towards complete shutdown. The world, the universe, wouldn't make sense without Lena in it ; and for this simple reason, Lena can't die, and she will wake up.

A lithe hand clumsily wraps itself around hers and she immediately stops picking at the mattress she's been slowly destroying without meaning to. It takes her thirty stupidly long seconds, thirty ticks of the hand of the clock, to realise that her newly held hand is not the one that was destroying DEO property in the first place, but the other. Her head whirls to look at Lena lightning fast and she finds her staring back at her with bloodshot eyes, the tiniest most radiant smile cracking her parched lips. 

She opens and closes her mouth several times, wetting her lips and struggling to move her jaw like massive unfathomable words are trying to come out of her. Kara wants to do something, wants to help, but she's rooted to the spot and all she can do is stare and stare again until the smallest of croaks reaches Kara's ears and Lena whispers almost inaudibly, "I love you." 


	22. Ukiem chao zhao

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lena is loved by many people in many different ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to preface this chapter by stating that I do not take drugs. I may have been a bit tired when I was writing this though. 🤷
> 
> The title is a poor attempt at Kryptonese and translates roughly to : familial love ( _ukiem_ ) and ( _chao_ ) romantic love ( _zhao_ ). 
> 
> [Soundtrack](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) this week is again only one song : _Crazy in love (remix)_ by Beyonce (I've never seen that shit movie but I haven't been able to get that song out of my head since I've heard it Rao knows where).

When Lena wakes up for the second time, still groggy and a bit unsure of anything but the presence of Kara, the room has been plunged into darkness, and everyone is asleep. The atmosphere is peaceful, more peaceful than it ought to be in a semi-secret government organisation and though it still hurts to swallow and she can feel hairline fractures on every single one of her bones, she feels safe, and protected.

It takes her a while to gather her bearings enough to realise it isn’t just Kara in the bed with her, but that she’s sandwiched between two unnaturally warm bodies ; her favourite Kryptonian, and, the sturdy young frame of her child. The very child who saved her life, who snatched her away from a sure death officially tallying up at two the number of Kryptonians who have done stupid things for her. She's absolutely sure, and would swear it on the closest available holy thing, that Taylor had lost their flight ability up to the moment they jumped after her. She's heard of adrenaline kick starting Kryptonians before, but it doesn't mean she can forget that they both should be indistinguishable mangled corpses right now.

It's weird, not in the sense that this a very peculiar situation, though it is on so many levels ; but because Lena should be panicking about a variety of things right now and she isn't. First, there's the fact that she woke up in a foreign bed and she usually hates waking up anywhere but at home. Then, there's the fact that for the first time in her long list of near death experiences, she's more upset by the fact that she almost died than by the fact that she didn't, which, her brain helpfully supplies, probably means that she's gearing towards becoming a normal person. And finally, she vividly remembers telling Kara she loves her which would normally make her want to jump out the nearest window but instead makes her feel serene and complete.

She should be out of her mind right now but instead shuffles to give herself a tiny bit more space on the narrowest bed in the world, buries herself further against Kara and falls back asleep.

***

When she wakes up again, somewhere between a minute and ten hours later, she’s in a much less pristine condition. Everything hurts like hell ; like someone took a sledgehammer and meticulously knocked sideway every bone in her body and then reset them improperly. She isn't too keen on dying, but it does seem like a reasonable solution right now. Someone pokes at her arm and an undefined moment later the sharp pain subsides in a hazy fog leaving her untethered and unbothered by it.

"Alright lovebird," a surprisingly clear voice says next to her, "out of her bed, I need to run some checks."

The massive hunk of warmth that previously rested next to her starts moving away and Lena focuses all her will into moving her arms to keep Kara close to her. "Noooo," she whines, her voice nothing more than a pitiful croak, "don't goooo."

"Sorry Lena," the previous voice says, Alex’s, she realise belatedly, "but I do have to make sure everything’s in order."

"I’m dyyying," Lena hears herself say, distantly, a bit like her head has been stuck in a basin of muddy water.

"Not you’re not." Lena can practically hear Alex rolling her eyes. Or maybe she developed super powers and can now see with her eyes closed ; that would be nice, though a bit headache inducing. "And don't say shit like that, or everybody's going to start crying again and I'm too tired for that."

"Alex !" Kara scolds, her voice angry and warm like butter on one of these spiky Swedish toasts Sam always has in her kitchen. That's a weird thought to have ; Lena feels very weird.

"Tough love," Alex grumbles, her voice doing a little shrug as if it's now a thing voices can do.

Lena feels very floaty. Whatever happened to her, she's sure it's made her a cloud.

"I do not have a body," she decides to share aloud. Alex needs to know that if she's to perform a medical check up on her absent limbs.

"What did you give her ?" a third voice asks. "She’s tripping. I’m so filming that."

"I'm am not on any trip of any kind," Lena replies, intent on explaining that her current situation does not involve a journey at all. "I am very much there." Someone laughs ; her ? "Or am I ?" she adds to herself, very loudly.

"Wow," the same voice whispers. "She’s gone gone."

"I’m right here !" Lena shouts softly. "Birds," she then says as it’s an information relevant to the current situation.

"Yes Mum," the third voice says, "birds are a thing that exists on this planet."

"Planet," Lena repeats. "I am a planet."

"No you’re not my love," Kara apologises, "you are on a planet."

That doesn’t make any sense but Lena doesn’t want to upset Kara so she nods, her head bouncing up and down as she doesn’t move at all. "I love you my Swedish toast," she says with all her heart.

"Alex," Kara whisper-shouts, "what did you give her ?"

"Regular painkillers," Alex murmur-yells back, "but I may have overdone it a little."

"A little ?" Kara hiss-roars, "she called me her Swedish toast. What’s even a Swedish toast ?"

"I don’t know," Alex mumble-screams, "rich people stuff ?"

"It’s sort of a spiky rusk ?" the third voice interrupts tentatively. "With cardamom in it. Aunt Sam eats that a lot."

"I am supremely rich," Lena says, happy of her important contribution to the conversation.

"Alright I’m all done," Alex says. Alex ? Yes it’s Alex. "Lena, if you can understand what I’m saying in some distant part of your brain, I’m going to give you something for sleep and when you wake up, you’ll be able to go home. Does that work for you ?"

"You’re done ?" Lena asks, confusion repeatedly stabbing her softly between the eyes. "But you didn’t check me out ?"

"Lena," Alex sighs, "Lena. Will all the respect in the world, I will never check you out, my sister, Kara, the love of your life, would gouge my eyes out and then I wouldn’t be able to check my actual girlfriend out."

"Valid," Lena cuts. "I respect that. I will gouge Kara’s eyes."

"Please don’t do that," the third voice whispers.

"I did however," Alex continues, rudely ignoring her interruption, "give you a check up, and you are in working order."

"Noice," Lena hears herself say very very distantly, a bit like her mouth is speaking from somewhere in Europe and her ears are still wherever she is right now. "Noice," she repeats for good measure as this is a word that deserves to be shared twice.

"Sleep tight you weirdo," Alex laughs.

"I’m not a weirdo, I’m a planet," is the last incoherent thought to leave Lena’s mouth before she gently drifts back to sleep. 

***

Lena wakes up a third time sometime that same day but can’t really tell how long she’s slept. The world outside the sole window of the med bay is a depressing grey and it seems to be pissing rain if she’s to believe the splatters of water on the glass. Her head is violently pounding, her brain is trying to escape the confines of her skull, but the rest of her body aches less which she supposes can be considered as a win. Still groggy, she’s got a limited range of movements, but she makes the most of it to survey the quiet room. As was to be expected, she’s not alone. 

Kara is sitting on the uncomfortable chair next to the bed, body slightly angled towards her and legs sprawled before her, stretching beyond Lena’s sightline. She’s dressed in skintight dark heather grey sweatpants and for some reason, Lena can picture her wearing fluffy socks, of the type one uses exclusively to slide on hardwood floors. As for her torso, it’s clad in a blue-green Aran sweater, a bit too short on the sleeves, that Lena is almost certainly sure is hers. A soft looking white t-shirt peeks from under the collar, half hidden by Kara’s cascade of blond curls. She’s not wearing her glasses, and her eyes are closed, a deep crinkle firmly set between them. Whatever she’s thinking about is probably not very pleasant. 

Lena attempts to reach out but finds her hand tangled in a mess of tubes and wires. It’s still enough to get Kara’s attention and she lifts one eye open, then the other, her brow smoothing instantly as a smile stretches on her face instead. "Lena," she breathes out, saying her name in that way that does unspeakable things to her, "you're awake."

Lena attempts to reply, to simply breathe out Kara’s name in return, but her throat is dry and uncooperative and she can barely produce an undignified croak. Unprompted, Kara slides a glass of cool water in her hand and Lena gulps it down in one go, refusing to pay attention to the fact that half of it spills down her front. Only when she's sufficiently hydrated does she manage to speak, her voice a little crooked, a little raw, but there nonetheless because she escaped death once more and she is alive. "Kara."

"How are you feeling ?" Kara asks, her voice still breathy and wonderful. Under her gaze, Lena feels like a precious stone, like a priceless jewel sculpted for the sole purpose of being admired by Kara. Realistically she knows she must look like absolute trash, but she's never felt so beautiful.

"My head hurts a little," Lena admits. "But I’m fine," she has to add hurriedly when Kara’s face scrunches up again and she starts rising from her seat. "Really. Where is everyone ?" 

The unspoken question here is, _is everyone okay ?_ Lena thinks she remembers seeing them all, her friends, her family, in this very room at some point, but she also has the distinct memory of falling from very very high and she’s afraid she’s hallucinated the better parts of the last twenty-four hours.

"Nia and Kelly are at work," Kara says quietly. "Alex is interrogating our new prisoner and Brainy is with her to make sure she, you know, doesn’t rough her up too badly." Something in the set of Kara's jaw makes Lena thinks that she would gladly turn a blind eye if Alex were to mess up the witch a bit more than necessary. "Taylor and Ghim left not long ago. I heard something about arm wrestling."

"You love arm wrestling," Lena crooks.

"I do. But I’d rather stay with you if that’s okay."

"Stay then," Lena whispers roughly.

Damn. She’s been through the wringer.

"Alex said you’d be able to go home once you’d woken up," Kara says, fluffing up her pillow so she can sit mostly upright. "Do you want me to call her ?"

Lena muses over this for a moment, the weird brand of embarrassment suddenly nagging her at the back of her mind. "In a minute," she decides eventually. "Why do I feel like I’ve made a fool of myself ?" she asks slowly, deliberately, when the annoying feeling doesn’t go away.

Kara blushes beet red. "In your defence," she says very softly, almost inaudibly, "Alex overdid it a little in the pain med department and you were high out of your mind."

"Kara," Lena drawls, "what did I do ?"

Kara squirms under her stare and Lena knows she’s got zero resolve and is going to crack. "Well for starter you thought you were a planet. And, um, you compared me to a Swedish toast ? Not sure why."

"Okay. That’s. That’s manageable." Not quite as embarrassing as Lena thought, though it’s a little bit incomprehensible. Swedish toast ? Why ?

"Alex probably took notes and is going to bully you forever," Kara adds very quickly. 

"Fuck."

"But in a loving way because she cares about you." Kara marks a pause here and Lena should expect for something evil and twisted to come out of her mouth but she doesn’t because she trusts her. "My sweet biscotti."

Lena gasps which is a bit painful but she needs to convey her ire. "How dare you ?"

Kara shrugs. "You started it."

"I hate you."

Kara shrugs again and says very softly, reaching out for her hand, "no you don’t. But I can temporarily forget about that if you want me to."

Lena recognises the out she’s being given and doesn’t take it, instead taking a big breath to barrel through. "Don’t," she says. "Please. I never want you to forget that I love you." 

Kara's lips brushes her hand, a smile painting itself on her knuckles. "Then," she whispers, "it is the only thing that I shall ever remember."

***

When Lena wakes up for the fourth or fifth time, she's starting to loose count but considering she did almost die, she's alright with giving herself some leniency ; she's in her bed, in her new home, and again, she isn't alone. The mattress dips where Kara's body rests, completely lax and malleable, a sliver of moonlight crossing the room from the improperly closed curtains to land right on her ass. She's snoring faintly, head smashed into the pillow and hand extended across the bed to rest lightly on, well, on Lena's boob. 

She takes a full minute to assess the situation. Now that she's noticed where Kara's hand is, she can't unnotice it and frankly, it's quite distracting. She doesn’t think she’ll be able to fall back asleep. She isn't sure she wants to fall back asleep, and not just because she's spent the entire day in slumber. Her whole body feels hot, on the brink of overheating, not in an unpleasant way but it certainly is inconvenient. There is no way Kara will not feel completely embarrassed if she wakes up like this and she will insist on going back to the couch and they will fight about it and Lena's boobs will definitely not get consciously touched.

She sighs, then chastises herself for sighing because this is definitely the sort of minute sound that Kara will pick up even in her sleep, and proceeds to shuffle away. As soon as she starts moving however, Kara's hand squeezes. 

She's definitely not getting out of this unscathed.

Mentally, she starts listing all the bad things she's ever done that could have led the universe to put her in this position but if she's being honest with herself her list of offences goes back to infancy and it's a bit too late to achieve absolution. She has no choice but to deal with Kara's mortification upon waking. Maybe she can coax her into a light make out session to take her mind of it. She is aware that this plan is dubious at best, but she still wholeheartedly jumps on the fantasy train, dozing on and off as the hours creep closer to the morning. When Kara wakes up, her hand hasn’t moved one bit. 

Connected as they are, via boob holding, Lena feels her stirring long before she actually arises but she could never have had enough time to prepare herself for the new sight of Kara Danvers waking up in her bed. She groans a little, which should not be cute but is, and blinks owlishly in the semi-darkness of the room, raising her head a couple of inches before letting it drop deeper into the pillow mumbling something that might be, "too early," and then a couple of syllables that could be Lena’s name if they weren’t completely muffled by the fabric.

Then, because the universe absolutely despises Lena, Kara starts absentmindedly thumbing at her nipple. Calmly, though this has to be taken with a grain of salt, Lena starts counting back from ten. Kara jumps out of the bed on three. Her Kryptonian complexion does nothing to hide her blush, she's beet red from the neck up, and frozen, coughing and sputtering like a complete idiot. 

"It's okay," Lena says, preparing herself to put out into the world words she never thought she would ever utter. "I've always known you're a boob girl."

"I. What ?" Kara shrieks, clenching and unclenching her treacherous hand. "What ?!"

Lena sighs, pats the bed next to her and when it becomes evident that Kara is not ready to rejoin her yet, she shuffles up against her pillow, discreetly tugging her night shirt down. As predicted, Kara's eyes immediately zero in on her cleavage. "Kara, darling, you've been holding an intense conversation with my tits for the past three years, did you really think I wouldn't notice ?"

"Tits," Kara repeats, the word halfway between a shameful yelp and an animalistic squeal. 

"Yes, tits. Breasts. Boobs. Cleavage area. Bosom. All synonyms for things that I possess."

"I’m sorry," Kara squeaks. 

Lena sighs almost immediately, her exhale swallowing the end of Kara's undignified little noise. 

"It’s okay," she says, slathering her words with reassurance to the point they stick a little to her mouth. "I want you to look at my boobs. I want you to look at me. It’s nice to feel, it’s nice to feel desired."

Kara says something indistinguishable then coughs awkwardly, her face somehow even redder, to the point Lena grows concern she's going to burst into flames. "Really ?"

"Yes really. Now come back to bed, my boobs are lonely."

Kara freezes, marble-like in her sweet awkwardness ; but before Lena has the time to take anything back, to voice the fears that she's been successfully keeping at bay since she woke up, _too much ? too soon ?_ Kara marches to the bed in a blur, straddles her and Lena's brain swiftly departs for another realm when swift thumbs find a new home on her nipples. Suffice to say Kara has been thinking about this for a long time, and Lena's breasts do not get neglected, to everyone's enjoyment.

***

By the time the sun has fully risen, t-shirts have long since been deemed unnecessary garments and Lena is well set on never leaving her bed again. That is, of course, when her phone decides to start ringing. The shrill of her ringtone pierces her eardrums, sending her a not so gentle reminder that she technically is still injured and on bedrest and should probably not be _exercising._

"Whoever that is," Kara grumbles, lips temporarily leaving her skin to issue her complain, "tell them to fuck off."

"Could be work," Lena exhales, years of discipline leading her to blindly reaching for the offensive device.

"You almost died," Kara points out grumpily, sitting back on her thighs. "Tell them you almost died and hang up."

Lena gulps, her brain briefly blanking out faced with Kara's taut body hovering over her. She blinks, feels herself doing so very slowly, like she's been blasted off to another dimension in which time is a different concept entirely. Kara's face is flush, flyaway hair sticking to her forehead, and in the sharp morning light flooding the bedroom, her eyes have never seemed so dark. The phone stops ringing, only to start again vigorously after less than a second. Clearly, there’s no escaping this.

"I’ll tell them to fuck off."

She squints at the screen, an unwelcome indication that she needs glasses, and answers with the firm intention of being done with whoever is calling in less than a minute.

"Good morning Lena. Good morning Lena’s boobs, long time no see !"

Simultaneously but belatedly, Lena realises two things. One, she's on facetime and two, this isn’t work. She's very grateful for the latter ; she isn't sure how much she'd have to raise Jess' salary to make her forget the incident. She allows herself a second to compose herself, yanking on the sheets to cover herself, then squeals in acknowledgement of her caller. "Sam."

Kara's weight disappears from her lap. "I'll go make breakfast," she mouths, grabbing Lena's t-shirt to cover her torso. Lena blanks again and she doesn't have enough brain power to be embarrassed. Kara Danvers' discarded sweatpants have uncovered boxer briefs and this isn't something she's had nearly enough time to prepare for.

"Good morning Kara !" Sam chirps from the phone which baffles Lena for another reason entirely. Kara isn’t in frame and she didn’t speak nearly loudly enough to be heard. "Long story," Sam cuts, her face blurring momentarily as she waves her phone around. "This isn’t why I’m calling though we are definitely talking about what Kara is doing in your bed. But see, I had to call Alex eleven times and when I finally got through to someone it was her girlfriend which, no thank you, so I'd like to be added to the -Lena almost died- mailing list so when I see you getting wrecked on TV I at least know that you're still alive."

Lena forces her jaw shut, effectively ceasing her imitation of a fish out of water. She oughts to say something because Sam looks like she could go on for hours but her extensive vocabulary refuses to cooperate and what she ends up saying is just about the dumbest thing she could have replied. "I told you you should have called Alex sooner."

"It was a one time thing ! I had no reason to call her !" Sam exclaims, switching from one outrage to the other.

"I distinctly remember you saying it was two time thing," Lena muses, propping her phone up on her nightstand as she looks for a shirt. It's not like it's anything Sam hasn't seen before.

"Do not distract me right now," Sam replies just a bit harshly, picking herself up to drop herself back on track. "You almost died ! Again !"

"I got abducted by a witch," Lena replies matter-of-factly, "that’s hardly my fault."

"How," Sams sputters, "how did that happen ?"

Lena shrugs, realises her shoulders are hidden by the sweater she’s stuck in and says instead, "I'm not very clear on that myself. I think I was used as bait for Supergirl."

Sam sighs, longly, very longly, emptying her Kryptonian lungs of all air before she takes another breath. "I’m happy you’re alive."

"Thank you," Lena deadpans, emerging from her sweater with static hair and picking up the phone again. "Dying would have been very inconvenient."

Sam sighs again, shorter this time. She puts her own phone down, picks up a coffee mug instead and her kitchen appears behind her. On her counter is a pack of Swedish toasts which Lena promptly decides to unsee. "How are you feeling ?"

Lena stops for a second, taking stock of her body. Her legs are tensed, her shoulders hurt a little but otherwise she doesn’t feel like she’s dying anymore which is a major improvement. "Fine I suppose," she says just as the beginning of an unfortunate headache starts to form behind her eyes. "I don't know what they gave me at the DEO but that's not over the counter medicine."

"You’ve got your headache face," Sam points out almost immediately. "Did they check you for a concussion ?"

"They did. I promise you everybody’s taking really good care of me." Sam's features relax imperceptibly, her eyes softening just the slightest bit. "Kara’s staying with me," Lena adds, "you know she won’t let me die."

Sam shakes her head, a soft smile lightening her anguish considerably. "You know I worry," she says, punctuating her sentence with a dismissive laugh.

"I know you do. Worrying is your default setting."

This brings out a genuine laugh from her friend, her shoulders definitely dropping and her whole demeanour lightening. "Like it’s not yours ?"

"I have anxiety."

Sam rolls her eyes, takes a sip of coffee and, after wiping the beverage moustache from her upper lip, asks, "she’s taking good care of you at least ?"

"Yeah," Lena breathes out, hoping this single syllable will be enough to convey absolutely everything that's transpired between Kara and her lately.

"Good. Tell her I'll beat her up if she breaks your heart again."

"I will," Lena assures, stepping out of her bedroom. She coaxes her head to the side and on the phone's screen, Sam mirrors her. Kara is singing in the kitchen. "But she won’t," she adds ; and in this moment, she knows it’s the absolute truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The toasts : [🍞](https://pagen.com/our-range/krisprolls/)


	23. Anyway here’s Wonderwall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kara tries very very hard to impress Lena, hence the shitty title. Taylor needs a break, Nia and Kelly are the true MVPs of the Superfriends and Lena experiences sapphic malfunction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pro tip, never give a crack title to a chapter because it's going to stay and you'll look like an idiot ^^
> 
> The [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) this week contains what qualifies as a light spoiler for something that happens in this chapter but of well : _No words_ by The Script, _Wonderwall_ by Oasis, and _You & Me (acoustic)_ by The Cranberries

Things in Taylor’s life keep on getting gradually worse, and at this point, they see no other possible explanation for it than the fact that they must have offended Rao in one way or another. Their only saving grace is that Alex looks even more distraught than they do.

"It's just, it needs to be perfect," Kara repeats for the nth time.

"It’s Lena we’re talking about," Alex replies, also for the nth time. "This woman thinks you’ve hung the moon, whatever you do, she’ll think it’s perfect."

Ghim noped out of this conversation by volunteering to take Lena to her DEO mandated check-up and Taylor would think she made the right choice if they still had any higher brain function at this point. "Why are you so stressed ?" they ask, a question they've uttered in various iterations several times in what feels like the past millennium. "You've been platonically dating for ages, just do what you usually do." 

Kara opens her mouth to retort, some variant of _"but it has to be special"_ already on her tongue, but Taylor cuts her off hurriedly. "Also if I help you I could accidentally erase your first date when I go back to the future and I’m sure we can all see how this is a bad idea."

"The kid’s not wrong," Alex, who’s only contribution up to now has been to suggest Kara wears blue, points out.

"I’m really nervous," Kara mumbles dejectedly, staring at her mismatched socks like they hold all the answers in the universe. "It’s Lena."

"Exactly, it’s Lena !" Taylor and Alex exclaim simultaneously both slamming their hands on their laps in a synchronicity born of despair.

"She loves you," Taylor continues on their own. "The two of you could go pick up trash on the side of the motorway and she would still love you. Listen, I'm gonna go make some tea, the two of you can brainstorm and when I come back you can throw an idea at me, we'll pretend I can give my opinion and you'll go along with whatever you came up with."

They do not wait for an answer and, taking a page out of Ghim's book, remove themself from the situation.

The kitchen isn't far enough for them to fully manage to tune out the conversation and this precarious time out is endangered by a scream readying itself to worm its way out of their throat. The frustration is almost unbearable and though they know it's not Kara's fault, she's also the closest target. She's done absolutely nothing, her only fault being that she's here and in love ; and maybe that Taylor had to vacate the apartment very early dragging a half awake Ghim in their wake under the guise of flight practise to avoid being traumatised further by their mothers. 

Instead of letting out a sound barrier breaking scream they turn their body towards the mindless preparation of tea and tune into Lena's heart, steadily beating in the DEO. Everything is going to be okay. 

Everything has to be okay. 

Focused as they are, they completely miss the slow cautious approach of a warm figure and nearly jump out of their skin at the sudden intrusion. 

"You okay there aonah ?"

The mug in their hand neatly breaks in half, the sharp sound of ceramic snapping in two almost pleasant to their ears.

"Come on," Kara adds, her voice annoyingly soft. "I know a place."

Taylor shakes their head, no, and stubbornly cary on their tea making, retrieving another mug and floating two inches off the ground to find the disgusting herbal tea Alex's favours.

"That wasn't a question," Kara pushes on. "We're going."

Hands shaking they put the box down very slowly, the cardboard ripping at the edge under the pressure, and turn to find their Yeyu staring at them with an unbearable kindness. 

"Come on," she repeats with no room for discussion. "You need a breather."

No longer than a minute later, they find themself on the edge of town vaguely trying not to sulk. They touch down a patch of slightly dry grass and promptly plop down next to Kara, turning their gaze to the bustling city. The air around them smells of car exhaust and warm concrete distilled in ozone and freshly cut grass ; and if they turn their head slightly to the left, they can catch a whiff of hot sand, and desert. They know this place, know it well, still, they ask, "what are we doing here ?"

Kara shrugs. "Thought you could use a step back," she says earnestly. "So, what's wrong ?"

"Um, everything ?" they reply, their voice coming out more annoyed than they intended to. "Sorry."

"You don't need to apologise."

"Except I kind of do," Taylor bites back sharply. "None of this should be happening. None of this would be happening if I weren't here."

"You can't really blame yourself for falling into a wormhole," Kara points out in an irritating rational way. "Nor for being followed. That's not your fault."

Taylor breathes out harshly. "But," they start before being cut off in a tone that leaves absolutely no room for discussion.

"There's no but Taylor. This isn't your fault, period. They were trying to get to me so if anything it's mine."

They drop their head on their knees, releasing a low frustrated growl. Their Yeyu isn't always firm and reasonable but when she is, she always manages to shake up every foundation to rebuild arguments to her advantage.

"Did you get any news from home ?"

"I didn't call them."

Their confession is low, half muffled by the way their mouth is pressed against the fabric of their jeans, but it is still perfectly audible to Kara.

"Why ?" she asks, her own voice low and gentle. Tenderly, she reaches out to brush the messy hair on top of their head and they almost burst into tears. Rao, they're so tired of tears.

"You know how you are," they reply, swallowing their sobs and burying them in the deepest part of themself. "If I'd call, you'd come in guns blazing, Mum hot on your trail, and it would have messed things up even more."

"Do you really have such little faith in me ?"

"You can't see yourself or you'll go insane," Taylor replies, whipping their head up to glare at her with all the might of a petulant twenty-something. "I need to fix this."

"Okay. I understand."

The come back Taylor was ready to spew dies a quick death. "Wait," they sputter instead, "you do ?"

"Of course I do," Kara replies with a small unamused laugh. "The fact that I wish you didn't have to do that doesn't mean that I don't understand why you're doing it. You and I, we're cut from the same clothe, so I understand. Is there anything I can do to make it better ?"

Taylor shakes their head in faint dismissal. "Not really. It's just. All of this is just a lot. And then Mum getting abducted. She could, she could have died."

Kara is well aware of that, and she remains silent for a moment, her body subtly tensed. "What you did was really stupid," she says eventually. "Brave, but really stupid."

"I couldn't do nothing."

"I know. I would have done the exact same thing. Pretty sure it's encoded in our genes." She laughs again, earnestly this time, then adds, "so this isn't a reproach. More of an observation."

"The D in Danvers is for dumb," Taylor mumbles.

In an interestingly awkward display of affection, Kara bumps their shoulder. "I'd say it's for daring, " she says, "maybe for dauntless, or doughty, but suit yourself."

Taylor fights hard against a smile threatening to split their face in two. "In your case it's probably for doltish," they grumble, their obstinacy in holding back their laugh turning into a full on snort.

Kara shrugs, bumps her shoulder against theirs again. "Made you laugh."

"It did," Taylor admits mutedly, not so much begrudgingly as broodily.

They go to nudge Kara back in a show of good faith, and in the half second it takes them to do so, they decide to rest their head on her shoulder instead ; just for a minute.

"Is there anything else ?"

At the question Taylor straightens immediately, leaning away from the comfort of their Yeyu's young frame. It would take hours to answer her question, to lay out every little thing that's wrong in Taylor's life right now and they would elect not to reply at all if one of these reasons weren't so small and insignificant in the face of everything else. They swallow, staring intently at the patch of dry grass they've dug out with their foot. "I miss Max," they say, almost surprised at how strangled and small their voice sounds.

"Tell me more about her," Kara offers, gently tapping her foot against theirs to minimise the destruction of the ecosystem on the receiving end of their mood. "If you want to," she adds after a beat, and then with a roguish smile says, "I want to know all about the Danvers charm carrying into the next generation."

Taylor laughs, short and sharp, and takes a minute to think it over. Not because they don't want to share, but because when it comes to Max, they have so much to say that picking just one thing to start is nigh impossible. "Max is," they start eventually, "Max is amazing."

***

Kara is not freaking out. She will repeat this until her last breath if she has to, but she is not freaking out. She's overworked, because she technically has two jobs, and a tiny bit stressed, because her entire existence is a train wreck, but she is not freaking out. She just needs this to be perfect, needs for everything to go right and no one wants to tell her if a thousand rose petals is too much. Two thousands would definitely be a bit much but one thousand ? Seems perfectly reasonable to her. Not that she's counted them in the first place or anything. She would go to great lengths for Lena but this seems a bit extreme. At least that's what she told Nia when she enlisted her help to set this up but she isn't sure she believed her and the fact that she's been sneering and chuckling to herself for the past half hour doesn't help with Kara's nerves. 

She got the idea for a picnic while listening to Taylor talk when she dragged them to this very place, a hill reaching for the job of a mountain just on the edge of town. It's relatively remote in human distance, mostly quiet for human ears and she's bribed Brainy for the power to be cut in the entire city for twenty minutes so she can show Krypton to Lena. She's got the telescope set for her weak eyes if needed, enough food to settle her own stomach, and, one thousand rose petals spread evenly to hide the patch of dead grass ; a Kryptonian pacing in circles does tend to have a disastrous impact on whatever is in their way. 

The sun is starting to set and Kara hasn't seen Lena since breakfast when Nia finishes adjusting the last lantern, which definitely needed to be moved two inches to the left, before joyfully clapping her on the back and wincing when Kara doesn't give way like she usually does. "Well," she says cheerfully, "if she doesn't marry you on the spot, there's something seriously wrong with her."

"Nia," Kara bristles through her clenched teeth.

Nia shrugs. "Just saying," she says, "if Brainy did something like that, we'd elope and be on our honeymoon in less than a minute. It's better if he doesn't know that though or is going to smother me in picnics until I drop dead. Did I tell you that the other day he filled my apartment with so many flowers I couldn't even get inside ? And then he proceeded to speak only in verses for an entire week, because I said once, only once, that I like poetry."

"I don't think you did," Kara replies slowly, racking her brain to try to remember if this conversation could have happened at one of the numerous times she was too engrossed in the rift between Lena and her to notice anything else.

"Well he did," Nia continues, unfazed by her interlocutor's hesitation. "Don't get me wrong, it's very romantic. Very very romantic. But it's a bit, a bit..."

"A bit much ?" Kara supplies, surveying her own work with a stupendous amount of doubt.

"Yeah, it's a bit much. I love him and he is wonderful, but sometimes," she stops, sighs and closes her eyes for a full ten seconds, opening them only when Kara comes to wrap a comforting arm around her shoulders. "Sometimes a lazy Sunday morning is worth a thousand rose petals."

Kara is aware that this isn't about her, that Nia is merely discussing her own disappointment in her own relationship. Still, her brain immediately kicks into panicked action and she turns to look at her partner in date set up with what she can feel is a horrified look painted on her face.

"Stopping you right there," Nia interrupts before Kara even has the time to start talking, an incredible fit considering the speed at which Kara is capable of speaking in most circumstances. "This isn't a criticism, I made an unfortunate shortcut between two situations, what you've prepared for Lena is amazingly sweet and the two of you have more history that any of us can comprehend. You're doing great and your date is going to go great."

Kara shakes herself, straightening up to her full height and drawing her shoulders back a little bit more than is necessary. "I'm doing great," she echoes, "and this date is going to go great."

"Do I get a raise if I mentor you instead of the other way around ?" Nia asks, cheekily bumping her elbow to Kara's.

"Don't push your luck. But thanks. For the help and the pep talk."

"Anytime."

"And if you ever need help figuring things out with Brainy..."

"I'll ask anyone but you," Nia cuts immediately in mock alarm, "because girl, you are a disaster."

"I'm not !"

Nia sends such a glare her way that Kara doesn't dare to reply.

***

Lena isn't nervous. No, she's beyond that, crossed that threshold hours ago and is now well on her way to either vomiting everywhere or fainting, which is nonsensical because it's Kara, just Kara. Kara her best friend, the love of her life, the person she's going to marry and have a child with. Maybe fainting would be a good idea. 

She did try to not be nervous, using the good old shitty advice of "thinking positive" ; but though she's making some progress in that department, Lena has never been a positive person to begin with and the exercise proves to be a complete failure. She isn't even sure why she's so nervous, Kara loves her, and she loves Kara, nothing significant really rests on that first date. And, if she's being honest with herself, which she's trying very hard to be, their first date happened long long ago when they weren't quite aware of it.

"Is everything okay ?" Kelly asks, fastening a pin in Lena's artfully deconstructed low bun. Kara said to go for casual and that they would be outdoor ; still, she's overwhelmed by the urge to impress her. "Something on your mind ?" Kelly probs again.

Lena realises she's been fixed on her own reflection for quite some time, and, snapping out of this staring contest with herself, she averts her eyes to look at Kelly in the mirror. "Just thinking about Kara," she says because it's the truth.

Kelly, like the good therapist she is, sees right through her bullshit. "It's going to be okay," she says, and Lena briefly wonders if her voice sometimes accidentally lulls people to sleep with how soft it is. "But if it helps, Kara is really nervous too. Nia texted me earlier and I quote 'she's a mess, send help and prayers'."

Lena laughs, just a little, and uses the sudden stretch of her mouth to check that her lipstick is correctly applied. "That does sound like Kara."

"That sounds like you too," Kelly points out matter-of-factly in a way that would be quite offensive if it was coming from anyone but her.

Lena shrugs, she doesn't have any argument to refute that and doesn't even want to try. Maybe being seen and understood by more than just Kara isn't bad ; it certainly seems like the kind of good thing one should strive for.

A fraction of second after Kelly has fastened one last pin, a soft and quick knock sounds at the door ; Lena's heart misses a couple of beats.

"Thank you," she says in a breath, knowing that it will be enough to convey her gratitude beyond just helping with her date.

A warm hand briefly squeezes her shoulder, conveying, again, more than it outrightly says. "Anytime. Now go, have fun."

Lena doesn't run to the door, she does however stagger a little in her haste to get to it, losing her breath and balance entirely when she finds Kara waiting behind her, looking entirely too handsome for her heart to handle. She's wearing soft, almost frayed, washed out jeans, cuffed at the ankle, and a loose ocean sweater that looks so soft it fleetingly makes her want to cry. She pushes away her desire to exist forever in this sweater, to become part of its fabric on a molecular level, and focuses instead on the single bright rose in Kara's hand, its petals the colour of a fiery sunset.

"For you," Kara says lowly, pressing the flower in her hands before she bends a little and kisses her softly on the corner of the mouth. "You look beautiful."

"So do you," Lena breathes out when Kara hasn't quite yet retreated to her own space, the words coming to rest between their lips. "You look very handsome," she then elaborates because Kara absolutely has to know how gorgeous she is. "Breathtaking."

Without moving an inch, Kara stumbles. She looks down at her feet, adjusts her glasses and the visual, completed with a soft blush spreading on her cheeks only furthers Lena's quick march towards cardiac arrest.

"Shall we ?" Kara asks, holding out her hand after what could be a minute or an hour of simply staring in each others' eyes. "I borrowed Alex's bike if that's okay with you."

Lena must agree, surely she does because in a couple of minutes she finds herself on said bike, pressed against Kara's back with her arms wound tightly around her torso. The concept of Kara Danvers in a leather jacket has swiftly annihilated her last brain cell.

***

For a blessed, too short moment, Lena's arms wrapped around her body calm her nerves sufficiently for Kara to focus. Once they've left the bike behind, her reprieve barely lasts to the top of the hill. 

Her setup is impressive ; there are lanterns evenly spread, petals everywhere, and her best picnic blanket is covered in a wide assortment of food, enough to feed a small village. Lena is speechless, slowly revolves on herself to take it all in with her mouth slightly agape and the first stars of the night reflecting in her eyes. They've arrived just in time to catch the last of the sunset, the horizon lit with bright pinks and oranges while the rest of the sky steadily settles on a dark purple. Lena looks like an angel, a timeless apparition, her silhouette cut sharply against the blazing landscape and with a start, Kara realises that this entire date really does make her look like she's trying way too hard to impress what is essentially a goddess in human form.

She's just starting to think that she should have stuck to potstickers on the couch and a movie when Lena regains full control of her motor skills and, seemingly breathless, marches right to her to engulf her in what aims to be a bone crushing hug. "You did all of that," she breathes, words half lost in Kara's sweater, "for me ?"

Kara's momentary bout of self-hatred collides with the evident love that permeates Lena's tone and for a brief instant, she finds herself unable to react, and she can't do much more than blink owlishly before her instincts kick into gear and she wraps her arms against the body clutching hers. 

"I did," she eventually says, her words sounding much more like a question than the statement they are. "I did," she repeats, firmer. "I wanted to do something nice for you, and something memorable." She pauses, hesitates then decides that lies, no matter how small, have no place in this relationship. "I'm a bit nervous though, I think I went a little overboard."

"Oh you absolutely did," Lena says, the confirmation holding no bite at all. "It's perfect." Sighing, she tightens her arms around Kara and they stays like that for a long minute, lost to the world entirely until both of their stomachs rumble simultaneously, Kara's only slightly louder.

Lena laughs, sharp and throaty, and after taking a step back, turns around to survey the food. Kara braces herself for her incoming realisation ; when she said she went overboard, she really did mean it. She waits one, two heartbeats before Lena says her name, the syllables dragging out of her mouth menacingly. "Kara. Kara Zor-El, none of this can be purchased in National City."

Kara averts her eyes to the side, her mouth falling open in a near silent and purposefully innocent "oh."

"Kara," Lena repeats, "did you really fly to Dublin, Paris, and Milan to get all of my favourite food ?"

She considers denying it, but it goes against her -no lies- policy and anyway Lena looks like she’s been offered the sun on a platter and Kara would do absolutely anything for her. "To Ashford too," she squeaks instead, "to that-"

"To that little bakery I mentioned exactly once ?" Lena cuts her voice lost somewhere between awe and something Kara can't really place.

Out of nervous habit, her hand comes fiddling with her glasses and she averts her eyes to the ground, ready to die on the spot if Lena's commands her to. Her gaze is brought upright again by a lithe hand guiding her chin up.

"I love you," Lena breathes, "God I love you."

"I love you too," Kara says before Lena's own words are fully out of her mouth. "So much." She doesn't think there will ever be a time she tires of saying it.

She doesn't so much lean to kiss her as she's guided by the hand that still frames her chin. They meet halfway with no hurry, Lena boosted up by the sensible boots she's wearing, and their mouths slot against each other in a way that is steadily becoming familiar. Lena's lips part and Kara sighs, tongue darting to fill the newly created opening. Lena melts, and this is her new favourite thing ; Kara doesn't want to do anything else ever again but stand here, kissing Lena in the moonlight.

Eventually, they do have to part to the sound of hungry stomachs ; and Lena murmurs, voice so low and husky that Kara dies a little, "I appreciate all of this, but never think for even one second that you have to try so hard. I'm already yours." 

***

Kara is painfully cute. She's trying so hard, and so earnestly, and every time Lena looks at her, she melts a little inside. Which is to say she's in a constant state of deliquescence and is reaching her breaking point because she hasn't taken her eyes off Kara even once. 

She's used to people trying much too hard to impress her to either get in her pants, her bank account or both and it's something she absolutely cannot stand. With Kara though, it's different. The Kryptonian exudes genuine interest and love and she's trying to impress her because she cares. So sure, she's trying a wee bit too hard, and Lena half expects her to produce a cheap guitar out of nowhere to serenade her, but it's so endearing that she can't truly be mad about it. 

She "borrowed" a telescope to the DEO and is in the process of checking its setting, cursing in Kryptonese under her breath at her inability to understand this "prehistoric technology." At least that's what Lena gathered before Kara switched from English to this language she herself only has a feeble understanding of. 

"Here, let me," she eventually says, covering Kara’s hands to replace them with her owns after the metal starts creaking under her strong palms. She squints through the finder, trying to adjust the telescope through the heat turbulence rising from the city. "What am I looking for ?" 

"Do you have Polaris in view ?" Kara asks softly, her voice tickling in her ear. Kara is standing so close to her, body heat radiating into her, that she momentarily forgets what she's supposed to be doing. "Lena ?"

She gulps, then nods. "I do."

"Okay," Kara whispers, still right in her ear, "I’m going to move you."

Before Lena has the time to ask for any sort explanations, an arm snags around her waist and her feet briefly leave the ground as she rotates east in time with the telescope.

"There," Kara murmurs, her voice somehow even lower than it was before but less seductive, almost strangled. "What do you see now ?"

Lena squints, she really needs to get her eyes checked. "A red dot ?" she says tentatively. "Mars ?"

"Look to the left."

"A white dot ? A white dot next to a red dot ?" As fast as she can, which is to say, not much because more than half her brain power is devoted to cataloguing all the different points of her body where she can feel Kara pressing into her, Lena skims through remains of her astronomy college course. Realisation downs on her heavier than the weight of a dead world. "Kara," she starts, "is that...?"

"Krypton," Kara finishes for her, almost inaudibly ; and as she says it, the power goes out in the entire city. Lena almost jumps out of her skin, her heart ready to leap out of her throat, and the world briefly spins around before Kara’s hand presses harder on the small of her back. "It's okay. You're safe. I just asked Brainy for a little help. Your eyes will focus better without light pollution."

For a long, immeasurable moment, they stand like that, huddled close, Lena bent over the telescope and Kara standing straight behind her, eyes fixed on the sky. "I almost didn’t make it out," Kara says after a while, opting to put words on the ineffable. She laughs a sad heavy laugh and Lena almost turns around to cradle her in her arms, to shield her from all pain, past, present and future. "I didn’t want to let go of my Mum," Kara continues, "I didn’t want to let any of them go. I didn’t see why I should be the only one to survive, I didn’t see how it was fair."

"It wasn't fair," Lena interrupts gently, her words barely over a whisper, barely cutting through the thickness that’s settled between them.

"My pod was knocked off course by the shockwave and I thought 'good, I’m going to die too. I won’t have to survive without them.' And then I spent the next twenty-four years seeing my planet burst into flame every time I closed my eyes." She swallows, her throat bobbing against the back of Lena's head where it rests. "Turns out they had a backup plan, I just wasn't a part of it because they needed a baby-sitter. And he didn’t even need me."

She marks a long pause then kisses the top of Lena's head, her lips lingering there until she straightens up and sighs. "Sorry. That got a little heavy."

"You don’t have to apologise, I told you, I want to know all of you," Lena says in return, leaning back against Kara, making herself as heavy as she can so she will truly feel her weight. "What was it like there ?" she asks, peering back into the telescope, trying to imagine a bustling planet instead of the dead star that twinkles in the distance.

"Different I guess. Though I didn't know at the time that anything could be different. Everything was taller. Tall building, tall trees, tall people. I remember how shocked I was of how flat Midvale was in comparison. Birds were a surprise too, what we would have called birds on Krypton went extinct long before my birth. And physically, they were more like tiny dragons." She speaks slowly, painting a picture in the shell of her ear, and bit by bit, Lena starts to see it. "The sky was different too. Redder, like a perpetual sunset. You would have looked so beautiful under Rao's light."

Lena shudders ; because of the compliment and the hand that Kara slips under her blouse. She closes her eyes, just for a second and when she opens them again, Krypton looks different. Not because she's got a clearer image in her head or because the last of the heat convection has dissipated but because it's bigger. And getting bigger by the fraction of second. That's not normal, is it ?

With her eyes fixed farther in the stars, Kara doesn't seem to notice that anything is wrong, remaining lost in thoughts even as the bright dot gets closer and closer taking shape as it speeds towards them. Lena rips her gaze from the telescope, she doesn't need it anymore to see the spaceship hurtling towards their exact position at breakneck speed.

"Duck."

"Where ?" Kara asks, blinking and lowering her gaze to the ground.

"Not the animal idiot ! Duck !"

Kara catches up in the nick of time and Lena finds herself flattened to the ground, nose is the dirt, and the spaceship flies above them, tracing a path of smoke and heat right where their heads used to be. A second later, it hits the ground in a screech of metal.

"Why," Kara whines, pushing on her hands to get to her feet. "Why is my life like that ?"

Lena also would like an answer to that question.

They approach the spaceship slowly. In the distance, the city lights up again and Lena swears she can hear the buzz of electricity, her ears rendered sensitive by the mayhem they just went through. The metal hull hisses and cracks ominously as it cools down. The spaceship is charred, probably due to a bad angle on reentry and Lena is just starting to calculate the probability of someone being alive inside when a sliver of light cuts the side of the ship and Kara all but shoves her behind her for protection.

A tall figure exits the ship through the newly open door. For a moment, they seem unfriendly and menacing, towering over even Kara ; and then they groan petulantly, dust their hands on their trousers and break in the most bizarre rant Lena as ever witnessed. 

"Good. You're here. Don't you know that the standard procedure for an unregistered wormhole is to report it so someone can take care of the situation ? By the state of this thing I can't possibly be the first one to fall through and that's not a very pleasant experience. Anyway. What year is this ?"

The figure advances further into the light and reaches up to loosen their bun, releasing a mass of blazing hair. Lena can feel her jaw hitting the floor in slow motion.

***

The bar is loud. Well _Al's bar_ is always loud but tonight it's reaching new levels of hearing damage, aliens bustling around as the TVs above the counter broadcast an off-world match of something that looks like a crossover between rugby and wrestling. Taylor doesn't care to investigate more, they're only here, dining out because they've had a shit day and didn’t feel like staying inside. They know that they would only have had to ask to find themselves surrounded by people but they didn't want to disturb their mothers' date, or Alex and Kelly's, or Nia and Brainy's, and Ghim's newborn attitude can be a little overwhelming. 

So here they are, glaring at the alien version of the already crude American version of cod and chips, a sad pile of mushy peas pushed to the side and the plate swimming in a poor excuse for tartare sauce. _Al's bar_ is not renown for its food. The beer at least isn't bad, and it's imported from outside of the solar system so it has some effect on them, muting the world around them. They swallow another forkful of fish, gearing up to abandon their meal and go home when a shadow falls over them. 

"Please," a oh so sweet and dearly missed voice says, "tell me this isn't your go-to meal or I'd have to break up with you."

Taylor almost chokes in their hast to get up.

"Max ?"  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you need me, I will be screaming in a corner.


	24. Here comes the cavalry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Max is pissed, Taylor gets a stern talking to and Lena realises she is in fact not a bad person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to catch up with that annoying thing called "plot." This week's chapter is coming to you early because tomorrow I'll be too busy having a breakdown over Taylor Swift (Not that I don't appreciate the free therapy that comes with a new album but Miss Swift clearly is the one who needs to see a shrink).
> 
> [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) : _Army of angels_ by The Script.

  
Taylor knows they forsake their right to a normal life long before they were even born. Still, they wish their reunion with their girlfriend could have been a little bit less public. Or at least that it hadn't involved being dragged to the DEO at an hour regular people go to bed to be scrutinised by a multitude of family members including their Yeyu and the very prominent lipstick mark on her neck. Why they always all insist on being here is a mystery to them. And why Alex is always the one performing medical exams when they have a perfectly competent doctor at their disposal is also a prominent question in their mind.

After her rough landing, Max has reluctantly agreed to being probed and examined and she's dwarfing the bed she's sitting on, clad in the sweats that pass as hospital wear at the DEO. She doesn't look angry, nor does she look particularly tired or weary. No, her face is the picture perfect of blankness which considering she usually wears her heart on her sleeve can only mean she's biding her time before she absolutely destroys them all for their poor handling of the situation. Not that it would be completely unwarranted.

With all the eyes that aren't fixed aren't Max glued to them, Taylor feels under surveillance, and they tighten around their shoulders the pearl coloured cape they stole from her rucksack the moment they had access to her stuff. From a superhero point of view, the cape is a tactical nonsense, flowy and light and of a colour that catches absolutely every stain. It’s more ceremonial really, a piece of the home Max doesn't intend to return to that she still drags everywhere with her like a security blanket. And right now, it's Taylor's own thin buffer between them and the growing tension in the room. 

Someone's bound to say something soon, they can't simply all stand there in silence for the rest of the night ; can they ? Kelly is already half asleep on her chair, Lena has been yawning nonstop for the past fifteen minutes and Nia has adopted Brainy's shoulder as her pillow, they won't be up for much longer and someone ought to break the silence. They just hope it won't be Max, that they read her face improperly, no matter how doubtful that is, and that she's absolutely thrilled to be here, still as happy as she was when she found them at the bar and lifted them off the ground to the sound of crass wolf-whistles.

Rao however, unlike all of them, is probably already fast asleep and therefore not keeping an eye on Taylor because Max is the first to open her mouth. 

"So," she drawls, and shit, that's her angry voice, "would anyone care to explain what this _clusterfuck_ is ?" She vaguely gestures around, probably trying to give shape to said _clusterfuck_ , a word that sounds odd enough in her mouth that Taylor has no doubt she's been hanging around Aunt Alex a lot lately, but no one dares to provide her with an answer. 

Kara does take a step forward, mouth in the process of opening to deliver some kind of information but Maxima levels her with a glare that stops her dead in her tracks. Taylor can’t really fault her, Max is on the taller side of really tall and being scared shitless is an appropriate reaction to her anger.

She pivots to look at them and Taylor squirms under her gaze. Being on the receiving end of her furry when all they want is another hug does not feel good. "I thought you were dead," Max says, her voice cracking imperceptibly to all but Taylor. "Dead. Your mothers have been out of their mind. We've put out posters. Involved the intergalactic forces. And all this time you were just chilling in another decade ?"

"Well I was not exactly 'chilling'," they start before deciding that this is definitely not a smart thing to say. "I can explain," they say instead.

"Oh you better be able to explain because I'm about to cry and you know how much I hate crying in front of people," Max says, voice shaking through her clenched teeth. "I saw my father die," she continues, "I escaped an arranged marriage and a fascist regime. I almost bled out on two separate occasions in the past five years and yet I've never been more scared in my entire life than when your mothers told me you hadn’t made it home so you better fucking be able to explain yourself." 

"I was attacked," Taylor says a bit too quietly. 

Max blinks and the rest of the room fades into the background as Taylor focuses all their attention on her. Announcing their intent with slow deliberate gestures, they get up from their chair and move to sit next to her on the bed, leaning against her to wrap part of the cape around her shoulders. Only once they are both cocooned in the warm material do they resume talking, their voice levelled and calm.

"It happened right as I was exiting the portal," they say, "I had no time to see it coming. They had Kryptonite, my hull got breached and I couldn’t breathe. Kelex attempted an emergency procedure, we hyper-jumped but there was a wormhole ahead, and I ended up here."

"The time beacon," Max starts, and Taylor doesn’t need to look at her to know that she’s frowning.

"The landing was a bit rough. It broke on impact. By the time Lena, Mum, managed to fix it, we realised I'd been followed here. I brought an entire gang here that's after Yeyu, I can't," they stop, turn to look at Max, plead with their entire being that she will understand. "I can't exactly go home without fixing that."

"You could have called for help once the beacon was fixed," Max points out, all anger gone from her tone to leave ample place for heartbreaking exhaustion.

"I couldn’t risk it."

"Couldn’t risk what ?" Max asks, more weary than anything else.

"Everybody just barging in to my rescue. You know my mums would have put their own sanity in jeopardy just to recover me."

"What about me then ? You could have just called me."

"The beacon is primarily wired to call Yeyu, it's a side effect from it being a Super signal watch. Before the time cops, before the intergalactic forces, the message would have gone to her."

"That’s not legal," Max points out with a hint of royal righteousness.

"I know," Taylor groans, "believe me, I know. But my Yeyu freaks out if I'm out of her hearing range."

"Your Yeyu needs therapy," Max grumbles, mostly to herself.

Outside of their bubble, Kara clears her throat uncomfortably and, with their cocoon breached by the inconsequential sound, the room and its occupants come back in focus.

"Please, tell me you understand," Taylor whispers, tugging on Maxima's arm until she looks at them with her undivided attention. "You have to understand."

Max sighs, but she gives in, and shifts to look at them, green eyes boring into their soul. "Why do you always put yourself in these situations ?"

Her question does not warrant an answer but Taylor still feels the need to defend themself, if only to lighten the mood. "Hey !" they shout, elbowing her gently. "It's the first time I accidentally time travel !"

A hint of a smile tugs at Max's lips, preceding a laugh that she represses with another long, deep sigh. "I do understand," she says after a pause. "I doesn't mean I'm not mad, but I do understand."

Taylor exhales slowly, feeling like they've been underwater since they stepped into the DEO and Max finally reached out to help them breach the surface, tugging them to safety.

"I’m really mad," Max whispers, but she still lifts her arm, leaving enough room for Taylor to huddle under it and against her side, the grounding weight settling like a blanket over their shoulders. A soft kiss is laid on top of their head, leaving behind a trail of honey tinged with the faint smell of fuel and charred metal. "I’m glad I found you."

"I’m glad you found me," Taylor murmurs in return.

Somewhere in the room, someone giggles. It's too low to be Nia, though she'd be the most obvious source, and too high to be Kara. Taylor stops their thought process dead on its track before allowing themself to even consider that it could be Lena ; their Mum never giggle.

A full minute passes after the incongruous sound and Taylor consciously tunes out all whispers. They prepare themself for a nice little nap here and there, but because there's no rest for the accidental time traveller, Max draws herself to her full seated height and says : "I want to know everything, I want in on each and every piece of data you've gathered, down to the most meaningless. We're putting a stop to this." 

In comical synchronicity, both Alex and Brainy take a step forward, tablets already in hands. 

"I'll go make some coffee," Ghim says, stepping out of the shadows that seem to house her most of the time. "Humans need energy to function."

An alarmed whisper runs around the room and Taylor knows they're not the only one going through every scenario leading to the maladapted Kryptonian setting fire to the cafeteria. Someone groans, then yawns, Kelly apparently because she's the one who trails after her out of the room, hair sticking out oddly on the side of her head which up until now, was resting against the back of her chair.

Sleep is apparently not in order for now, first, they have to save the past.

***

The morning takes its time dragging closer. A significant amount of coffee and energy drinks are consumed, a fire is put out in the cafeteria and Ghim learns you have to put water in for the coffee machine to work ; Taylor wants to sleep for a thousand year. They do fall asleep at some point briefly, and wake up sprawled across Max's lap, the cape draped over their body and her hand playing in their hair. Above them, the conversation is still well ongoing and they choose to remain this way, truly content for the first time since their ship crashed in Lena's apartment. Their input is not really needed anyway, Kara and Alex doing a good job of relaying any significant information, or lack thereof, about the attackers and Supergirl's supposed crimes ; and they are more than happy to act as a weighted blanket to quell Max's simmering anxiety. She wasn't in a great mood to begin with, but she's been tense since the mention of the infamous Kryptonite space eye, the one they've yet to encounter again and Taylor can feel her thrumming with the need to punch something. She'll fit right in with the rest of them ; punching feelings out is the preferred method of coping of more than half of the people in this room. Not that they haven't always known that this would be the case.

"We need a better plan than that," Max says, her voice rising slightly over the previous volume of the conversation. "We can't just wait around for them to attack until," her tongue catches on the foreign language, she stumbles on her slight accent with so much frustration that her whole body quivers, "until someone inevitably gets hurt. Or dies."

"No one is going to die," Kara replies immediately with enough practised automatism that it sounds absolutely fake.

Max scoffs, she's not the only one. Reluctantly Taylor leaves their little nest on her lap and resurfaces amongst their slightly twitchy and over-caffeinated family.

"I'm sorry darling," Lena says cautiously, soothingly rubbing her thumb on top of Kara's hand, "I know you have good intentions, and that you're mostly trying to convince yourself, but I'm with Maxima on that one."

Kara sighs, her head dropping on the table with a loud thud. She lifts it again at superhuman speed, her face scrunched up like a kicked puppy.

"I had all our furniture changed to Nth metal," Alex supplies conversationally. "I was tired of filing paperwork for all the things you break."

"If only I knew what I'd done," Kara groans, levelling her sister with a death glare only short of heat vision, "I could fix it. But I have no idea what that is."

"What you _will_ do," Max corrects offhandedly looking down at the notes she's apparently been taking this entire time. "That's what you meant, right ?" she adds when she's met with dead silence. "When Persuader, the axe dude you interrogated when you were haunted by an undead computer, said they double time travelled, that's what he meant ? Or have I interpreted all of that incorrectly ?"

"You're a genius," Taylor whispers.

"Well technically speaking I'm not but..."

"...but this flew completely over our heads," Kara interrupts with an air of utter disbelief. "How did it flew completely over our heads ?"

"In our defence," Alex says in the spirit of not appearing like a bunch of incompetent idiots, "there was a lot going on. What matters is what we can do now to be better prepared."

"Build a time tracker, look for anachronism and stop being sitting ducks."

Max's words are harsh, but they sound like no more than a simple comment ; she's doing nothing more than pointing at what seems obvious to her. Under the table, one of Taylor's hands comes to rest on her thigh, squeezing softly.

"This will only work if someone breaks the time barrier," Brainy says, already typing furiously on his tablet.

"That's precisely what I'm counting on. Royalty does have a way of hanging back, letting everyone else take the risks, but if we manage to lure her in, we should be able to at least know she's coming ahead of time. Then, I'm going to have a word with her, Royal Highness to Royal Highness."

The threat in her words hangs in the air for a weighted second, no one awake enough to dare add anything after that. Taylor surveys the room uncomfortably. Ghim and Kara are both still as statues, Lena is absorbed in her cup of tea, periodically blinking, Alex's eye is twitching and Kelly is fast asleep, head resting on her crossed arms on the table.

Taylor coughs, clearing their throat uncouthly to diffuse the tension. "Can commoners chime in too ?" they ask. "Because both my mothers almost died so I'd like to have a word."

"Don't be ridiculous," Max says, relaxing imperceptibly, enough for Taylor to notice but too little for her hold over the room to lessen. "Everybody's help is most welcome. But she attacked you, and in my book that makes it personal."

***

It's about five by the time Lena finally emerges from her deep slumber and pads in her living room. 5am, 5pm, she has no idea, and for today, time can be meaningless. She woke up alone, clutching what has become Kara's pillow and with a note covered in her scrawny handwriting bearer of her whereabouts in place of her warm body. She finds her in the kitchen, hunched over what is probably hot chocolate but from afar looks like a pile of marshmallows trying to escape a mug, and talking to no other than Maxima. At least she doesn't look scared of her anymore which is a significant progress.

Their previous interaction, in her tired state, was almost comical ; virtually indestructible Kara and abnormally tall Maxima sizing each other up and trying to determine who would win in a fight. By the look on Kara's face, she clearly didn't think it would be her. They look more at ease with each other now, talking conspiratorially and laughing periodically like they're the best of friends, and Maxima looks, well she looks less murderous, for lack of a better term.

Lena stays hidden for a moment, though she knows Kara will have no doubt picked up that she's awake. It's her time to size Maxima up, the need to protect her child taking over her with such fierceness that she isn't sure what to do with it. If it came to that, the gigantic alien would have no trouble breaking her body in two, Lena has no doubt of that, but she also looks soft, gentle, in a very peculiar way. She's gathered her mass of hair in a massive red bun, flyaway strand framing her face delicately, and the hoodie she's wearing transforms the protuberant muscles of her neck in nothing more than unthreatening flesh and skin. Her monumental hands, bigger than hers, bigger than Kara's, dwarf the cup they're holding, but when they launch into a dance, accompanying her words, they appear surprisingly gentle. Lena doesn't really listen to the conversation happening a few feet away from her but she still catches Taylor's name and when these two syllables waft into the air, Maxima blushes redder than her hair.

Satisfied with her observation, she steps out of her hidden place and immediately, in a motion that is even beyond second nature, Kara turns towards her, arms already open in invitation. In a few steps, she's back in her all encompassing warmth and before she can truly settle in the hug she finds herself lifted off the ground and seated on her lap, recipient of a loving and slightly overwhelming grin.

"Good evening," Kara whispers, chastely kissing her temple, "did you sleep well ?"

So it's 5pm. Good to know.

Lena hums lowly, keeping her answer simple before she decides to vocalise it. "I sleep well when you're here."

Kara kisses her again, on the cheek this time, living behind a sticky chocolate stain. "Good," she says, "me too."

"I apologise for keeping you up so late," Maxima says, the serious tone of her apology completely nullified by her hot chocolate mustachio. "And for crashing your date," she adds after a beat.

Lena shrugs. "The debrief was needed," she says. "And it's nothing but the second spaceship accident I'm involved in this year so, really, at this point I don't think I can blame you. Did you get any sleep ?"

"I did," Maxima replies, nodding curtly. "Thank you for allowing me into your home."

Lena waves away her concerns quickly in what she belatedly deems to be a bit of a careless gesture. "It's nothing," she says softly to counteract that. And then, absolutely horrified by what comes out of her mouth but unable to stop herself, she adds, "you're family, you're always welcome."

Her brain screeches to a halt and she dies a little. Kara is rubbing off on her and not in the sexy way, in the -I am becoming a well adjusted human being who can care about more than one person- way. And she doesn't hate it.

Kara beams at her, looking so proud that it hurts just a bit. She says so just a second later, barely over a whisper, just for the two of them, and the only thing Lena can muster in reply is a kiss, a simple, subdued, press of her lips on Kara's that she hopes says more than she can.

It's enough. For Kara it always is, and Lena can't help but marvel at the way she just gets her, at the way she understands what goes on in the deepest part of her brain and accepts it with no reserve.

Her short time of self-introspection is interrupted by Taylor strutting into the room, hair wet and towel slung over their shoulder. They hesitate, visibly faltering when they take stock of the little gathering. Their gaze flutters over to Maxima and Lena tenses in involuntary response.

"Are you still mad ?" they ask shyly, doing their best not to look at their feet.

"Yes," Maxima replies firmly before sighing deeply. "Come here."

Taylor steps into the offered embrace, their face disappearing in the crook of a muscular neck.

"Don't worry," Maxima says, in her clipped accent, "future you already gave me the rake talk."

It takes Lena a much too long moment to realise that one, Maxima is talking to her, not Kara, and two, she means shovel talk. Before she can really catch up, discombobulated by the implication that she _is_ a good mother, a portal opens in the middle of her fucking living room.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🤷


	25. Why is it always us ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lena is so done with absolutely everything and nobody can catch a break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a mess ; it's one part action and humour and one part Sadness™️ and the [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) ( _Point of no return_ by Starset & _The light behind your eyes_ by My Chemical Romance) says it all. Enjoy 🤷

"Ok we're good, I found the kid ! Max's here too !"

Lena does not take any time to think. She does not even fully take in the figure that steps out of the portal, does not waste enough time to register the full sentence that comes out of the woman's mouth ; no, before anyone can react, before even Kara can get up, she's jumped between the portal and Taylor, body tensed in a shitty fighting stance.

A commotion can be heard from inside the portal, a gasp, the tell-tale sound of someone floundering up and tripping over a chair ; and a voice that sucker punches Lena in the face.

"Where are they ?" A rasp, a whisper. "Taylor ? Taylor ?!" A very distinctive Irish drawl. "Love are you alright ?!" 

Lena Senior losing her shit some twenty-five years into the future.

Lena, present Lena, feels her legs jellying beneath her and wearily prepares herself to hit the ground. Kara is here to catch her however, like she always is, and she instead staggers back into a pair of solid arms.

"You can't come out," the woman says in a strong assertive tone that reminds Lena of someone though she can't put her finger on it.

"Let me see my kid," another voice groans, also painfully familiar because it's Kara's. She sounds angry and scared and exhausted and Lena sinks back into the embrace of her current version, hoping what little comfort she can offer will reach through time to wrap itself around her.

A bright red knee high boot appears, cutting through the bluish glow of the portal and disappears just as fast when the first woman elbows Kara the Eldest back to the future.

"I said you can't come out," the woman says. "You're here. We're not risking the fabric of space-time just because you're impatient."

"I don't care about the fabric of space-time !" Finely Aged Kara roars before she lets out a sound akin to a wail, and her younger version tightens her hold on Lena, a tremor running through her body. "Please. Let me see my kid. Taylor. Lor-El. Are you okay ?"

Now would be a good time for Taylor to regain the use of speech but they still stand frozen for a good thirty seconds, staring ahead as the woman stands guard, arms spread across the portal.

"Yeyu ?" they finally quiver. "Yeyu ?" they repeat, tumbling off Max's lap in a flurry of movements. "Mum ?"

A heartbreaking yelp fills both sides of the portal and Lena hears a more seasoned, more battered version of herself completely breaking down at the sound of her child's voice.

"Let me through," Taylor mumbles, stumbling towards the light. "Ruby let me through."

Ruby, because it is Ruby, Lena can see it now, steps away from the portal and Taylor rushes through, two sets of hands reaching out to grab at them in a gentle but hurried manner.

"Sorry about that," Ruby chuckles awkwardly, the outline of Lena's currently fourteen years old niece reflecting in the frame of a slender and muscular woman dressed in what can't be described as much else than a supersuit, though it's a bit too big for her, like it's been borrowed. "You know how you are."

Lena does know how she is ; _dramatic_. But she's willing to cut her future self some slack because this situation is a special type of mess that absolutely no one is equipped to handle, and certainly not her.

They stand in near perfect silence, the only sounds coming from the other side of the portal, for long minutes, seconds trickling by as Lena observes Ruby with sharp eyes. She remembers distantly, almost like it happened in another lifetime, how weird Sam was over the phone and as she stares at this aged up version of her niece, pieces of the puzzle start falling in place. She once told Sam that she was back to being a 100% human, but Sam was never human to begin with, and neither is Ruby. Head already full to the brim, she chooses not to dwell on it. Ruby doesn't seem particularly maladjusted, though she certainly looks bored.

"It was either me or Jem," she says after a while, answering everybody's silent question. "Aunt Lena found the message in the book and then I grabbed the short straw of the two people that had the less chance of accidentally encountering themselves in the past."

"The book ?" Lena asks just as Kara mumbles, "Jem ?"

"Taylor's wicked smart," Ruby answers. "They left a message for you in a book. You found the book and I've been exploring the sweet year of 2019 since then. Could have been Jem, but he's an impulsive piece of shit and nicely admitted he didn't trust himself not to rescue his baby self from his traumatic childhood."

"Jeremiah Junior," Maxima supplies from the sidelines with just a hint of snark at Ruby's half-assed explanation. "He's Alex's son. Really nice, for a man."

A laugh starts bubbling at the back of Lena's throat ; she chokes a little trying to hold it back. She isn't sure if what Maxima said is genuinely funny or if she's officially losing her shit ; either way she doesn't get to explore it because just as her body starts shaking with her barely restrained laughter, the front door explodes. 

Both Kara and Maxima jump into action with practised efficiency and without a beat being missed, Lena finds herself sheltered from the wreckage by two muscular aliens in sleepwear. She will have absolutely none of it. She is tired, she is angry, and she would very much like for random strangers to stop showing up at the worst times.

With little thoughts given to her gesture, she grabs the first thing she can, Kara's full chocolate mug, and lobs it in a graceless arc over her improvised bodyguards' heads. It lands a good foot away from her target, crashing into her previously pristine white wall next to a vaguely human shaped stack of rocks.

"Oi !" she calls out when this has absolutely zero effect on the grey living mountain, "Oi ! Get the fuck out of my home !"

This has much more of an impact. The pile of rock possesses two arms and uses one to throw a chunk of the door at her and the other to slam Maxima out of the way when she launches forward to stop it. Lena registers the sharp crack her body makes when she collides with the wall but she's much more concerned with the sharp piece of wood she's about to be impaled on. 

She sees Kara turning back in horror, notices the utter terror in her eyes, her fingers skimming over the tail of the stake to no avail. She sees her mouth burst open, can vaguely hear the beginning of a desperate scream forming over the noise ; knowing how Kara will feel about her death hurts more than the wood piercing her skin. Or maybe it's because no piece of wood wreaks havoc on her internal organs. Another hand closes over the spike, stopping it a millimetre away from her torso, a hand that Lena knows intimately, because it is usually attached to her own body.

For the longest second of her life, she stares back at her own face, blood trickling down her older nose and sheer instinct must take over because she closes her eyes as soon as she understands who she's looking at.

She feels her stomach lurching to her throat, something gurgles inside of her, a bit like she's going to throw up or die, the latter just as likely as the former.

"Well," she hears herself saying, not herself herself but her older self, which is really fucking weird, "this is inconvenient."

"Ruby !" Taylor shouts. "Get her out of here ! Get her out of here ! Ruby ! She’s going to die !"

For a very brief moment, that somehow still lasts for an eternity, Lena isn't sure which version of her Taylor is talking about, which one is closer to death. She certainly feels like her insides are being dismantled. 

The person that "gets her out of her" though isn't Ruby. A Kara shaped person who doesn't smell like Kara gently slams against her and she opens her eyes to find herself on the other side of the room, sheltered from the chaos by a hunk of granite that formerly belonged to her countertop. Across from her, Maxima and Taylor are locked in intense close combat with the mountain man ; Taylor fluttering around him to avoid powerful punches and Maxima hacking at him with a long piece of gleaming metal, a sword, Lena realises with no energy to be surprised by it.

"You should really stop doing that," Ghim says, mouth pressed against her ear, arms wrapped around her body a bit too tightly. "You should really really stop doing that."

"I second that," Kara murmurs, materialising on her over side.

Lena wonders if her death is still imminent. If so, she wouldn't mind departing this realm in a Super sandwich. She hears one of the two Kryptonians cough and she really, really hopes she didn't say that aloud.

"Go," Kara then says, and Lena briefly considers asking where she’s supposed to go before she realises she’s not talking to her, but to Ghim. "I’ve got her. This is your chance."

Her chance to what, Lena doesn't get to ask, because in less time than it takes for her to ask this question, Ghim has joined the melee, fists a blur as she collides with the boulder impersonation.

"SUP-ER-GIRRRRL," the thing, which apparently can talk, groans.

"I am not her," Ghim corrects him, "and frankly, I am appealed that you would suggest in any way that I am related to her."

She then turns back, throws a fucking wink at Kara and pummels him back into the hallway, Taylor and Maxima in tow by virtue of having each been clutched in one of his gigantic fists. 

"Is it," Lena starts, stopping to clear her throat and cough a clot of blood in her hand, "safe to assume that this is another of her Royal Highness' hitman ?"

"DEA-TH TO SUP-ER-GIRRRRL," sounds from the corridor.

Kara sighs, wipes a trickle of blood from her chin, her hand just a little bit rough. "I'm pretty sure it’s a safe assumption, yes."

"Fuck me," Lena grumbles ; and in an unprecedented turn of events, Kara replies, "later."

Lena dies then, and ascend to Heaven for a full minute before being revived and brutally slammed back on Earth, she's sure of it.

Kara turns beet red, stammers, fumbles and whispers, "I'm not sure why I said that."

"Well it’s said," Lena comments matter-of-factly, "so, will you ?"

"Will I what ?" Kara replies, looking around restlessly, refusing to settle her gaze on her.

"Fuck me later ?" Lena says conversationally, deliberately ignoring the wreckage going on in the background.

A hunk of plaster is thrown their way and Kara deflects it with a blow of her arm without even looking. Dust powders her face and Lena momentarily wishes later would be now before Kara has to shield her from an entire body which unfortunately redirects the conversation to less enticing matters.

"A little help would be nice," Taylor grumbles from where they landed before bolting upright again and out of view.

"On it !" Kara shouts back at them. She shoots up, dusts her hands on her trousers then focuses back on Lena with a scowl. "You stay put," she says firmly, "I'll be right back."

"Yes Sir !"

Kara blushes even brighter and Lena decides to pass out for a little while to spare herself from the embarrassment of such words bypassing her filter. 

***

When Lena comes to, she's lying on her designer uncomfortable couch and she feels like she's been run over by a couple of freight trains. Her forehead is cold and humid, and it takes her an embarrassingly long moment to figure out someone must have put a damp cloth on it. She shuffles to get a bit more comfortable, her bare skin squeaking on the leather in a way that cannot be described as anything else than gross. She needs to change her couch, maybe buy one of these terribly plushy ones that swallow ones whole every time ones sit on it. It would be an abhorrent eyesore but the added comfort would truly be worth it.

She sighs. The firm pillow her head rests on moving in time with her and when she goes to grab it she ends up with a handful of Kara's thigh instead. She debates opening her eyes, but, considering she can easily picture Kara's worried frown without actually looking at her, ultimately decides to spare herself the visual.

"You're lucky I love you," Kara grumbles, softly carding her hand through her hair, "or I would lock you in an Nth metal box, away from any possible source of danger." She marks a soft pause, exhales sharply and Lena takes the opportunity to crack one eye open. "Maybe I should lock myself in a box," Kara continues, small, defeated, "away from you."

"Don't you dare," Lena spits as fast as she can, opening her eyes and levelling Kara with a glare that, given her current state, can't be more threatening than a newborn kitten. "I love you. I will remain at your side wether you like it or not."

"I can't deter you from this, can I ?"

"No. Ride or die. Or whatever the youngsters say these days."

Kara sighs again, long and slow, taking advantage of her incredible lung capacity to mark a pause in the conversation. "I just, I wish you'd stop getting hurt," she says eventually.

Lena attempts to shrug. "It’s not like a do it on purpose."

"I beg to differ," Alex says, encroaching on their little argument by plopping down at her feet. "It's like the Grim Reaper has a crush on you." She frowns, wiggles her butt on the leather. "Your couch sucks."

"Yes, I'm aware," Lena mumbles dryly. She lets a beat pass, counts the slow comb of Kara's fingers in her hair then adds, "I'm not going to stop living and hide in fear. I can't. I'm not giving up on anything."

"I know you won’t," Kara replies softly, leaning to lay a gentle, barely there, kiss on her forehead. "You're tenacious, and I admire you so much for it. I just worry."

"I know you do. I promise I'll try to refrain from antagonising mountains by throwing things at them."

At that, Kara chuckles, a small glint of amusement shining in her irises. "Thank you," she says. "I appreciate it."

"Where are they anyway ?" Lena asks, looking around not so much because she expects the pile of rocks to still be present but to take stock of the wreckage that might have been left behind. She finds her apartment surprisingly clean, save for a bit of dust and a lingering scent of burnt plaster. A fresh coat of paint has been applied to her entryway and her door replaced by a metal monstrosity that is no doubt everything-proof.

"Subject has been identified as Solomon Grundy failed scientific experiment and regular nuisance of Metropolis," Alex says flatly. "He's been released recently by the MPD and had been mostly keeping to himself until he barged in your apartment."

"So not another time traveler ?"

"No. Which means that if he indeed is another hitman, the higher-up is already here so time tracking is not an option. Brainy's organising a transfer to the desert facility for interrogation. For what little use it will be."

"Fuck," Lena grumbles. "Fuck," she says again, turning her head to bury her face against Kara.

"That's the general consensus yes."

"Fuck," Lena says again, because she can. "Where is Taylor ?" 

Kara stops combing through her hair for a brief moment then resumes the motion with a near robotic precision. "In their room," she says. "I don't think they're okay."

"The portal...?"

"Closed." Kara gulps. It makes her stomach move against Lena's face in a very odd way. "They. I think they chose to stay behind for now."

"Fuck," Lena repeats for the fourth time in such a short span of minutes that she half expects Lillian to pop up to berate her for her bad language. She doesn't really have much more to say. She's not ready to say goodbye, probably never will be even if she gets her mind wiped, but Taylor staying here after being so close to getting home twists her stomach in a way she cannot articulate.

***

An immeasurable, unthinkable, amount of time passes before they finally manage to stop crying ; and by then, they feel like pure shit. They've found refuge in their long term temporary bedroom, first curled up on the comforter then under it to escape Max's watchful gaze. She hasn't moved once, hasn't left their side at all, abandoning all strategising and war meetings in favour of carding a hand through their hair softly. 

"At least she's alive, right ?" they sniffle at some point, when they've managed to get most of themself under control. "That's what matters. That she's safe, that they're both safe."

Max hums softly in response.

"Please, please tell me I've made the right choice," Taylor presses on, too exhausted to be ashamed by their desperation.

"You've made the right choice," Max replies very quietly. "But that doesn't mean you're not allowed to be angry or in pain. I understand that. I used to feel that way a lot after I left home."

"Our situations are different," Taylor snaps involuntarily, jolting from their cocoon to sit up in a flash. "When this is all over, I can go home. You can’t."

"Which doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel pain," Max points out, ever so wise. "Your pain does not take anything away from mine. That’s not how it works."

Taylor sniffles again, gawky and graceless ; and instead of being rightfully disgusted, Max drags them closer in a warm hug, washing everything away with her mellifluous hair. 

"Thank you," they say, words half lost to Max's bulky shoulder. "I really needed to hear that."

"I know," Max whispers. "I know."

They stay like that for a long moment, memorising the sound of her heart, marvelling at her endless capability for gentleness, and only when they feel like they won't fall into pieces if they open their mouth do they speak again. "I need to let them know I’m staying," they say, fumbling to unstrap the watch from their wrist. 

They fiddle for it for a second, trying to gain access to a little used setting and when a holographic keyboard pops into the air, they type the only sentence they can muster.

_Is Mum ok ?_

Straight to the point.

The answer is immediate, like someone has been sitting next to the watch since Taylor leaped back through the portal.

_She’s fine. A bit shaken up but fine. You saved her._

Taylor takes a deep breath, then lets it out slowly. 

_I need to stay behind._

They can picture their Yeyu’s face perfectly, brow sullen, mouth hanging open in a little disappointed _oh_ ; it breaks their heart.

The lack of response has them typing again with urgency. _Please understand._

_I do understand._

Taylor wishes they could hug her, tell her again how sorry they are. They start typing again, whisking up an explanation but another message interrupt them.

_I suppose we can’t keep the portal open ?_

Taylor squeezes their eyes shut, holding back tears that are so angry they burn the inside of their eyelids. When they open them again, Max has mercifully typed out a reply.

_We can’t._

_Ok._

For a moment, these two letters hover sadly above the watch and Taylor doesn’t know what to do with them. _Ok_ , can’t possibly be the only thing their Yeyu has to say.

_Alex says don’t die_ , pops up a minute later ; then, _Mum says she loves you. And I-_

Nothing again for a handful of seconds, tears start trickling down their face and something deep inside of them fractures irreversibly. 

_And I’m proud of you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up that there will be no chapter next week because it's Christmas and 2020 so it's going to be _chaos_. I'll try to update on New Year's week but I make no promise. Happy holidays, be kind to yourselves 🎄


	26. Her Royal Highness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which villains are interrogated, Kara takes a dig at old comic books and Lena finally gets what she's needed all along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would wish you a happy new year but considering what happened last time, this doesn't seem to be a very good idea. Instead, let me give you this chapter. It's part emotion and part catching up with the plot because I got a little sidetracked. Do with it as you must.
> 
> [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) : _Heathens_ by Twenty One Pilots & _Having a good sister_ by Blake Neely & Daniel James Chan.

The following morning sees them huddled around a twice broken twice repaired rusty table in the desert facility. The base is rarely used as anything more than a prison these days but right now it’s bustling with activity, agents running up and down the corridors, armed with enough weaponry to take over a decent size country. They’ve gathered all their prisoners in a single room, each in their individual cell tubes, and with the addition of cobwebs and their very likely inhabitants on the high ceiling, the resulting ambiance is quite oppressive. 

J’onn has joined them for the interrogation. He’s standing at the back of the room, ridiculous detective hat firmly planted on his head and Taylor can feel his centuries old gaze on them. They hope he doesn’t decide to impart some wisdom on them this morning ; they are certain they wouldn’t be able to handle it. A choice had to be made and they made that choice. They’ll live with it for now but they’d rather be spared all the advice and the coddling from all these well intended people.

Max is standing close to them, close enough for them to lean on her and hold her hand, property be damned. She’s decked her full suit, cape included and sword unfurled and strapped to her side, and she towers over them, regal and impressive. Next to her stands Supergirl, also in full regalia, and together, they make for quite the menacing pair. Beside Kara is Lena, in second hand all black tactical gear, looking both like she’d rather be anywhere else and like she’s about to go on a murder spree. The gun strapped to her thigh makes the latter a very certain possibility. She could also hire Ghim as her personal hit woman with the way the Kryptonian stands behind her with the ferocious yet bored expression of an underpaid bodyguard. Brainy and Nia are off in a corner, one monitoring the cells and the other ready for a power nap if needed. Finally, Alex presides over this mismatched assemble, clad in her own tactical suit and with a gruff demeanour that Taylor tries very hard not to find funny. 

Taylor themself has not been left out of the costume party, and they've been blessed with clothing they never thought they would see again. Their back-up suit, unearthed from Max's backpack, is a bit too bulky, but it's close enough to the one who burned on them during their failed landing to be comfortable, its weight reassuring and protective. It's a modified version of Crucible Academy's regular uniform and so its blue is darker than Supergirl's, as is the crest embroidered over the heart. It's in great need of modifications, as the padding will find no use under a yellow sun and the cargo pockets are certainly not practical for flying ; but wearing it again, displaying this tangible tie to a less complicated time, makes them feel nigh invincible. 

They are not, of course, nigh invincible. In fact, they've been in more cumulated danger since they arrived here than during the rest of their life, and the six prisoners lined up before them are a painful reminder of that. They try to avoid looking at Indigo in particular, the barely visible scar on their stomach a clear reminder of their previous encounter, but she keeps on staring at them, smirking, and it's getting hard to ignore her. Technically, they've been trained to hide their emotions so the enemy doesn't know they're affecting them ; but it doesn't mean they are any good at it, and they have more than a couple of choice words on the tip of their tongue about this whole situation.

"This is quite the jury," Indigo drawls, predictably breaking the tense silence first because she's a piece of shit. "To what do I owe the honour ?"

"To what do _we_ owe the honour, dear," Selena corrects, achieving new levels of creepy by briefly morphing into Indigo before switching back to what must be her more common form, sickly grey skin, inky hair and ever shifting eyes, like two beady oil stains. She, quite frankly, looks terrifying.

"That’s right," Indigo replies conversationally, "I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. Literally."

"You can’t possibly still be mad about that. After the opportunity she gave you !"

"I was taking a well deserved nap."

"You were dead," Selena says blankly. 

Indigo remains silent for a second, picking at something under her extraordinarily long fingernails. "A mere detail," she says, flicking away a dead nanite that has everyone taking a step back to her great satisfaction.

She smirks, and before Taylor can do something absolutely pointless like threaten to strangle her, Supergirl takes two steps towards her glass cell. "Listen, if you're going to argue like children, at least keep us in the loop so we're not all losing our time here."

Selena steps closer to the glass, morphs into Kara, ponytail, glasses and collared shirt and smiles ghoulishly, splitting this familiar face up to the ears. Kara flinches, but does not step back, probably because Lena and Alex coming to flank her sides prevent her from doing so.

"Now," Selena says in a deliberately poor imitation of Kara's usual lilt, voice leadened and macabre, "why would we be cooperative ?"

"Because I will make your life a living hell if you don’t ?" Lena snaps, slamming her hand hard on the glass. "Just a suggestion," she adds in an overly saccharine tone.

"You ?" the sorceress scoff. "My my ! Lena, I don't think you have it in you."

A beat passes, an excruciatingly long one during which Taylor has no doubt all of their collective hearts stop working. Then, Selena's smile widens, and widens, and widens, until her face folds on itself to reveal a new persona, Lena.

Except it's not Lena, not really. The eyes are here, the nose also, but the jaw is slender, the hair reddish brown, and the face is marked by creased laugh lines. Lena, actual Lena, buckles on herself, knees giving out in a tremor, and only Kara and Ghim’s quick reflexes prevent her from hitting the ground.

With no second wasted thinking, Taylor advances towards the cell, mouth already open and ready to deliver several rude expletives, but Alex beats them to it. She remains calm, collected in a cold frightening way and says, "Brainy, up the power dampeners on cell five."

Selena falls down with an ear splitting screech, skin bubbling and melting back to something more akin to a decaying corpse. Taylor throws up a little in their mouth and by the sound of it, so does Max.

When she's back to her true form, Selena coughs something that could be blood or something else entirely, and grins, displaying blue and green teeth that have no business even existing. "Now, why would you do that ? That's not very nice."

"I cannot disobey a direct order," Brainy replies matter-of-factly. "And I don’t like you, you hurt my girlfriend."

At that, Nia positively beams, and her smile is much more beautiful than Selena's. She leans on Brainy who, for a moment, doesn't seem to really know what to do with her until Alex explains the situation from afar through a complex waggling of eyebrows and he puts his arm around her. Both Kara and Alex give him synchronised thumbs up and Max, who up until now has made a good show of being a brick wall snorts in delight.

"Can we get back to me ?" Indigo groans with disgust, interrupting the only good thing of the day.

"Excellent idea," Ghim snaps thickly. "I am also incredibly done with this." 

From the other side of the room Nia gives her her own double thumbs up and Ghim grins happily, breaking character for a second.

Alex shakes herself up, drawing herself to her full height. "Right," she says, "let's play a little game. One of the six of you has to start talking before I start torturing."

***

The interrogation is tedious. Though to be completely honest, Kara is not entirely focused on the process. Instead, she's tuned into Lena, monitoring each of her minute reactions.

Lena on her part is still as a statue. She does not look sad, does not look distraught, she does not look like anything Kara expected of her. Her heartbeat is steady and her breathing calm ; but her face is frozen in a heinous mask of hatred unlike anything Kara has ever seen on her before. After her initial quiver, she's regained composure quickly, stepped away from her and sculpted disgust and anger in her features ; and though she doesn't want to, though she wants to present herself as a strong and unfaltering protector, Kara is scared.

It doesn't take a genius to understand what happened, to put a name on the face Selena chose to show to Lena ; but it doesn't mean it's easy to help when Lena’s closed herself up entirely and seems averse to the mere presence of others in the room. If Kara and the other weren't there, she might have even killed the witch with her bare hands and no one could have blamed her for it.

Kara remembers what it was like, long ago, seeing her mother's face on her aunt Astra, on someone so intent on killing her. She recalls fear, and exhaustion, and a new kind of deep despair ; but she knows the two situations are in no way comparable, and she shakes herself out of it, sewing up the tiny void that briefly opened in her chest at the anguishing memory.

"I know you think someone is coming to your rescue, I know you think she will be your salvation," Alex says, voice low and menacing, "but I can assure you that this is not the case. For one, these walls are impenetrable. And _she_ also doesn't care. I'm your best bet at getting out of here, so start talking."

A shudder runs through the prisoners. Of fear for the three longest detainees, and of practise disdain for both Selena and Indigo. Solomon Grundy shows nothing, but Kara suspects it's because his brain isn't fully functioning.

Someone, probably Alex, considering the squared and hurried handwriting, as taken to listing a name and some extorted facts on the front glass panel of each cell. It's a good idea, one that Kara might even find useful if she were paying more than the bare minimum attention.

"Lies !" thunders the prisoner farther left, Tharok, if Kara is to believe the listing on his cage. She nearly jumps out of her skin at the sound of his rough mechanical voice and she has to force herself to look in his direction, unfortunately searing into her mind his peculiar mix of exposed flesh and shiny metal. His one organic eye catches her and she holds his gaze, secretly quite proud of herself for showing no further sign of unbalance.

"She's not lying," Kara eventually says, voice even and heroic because this is her job and she has to. "Your _Highness_ ," she continues, trying to inject venom in the title, "has already sacrificed one of you. What's telling you you aren't next ?"

"She wouldn't," Tharok sneers with self-entitlement. "She saved me."

"Saved all of us," a gruff voice chimes in from another cell, distorted and doubled due to its owner's current condition of having been cut and preserved in two halves. It is possible that Alex, or one of her agents might have told her his name already but it clearly escaped her mind and she has to read it off the glass ; Mano. His cell is a little different, neatly cut in half by two inches of Nth metal preventing him from reforming and attempting to siphon the universe again.

"I don't doubt that she did," Alex says, "considering that you gave me nothing. What I doubt, what I know, is that she won't do it again. I'm your best, and frankly only, option here."

"I will speak," someone else croaks. "The Empress abandoned me, I cannot remain loyal to her. If you can promise I will be safe, I will speak."

For a second, Kara thinks Grundy suddenly gained enough brain power to produce coherent and complete sentences. The voice emanates from a similar, if better dressed, hunk of rock but the glass panel reads "Validus." Briefly, she marvels at how all of their names are incredibly dreadful, like they've been drawn out from bad sixties comic books, and she considers voicing this aloud before going instead for, "we will keep you safe. I promise."

A ripple of hushed protests washes through the room but Kara silences everyone with a single glare and quietly begs for Alex not to intervene. She holds her sister's gaze the longest, and an entire lifetime passes before she nods, stepping away from the cells and letting her take the lead.

Kara goes to sit cross legged in front of Validus, hovering at eye level and leaning just enough to be able to lay her open palm on the glass. "If you tell me what we need to know," she says, "I will personally ensure that you get the best possible treatment here. The DEO will protect you and review your case."

Validus ponders over this for a full minute, the seconds ticking away loudly on Taylor's antique wristwatch. "Can I get cable TV ?" he asks, his demand not the most incongruous question that has ever been thrown Supergirl's way.

Kara nods, smiling broadly to bring him just a little more warmth and confidence. "You can get cable TV."

"Many, many years from now, Supergirl," Validus starts, "you will lose your mind and wreak havoc on the Empress' home and kill her father."

"Do not speak another word," Tharok spits. "Do not say her royal name."

"Cretins, all of you," comes in a whisper from Kara's right and she gives a cursory glance to Selena's hunched form, flattened against the glass.

"She seeks rightful revenge on you for murdering her only family," Validus continues like no interruption has taken place, "and that is why she assembled us to enact her pure wish. You will answer for your crimes Supergirl, but I will take no part in it, for the Emerald Empress raised me from the gutter to abandon lower than she’d find me, and that is a violation of my people's customs."

A s he speaks, and the icy realisation that she killed someone, took someone's family away from them, washes over Kara, a trickle of blood starts its journey down Validus' chin. She doesn't notice at first the grey liquid dribbling down his ashen face, it escapes her attention completely until he starts choking on it and Brainy rushes to unlock his cell.

Validus falls to his knees and he stares at Kara for a moment, unblinking, before speaking his last words in a gurgle of hot blood. "I wish nothing but death on you Supergirl." The sound of his warm corpse pitching over and crashing on the ground below is covered by a hysterical happy strangled laugh echoing from Selena's now empty cell. Kara feels weak all of sudden, for a multitude of good reasons, one of which, and arguably the most urgent one, being the axe that has come to lodge itself in her spine.

***

The room explodes into chaos. And it happens much too fast for Alex to really get a good grasp on it. One second Supergirl is getting through a prisoner, providing them with valuable information, the next her unbreachable facility has been breached by two entire persons and a Kryptonite space eye, half her cells have been emptied and her sister is bleeding out on the floor. She's not panicking. She's not. She is not. But what the fuck.

For an everlasting second, Kara remains unmoving, confused by the weapon that now protrudes out of her back. Then, slowly, mirroring Validus, she pitches forward and collapses on the ground in a pool of mixed blood.

She's bleeding out too quickly, her regenerative powers dampened by the amount of Kryptonite permeating the air around her. She chokes, calling out for help around a mouthful of her own blood, but before Alex can take one single step towards her, a tall warrior in golden armour and a horned helmet parts the small crowd of heroes, violently pushes Ghim to the side, crushes Kara's feeble form with one foot and retrieves his axe effortlessly with a terrifying snapping and slurping sound that Alex knows she'll never forget.

"Justice has been served, My Lady," he says, reverently addressing the flying figure that hovers above them, now flanked by Indigo and Selena. "Who's next ?"

Next is apparently Lena, in the sense that in a show of strength fuelled by adrenaline, she flips Kara over, presses the crest on her chest and puts a bullet cleanly between the warrior's eyes. The bullet lodges itself in the nasal of the helmet sparing its owner, but the shock is enough to send him reeling back, right into Max's crushing arms who wastes no time in throwing him to the ground to immobilise him with the point of her sword. He waves the blade aside carelessly and gets back to his feet in an instant, but the commotion is enough to have shaken everyone else out of their daze and for them to rush to action.

With the help of his Legion ring, Brainy leaps up, grabbing Nia with him so she can get close enough to encase the space eye in dream energy. With the flow of Kryptonite cut out by the dream construct, Kara can finally take a clean breath for the first time in a full minute. Taylor, flight liberated by the decrease in radiation, shoots up and crashes into Indigo, taking her through several walls with a satisfying crash ; as for J’onn and Ghim, they work in tandem to trap the sorceress on the opposite side. Lena remains at Kara's side, shielding her recovering body with her own, gun firmly clutched in one hand while the other rests tenderly under Kara's head. This leaves Alex, flightless and previously injured leg still a little weak, to unsheathe her alien gun and do what she does best, shoot.

For a short, but blissful moment, everything goes right. DEO agents fill the room, Taylor comes back in a flying loop, holding a battered Indigo by the collar, Max has the viking-like warrior pinned to the ground and Brainy is going toe to toe with a tall and unfortunately gorgeous woman clad in billowing green garments who can't be anyone other than the aforementioned Emerald Empress. With her team at her side, Alex can see nothing but victory in their future, and, fuelled by this knowledge, she leaps on top of an unsealed cell and takes aim at the source of their problems. But before she can pull the trigger, before she can even finish adjusting her aim, her left arm rising to support her right, a sweet mellow voice booms around the room shattering her eardrums. 

"Selena dear, get us out of here."

The world goes white.

***

Explosions and other life threatening occurrences are routine to Lena. She knows the drill, almost welcomes the piercing shrill in her ears because it means she's alive. She knows when to close her eyes and when it's safe to open them again, and has mastered the art of taking cover and tucking herself into a ball, arms protecting her skull and the soft parts of her neck.

Not this time though.

This time, she's thrown herself over Kara's body, taking no precautions in shielding herself, and kept her eyes open wide, gaze fixated on the blood seeping out the collar of the anti-Kryptonite suit. She's fully blinded and deafened by the blast for what she estimates to be at least two full minutes ; she can't be too sure because when she manages to get a look around, the clock on the wall has been fractured in multiple parts.

The others are starting to struggle to their feet. Nia and Brainy are locked in a peculiar embrace like they've both performed a swan dive to shield each other, Taylor and Maxima are helping each other up, the action rendered difficult by the fact they don't want to let the other go, and Alex is bent in two, supporting herself on a cracked cell and emptying her guts on her feet. Lena averts her eyes, she doesn't want to trigger her own gag reflex and accidentally throw up on Kara. She pushes herself onto her knees and away from the hero, swaying to the point of nausea when her body decides to give up on balance. The world around her is fuzzy for a moment, she concentrates on taking slow deep breaths, pushing the sickness away to the sound of Alex's retching.

When she finally manages to focus on anything for more than a couple of seconds, she brings her gaze down to Kara and finds her eyes wide open, skin paler than it has ever been, even through the tinted visor, lips cracked and parted in a silent gasp. She opens her mouth wider, closes it almost immediately and gulps with difficulty. Her hand fumbles around until Lena grasps it and then Kara squeezes hard enough to hurt. She opens her mouth again and Lena leans closer to her aware, before she's even started speaking, that she won't be able to hear her otherwise.

A long moment passes, Alex staggers up and towards them, Maxima and Taylor are already here, hunched on Kara's other side. Kara's eyes find her sister the moment the reeking agent joins them and finally, she croaks, almost inaudibly, "it hurts," and lets her eyelids slip close.

The rest is a bit of a blur to Lena. Distantly, she's aware that she started screaming but doesn't do much to stop.

Alex yells into a talkie-walkie.

They take Kara away.

Sometime further down the line someone administers her a sedative and she slips into a dreamless state akin to sleep but nowhere near restful.

When she comes to, she's clearly been moved. She opens her eyes to the inhospitable but familiar walls of the DEO's med bay and the mattress underneath her is definitely her usual one.

"Kara is still in surgery," Alex says point blank as soon as she notices she’s awake. "Doctor Hoshi said she'll be okay," she adds, a little more gently but still frozen and staring blankly ahead. "The spine took no further damage when you flipped her over and your suit saved her life. I didn't know you'd added a solar generator."

"Last minute modification," Lena mumbles roughly. "It still wasn't enough."

Without waiting for her to ask, Alex pours her a glass of water and waits until she's gulped it down to speak again.

"It was enough to keep her alive until we could get her to Doctor Hoshi. You did a good job."

Lena thinks about saying thank you, but it doesn't seem appropriate.

"Part of the axe broke into her back," Alex continues, "that's why your suit didn't stop the bleeding. She'll have a scar but..."

"Chicks dig scars," Lena coughs.

Alex laughs, sharp and short, breaking her icy demeanour to bump her elbow against Lena's. "I was going to say she'll live but that works too."

Lena doesn't laugh in return. She stares down at her hands, noticing the clean bandages covering them. She doesn't remember the state she was in when they brought her here, and she wonders if she's going to scar too. "Is she really going to be okay ?" she asks.

"She will." Alex reaches out to cover one of her hands with her own. She doesn't squeeze, but simply remains here, providing whatever comfort she can. "The surgery is more of a formality really. Doctor Hoshi thinks Kara's body would have expelled the metal on its own given the right amount of sun radiation. We're just saving her the pain." She marks a pause, falters and grimaces. "She was awake again by the time we got here. I got to talk to her before they put her under, and she was very adamant that I make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine," Lena replies automatically. "Well apart from that," she adds, waving her free hand around.

"She didn't mean physically and we both know it," Alex says quite simply, not even bothering to look at her. "What happened back there ?"

Lena sighs, and even this simple exhale of air is hard to produce.

"If you don't want to talk about it, I understand. But don't lie and say you're fine when you're not."

"I don't remember her face half the time," Lena says so quickly that when she hears the words, she's surprised to find that she's the one who spoke. She glances at Alex, takes note of the unchanging neutral expression that graces her face. It's a little bit too curated to be natural, and mostly, she looks like she's trying hard not to think about Kara. Lena is glad she chose to pass the time at her side and maybe this is why she adds, "I don't know how that happened. I don't know how the witch conjured my mother’s face."

"You, you don’t remember what your mother looks like ?"

"Of course I don't remember what she looks like," Lena answers rather dryly. "I was four when she died."

"Don’t you have...?"

"Pictures ?" A sound not unlike a laugh escapes Lena, but it's dull and short, entirely joyless. "I used to have a whole album. Lillian took it and I never found it. She must have burnt it. The only thing I have left from her is my teddy bear. Lillian took it away too but Lex managed to recover it for me. I stashed it in a drawer somewhere. And I used to have a dog too. A massive Irish beast, taller than me. They put him down before I'd even left the country."

Alex squeezes her hand gently. For a long moment, she says nothing at all, and her presence is more than enough for Lena. Sometimes, the death of her mother feels like a fresh wound, or like a sphacelate scab that's been ripped off enough times to never truly heal. Maybe if she hadn't suffered so much loss between then and now, she would have been able to grieve properly, but she's seen too much death, been abandoned one time too many, and each person who's left her behind has been a stark reminder of the curse that was placed upon her the day her mother drowned. She used to think she deserved every last bit of this, but she isn't so sure anymore.

"I'm sorry," Alex says eventually. "You didn't deserve any of that."

A single tear rolls down Lena's cheek. She can feel it acutely, almost like she's watching it trickle down from the outside. She knows it's perfectly round, knows how shinny it is against her drab pale skin, knows it's the most perfect of tears. It doesn't make it past her lips, Alex wipes it off long before that, but she can still imagine its sharp salty taste much more keenly than if it had been in her mouth.

"We're family," Alex says with an intensity Lena isn't quite sure how to manage. "You're my sister, and my mother is your mother. Not in however many years you and Kara will get married, but right now. From this moment on you're a Danvers and we stick together."

"I've never had a sister before," Lena whispers, rather dumbly she has to admit but she doesn't know what else to say.

"Well know you have me," Alex says firmly. "And I have your back. And that includes kicking Kara's ass if she hurts you."

"You’ll kick my ass too if I hurt her, right ?"

Alex laughs, warm and sharp. It is, Lena thinks, the laugh of a sister. "Of course I will," she says. "I’m gonna go check on Kara. Will you be okay on your own ?"

Lena nods, and immediately retcons that by asking for something to sleep. Alex injects her painlessly, and Lena is asleep before she’s even crossed the threshold.

She opens her eyes again some time later to the sound of plastic wheels squeaking on the cheap floor. Kara is being brought into the room on a gurney and when she passes by her, she gives her a thumb up and a lopsided grin. It takes four DEO agents in white coats to lift her and lay her on her own bed under the sunlamps. 

As soon as they're alone, Lena is out of bed and at her side. "What is it you told me the other day ?" she asks wryly. "Stop getting hurt ?"

Kara laughs, stops immediately and winces. "Don't worry. I'm fully aware of my own hypocrisy. But I’m sorry I keep putting you in this situation."

"It's fine," Lena sighs. "I suppose it comes with being yours."

Kara smiles broadly, and says, half cheeky half hopeful, "mine ?"

Lena shakes her head in disbelief and Kara mirrors her for the sole purpose of being an ass. "You’re so dumb. Now scooch, make me some space."

Kara frowns. "You're going to get sunburnt."

Lena however is already climbing into bed, contorting herself to get under the sunlamp and over the small railing in one clumsy motion. "Do I look like I care ?"

Kara rolls her eyes but shuffles aside nonetheless, creating just enough space for Lena to tuck her body against her, hiding her face in the crook of her neck.

"I love you," Kara whispers in her hair.

"I love you," Lena echoes. "So fucking much. Please stop dying, I don’t want to live without you." 


	27. Rain and apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which people are sad, angry and afraid. Important conversations happen, and a somewhat important piece of information is revealed in the midst of it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is apparently sponsored by The Maine, [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) includes _I only wanna talk to you_ and _Perfectly out of key_ by this band.
> 
> **Content warning :** Suicide is discussed in this chapter. If you want to avoid reading this part, you can stop after "because it's the only thing that can prevent her tears from falling." It's at the very end of the chapter and you wont be missing much and the intent behind the discussion is easy to figure out from context.

The following days go by slowly, very slowly. Kara is on mandated DEO bedrest on account of almost dying again and is forced into physiotherapy by Doctor Hoshi even if the sunlamps took care of most of the problem. She should not have mentioned that she can't bend all the way to her toes and never again will she be honest when asked how she’s feeling. 

Lena sets up a remote office in the med bay and spends the next seven days unwaveringly at her side, stepping out only for short bathroom breaks and late night conference calls. She's gotten remarkably clingy ; and it's not that Kara minds so much as she worries about her. Lena's always been strong and independent, and now, every time Kara is out of her sight, she can feel her heartbeat ticking up and up like it's trying to fracture her chest to get back to her. 

Apart from Lena's constant presence at her side Kara gets very few visits, which if she thinks about it for a bit too long is both disheartening and a tad weird. For one, Alex literally works here and could stop by at anytime even for five minutes. And Taylor, Max and Ghim don't exactly have anything else to do. Kelly is the one who stops by most regularly, before and after each of her lunch breaks with Alex and her general inconspicuousness means it takes Kara a while to catch up on what is going on. 

They are collectively trying to keep her out of harm’s way by keeping her locked inside ; and once she figures it out, she's out of bed and storming Alex's office in a matter of seconds. It is nothing but a grave mistake.

"Whatever it is you're planning," she starts, kicking the door open in a blur, "I want in. You have no right to keep me away."

There is a delay, probably, between the moment Kara speaks the words and the moment Alex hears them, and it leaves ample time for her to see body parts that she’s never had any wish to see in her sister's mouth.

"For Rao’s sake ! Lock the door Alex ! Lock the door !"

Kelly jumps over the back of the couch, lands out of sight with a heavy thud while Alex scrambles to both put her shirt back on and wipe her hand on the nearest available surface. Kara's life will never be the same again.

"The door," her sister shrieks, "was locked. You just broke it."

Kara glances back at the door, the bolt is indeed bent but that's not the most pressing matter. "Be right back," she groans, swiftly turning around, "I need to find J’onn for an emergency mind wipe."

"Kara Zor-El you stay right here !"

Her sister's tone roots her in place, and Kara slowly revolves on the spot to look at her again, finding her pale and weary. Simultaneously, socked feet thunder down the corridor and Lena comes to a sliding stop next to her, grabbing her arm to avoid slamming into the wall. 

"There you are," she huffs, "Kara darling you can't run away like that."

"Listen I love you," she says, steadying her with a hand on the small of her back, "both of you," she adds, looking at her sister, "but you can't keep me locked up and out of the loop. I want explanations."

Alex and Lena sigh in tandem. In the office, Kelly emerges from behind the couch looking as proper as ever. "Alex," she says, her voice a little rough for reasons Kara does not want to think about, "you know she's right."

Alex sighs again, and it's a wonder she doesn't just deflate like an empty potato sack. "I know," she says. "Come in," she adds to Kara, "I haven't been fair to you."

Alex motions for them to sit and they congregate around her desk in an oddly formal way for people who are respectively dressed in an inside out t-shirt, pyjamas and a business suit paired with rainbow fuzzy socks. Kelly quietly exits the room after pressing a soft kiss in Alex's tousled hair.

"Brainy has been trying to track them, the new Fatal Five or whatever they're called this time. I told you we recovered a piece of the axe in your back and we thought its radiation signature would lead us to the entire weapon and, by extension, its owner."

"I'll take a wild guess and say it didn't work," Kara says keeping her sarcasm to a minimum in the face of Alex's poorly concealed despair. Her sister has always been rubbish at hiding her emotions from her.

"It did work," Alex corrects quickly, "Brainy is nigh infallible."

"Then what ?"

"We found the axe in a dumpster behind Al’s bar. No trace of anything else. No DNA, no radiation. Nothing. Nia had some goo on her suit that might come from the eye. We've ran an analysis but it traced us back to a place we have little information about so it's useless. Erkon or something."

"And you were simply what," Kara asks, coasting anger to stay on the side of polite firmness, "not going to tell me ? And it's Ekron. A solar system light years away, home to skilful telepaths. Which you'd known if you hadn't kept me out because I learned this in kindergarten !"

"I didn't want you to get involved. You've seen what happened back there," Alex replies, vaguely motioning to the near past, "the gang of shitty names and their royal leader want you dead. You're in danger as long as they're escaping us."

"Want us dead," Kara says. "We’re all in danger and I’m not going to stand idle and watch any of you get hurt Alex."

"And I can't let you out of the DEO. They're using a cloaking device, we don't know where they are. Any second you spend out there is a second where you could die."

"And not you ?" Kara bites back, fully furious now. "Did you become invincible while I wasn't looking ? What about Lena ? She's been targeted before ! Or Taylor ? Or Ghim ?"

"Kara..."

"No !" Kara slams her hand hard on the table leaving a deep indent in the metal. "No Alex ! This is my fault. I'm the one who's going to go berserk and kill someone's only family, I can't put my own on the line for that."

"I’m only trying to protect you," Alex says.

"Well then stop," Kara snaps. Alex's face falls, and she regrets her words immediately. They protect each other, have each other's back, always, and asking Alex to stop looking out for her is as good as renouncing her.

Her sister schools her features, a mask of blankness falling over her face. "What if it’s an order from your commanding officer ?"

Kara tenses. That’s a low blow, lower even than her own. She feels a lithe hand coming to rest on hers and she narrows her focus to this single point of contact for a few seconds, turning her hand over so she can thread her fingers with Lena's before she says, harsher than she wants to, "then I quit. I prioritise the safety of my sister, of my family, over the words of my 'commanding officer'."

Alex remains still and silent for a long moment, eyes lost somewhere on a strategy or another. Her hands twitch with the need to fidget but she doesn't allow them this liberty, pinning them to the top of her desk. "You're getting a 24/7 security detail. Anything even remotely bizarre has to be reported to me with no delay. We are on high alert until this threat has passed. I'm not letting you die."

"And I'm not letting you die," Kara echoes. "Nobody is dying for me."

"You're insufferable you know that right ?"

Beside her, Lena laughs. "Oh she knows," she says, rising from her seat and quickly kissing her cheek before making a beeline for the door. "I'll go pack our bags, we're sleeping in a real bed tonight."

After Lena has exited the room, the sisters remain locked in a lazy staring contest for a long moment. Kara refuses to give way and Alex has long since mastered this art. 

"You're insufferable," Alex repeats at some point, then, sometime later, "I love you, please don't die."

"Don't die," Kara echoes. "I love you."

***

They ride home in a tensed silence in the back of a windowless DEO van. Lena knows the bad mood is entirely her fault, a logical consequence to her actions, but it doesn’t help her find a way to fix it. She opens and closes her mouth several times, but everything she can think about saying starts with "I’m sorry" and ends with "but you can’t be mad at me for wanting to keep you safe" which she knows is not the right thing to say. So she remains silent, head pillowed on a stiff shoulder, rigid arm wrapped around her back, and mulls over her own stupidity in silence. She did to Kara exactly what Kara promised she wouldn’t do to her. 

The van drops them in the underground car park and they are escorted to the last floor by a tactical team armed to the teeth in an elevator temporarily rigged not to stop on any over floor. Kara makes a show of carrying both their bags and Lena’s laptop case in an aggressive display of casual strength and once they’ve reached the penthouse, she drops everything on the couch and disappears in the master bathroom. Lena wants to follow, but instead spends the next ten minutes convincing her newly appointed bodyguards that they’ll defend the apartment as well from the outside and absolutely do not need to invade her private space. She does consider inviting all twenty of them in for a moment, if only to act as a buffer between her and Kara, but ultimately decides against it, and not only because their muddy boots would ruin her white floors. 

Kara stays shut in the bathroom for a very long time, the water running only for a short portion of it. Or not, Lena can’t be quite sure of that because they’ve been back for less than half an hour when the sky opens in a downpour that drowns out any other sound. She busies herself with making tea, one strong cup for herself, one milked down for Kara, that miserably cools down untouched on the kitchen counter, and one overly sugary for Ghim that she carries out to her bedroom. 

She finds her cocooned on her bed, engrossed in a thick orange hardback covered in the sigil and typical cheap plastic cover of National City’s downtown library. She’s lit a few candles to combat the moodiness of the weather and the sight of her, glowing in the light of the flickering flames, grip at Lena like a vice. Suddenly, she’s overcome with the need to apologise for a thousand things, and she almost falls down with the way her legs start shaking underneath her. She makes it to the bed, half collapses on top of it like an easily impressed Victorian lady, and presses the two warm cups to her chest, eager to stave off the void that is threatening to open inside of it.

"You are not okay," Ghim states in her usual simplistic manner. 

She manages to both sound extremely concerned and like she's discussing the weather and this conflict in her tone is enough to open the floodgates in Lena.

"I’m sorry," she says, "I’m so so sorry. I."

She gasps, loses all of her words and Ghim seizes the opportunity to take her cup of tea, gingerly sip from it and say, ever so gentle and cautious, "there is no need for you to apologise for something that is not your fault."

"You don't know what I was going to apologise for," Lena whispers, her own cup still firmly lodged between her breasts.

"I can guess," Ghim replies with a crooked little smile that is entirely her own and bears no trace of Kara. "You are very predictable Lena Luthor."

"Am I ?"

"You think you have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and that when anything, anything at all, goes wrong, it is your sole fault and you have to bear the punishment. But this is not true. Nothing could be farthest from the truth." Ghim marks a pause then, takes a long sip from her tea as she seems to steel herself for what she'll say next. "What Lex did, to me and to the world, was never your fault. And you do not have to apologise either for the feelings I have for you. I am happier here than I have ever been, and the only thing that could possibly increase this happiness would be for you to stop carrying the load of what was never your fault."

"You are too wise for your own good," is the only thing Lena can think of saying. She feels like something has been lifted off her chest, something both small, inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, and incredibly heavy and unbearable.

"Kara is still in the bathroom," Ghim says. "Do you want to read with me for a while ? Taylor took me to the library. I borrowed many books about dragons."

This is how Kara finds her when she finally deigns exit her bathroom retreat, clad in the most unfair of loungewear, sweatpants low on the hips and soft heather grey men t-shirt tucked into her waistband. She nods towards the living room in a silent question but remains on the threshold, hand going to fidget with glasses she isn't wearing and ready to go away if Lena so much as hints she wishes her to. She's happy and comfy where she is, being read to in a sharp Russian accent, but the apology she owes Kara is not a figment of her imagination and she regretfully leaves her nest behind to carefully follow her love to the living room. 

Kara drops on the couch and frowns, immediately getting up to sit down again. She pats the cushions, runs her hands on the soft grey fabric and looks up at Lena with a questioning gaze. "You've changed the couch ?" she asks, endearingly stating the obvious.

Lena shrugs, goes to sit at the other end of the new furniture before correcting course to hesitantly settle on Kara’s lap instead. "You hated it," she says.

Under her, Kara is stiff for a moment, uncharacteristically cold. Then, after a deep breath, she wraps her arms around Lena, one hand on her shoulder and the other on her thigh, heavy and settling. "I need to apologise," Lena whispers in the crook of her neck, all her previous fears appearing silly faced with Kara's reassuring scent.

"You do," Kara replies with disarming honesty. 

"I shouldn't have been complicit in keeping you locked up and out of the loop," Lena says, setting her hand on the one that rests on her thigh. "I should have been honest with you and I shouldn't have done to you what you said you wouldn't do to me, it was not fair." She breathes out deeply, pushing down her tears. "I just. I hope you can understand I was scared. And I, I know I said we shouldn't live in fear but it all happened so fast and I can't let them take you away from me. I can't ever lose you."

"I understand, and I forgive you," Kara says very softly. "It doesn’t mean that I’m not upset, but I understand. I know what it's like to be scared, what it's like to do things out of fear, and I wish neither of us would have to do any of this, but the other alternative would be to leave you, and I don't want that either."

Gently, she starts stroking Lena's hair and everything that has been askew between them in the past few days falls right back into place.

"I wish I could protect you from everything," Lena murmurs.

"You already protect me from everything you can. Your suit saved my life countless times. And your love, your love is the most perfect of shelters." At that, Lena shudders, and Kara holds her tighter. "We have to be honest with each other," she adds. "Honest when we're upset, honest when we're angry, or we risk going down a terrible path again and I'm not sure we'll be able to turn back this time."

"You’re right."

Kara playfully nudges the side of her head with her nose, lays a soft kiss on her temple. "I know," she says, "that's often the case."

"Don’t be an ass about it," Lena grumbles in reply

They lapse into silence for a moment, content to simply exist together and listen to the hefty patter of the rain on the roof.

"Are you okay ?" Kara asks eventually, the question asked in the shell of Lena's here.

In the spirit of honesty, Lena has to answer by the negative. "Not really," she says. "I would like to say I am, but I'm not."

She pauses, breathes then stammers, "you saw, I mean, did you understand what." Frustrated, she stops, clenches her jaw hard in the face of her incapacity to lay out a simple sentence.

"You've been avoiding the subject all week, but I assume Selena showed you your mum's face," Kara says. Softly, she drags her thumb across her cheekbone, soothing the angry bone.

"Most of the time, I don’t even remember what she looks like," Lena admits. "I don't even fear I'll forget her, because that's already the case."

"I'm sorry you had to see her face again in such circumstances. I'm sorry I keep on bringing such sadness to you."

"It’s not your fault."

"Is there anything I can do to make it better ?" Kara asks tenderly, "anything at all ?"

"Just," Lena squeezes her eyes shut, breathing in deep before she opens them again, "never become a face I could forget."

Kara frames her face in one big strong hand and turns her slightly so they can look at each other. The intensity of her gaze almost burns Lena raw. "I won’t," she whispers, and everything about this makes Lena want to kiss her so she does.

She does not go about it softly, but crashes their mouths together in a searing kiss that steals all breath from her in a matter of seconds. She pants against her lips, twists on her lap until she can straddle her and kiss her with a fervour that could end the world. Outside, a flash of thunder briefly illuminates the sky in white before it reverts back to an intense slate grey. The room is almost dark around them, Kara's features visible to her only thanks to the soft glow of the light coming in from the kitchen. Lena however, does not need to see her to know her lips are pink and glistening and her pupils are dilated enough that her eyes have taken on a midnight hue ; she does not need to see her to know what she's thinking when she feels her hand slip under her shirt and her nails start scratching softly at the small of her back.

***

Later, much later, after a dinner of pasta, the only savoury thing Lena can cook without burning, they find themselves in bed, in the room which, Kara realises, is theirs more than it is solely Lena's. This doesn't mean that she won't go back to her own apartment at some point, but for now, she isn't particularly troubled by this part of their current predicament. Outside of their little slice of the universe, rain is still falling in heavy sheets, dulling Kara's senses. The curtains are improperly closed but all she can see through the sliver of window is a blurry and muted grey, like they've been removed from the world and now exist in their own small pocket dimension.

They lie next to each other in near complete silence, content to just stare at each other in the dark, to feel each other's eye roam over dips and curves visible only when thunder flashes. Something is bothering Lena, Kara knows it, can feel it radiating from her. It's something that has been bothering her too, all week, but for some hard to understand reason, she knows she won't be able to talk about it unless Lena brings it up herself. 

She tells herself that the fact no one has attempted to talk to her about it, the fact everybody has been skirting around the subject, even Brainy who isn't known for his subtlety, is the reason she hasn't been able articulate it herself ; but truly, it's because she's scared. Scared of what it entails, her going berserk and killing someone in the distant future, scared of what it implies, because there aren't many things that could drive her crazy, and one of these things is lying next to her.

To be fair with her close ones, it can't exactly be easy for them to approach her with a craftily worded question such as "Hey Kara ! Any idea of why you might go cuckoo in the far future and kill random people ?" It sounds stupid even to her, and it's not the way Lena chooses to phrase it. Instead, she says, in a voice so soft it makes Kara want to die, "we should talk about it. About what's going to happen."

"We should."

"How long, exactly, are you going to live ?"

Kara should have expected this question, she did not. She was expecting for Lena to ask about her killing policy or to inquire about Red Kryptonite, even to ask if losing her would make her lose her mind ; but she didn't expect anything regarding her longevity. It's one of the things she tries the hardest not to think about.

"It could be time travel," Kara replies, poorly deflecting the query.

"Kara," Lena whispers, "please."

Kara waits before answering. She lets an unknown amount of seconds trickle by, hoping against reason that someone will pop out of nowhere and answer for her. Eventually, she does have to speak. "A, a long time," she says, voice a little crooked, a little hollow. "That's actually one of the only times Kal agreed to let the DEO run tests on him, he wanted to know if there was a chance he would die at the same time as Lois."

"And what was the conclusion ?" Lena probs softly, hand travelling in the dark to come rest on Kara's cheek.

"No," Kara answers simply.

A flash of lightning illuminates Lena's face and Kara can see, plain as day, her lips falling open in a silent gasp.

"I'm still going to age, just slower. Eventually, I will get wrinkles and grey hair. Or maybe white. We get white hair in my family. But unless I, unless I." She stops here, can't bring herself to speak the next words. Instead, she grasps at the hand that lays on her cheek, squeezes it hard, up to the limit human bones can handle, because it's the only thing that can prevent her tears from falling.

"Unless you kill yourself," Lena finishes for her, merciful and terrible, "you won't die for a very long time."

"I tried to made my peace with it. I discussed it with Kal, we made plans, but I, I just can’t. How can I live on if you're dead ? How can there be a world in which Alex is gone, and Kelly, and Brainy and Nia, and I'm still here ?" Her voice cracks. Lena brings their intertwined hands to her lips, kisses the centre of her palm. Her mouth is wet with silent tears. 

"And it’s not exactly a conversation I can have with everyone, is it ? 'Hey ! FYI when you’re dead I’ll stab myself with Kryptonite on your grave. Are we cool ?' No one wants to hear that." Unwillingly, she laughs. A dark and heavy chuckle breaks past her lips and she wonders, with little concern, if it's the beginning of her descent into madness. "Except apparently I won't even do it. I won't immolate myself on your tomb or Alex's. Because the only reason the Fatal Five would travel back in the past to take vengeance on my family would be if I don't have one by the time I kill Emerald Empress' father. The only way that's possible, is if I'm still alive long after you're all dead."

There are many things Lena could say, the amount of bullshit that would leave anybody else's mouth then and now is infinite, but she's always been much wiser, and much more broken. "I'm sorry," she says, "I'm sorry you have to live like that. It should be enough that you've lost a world, without knowing you're going to lose another." She lets Kara's unbreakable body curl against hers, and together, they cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am deeply sorry about _everything_.
> 
> The book Ghim is reading in this chapter is _The Priory of the Orange Tree_ by Samantha Shannon and if you haven't read it yet you absolutely should. It's got dragons, dumb sapphics and swords !


	28. Stand by

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there's nothing to do but wait and people discuss sex and threesomes for some reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is sort of a transition chapter, and also a way for me to make it up to you for last week. [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) is just _Death and all his friends_ by Coldplay, also known as : do you remember when Coldplay was actually a good band ? (The answer is you probably don't because that song is 13 years old and yes, I'm having a bit of a crisis right now)
> 
> In the spirit of saying something that isn't just plain mean, if you live in the US, congrats on booting the mouldy orange out, if you live anywhere else in the world, I hope you're holding up okay, and if you live in France, we riot at dawn.

  
After crying themselves into slumber, Kara and Lena sleep remarkably fine. Kara feels marginally better after the talk, but the confession still stirred enough shit that the love of her life can't quite fill the hole in her heart.

They wake the following day to a full english breakfast courtesy of Taylor attempting to broaden Ghim's set of skills. Not everything is edible, but nothing catches on fire this time which is a vast improvement. Alex and Kelly both swing by but only stay long enough for Alex to swallow a burning hot coffee and stuff herself with three pieces of the less charred toasts.

The tension does not abate one bit in the following days. Everybody is on edge, and everywhere she goes, Kara feels like she's walking with Damocles' sword hanging over her head, or like someone is following her. Realistically she knows it's the case because her sister assigned a whole battalion to her personal security, but still, she can't shake the ominous feeling that seems to be clinging to her skin. It's the waiting that's the worst she reckons. They know something bad is going to happen, that another attack is due any day now, but they have no way of knowing the details, and no way of knowing when the next blow will fall on them.

Kara tries not to hover too much, tries not to be too overprotective, even if it goes against everything her guts tell her. She wants to lock them all in a padded Nth metal box, away from harm, and take on this army by herself. She knows it'd be no use though. Alex would manage to pick the lock of a doorless cell with her hands tied behind her back and she'd be very pissed once she'd be out.

Instead, she trains with Ghim, teaching her how to keep her blows below death level and how a cape can be used to protect civilians. As a result of Lena deciding she's seen enough Kryptonite for a lifetime, she's been gifted with a new suit, and so has Taylor. Like Kara's, they’re composed of nanites and can be turned into full body armour with a simple press on the crest ; but where Kara and Taylor wear the sigil of their House, Ghim sports an empty spot, a diamond shaped armour plate waiting to be filled by whatever she pleases. More than once, Kara catches her looking at her chest with an air of longing and she can easily presume of what Ghim will ask for.

She also trains with Taylor and finds herself blessed by muscle memory when she picks up a sword for the first time since her days on Krypton. She's good enough to hold her own, but Taylor, well Taylor is simply ferocious and more than once Kara witnesses them executing moves that she's only ever seen one person master, on television, on a rare day she indulged in her silly crush on Diana, Princess of Themyscira. She did ask her to show it to her, the one time they met, many years ago when she was still in college and some sea monster business brought both her and Kal to National City ; but they ended up getting down to another kind of business and Kara never got to learn that particular sword trick. Her lack of knowledge lands her on the floor several times, but Lena always kisses her bruises better before they fade so she isn't particularly keen on mastering the art of the blade, to Taylor's absolute dismay.

Even with Kara's evident self-sabotage, they keep on training together, and she cherishes every single second she gets to spend with them. Because beyond the approaching battle, the crushing thought of possible casualties and the overbearing and ever present knowledge that one of them could just die, there is also the looming cloud of Taylor's imminent departure, the mind wipe that comes with it and the fear of the void that will follow with no remembrance of how it came to be. It keeps her awake at night, and Lena too. 

Often, when holding on to each other is not enough anymore, they get up for an early breakfast and stand side by side on the balcony in companionable silence, Kara in whatever t-shirt was closer to the bed and Lena in several layers of clothes and blankets, and mismatched fluffy socks. Several times, Kara finds herself guilty of casual espionage, peering through walls to catch a glimpse of a sleeping Taylor, tangled in an array of Max's limbs. Conscious that it's borderline creepy, she never spies on them for too long, only for the matter of seconds it takes to calm the beating of her heart. If Lena catches her doing so, she never says anything about it, but only ever squeezes her hand tighter and lets her hold her when she needs to.

***

In an incomprehensible warp of space time, hours seem to both slow and speed up at the same time ; to the point that on some days, Lena, who's rarely ever been bored in her life, could die of boredom, and on some others, she's convinced she's marching to an early grave via heart failure. Nothing feels real anymore and the fact that in a way, it isn't, that if all goes according to plan, in a matter of weeks, or even days, this will not even be a memory, doesn't help at all. She’s tried probing around trying to get answers to her questions, to get a grasp on what she will remember and what she won't, but with the way Taylor has been so intricately woven into their lives, there's no telling what will happen when they'll leave.

On most mornings, Lena wants to crumple as soon as she's out of bed. She wants to climb back under her covers where she's safe and nothing can hurt her, but she does not have that luxury. She's needed by too many people right now, too many people rely on her for support and safety and she cannot allow herself to be anything other than strong. So she gets up, and treads forward. She builds anti-Kryptonite suits, sits in war meetings, and doesn't drink alone in her office. She ignores her mother's letters coming in from prison, doesn't think about her mum drowning, and recalibrates her brain to include magic and the possibility of hallucinations, falsehoods and cruel mind tricks. She loses gracefully at game night, doesn't attempt to feed kale to her Kryptonians, and at night falls into restless sleep in Kara's arms, her only solace in this whirlwind.

Because she has Kara, still, and against all odds, she has her. And sure, a little treacherous part of her brain sometimes whispers in the dark that none of this would be happening if she didn't have Kara but if she could have it any other way, she wouldn't. She would go to the confines of the universe and back for the girl currently gazing at shitty cafeteria hot chocolate like it holds answers to questions she hasn't thought of yet. She's been somber lately, for good reasons, often lapsing into long silences and seemingly holding entire conversations in her own head. Lena gently nudges her under the table and she tears her eyes away from the drink that's giving Lena cholesterol from a distance to look and smile at her gently. Under the neon lights of the DEO's cafeteria she looks soft and almost fragile, shoulders a little hunched, head a little low. She doesn't straighten up until Alex comes striding in, takes one look at her drink and makes a disgusted face.

"You don't have to wait for me every night you know," she says, not unkindly. "This isn't high school."

"I know," Kara replies, draining her hot chocolate and rising from her seat in what appears to be one fluid movement. "But I want to."

Unnecessarily, but really old school chivalry at its best, she helps Lena up and into her jacket before taking her hand to follow Alex out of the room. They've been coming here to wait for Alex every day after work for a week now, Kara first picking Lena up, which at least forces her to clock out early, and then coming to wait for Alex, most of the time here and sometimes in the training room. Lena prefers the training room, at least she gets to watch Kara do pull-ups there.

"How was work ?" Alex asks as they embark on the journey down to the car park. No war meeting then today, good.

"Miss Grant called, she's planning on visiting soon," Kara says, veering left to the stairs to clearly stipulate she's not in an elevator mood. "I'm not sure I managed to convince her now isn't a good time."

"You know how she is. I'm sure you did your best."

Lena valiantly follows the pace down, even if her legs are smaller and she's wearing heels. She should just stop wearing heels really, they're becoming impractical. Finally, they reach one of the numerous black ops car and are shepherd in its back seat and out of the building.

"Our place or yours ?" Kara asks so casually that it takes Lena a second to catch up on what she said. _Our place_. As in their apartment, the one where they live together, as a couple. Suddenly feeling light headed, she checks out of the conversation entirely, barely registering the mention of Kelly's homemade potstickers.

_Our place. Our home. Our love._

***

Things at the moment are neither good nor bad, and Taylor tries their hardest not to focus too much on either side of this unbalanced coin. It's not even a matter of "could be worse" or "could be better" ; but simply that the events that trickle in one after another seem to exist outside of everything, removed from any judgement scale. Or at least for Taylor they do, as they will be one of two people who remember this when they go back to the future. This too leaves them strangely indifferent. Now that they've seen their mothers again, alive and mostly well, they feel strangely untethered to either times and awfully attached to both versions of their family. They miss their Mum and Yeyu now that they're here, and know they'll miss Kara and Lena once they go back to 2044. This too is neither good nor bad but simply a thought that exists.

They do sometimes feel guilty about what they perceive as a lack of care, but Max is here now to remind them that it's okay, that whatever they feel or don't feel is legitimate. She does so in her own way, half sweet and half blunderish, but imparting no ill judgement, because somehow, she always knows what to do or say.

She's changed quite a bit in the weeks following her arrival on Earth. Or not so much changed as she evolved into a lighter, less contrived version of herself. Taylor doubts anyone who doesn't know her like they do will have noticed, especially considering the frightening ease with which she reverts to her royal self when threatened, but she's started doing peculiar things like eating with her hands and bumping shoulders with Kara to express a tender and hilarious bro-like affection. Even with their friends back at Crucible, they've never seen her so relaxed with anyone that isn't just them, and it means that, even with the slight detour they were both forced to take, they were right to invite her to live with them on Earth ; she fits right in. It could also be the combined effect of stress and belief that things don't really matter beyond saving and mind wiping everyone, but Taylor will be the first one to admit that they refuse to investigate the question.

The rumble of Max's laugh drags them out of their thoughts and though they have no idea of who made a joke or what is funny, they smile too, and lean against her warmth. She's a real furnace, runs even warmer than a Kryptonian, and Taylor who's so used to everyone being much colder than them could have fallen in love with her for that fact only if not for a million other things.

They found the source of the laughter in soy sauce dribbling down Kara's chin because Nia tried to out-eat her and she was determined to stay ahead. Poor Nia, it's a lesson she'll never learn. If the state of Max's mouth is any indication she tried to compete too. She hasn't learned yet.

When the joyous mocking has abated and everyone has recovered use of their airway, Max leans closer to them, mouth to their ear and says, "I like your family."

She smells strongly of Chinese food, mildly of honey and faintly of Lena's apartment, flowers, metal, ozone and mint, a smell, Taylor realises in this very instant, that encompasses everything they think of as home. It's not a stark realisation, it doesn't come to punch them in the face, but rather floats down gently to settle somewhere in the vicinity of their heart.

They hum, and though it's enough of an answer, they decide to speak aloud too. "I like that you like my family."

"What are you two conspiring about ?" Kelly asks, approaching almost silently to refill their glass with soda like they're a Raodamned twelve years old. If anything, it's adorable.

"Nothing," Taylor replies automatically even if the only thing they're guilty of is getting caught up in their bubble.

Max smiles at them then, in a suspicious and conspiratorially way, wiggling her bright eyebrows like they indeed were having a secret conversation prior to Kelly's arrival. Taylor's eyes follow her around the room as she refills everyone's drinks, juggling bottles with a deftness that speaks of expertise. She concludes her round with Alex, letting her girlfriend guide her down to her lap with no thought spared for her previous spot on the couch or the way it complicates the game. There's a certain languor permeating the room anyway, and no one is really paying to the cardboard, pawns and bills laid out on the coffee table. Taylor thinks Lena is on the verge of winning but then again, Lena almost always wins at Monopoly.

***

A shriek abruptly rouses Kara from sleep. Heat vision flaring and blurring the contours of her vision it takes her a split second to grab Lena, guide her behind her back for protection and then another to assess the situation and realise they are in no danger. 

They crashed at Kelly's place, all of them haphazardly piled up on the couches and armchairs because going home to their separate apartments seemed like a waste of time when they were all warm and comfortable and together. Kelly and Alex didn't even retreat to the bedroom. Which is why they now find themselves dragged out of sleep by Max yelling from seven feet above the floor, a significant part of her body dangling into the air and the portion of her that can fit on it clinging to Taylor's body. The sight is hilarious. Taylor is not small by any definition of the word, but compared to their giant girlfriend they appear ridiculously tiny and frail and not at all like they can break bones with their pinky.

"Gods !" Max shrills as Taylor lowers her to the ground, shaking with laughter. "Warn a girl !"

"I did ! I did warn you !" Taylor manages to say between two gasped breaths. "I told you I sleep fly !"

"Welcome to sleeping with a Kryptonian," Alex mumbles, lifting her head a few inches to reveal sleepy eyes and matted hair, strands oddly sticking up on one side. She stretches, wiggles and yawns, for a moment more cat-like than her usual murderous tiger persona. "I used to find Kara on the ceiling all the time when we were kids. And Sam sleep flies too." Her eyes widen a fraction and Kara zeroes in on this immediately, gears slowly beginning to turn in her head. "I mean," Alex adds in a hurry, "I suppose she used to sleep fly for that brief period of time she was a Kryptonian. Not that I would know personally. Since I never slept with her."

Kara can unironically picture the light bulb that turns on over her head as the pieces of Alex’s rant fall into place. "You didn't," she whispers. "Alex tell me you didn't." Beside her, Lena starts cackling sleepily.

"You do not have a monopoly on sleeping with super powered women," Alex grumbles, crossing her arms petulantly.

"Aw babe," Kelly coos, kissing the side of her cheek. "It's okay."

"How do you know about that ?" Kara asks, straightening up abruptly. Suddenly, she wishes she'd gone home last night.

"You’re not exactly discreet," Alex replies, side-eyeing her grumpily. "And I saw Wonder Woman come out of your dorm room with her shirt on backward, that’s not a sight I can ever forget."

The world disappears as Kara drops her head in her hands, a low groan escaping her.

"Supergirl and Wonder Woman ?" Lena says, tone light and playful before laying a kiss on her clothed shoulder. "Now that's an interesting concept."

"If you're interested in that sort of things," Kara hears herself saying before she can realise that it's not a proposition that should be made anywhere but in private, "I still have Diana's number."

"And I will now remove myself from this situation as I do not wish to be traumatised further. Max. Ghim. Come on, we're getting breakfast anywhere but here." Kara raises her head a fraction to find Taylor already at the door and immediately drops it back, burying herself further in her hands. She should not be allowed to speak so early in the morning.

"Diana ?" Lena repeats, enunciating the name slowly enough that Kara can see it coming a mile away. "Wonder Woman’s name is Diana ? Well that’s awkward."

"Awkward ?" Kara crooks.

"I think I have her number too. She's really into ropes, isn't she ?"

Somewhere in the room Nia erupts in laughter, her mirth almost covering Taylor's loud and pained, "for Rao's sake !" coming from behind the door ; and quieter, closer to her, Alex's small, "I need J'onn to bleach my brain again."

***

Sexual histories thoroughly discussed and desire to die on the spot thoroughly ignored, Kara ends up making her way to work late with Nia in tow. Her protege still looks about to pee her pants from hilarity and Kara is absolutely unamused. She'd also be lying if she wasn't admitting that she might be a bit distracted by what she accidentally suggested to Lena and this is the excuse she'll use to explain why she doesn't immediately notice Cat Grant siting at her desk. 

"Miss Grant !" Her voice goes up a register or two which is embarrassing but not the worst thing she's ever done in front of her former boss. "I didn't know you'd' be joining us so soon !"

"I felt like visiting my favourite reporter," Cat replies with a broad smile. "Take a seat will you Kara."

Kara drags closer the two first chairs she can find but Nia, thrumming with excitement, ignores her in favour of darting away. "I'll go get us lattes !" she yells over her shoulder.

"Oh worry not," Cat says, lifting a tall cup to her lips, "I brought my own drink."

Kara winces at the sharp smell that emanates from the take-away cup. "Since when do you take it black ?"

Cat's eye twitches but she doesn't answer which isn't unlike her and wouldn't be alarming if not for Nia slowly calling out Kara's name.

Dread descending over her, Kara revolves on her chair, hand clasped on its back, ready to spring up. The elevator doors finish sliding open and a sweet smelling latte enters the room, quickly followed by the familiar clicking of stilettos on the linoleum floor.

"Kiera ? Kiera what fresh incompetence is this ?" 


	29. The final stand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a lot of people punch other people and not all is as it seems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've worked on this chapter so much that I refuse to look at it one second more. If there are any typos, address your complaints to Rao. That being said I hope that as you read it you'll appreciate that I cut last week's chapter where I cut it and not after the first *** break of this chapter.
> 
> [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) : _Where the skies end_ by Starset and _Impostor_ by RED.

  
Kara blinks. She feels herself doing so very slowly, in a sort of comical sluggish way. Simultaneously she sees the first Cat throwing her coffee at her, finally registering the source of the acrid smell in the droplets of liquid Kryptonite that slush out of the cup. The cup however doesn't hit her, but collides with Nia's back instead as the younger hero throws herself in front of her and hisses as the burning coffee seeps into her clothes.  
  
"Fuck !" Nia screams at an ear splitting volume. "Fuck ! Fuck ! Fuck !"  
  
Kara allows herself a fraction of a second to assess the situation further, both narrowing her eyes to scan her assailant and cocking her head to the side to keep track of the original Cat Grant. She hears the telltale sound of a taser crackling to life behind her and knows she won't be able to prevent both Cat and Nia to launch themselves at Miss Grant 2.0 to protect her.  
  
In a barely calculated move, the result relying entirely on Nia being able to avoid the taser, she throws her off herself and to Cat, brushes the side of her glasses, punches her own chest the moment her crest reveals itself, and, before the armour has had any time to completely unfurl, grabs the doppelgänger by the neck and jumps out the window.  
  
For a moment, an eternal instant that doesn't last longer than it takes for Kara to take off, she fears that she's miscalculated, that she's been tricked, that this is a hallucination and she's strangling her former boss while the witch is waiting safely back in the office. Then, the skin that her gloved hand is touching starts bubbling and melting into grey scabs and, satisfied, she circles back in a loop-the-loop and flattens Selena head first on the floor at Cat's feet.  
  
The Queen of all media is standing there, entirely unaffected, looking almost bored by the situation. She gives an appreciative nod to Nia who's barely finished fixing her mask to her face and says, more to herself than the present company, "guess I still got it." Then, in what Kara can only describe as the most badass move she's ever witnessed, Cat takes a slow mindful sip of her latte and nudges the side of the shifting witch's head with her pointed shoe. "I hope you have the means," she drawls, "to pay for the damage done to my building."  
  
Nia cackles and immediately slams a hand on her mouth to stifle any further sound when Cat glances back at her. She straightens up absurdly, hands clasped behind her back and brow falling in the posture of a child ready to be scold. "It's really nice to see you again, Miss Grant," she says, forgetting all heroism in favour of grovelling.  
  
"It's nice to see you too, Nia. Or is it Dreamer now ?" Cat says somewhat off-handedly. "I trust that the little covert organisation you and my friend Supergirl work for has a cleaning crew ?"  
  
"I will call them right away," Nia hurries, fretting for a moment for an absent pocket before she remembers the comm device in her ear and raises two fingers to activate it.  
  
"Good," Cat replies, cocking her head to the side appreciatively. She turns to Kara then, smile broadening like Christmas has arrived early. Or at least that's what it feels like to Kara ; it's been so long. "Supergirl. Do you have time for a quote ?"  
  
Aware that she might appear too eager, Kara leaves a two second pause before replying, all the while wondering if offering a full interview with photoshoot would be too much. She opens her mouth, confident that she'll manage to appear only half idiotic when she speaks, when a blast, louder than anything she's ever heard makes her forget everything she might have intended to say. A gust of air soon follows and she finds herself face down in shattered glass, cursing her lack of foresight when the absence of her helmet mixed with the remaining droplets of Kryptonite leads to the pesky shards cutting her skin.  
  
As fast as she can, she rushes to her feet, and turns around just in time to see the top of L-Corp, Lena’s office, tumbling down the facade of the building, leaving behind a billowing cloud of smoke, and no heartbeat.  
  
***  
  
There is no doubt a very good reason for why Lena is afraid of heights, something deep and psychological only the therapist she's not seeing could unearth. In her own humble opinion, it's because she keeps on getting thrown off high buildings. It's nothing but the second time in a matter of weeks, at least the third since she met Kara, and she remembers Lex attempting to push her from their tree house on two separate occasions when she was naught but a wee child. Staying away from great heights is nothing but logical self-preservation.  
  
This time however, she came prepared, and the second she regained consciousness after getting the floor blasted from under her, the Lexosuit was ready to welcome her in its cold and hated embrace, allowing her to rocket away from the ground instead of towards it. Still, she should have been ready sooner, should have been on edge, should have been paying attention. If she had, she would have noticed the giant eyeball hovering outside her window, and wouldn't have lost track of Taylor in the fall.  
  
As the smoke starts to dissipate, she catches sight of Max dangling from the side of the building, sword buried in the concrete to keep herself from falling any further down. That's all Lena can take stock of before a blue and red blur collides with her at full speed, sending her on a downward path again. This new fall is short though because Kara corrects the course immediately and rights them abruptly, words tumbling past her lips at an almost incomprehensible speed.  
  
"You're okay. You're okay. You're okay. You're okay. Rao. I thought- I thought-"  
  
"The suit shields my heartbeat from Kryptonians," Lena whispers roughly, realising just then that the inside of her mouth is coated with blood.  
  
Kara is in her armour, minus the helmet, and her exposed face is covered in cuts and bruises, already healing and disappearing. She's shaking and crying and, Lena thinks, she's never looked so scared. She gets the irresistible urge to kiss her and it's just about the most ridiculous and reckless thing she could do right now but she does it anyway, allowing her helmet to recede to meet her hero halfway in a searing mid-air kiss.  
  
It’s both the weirdest and most memorable kiss of her life. It’s frantic, hurried, tastes of blood, ash and, faintly, of tears ; and it’s the culmination of each and everyone one of her guilty fantasies involving Supergirl and a dramatic rescue. But it’s also Kara, just Kara. Kara’s lips on hers and Kara’s tongue in her mouth and Kara’s teeth nipping at her and Kara holding her so tight that she can feel her through both of their armoured suits.  
  
They could hold onto each other like that for an infinity, forever entangled mid-air in a borderline obscene display of affection but a loud crash below their feet draws their attention away and like a punch to the guts, Lena remembers that they’re in the middle of an emergency.  
  
On the ground, far under them, Lena finds Taylor going toe to toe with the viking-like warrior who almost killed Kara. And for some reason, they’re not wearing their goddamn suit. They’re standing at the edge of a newly created crater, constantly tripping and slipping on the rumble and even from there, Lena can see they’re losing.  
  
Her brain and body kick up into action so fast that for a split second, the world blurs in a wave of nausea and she forgets to communicate her intentions. Kara however, is thankfully already on it and after pushing Lena in the general direction Max is still hanging patiently, she rockets towards the ground at a speed too fast to follow and trounces the warrior into the ground.  
  
The entire block rocks from the impact and the shockwave sends Lena against her building, slabs of concrete spilling in the street below. She flattens herself against Max, arms raised over both their heads in an attempt, she belatedly realises, to protect yet another virtually indestructible alien.  
  
Very helpfully, her helmet's technological vision informs her that she won't be able to take all the rumble that's cascading over her and warns her, rather nicely, of her imminent death. She even gets a rundown of the major components of the reinforced hunk of concrete that's speeding towards her head. She closes her eyes. If she were to raise an arm and send a burst of energy, she might be able to destroy it, but it would further the instability of the building, and endanger hundreds of lives.  
  
Her senses are overloaded, the stench of blood and ash overwhelming under her helmet, and an insistent ringing in her ears rendering her half deaf ; it's not going to be a nice death. At the very last second though, the world grows unbearably hot around her and a shower of dust descends on her instead.  
  
She opens her eyes to find Ghim hovering protectively next to her, eyes still burning with the remnants of heat vision. She's got a hand buried in the concrete, holding upright one of the metal pole that runs through the building and single handedly ensuring the stability of the upper part of L-Corp.  
  
"We need to evacuate the building," she says, accent sharp and hurried. "Get everyone to the ground floor. I will not be able to do both."  
  
"On it," Max grunts. "If the concrete shower is over and someone can get me to a fucking window."  
  
Faster than Lena can process it, Ghim plucks Max out of the facade and throws her through a window which is ruthlessly effective if not the way she would have done it herself. It's just the two of them then and Lena can feel Ghim's eyes boring into her. She takes in the sleek black suit she designed for her, the House of El crest now spray painted on her chest and gets flooded with a blazing sense of pride that fuels her to do her part too.  
  
"Go," Ghim says like she can read her mind. "I am taking care of the civilians."  
  
Not needing to be told twice, Lena lets herself drop several feet, appreciative, for once, of the rush of air around her, before she activates her boosters, pivots and flies towards the ground, sliding to a stop at the edge of the crater. It's not until she's standing here, immobile on the brink of what is now an almost thirty feet drop, that she realises how eerily silent the street is. So silent actually, that she can hear tires screeching in the distance, the telltale sound of Alex and the DEO rushing towards them. A geyser of muddy water springs up not far from her from a broken sewer line, the only moving thing in the perimeter. There's no sign of the warrior, no sign of the eye, no sign of Taylor and, no sign of Kara.  
  
As she peers over the edge, looking for any sign of life, any sign at all, she doesn't dare to breathe, fearful somehow of a simple intake of breath leading to the entire thing crumbling and taking her with it. Behind her, cars come to a stop, half a dozen, the display in her helmet supply for her, not that she cares. She hears hurried steps, doesn't bulge at all when Alex violently grabs at her arm to avoid toppling into the crater. She feels her stop breathing in time with her, and in utmost synchronicity, their spirits prepare to take the first step into grief when the ground explodes and another part of the street collapses to reveal Kara holding the warrior by his breastplate like he's nothing more than a dirty sack of flour. Both of them rocket into the sky, spilling sewage everywhere, until Kara loops twice in a fancy useless move and comes land a foot away from them, crushing the warriors face in the dirt.  
  
"Don't you dare lay another finger on me," he grunts, "for I am..."  
  
"I don't care who you are, Magog," Kara says, voice distorted by the suit. "I'm not paying for any crime I haven't committed yet, and I'm certainly not letting anyone come after my family."  
  
For good measure, she leans more heavily on the foot she's planted on his back and Lena is sure the bones cracking she hears are not a figment of her imagination. Apparently it really isn’t, because after a beat, Alex rushes into action, gently dragging her sister away from the warrior before she can burden herself with the guilt of a rage induced death.  
  
"Is Taylor with you ?" Kara asks as soon as she gets to Lena and unfortunately, the exact same words leave Lena's mouth at the exact same time.  
  
They stare at each other, in the echo of their twin words, and Lena feels like if so much as a hairpin were to fall right now, the entire universe would come to an end.  
  
"There's Kryptonite in there," Kara stammers. "Loads of it. They're not, they're not wearing their suit."  
  
"The eye exploded in my office," Lena whispers, wondering, idly, where she found the strength to speak. "I'm not even sure how they survived the fall."  
  
Kara comes to take her hand and she holds on tight, their armours squeaking against one another. Lena doesn't dare to look down the crater again, instead keeping her back resolutely turned as she fights against the hole threatening to tear at her insides. She needs to stay focused. They all need to stay focused. She would bet her entire fortune and a few unreleased patents on the Kryptonite eye still being operational and even if it isn’t, they only have the warrior in custody.  
  
Kara herself stands twisted, looking at the crater over her shoulder and Lena wants to tug at her hand to tell her not to but she can't bring herself to move. Instead, it's Kara who tugs at her, whispering her name incessantly and this is why when she turns, pushed to do so by both Kara getting her to and Alex shouting and pointing at the sky, she looks down at her feet instead of up at the clearly menacing shapes flying at full speed towards them.  
  
She sees a hand first, trembling and gripping tightly at the edge, then a forearm hauling itself up and another, covered in a half torn sleeve and adorned by an antique wristwatch with a white and blue woven strap. Everything recedes to the background, the shouts, the assailants coming upon them, as her own heartbeat fills her ears and Kara and her both bend in tandem to each grab a hand and heave Taylor out of the hole.  
  
***  
  
Tired from her previous fight, Kara falls ass over teakettle retrieving Taylor from the crater. It's a good thing, because it allows her to welcome Indigo with two heavy feet to the stomach, gaining them a few precious seconds as she sends her hurtling away. The techno-organic villain is sent back to the sender like a boomerang and Kara watches her tumble away with a childlike glee. That is until she realises that Alex's unbreachable secret prison has definitely been breached a second time, and the Empress has managed to retrieve what remained of her original team. They are, as anyone but Kara would say, absolutely fucked.  
  
She scrambles up in a flash, shielding Taylor from a burst of incoming Kryptonite. They're busy repeatedly slapping their watch, mumbling a string of obscenities under their breath.  
  
"I don't understand how it got stuck," Lena says in a frenzy. "It's not supposed to get stuck."  
  
"I don’t know how it got stuck Mum !" Taylor yells back. "You said it yourself, it’s not supposed to get stuck !"  
  
Lena takes hold of the watch ; Kara takes another Kryptonite blow to the chest. Out of nowhere, or from behind her Kara supposes, Alex tucks and rolls and springs up in front of her, gun at the ready, and immediately starts shooting bursts of energy with enough precision to cut short the next few incoming blasts.  
  
"You were turning it the wrong way !" Lena shouts and Kara glances back to see her turning the bezel a quarter to the left. A fraction of a second later, Taylor's suit starts unfurling from the watch.  
  
"Well how the fuck was I supposed to know that !"  
  
"Because I fucking told you !"  
  
"Language !" Kara yells, though she’s somewhat aware that it’s not making the top list of anyone’s concerns.  
  
"Can we agree to argue later ?" Alex snaps. "Now’s really not the time !"  
  
As if to prove her point, this is the moment Indigo chooses to circle back, arms extended before her and sharpened in blades. By Kara's rapid calculations, her own nanite suit won't be able to take the blow.  
  
She doesn't need to however as suddenly, a blur of green, gold and fire jumps in front of her and she gets to see Indigo's mock blades shatter to pieces on the razor edge of Max's sword.  
  
"Why are you all standing like sitting ducks ! Move !"  
  
But Kara finds herself frozen, and instead of leaping into action, she looks back at her family. They could all die today because of her ; it'll be virtually impossible for her to keep track of everyone and unless she stops this madness here and now, she's going to lose someone. If she surrenders, if she makes a good enough show and convinces the Empress to kill her instead of her family, she might be able to save them all.  
  
In the microsecond it has taken her to think about it, the others have already leapt into action. Taylor is trading blows with Indigo, Maxima and Alex are teaming up in a strange dance of blade and bullets, keeping Solomon Grundy at bay after he's jumped over the crater, J'onn, who's joined them in his true form, is phasing in and out of Tharok's sightline, causing the half-man, half-machine to repeatedly punch himself, and Nia, perched on top of Ghim's back, is attempting to block Mano's matter-siphoning with her dream energy.  
  
It leaves Kara and Lena alone, and Kara can barely hear her over the sound of her own ragged breathing. Lena's gloved hands come to frame her face and she convinces herself that she can feel her through the two layers of armour. "We all chose to be here with you," she says like she can read her thoughts. "We love you and we're not going down without a fight."  
  
Taylor flies over their heads in an array of limbs, rushing back the other way in a matter of seconds yelling something that might be : "don’t worry I’m okay !"  
  
"The Empress wants your family ?" Lena asks with a peculiar kind of fury. "Well your family is fighting back." She leans forward, bumping the top of their helmets. "Brainy and I will run tech support, you go take down that cunt and tell her green's not her colour. Okay Kara ?"  
  
Kara gulps then nods. She can't prevent any of them from fighting for her, so the best she can do is fight at their side. "Okay."  
  
"Go get her Supergirl. I love you."  
  
Kara wishes she could kiss her, but removing any of their helmets would be unsafe so she makes do with pressing her palm over Lena’s heart. "I love you," she says ; and then, she’s off.  
  
She flies with a speed and intensity rarely displayed. Most of the time, she’s holding back, but today, she won't. She's tired, and she's angry, so angry ; she wants this to end. She doesn't know who her target is yet, doesn't know who she's about to crush to near death first, but she doesn't have to make the decision herself. Emerald Empress moves in front of her giant eye and Kara skirts around her at the very last second to aim for it. She doesn't get the chance to land even one punch.  
  
A gut wrenching scream stops her dead on her tracks.  
  
Lena.  
  
She whirls around at full speed to find her writhing on the ground, the warrior hunched over her, his axe lodged in her armour and his hands around her throat. Brainy is already lying in a pool of blood. She prepares herself to intervene, stomach sinking in its own acid with the realisation that she will be too late that she didn't pay enough attention and that she's going to lose, not just the love of her life, but everyone. Because it's not just Lena.  
  
Indigo is standing over Taylor, their internal organs all over her shortened forearms, and Max just ran Alex through with her sword, and Nia has disappeared in anti-matter, and J'onn is falling lifelessly, blood oozing from every pore.  
  
"Supergirl," a voice sounds through her comms, "Supergirl what are you doing ?" It’s Ghim, but Kara can’t find her anywhere.  
  
"Kara what the hell are you doing ?!" This time it’s Alex, and it vaguely registers in some part of her mind but not to the point of surpassing her single minded focus on Lena. She has to get to Lena.  
  
She tears Magog off her body, crushing the warrior's windpipe in a long forgotten blind rage. She will have his skin for what he did to her. She can feel his armour crunching under her hands, revels in how this joyful sound takes over the cacophony of voices calling out for her. She will save them all, but first, she will avenge her love.  
  
"Kara !" Lena screams huskily. "Kara what are you doing ?!"  
  
Kara squeezes harder. The warrior flickers before her showing for a split second a purple and green armour.  
  
"Kara ! Kara stop ! You’re hurting me !"   
  
Kara screws her eyes shut. When she opens them again, she finds her hands wrapped around Lena's throat.  
  
She drops her like hot coal, picks her up again immediately and lowers her to the ground as gently as her trembling body allows her to. She finds the release button for the helmet, barely waits until its unlocked to tear it off her head and forces herself to look at Lena's purple face and bloodshot eyes. She thinks she hears her croak her name. She almost killed her.  
  
She almost killed Lena.  
  
"Supergirl ?" a soft voice sounds in her own helmet. "Supergirl ?" Brainy asks again, his voice very lively for someone whose corpse she just saw. "The eye comes from the planetary system of Ekron. Remember ? You told us that. Light years away from here and home to telepaths and illusion casters. Whatever you think you’re seeing right now is most likely untrue."  
  
Lena raises a shaky hand, lays it on her helmet where her cheek would be. "It’s me darling," she coughs. "See ? It’s me. Please. It’s me."  
  
"Supergirl ?" Brainy calls again, "Supergirl, I promise you we are all okay. I do not lie, you know that. Whatever you thought you saw is an illusion."  
  
Lena flickers before her. Magog. Lena. Magog. Lena again.  
  
She clasps her own hands behind her back.  
  
"Supergirl," Brainy says softly. "You are standing over Lena. Behind you is Alex, she's going to put a hand on your shoulder." Indeed, Kara feels a gloved hand squeeze her armoured shoulder. Is it Alex ? She refuses to check, eyes glued to Lena. "Maxima is holding her own in battle, she is winning and so is your child, Lor-El." Kara listens to the flow of his voice, focuses on it as much as she can. Lena stops flickering. "Dreamer," Brainy continues with unrestrained pride, "has defeated our most pressing concern and our friend the Manhunter is also victorious. Supergirl, Kara, we need you to take out the eye."  
  
"Go," Alex says, her head coming to rest on her helmet. "I'm taking care of Lena, I promise."  
  
It takes all of Kara's strength for her to tear herself away from Lena's battered body and she knows she'll never perform a greater fit than this one. As she flies away, heart lurching in her throat, she refuses to look back, instead pushing herself harder until she flies under a cascade of glass when the last windows standing break in her wake.  
  
She shoulder checks the Empress on the way, barely noticing the way she sends her tumbling in a building, and flies straight through the eye, coming on the other side covered in sticky translucent liquid. She loops back, ready for a second passage but before she can rip through it a second time, the eye knits itself back together and shoots an energy beam at her that throws her back far into the sky.  
  
She rolls on herself and tumbles down in a graceless arc, crashing through a roof and down several stories back first. Dust and plaster fill her sight, covering her visor and sending the display in a technological spiral as the suit tries to analyse every single particle floating down around her. It's nothing but dust, but still, Kara feels the walls closing in on her and has to push against her own limits to get back up and rocket off through the building again. She emerges in clean air, take a deep breath of the recycled oxygen coursing through her suit and shoots for the eye again.  
  
She won't be able to do it on her own, that much is clear, but she doesn't have to. Further down, Ghim is wrestling with the Empress and it gives her an idea. She's not the only Kryptonian in the vicinity, the wish she never even dared to hope for has been fulfilled. Even with Kal's lack of care, even with her own mother's lack of will, the House of El lives on, and the House of El will come to her aid.  
  
"Lor-El," she calls, "I hope you don’t mind getting covered in goo."  
  
"That’s part of the job, innit ?" Taylor laughs, shooting off the ground and living behind what vaguely resembles a pile of nanites.  
  
They fly dextrously, avoiding a beam of Kryptonite to come land a punch square in the middle of the eye. It blinks, and Kara seizes the opportunity to grab one side of it and pull. Taylor mirrors her with no need for explanations, fingers burying in the slimy eyeball in a sound Kara would very much like to never have had to hear.  
  
A screech fills the street around them, so loud and powerful that Kara throws up a little inside of her helmet. Her vision tinges with green as her suit starts beeping from Kryptonite overload. It hurts, but she cannot give up now, even if it’s the last thing she ever does.  
  
She doesn't need the assistance of her comms to hear Taylor's pained groan, their yelp reaching her even through the howl coming from the eye.  
  
"Let go !" she shouts. "Lor-El let go ! I'll do it myself !"  
  
"You are very brave Supergirl," a rough lilted voice sounds next to her, "but you are also very stupid."  
  
She turns her head a fraction to the right and finds Ghim sans her helmet and hovering much too close to them. She's green in the face, and blood is dripping from her nose. She smiles, eyes glowing with the beginning of a heat beam.  
  
"I am happy to be like you," she continues, "brave, and very stupid."  
  
"Don’t ! Get away you’re going to get hurt !"  
  
Ghim fires, and under their combined efforts, the eye of Ekron, bursts apart.  
  
***  
  
It is not the most pain Ghim has ever felt. She has been subjected to much much worse. This time, she barely feels it at all ; and as she falls to the dampened sound of cries and the world goes dark around her she is just happy to have done her part, and to have made her family proud.


	30. Emerald Empress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kara finally gets to sit with the Empress to shed some light on her future and goodbyes are fast approaching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) this week is two completely unrelated songs except for the fact that they both last for exactly 4 minutes and 43 seconds : _Sleep_ by My Chemical Romance and _Ode to my family (acoustic version)_ by The Cranberries.

The aftermath of the battle is a bit murky to Kara. She remembers rushing after Ghim in a clumsy tumble to catch her lifeless body. She remembers failing to right herself in time to land gracefully and teetering over the edge of the crater falling further down in an uncouth array of limbs, half of them not hers. She remembers screaming until her throat was raw for no other reason that she felt like screaming at the time. Someone must have sedated her, and in fact, she vaguely remembers Alex saying she was going to do just that, because she's now waking up in the med bay again. She's woken up in hospital beds enough times to last her for her long long life.

She's not alone. In fact, the room is so packed with sleeping bodies that it feels a bit cramped. Kara counts the heartbeats around her ; Lena, Alex, Taylor, Max, Ghim, Nia, Brainy, J'onn ; and Kelly who joined them sometime between then and now. They're all alive, thanks Rao for that, but their intermingling breaths render the air tepid and humid and after spending so long cooped up in her sealed helmet, Kara wants nothing more than to breathe fresh air.

She rises carefully, steps around the cot that has been set up next to her bed and on which Alex and Kelly precariously rest in a tangle. She spares a long minute to look at Lena, plunged in a peaceful but artificial sleep. The monitor besides her beats with a reassuring regularity and Kara holds on to it like a lifeline ; she did not kill her love. She goes to brush her fingertips on the hollow of her cheek but draws back immediately, unsure of if she still has the right to touch her. She would understand if that weren't the case.

She exits the room with one last look, and with at first no idea of what she intends to do, starts a long trek down the DEO's corridors in the sole company of her own heartbeat and the shuffling sound of her socks on the concrete flooring. She takes the backroads, slipping into empty rooms to let patrols pass her by and dipping into unlit stairwells at the smallest sound all the way down to the second to lowest level, where they keep their prisoners awaiting transfer. She does have to show her face then and, drawing her shoulders back, standing tall like she would in her full suit, she salutes the guards on duty and walks into the jail.

She walks by Selena's cell, ignoring her when she attempts to morph into someone who might be Alex and shrieks when her skin bubbles instead under the effect of the power dampeners. She walks past Magog and Solomon Grundy, their broad frames both much too big for their respective sleeping cots, and then by Indigo, who presently is mostly a pile of nanites in a cardboard box with an unknown level of consciousness. She doesn't feel one ounce of guilt about it.

Finally, after what feels like ages, she stops in front of the Empress. The cell isn't big per se, but it takes her a moment to find her, prostrated in the far left corner of the room, swallowed by the magnitude of her ample green garments. She looks ghastly, not in a frightening way but like she's on the brink of death and it takes a lot for Kara to reign in the look of pity she feels rising on her face.

"Came to gloat ?" the Empress spits without lifting her head to look at her. "You've already taken everything from me, what more do you want ?"

"I came to talk," Kara answers simply ; and it's the truth, even if she came here without knowing what she was seeking. She sits cross legged on the floor, then rises in a hover so she'll be at eye level, should Emerald Empress decide to look at her. "I have questions," she continues, "and I think you have the answers I need."

"What do I have to gain from it ? I have nothing to return to. You made sure of that."

"Peace of mind," Kara replies, again rather simply, keeping her voice measured and low. "A fair treatment. I can ensure that you are returned to your time where you'll be judged according to the laws of your own era."

"Are you deaf as well as ruthless Supergirl ?" the Empress seethes, "I told you I have nothing to return to. My Eye of Ekron was all I had left and you took it from me."

"You seem to have forgotten something," Kara says softly. "I now know that I will kill your father in the future, and if you tell me everything, I can strive to spare him."

She hates every single word that leaves her mouth, hates that she's bargaining a life, hates that she's lying. It seems to her that killing a being from the future in the present, like she did by destroying the eye, isn't something that can be changed with a simple mind wipe but still, there's no telling what she will actually remember once Taylor goes back to the future and the competent authorities will have recovered the Empress ; there's no telling if she will remember the flimsy promise she's now making.

The Empress releases a long breath, so long that Kara feels a tiny part of herself dying as she waits for it to end. Then, she finally lifts her head and her sharp green eyes drill into Kara's with an intensity that makes her nauseous. She hasn't really had the opportunity to look at her until now, having been otherwise preoccupied both times she encountered her, and she finds herself stricken by her beauty. Even as she sits curled on herself, Kara can see that she's tall, and the face that peeks from her high collar is fair skinned and statuesque in its features. Her hair is dirty, covered in blood, goo and ashes, but somehow, it still shines with the strength of an alien sun to the point that Kara doesn't dare to look at it for too long.

"What do you want to know ?" the Empress asks, jutting her round chin at her. Somehow, her voice sounds both defeated and full of venom.

"We could start at the beginning," Kara offers, infinitely proud of herself for the way her tone doesn't so much as waver. "What’s your name ?"

Emerald Empress marks a pause, and Kara holds her breath in time with it. "My name is Falyce," her prisoner finally says, "and I was born on the barren Orando."

Kara opens her mouth, intending on, probably, spouting a generic greeting or another but Emerald Empress, Falyce, sees right through her, and she retreats with a hint of shame.

"You are not happy to meet me, and I ask that you do not lie about it."

"You're right," Kara concedes even if she doesn't feel great about it. "I'm not particularly happy to have made your acquaintance."

"There was nothing for me on my home planet, there was nothing for anyone," the Empress continues. "I was raised in a gutter, so deep in the stench of a purulent city that I didn't know what fresh air smelled like for the first two decades of my life. All I had then was my father. He would go to bed hungry so that I would be fed, would steal clothes off people's back so that I wouldn’t go naked. Not once did he ask for anything in return because I too was all he had."

"I'm really sorry," Kara says there, mostly because it seems like an appropriate thing to do.

"Sorry doesn't mean anything to me," Falyce spews, her beautiful features twisting in anger for a split second before she falls back in her distressing memories. "When I was seventeen of your Earth years, my father contracted the plague. It wasn't uncommon, but it was incurable, and highly contagious. I was dying when the Eye found me."

She marks a pause then, a long one, looking for all intents and purposes like she's forgotten how to speak. Her face contorts in pain. Not in the phantom one of recollection, but in genuine present and terrifying pain. Kara drops to her feet ready to help, to take that woman's pain and make it disappear, but the Empress halts her with a firm outstretched hand. "I was dying," she repeats, "when the Eye found me."

Kara gets the prickle of a half formed thought at the back of her head, the barely there sensation that the answer is right in front of her but that she's gone blind, and can't perceive it.

"It took me as its own, saved me and moulded me as I am more than my father could ever have. Through our bond I grew stronger, I saved my father, I saved my people, I became the Emerald Empress."

"What did the Eye want in return ?" Kara asks, guided by that same prickle that's telling her she's not getting the full story. "I destroyed it. There's no harm in telling me now."

"You took everything from me !" Falyce screams, springing to her feet so suddenly Kara startles back a couple of steps and almost falls on her ass. Her fist comes banging on the glass that separates them and she repeats, in a rage filled thunder, "EVERYTHING !"

She heaves, chest lifting up and down furiously and a dollop of blood trickles out of her right nostril, spreading slowly all the way down her chin.

"I'll ask you one more time," Kara says, finding herself surprisingly calm and measured considering the situation. "And then whatever your answer is, I'll go get medical help. What did the Eye of Ekron want in return ?"

"Total and utter surrender."

The answer comes in a rushed whisper, not low enough that Kara can't catch it, but still faint in a way that speaks of disgrace and discomfort.

"It takes tremendous strength to withstand the connection with a being of Ekron," the Empress adds, prideful even in her downfall. "And in the end, it was mutually beneficial, and even if I did stray under its guidance, it never warranted you killing my father for it."

"So I won't go insane ?" Kara asks hurriedly, so relieved by the admittance that she forgets to be polite. "I won't kill your father in a mad frenzy ?"

"I see now that you've destroyed my connection to the Eye, that I'd fallen prey to an illusion," Falyce murmurs. "You and your crew caught wind of my achievements," she says, pausing on every few words with unmasked contempt, "and you decided to take matters into your own hands. You went after my Eye, and I'd sworn to protect it. Just as my father had sworn to protect me." She pauses. "But knowing it does not change the way I lived my father's death, and by forcing me to see the truth, you've done nothing more than make my life a lie."

She spits the last few words with a venom that almost makes Kara recoil again, but she holds on, and says instead, "for that, I am sorry. Truly. But if making you see the truth doesn't change your experience, it also doesn't change that you went after my family."

"Are you going to make me pay for my crime Supergirl ?" Emerald Empress asks with a smile so twisted Kara fears she's been tricked and Falyce is going to melt away into a different person.

Her horrendous expression is terrifying. Not so much because it scares Kara, but because it shows, clear as day, that somewhere along this intricate line of events, something broke deep inside of the person standing before her, and it can’t be fixed.

"No," Kara answers after a beat. "I have no intention of making myself your judge or your jury, this will be someone else's job."

She stops, looks at her for what feels like a long time then allows herself to add, the words boiling out of her harshly, "but whether your father is alive or not when you return to your time, if you ever go after my family again, I won't be so merciful."

The threat feels disgustingly good.

***

After this confrontation, Kara makes her way back up fast enough to not even be a blur on the DEO's cameras. She only makes two stops on her way to the roof, following the sound of a heartbeat she hasn't forgotten yet ; in Doctor Hoshi's office, to signal that one of their prisoners is currently bleeding to possible death, and in the med bay, to gaze upon Lena for a short aching second.

She emerges in fresh air, surprised to find that the night has already came and went, and breathes in hungrily, looking up at the thousands of stars watching upon her before they melt into the new day. Taylor is sitting on the ledge, back to her, eyes fixed on the city below. They cut a black silhouette of which Kara could see every detail, down to the thinnest hair, from where she stands if she wanted to. Instead, she walks up to them and sits down, legs dangling side by side with theirs and asks resolutely, "is it safe to assume you're going home ?"

Two full minutes tick by on their watch before they answer. "That's the plan, yes."

"How long do we have ?"

"As long as we want," Taylor replies softly. "I haven’t activated the beacon yet."

"I'm going to miss you," Kara sighs.

"You won’t remember me."

Kara's eyes fall on a small object in their hands, no bigger than a lighter.

"Large scale mind wiper," they explain, passing it to her.

Kara weights the object thoughtfully. "Does it hurt ?" she asks, instantaneously feeling somewhat stupid for doing so.

"No, it doesn’t. It's adapted from old Martian technology but it's been refined to remove the kinks. It doesn't simply close the neural pathways, but removes them entirely," Taylor explains. "There's nothing to miss."

"Somehow," Kara whispers, winding her arm around their shoulders, "I feel like I'm still going to miss you."

"You’ll see me in about four years. I’ll be born soon."

"Four years," Kara muses, "it’s still a long time."

"It’s four years with Lena," Taylor points out wisely. "You'll regret it once you have a screaming baby clinging to you at all time."

"I could never regret you," Kara says with no room for discussion ; and then, "are you going to be okay ?"

"I'm fine," Taylor replies, surreptitiously wiping a stray tear from their eye. "But that's gonna be one hell of a story to tell at Thanksgiving dinner."

Kara laughs briskly, a bubble of levity bursting out of her to spread under the moonlight. 

After that, they remain silent for long minutes, Kara preparing herself to ask another question and Taylor giving her the space she needs with no prompting.

"How unethical is it to knowingly change the future ?" she asks eventually.

"Very," Taylor replies without missing a beat. "I suppose you talked to the Empress ? Max is gonna be angry that you beat her to it."

Kara sighs. Far on the ground below her, an ambulance drives by in a flash of blue lights and she uses the piercing sound of its siren to give herself more time to answer. 

"I did. And she did bad things, she's in no way innocent, but there's," she gulps, "there's a possibility the way she perceived her father's death was an illusion, and I thought, well I thought if I indeed don't go mad and can spare him, I'd like to do that."

"That's a very roundabout way of saying you don't want to kill someone," Taylor says, bumping their elbow against hers until she looks at them and is forced to behold their teasing smile. "But I'm glad you're not going to go insane Yeyu. And I think that since technically it hasn't happened yet, no one will hold it against you if you choose to save a life."

"I wish there was a way to know for sure." Kara confesses this in such a small voice that it would have gone unheard from anyone other than Taylor. "I almost killed Lena," she adds, still barely over a whisper, afraid of what she’ll do if she hears her own words. "What if another illusion causes me to kill the Empress’s father ? What if I do go mad ?"

"You'll cross that bridge when you get there. There is literally nothing you can do until then."

"That's not very reassuring," Kara croaks, voice and mind a little askew. "But thank you for saying it."

"Anytime."

Kara has nothing to add to that and so she remains silent, choosing to watch instead what could be the last sunrise she sees with her child for a long time. When the sun is just passed the horizon, the door opens behind them and Lena emerges on the roof, supported by Alex and Max on either side. There is a stern warning in her gaze about anything Kara might say as an apology and so she lets her come sit beside her instead and threads their fingers together gently. They stay like that, together, until the sun is fully up, taking in the new dawn as a family. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week I'll be posting the last chapter and most probably the epilogue which means you have roughly two weeks to catch up on [Dreamboat](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20460731/chapters/48547670) before I start posting the sequel. 
> 
> What is _Dreamboat_ ? Excellent question ! _Dreamboat_ is a little fic I published last year and here's the summary : _In the midst of Lex Luthor’s fall and in an attempt to not be a typical Luthor, Lena makes the out of character decision to move to the rent control side of town. There she meets Kara Danvers her new very helpful and very attractive neighbour. Epitome of the butch lesbian, Kara is tall, blonde and a caring gentlewoman, everything that Lena has ever looked for in a partner. Kara bakes, recycles, volunteers at animal shelters, she’s perfect. Or is she ? When a new drug threatens the lives of National City's inhabitants, and a new vigilante arises, Kara Danvers could very well turn out to not be who she says she is._
> 
> What will the sequel be about ? Well I can't tell you that without spoiling _Dreamboat_ but I can tell you that it will be very gay, very angsty and that you will probably develop strong feelings of hatred towards me ! Sounds fun ? You can catch up on everything, including a lengthy epistolary companion fic, by clicking on this little dog : [🐶](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1562935)


	31. The House of El

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which people dress up, conspiracy theories are discussed and Kara asks a question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the last chapter ! I would like to thanks everyone who has reached this point, whether you followed the story from the beginning, jumped in halfway, or even binge read it and are coming to this chapter sometime in the future (how is the future ? Please time travel to let me know). Writing this and keeping a regular posting schedule helped me get through 2020 (that, and watching _She-Ra_ a frankly disturbing amount of time) and I hope it'll have brought something to you too, be it comfort or a good laugh (at these outlandish plot points ^^). 
> 
> [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L3gAtcYfFxMLmUyKMJibV?si=PafVWq8URliuKvvIn6pS9w) this week is : _King of my heart_ by Taylor Swift, _Neville's Waltz_ by Patrick Doyle and _Long live_ by Taylor Swift.

  
It feels a little bit like the end of the world. It's not of course ; but the fact that Lena knows it's not the end, that they will meet again, she just won’t know it’s the second time, does not really help. Taylor is leaving tonight, and everything from now on is nothing but a big blob of uncertainty.

She stares at her reflection in the mirror, mildly concerned about how the hell she managed to forget about her own charity gala. She was ready to cancel the whole thing, or to have Sam flown in from Metropolis last minute to cover for her, but Taylor said it would be fun and so she now stands in her bedroom, barefoot, in a tailored navy suit wondering how many buttons she can leave untouched on her crisp white shirt before it's considered crass. She unbuttons one more just to be sure ; she doesn't care if she ends up on the cover of every tabloid as long as Kara is looking at her. Which is also why she slips on a feet-wrecking pair of high heels ; the closer her tits are to Kara's face, the funnier it will be to see her trying to ignore them.

Courtesy of years of experiences, she's the first one to be ready and she can hear everyone still fretting over their clothes in their respective rooms while she stares at her hands and focuses on her breathing. A thick leather bound photo album rests on the bed beside her. Alex dropped it off earlier, along with clothes for Kara, and retrieving it apparently involved blackmail and breaking into a maximum security facility ; she hasn't had the courage to open it yet. She doesn't really know why. Maybe she's scared. She'll ask Kara later to look at it with her when it's just the two of them again.

Maybe going to the gala really is a good idea, a nice way to bid goodbye to her child and to take her mind off things before she returns to her regular life and its array of new and interesting problems. They worked hard, they all deserve a grandiose evening. Plus, Jess already ordered the potstickers and if not the Danvers, who is going to eat that at a gala ?

A knock sounds on her bedroom door, closely followed by childish giggles. "Lena ?" Kara calls out hesitantly, "can I come in ? Are you decent ?"

"You've seen me naked darling," Lena replies with a sigh.

The door opens a fraction, letting in a "ew gross," quickly followed by a sentence Lena hopes to never forget.

"Taylor how do you think babies are made ?"

"I’m a pod baby Max. And in any case I don’t want to think about my mothers having sex."

Kara slips in the crack, closes the door behind her and leans against it. "Sorry about them," she huffs ; but Lena does not hear her.

Her genius brain melts on the spot to reform somewhere in the lower parts of her body in a shapeless mass of desire.

Kara is wearing a suit. 

A three piece ruby red suit with a buttoned white shirt and slick black dress shoes that is no doubt illegal on every single planet Kara has ever visited.

She’s talking again, waving her hands around, but Lena’s brain has embarked on an elaborate fantasy involving the tie Kara is holding in her right hand and she can't bring herself to listen to any of the words that are leaving her mouth. 

"Lena ? Lena are you okay ?"

Lena blinks herself out of her daze, shaking her head vigorously not unlike a wet dog trying to dry itself. "I'm perfectly fine darling," she lies, springing up to go remove an inexistent piece of lint from Kara's jacket lapel. She takes her time, standing much closer than is necessary and letting her hand go rest on Kara’s shoulder, just at the edge of her neck.

"Tie or bowtie ?" Kare croaks, her face quickly turning a deeper shade than her suit.

For a long second, Lena considers her options, "neither" and "take off your clothes" being the top contenders. "Bowtie," she says eventually, the word coming out in a low breath. 

Slowly, she removes the garment from Kara's grasp, the silk navy fabric slipping from her fingers soundlessly. She takes her time tying it around her neck, half because she refuses to take a step back and lacks visibility and half because she likes the feel of Kara's body so close to hers and is already drunk on the hint of cologne she deemed necessary to wear.

"We could also skip the party," she whispers, lips ghosting over the shell of Kara's ear.

Kara clears her throat loudly. "We, um," she gulps, "we're not doing it for us."

She doesn't move though, in fact, her strong hands come bracketing Lena's hips.

"You’re right," Lena murmurs, her voice lower than she recalls it ever being. "We should go."

"We should go," Kara agrees. And she leans in to kiss her.

Lena meets her with a hunger she doesn't think she's ever felt before ; every kiss with Kara feels like a new first. She backs her up against the wall, lighting up when Kara makes herself pliable and goes with it when she could very much stand still as stone. She's hot and alive against her, hands grabbing at skin and clothes, lips leaving blazing trails in their wake as they move from mouth to jaw and back to mouth. 

Kara pushes against the wall and, using the momentum, slides her hands lower down Lena's body. She feels herself being lifted off the ground, her stomach swooping in anticipation ; someone bangs loudly on the door.

"We're going to be late," Alex barks from the other side. "If you're not ready and out in two minutes I'm coming in and I'll be expecting compensation for what I'll be forced to see."

Lena sighs in disappointment, her breath ghosting on Kara's neck where her lips had just started a joyful descent. Her feet touch ground again and she staggers a little, hanging on to Kara tight, breathing ragged and heart ready to escape.

"One minute and thirty seconds," Alex groans from the other side of the door.

They spring into action in a frenzy, Kara fixing her hair in a flash and Lena stumbling to her mirror so she can fix her make up. She looks like a mess, and she knows no amount of concealer will hide the hickey blossoming just underneath her ear. With no remorse at all, she undoes her complicated bun and lets her hair fall in a curtain over this glorious trace of depravity.

"Are you ready ?" she asks, lifting her head to find Kara standing beside her in the mirror, hand hovering over her shoulder.

"Absolutely not," Kara replies throatily, "let's go."

They exit their haven to find the whole gang gathered in the living room. Alex is leaning against the wall, murderous expression matching her equally severe slate grey suit, her gaze softening every so often when she glances to Kelly at her arm in a periwinkle strapless dress. Brainy is standing at attention behind them in a sharp black tuxedo, his bowtie matching Nia's off-the-shoulder sky blue dress. Taylor is innocently sitting on the couch in a stone grey suit that screams of wealth and "Mum I stole your credit card again," Max resting next to them in a seafoam ensemble with, Lena notices, nothing underneath. As for Ghim, she stands ramrod straight by the door in a military style crimson jacket and crisp white trousers looking every bit the hero she is.

***

Lena likes to make an entrance, and therefore her own party is already in full swing by the time she walks in at Kara's arm, the couple trailed by their army of ducklings in formal wear. As far as parties go, this isn’t the worst one Kara’s ever been to. It’s a little loud, as all parties are for her, and a little crowded, but waiters are walking around with her favourite food and she’s with Lena ; you couldn’t pay her to be anywhere else.

They scatter around pretty quickly, Taylor and Max to go scavenge as much finger food as they can fit in their mouthes, Alex and Kelly to go sway a little stiffly, Alex’s never learn how to dance properly, Brainy and Nia to go waltz extravagantly in a blur of black and blue. Only Ghim stays with them, following them around like an awkward bodyguard while Lena mingles until she grabs her and gets her on her another arm, landing the CEO in what Kara can only think of describing as a "Kryptonian sandwich."

She lets her mind run free, content to just exist for now at Lena’s side. She watches as Brainy attempts to teach Alex how to waltz, Kelly and Nia’s shared laughter echoing under the cathedral ceiling, and gratefully accepts each of Taylor’s food offering as they run back and forth between waiters, intent on trying absolutely everything. When she starts imagining something a little different, when Taylor’s features change before her very eyes to show her someone younger, with a rounder face and a childlike laugh, she blinks, and refocuses on Lena only to hear her make the most outlandish claim that has ever left her mouth.

"The moon landing Mister Barley, the moon landing ? How ludicrous ! Everyone knows the moon is a hoax !" She then whirls around, leaving behind a flabbergasted old man with an impressive moustache and says, to Kara this time, "dance with me darling."

"Did I hear that properly ?" Kara asks as they take position, her hand on Lena’s waist, the other outstretched to hold a lithe palm. It’s been a while since she’s done anything closely resembling formal dancing and even then, it was not a dance found on this planet, but she’s confident she can make her way through a few fumbling steps. "The moon is a hoax ?"

Lena laughs, throwing her head back to let out a sound she rarely allows in public. "I’ve always dreamed of saying that," she says. "In my defence, he said the moon landing wasn’t real."

Kara chuckles, bends down to press a kiss on her jaw. "That’s definitely going to be front page news. 'Youngest Luthor Latest Outlandish Claim ! The Moon Is A Hoax !'"

"Will I see your name on the byline Miss Danvers ?"

"Of course you will. I get all the hottest exclusives on the Luthors," she says punctuating her sentence with a roguish wink. She squeezes Lena's waist briefly. "Do you have a quote ?"

"I do Miss Danvers, I do," Lena replies, affecting the most terrible of aristocratic accents. "I believe the moon is home to our reptilian overlords. Actually, I'm part of their government and would like to say, on the record, that I am in fact several lizards in a human skin suit."

"Well that would explain a lot," Taylor says from behind her. "Don’t let anyone hear you say that though. That would necessitate enough damage control to get even Jess to quit. Mind if I cut in ?"

"Not at all." Lena takes a step back and Kara forces herself not to follow her with a step forward. "I’ll go mingle some more," she says, "and then maybe we can all go home."

With a kiss on the cheek, she's gone, and Kara finds herself shuffling awkwardly with her child instead. "Tell me, will I ever learn how to dance ?"

"There’s a video from the wedding where you trip over your own feet," Taylor replies with a shrug. "It’s my favourite movie."

"That does sound like me," Kara sighs. 

"If it helps I think Mum finds it very endearing."

Kara looks over their shoulder at Lena. She's dancing with Ghim, or more precisely, they're mirroring each other's silly gestures while Brainy and Max stand on the side, enraptured by what they certainly think to be an ancient Earth custom. Now that Kara thinks about it, it looks a bit like they’re line dancing which indeed is an ancient Earth custom. That’s definitely going to make the tabloids' front page.

"She’s very happy," Taylor says, following Kara’s gaze before returning to their own stiff dancing. "She travels a lot, helps where she can. She found her kid, Mikhail. In a couple of months you're going to adopt her into the House of El. I've seen some pictures, beautiful ceremony. You're never going to be alone ever again."

Kara refrains from pointing out how this can't possibly be true. Instead, she says, "Krypton lives on."

"Krypton lives on," Lor-El echoes.

Less than a second after, their watch starts beeping loudly and they take a step back with the tiniest of smiles.

"Is it time already ?" Kara asks just to fill the sudden silence.

"It is."

They all pile up into the car again, which is definitely not normal sized as Ghim points out distractedly, and much to soon, they are back at Lena's apartment, standing in grave silence around the mind wiper while Taylor explains, almost clinically, what is going to happen. Kara feels a little sick to the stomach and Alex must notice, because she comes wrap her hand around hers and squeezes lightly. Lena is on her other side, leaning, or rather, sagging, against her.

"This will not only wipe my memory from your mind," Taylor says, taking a step back from the device, "but from everything else as well. Any sighting of me on the news will no longer exist, things that I might have had a significant impact on will be rewritten around my absence. It doesn't hurt, but you might feel confused for a while as your brains rework themselves around the missing memories."

"There should be no lasting damage," Max chimes in, her addition quite ominous.

"It was a pleasure to meet all of you," Taylor continues, somewhat robotic in their mannerism. "I mean," they stammer, "I'll see you soon, but it was nice."

"Give me a hug ?"

Not needing to be told twice, Taylor all but leaps into Kara's arms and she buries her nose in her child's hair, inspiring to fill her lungs with a scent she's about to forget. 

_"Erhosh :bem aonah."_

_"Erhosh :bem Yeyu."_

She does not cry, but in the mass of limbs that pile up on them in a giant hug someone definitely does ; she thinks it might be Alex.

"Okay," Taylor says, trying to extricate themself from the sentient smother. "Okay. I really need to go." They shuffle out of arm's reach and, definitely grateful for the obvious support Max offers with her tall frame, say, "nobody dies until I get to see them again alright ?" 

With a light tap on their watch, a portal crackles to life behind them and before them, the mind wiping device starts rotating. Kara can hear her own voice coming from the other side, it sounds gravely, older somehow.

"Okay," Taylor says again, "I’m going now."

And with a comical two fingers salute, they're gone.

As soon as they're out of sight, a loud whistle fills the room, but Kara doesn't plug her ears because, as she distantly remembers someone saying, it doesn't hurt. Something rushes out of her and she feels no urge to retain it. A whiff of a perfume she doesn't remember ever smelling wafts under her nose and then, nothing.

***

Kara steps out onto the balcony of her apartment. It's chilly outside, not for her of course, but for Lena, and she carries out their thickest knitted throw to wrap around her shoulders. Her girlfriend buries in it instantly, releasing a long held sigh at the warmth. 

"Just took it out of the drying machine," she says, laying a kiss on her temple, "but you should definitely stop hanging outside barefoot."

"You were gone a while," Lena says, relaxing into her embrace.

"I went to tuck Ghim into bed. The party was a bit much for her I think."

"I heard you rummaging around in your office," Lena says. There's nothing accusatory in her tone, it's a simple statement like she does so well.

"Just looking for my old noise cancelling headphones," Kara hums, "she has a bit of a headache. It took a while, I still have so much stuff to unpack."

"You didn't even take one minute for yourself," Lena whispers, lifting the arm that is wrapped around her waist to lay a soft kiss on its hand.

It's true. While Lena has changed into her comfiest and warmest pyjamas, Kara is still in her suit, bowtie hanging loose around her neck.

"You need to take care of yourself too," Lena adds in a murmur.

"I’m taking care of myself right now, getting my daily dose of Lena Luthor." 

She kisses the side of her neck and Lena honest to Rao giggles, a warm blush rising on her cheeks.

"Did everyone make it home okay ?" Lena asks after a minute. "Alex was quite drunk."

Kara cocks her head to the side, immediately stops listening at what she hears and mumbles a strangled, "yeah." She coughs, shakes her head violently from side to side. "Everyone is safe and sound in their respective homes."

Briefly, she feels like she's forgetting about someone and she attempts to listen in again. But no, it was only the seven of them at the gala.

They fall into a comfortable silence, of the type they often share. Kara feels content here with Lena, her supple body huddled against her. In twenty minutes or so, when she will have gotten her fresh air quota of the day, they will retreat to their bedroom, and stay up until the small hours of the morning.

J'onn is covering for her tonight. She knows she more or less pressured him into doing so but she's been punched and thrown around enough lately to deserve a night off. She still shudders at the thought of unwillingly closing her hands around Lena's neck. They shipped all iterations of the Fatal Five back where they came from but still, she holds onto her tighter, afraid that someone will once more target her to get to her. She'd hang up the cape here and now if she thought for a second it could protect Lena, and she doesn't think she would ever look back.

"I can hear your brain from here," Lena says in a soft invitation. "What are you thinking about ?"

"You."

"Me ?"

"I'm always thinking about you," Kara says honestly, and then, because her subconscious has bypassed all her filters, "marry me."

Lena rips herself away from her embrace and turns around in a whirlwind of dark hair and red blanket. "What ?"

"Marry me," Kara repeats, this time of her own accord.

"Kara," Lena whispers in mild panic, "Kara you can't ask me to marry you. I'm in my pyjamas."

"I'll ask you again tomorrow then," Kara says, feeling strangely calm. 

Gently, she turns her around until Lena is in her arms again, back pressed to her front. She sees something glimmering in the night sky and with a tender hand, guides her head up just in time for Lena to see the shooting star. A little east to where the celestial orb traced its downward course is Krypton, and Kara points it out in a low voice.

"Rao is shining bright tonight," she says simply, and adds nothing more because there is no true need to fill the silence.

"Yes," Lena says eventually, her inflection too strange to have anything to do with a star in the night sky.

"Yes what ?" Kara asks, holding back a small laugh.

"Yes I’ll marry you. Of course I’ll marry you !"

Once again, Lena turns around in her arms and before she kisses her, Kara only has the time to whisper, "I'm glad."

They stay like that, kissing under the stars, for a gentle eternity and as she revels in the press of her lips against hers, Kara marvels at the way the universe aligned to land her here, with Lena Luthor, soon of the House of El. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The epilogue will be up tomorrow !
> 
> (Fun fact ! I'd forgotten that I'd written Kara and Taylor saying goodbye to each other in Kryptonese and I may have shed a tear 🙃)


	32. Epilogue : Back to the future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which all is good and well in the year 2044 and Taylor gets an incredibly stupid superhero name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The epilogue as promised ; and I have two words for you : domestic Supercorp.

No matter how hard they try, Taylor cannot refrain from eyeing their Yeyu curiously. There is something different about her, but different in a very peculiar way ; like what they perceive as abnormal as in fact always been that way. Max is out doing Rao knows what, and it's just the three of them, Taylor, their Yeyu and their Mum, for the first time since they stepped out of the portal and into their home. 

"Do I have something on my face ?" their Yeyu asks, arching a delicate eyebrow, the process causing deep creases to appear on her forehead.

"No," Taylor replies immediately, then, "well yes, food stains as always, but that's not it."

Self-consciously, their Yeyu goes to rub her cheek where she can probably feel the remnant of her earlier ice-cream break, and then, in a continuation of this simple motion, she tucks a strand of hair that got loose from her bun. A strand of white hair.

"You look old !" Taylor exclaims suddenly in what they belatedly realise is a very rude way.

Their Yeyu smiles brightly, like nothing could make her happier, and as she does so, deep laugh lines appear around her eyes. "Well yes," she answers conversationally, "but you know I always do after my serum dose. It'll even out in a few days. It hasn't been that long since we last saw each other, has it ?"

As she speaks, the world blurs for a second in front of Taylor's eyes, timelines merging together and they realise that yes, things have always been that way. 

"I just came back from a time you looked like a literal baby," they say, "give me a minute to adjust."

"I can't believe you missed our engagement by less than an hour," their Yeyu muses, twirling her wedding bracelet like she often does when she's thinking about her wife.

"And I still can’t believe you asked me to marry you while I was freezing my ass off in my pyjamas," their Mum grumbles.

"It’s been twenty-five years, get over it !" she laughs, leans in to kiss her wife on the temple, twice, because Lena nudges her to get a second kiss.

Years later, and they are still so disgustingly cute ; and because it's tradition, Taylor grimaces at the display of affection. They try to remember if something changed about their engagement, but as their Yeyu launches in her nth retelling of that fateful night, they can only remember this version and it seems very much like her to have just blurted it out anyway.

"Do you want me to time travel to your wedding day ? Like 'hello, it is I a random person who looks like both of you, nothing to see here' ?"

"You are banned from time travelling for the rest of your life," their Mum says, absolutely unamused by the joke.

"You can’t do that, I’m an adult !"

"Try me," she replies, tone icy and eyes narrowed in two green piercing slits.

Considering they haven't even told her about the suit yet, Taylor does not in fact want to "try" their mother. Their mums have never outrightly been against them going into the hero business but still, it's better to wait a little before dropping that particular bomb. Instead, they say, "Max wants to go to college, and I think I'll go with her. Get another degree, or extend this one into a phd. Live on campus, get the full experience. She applied to NCU, so we wouldn't be too far."

"That’s a good idea," their Mum says softly, her eyes lighting up at the thought of school and learning like the big nerd she is. "Have you called Doctor Walden yet then ?"

"Yeah, I have an appointment next week," they say, feeling a bright smile stretching on their face. "I realised, while I was away," they add, slowly, not because they’re hesitant but because they’re not sure how to voice it, "that I don’t need to have everything figured out just yet. I have time."

"You do," their Yeyu agrees with a little wise nod. "You have all the..." 

She cuts herself, cocking her head to the side and sliding her glasses off her nose in one swift motion. "Ambulance stuck in traffic," she says, but she does not get off the couch. Instead, she turns to look at Taylor, smiles, eyes crinkling at the corner, and says, "I'll leave you that one."

Taylor’s mouth falls open and they stay frozen, vaguely aware that they must look incredibly stupid. 

"We have eyes," their Mum says, "please tell me it was my idea to put the suit in the watch."

"Well yes," Taylor says slowly, trying to catch up with the situation, "it was but..."

"Well go then," their Yeyu laughs, "up up and away, Junior."

"Absolutely not !" Lor-El squeals, stomping on the ground with zero dignity. "We are not calling me that !"

"It's tradition for the CEO of CatCo to name the new Super in town," their Yeyu replies with barely concealed hilarity.

Lor-El turns their watch's bezel a quarter to the left. "This conversation is not over," they say pointedly before tipping out of the window, back first. 

While the suit unfurls, they barrel roll mid-air, and, putting away all thoughts of shit superhero names, a blunder they've been dragging since Uncle Brainy gifted them a mock supersuit at two years old, they rocket off in direction of the always congested Otto Binder Bridge.

***

It's quiet in the house. Taylor isn't back yet, Max is lounging in their room, and Kara is downstairs in the kitchen, making dinner. It's Lena's favourite time of the day, this precious hour between afternoon and evening where there are few obligations and she can just be. She pads out of her office, sliding a little on the old polished floorboards. She needs to invest in these old people socks, the one with grip control underneath. Maybe she can get everyone a pair for Christmas, it'll be a fun joke.

Idly, she makes her way to the stairs, stopping only to grab the sweater that now permanently resides on the banister, ready to be slipped on before she goes down one level, where it's always imperceptibly colder. As she always does, she glances at the newspaper clipping framed above the landing. "Youngest Luthor Latest Outlandish Claim ! The Moon Is A Hoax !" The ludicrous title is printed fadedly over one of her favourite pictures. 

It's a group photo, taken at a gala the night of her engagement, and on it she stands next to Kara, her right hand weirdly outstretched in a gap that separates the couple from the others. She's always wondered about that gap, about why Alex hadn't been standing closer to her but now, she thinks she gets it.

In a hurry, she rips the frame of the wall and runs down the stairs, jumping over the last creaky step. "Kara !" she shouts, slipping on the hallway's tiles and rounding the corner to the kitchen sharply, "Kara !"

Her wife emerges from the kitchen at full speed, spoon in one hand and they collide on the threshold. Only years of practise prevent Lena from getting all her bones shattered on impact.

"Look," she says, thrusting the picture under Kara's nose. "Look !"

"I'm looking," Kara says, adjusting her fogged up glasses over her nose. "What am I looking at ?"

"I’ve figured it out," Lena says in a rush. "The gap. In the picture. It’s Taylor !"

Kara squints adorably, taking the frame from her hands. "I see," she says, "it does make sense." Absentmindedly, she puts her arm around Lena, tugging her closer to her. "There should be a clean copy in the archives at CatCo," she continues, "I’ll ask for a reprint. I could paint it over, hang it over the fireplace."

Lena looks up at her wife, then down at the picture again. "We look so young," she whispers, her hand coming to trail over her greyish temple. "Can you believe how young we look ?"

"I can," Kara replies, "I've catalogued each of my wrinkles, and I haven't forgotten a second of the past twenty-five years."

"If your memory is so incredible, how come you always forget to pair up your socks when you hang up the laundry ?"

"Okay," Kara concedes with a warm, unfair, laugh, "I haven’t forgotten any of the important stuff. I apologise if my brain privileges loving you over remembering the correct way to hang up socks."

"Don’t think you can sweet talk your way out of this," Lena grumbles, nonetheless burying against the furnace that is her wife. 

"I wouldn't if it weren't working," Kara says, bending down to press a soft kiss on her lips.

"I hate you," Lena mouths against her.

"No you don’t."

"You're right," she sighs, fisting her hands in her wife's soft cotton shirt and drawing her closer than is possible, "I could never hate you, you bloody idiot." 


	33. Where are they now ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> News from 2044 and beyond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this the other day and thought I'd share it as a little addition to the story !

**Taylor** went back to National City University to study bio engineering. They intern part time at the aquarium. **Max** lives with them. She's studying geopolitics and diplomacy at NCU with a minor in history.

**Alex** is still director of the DEO but is thinking about stepping down in favour of **Brainy**. Brainy did get his shit together and married **Nia**. They have a daughter.

**Kelly** is still a therapist, she got everyone referrals because they really really needed it. She hosts Thanksgiving dinner every year.

**Jem** , their son, is an english teacher. He lives with his husband and moonlights as the vigilante known as **Guardian** , a mantle he took after a brief stint at Crucible.

**Sam** came back to National City where she occasionally lends a hand as **Superwoman**. **Ruby** also has superpowers but is much more casual about this whole hero thing.

**Ghim** travels the world, helping when her help is needed. She brought Mikhail back with her to National City after finding him. She remains unwed and faithful to Lena though she accepts that her love is one sided.

Finally, **Lena** is still CEO of L-Corp but she shares a lot of responsibilities with Sam so she can spend more time doing actual science. She developed a serum that is used to accelerate Kara's ageing. The formula is under lock and key and the doses are manufactured one at a time by herself. Otherwise, she works hard to reverse the effects of climate change and is credited with keeping global warming below 2°C. She is rumoured to be considered for a Nobel Prize.

**Kara** became editor in chief of CatCo. She won a Pulitzer for her immersion in alien and human relationships after the voting of the Alien Immigration Act. She is considered a key individual in smoothing over galactic relationships between Earth and the other planets as both Supergirl and Kara Danvers.  


**Kara and Lena** live in a big house just outside of town. They are still as in love as ever even if Lena gets annoyed that Kara never hangs the laundry correctly. Kara likes to slide around in fluffy socks and Lena leaves thick sweaters everywhere because she's always cold. They drink a lot of tea and enjoy watching award shows. Kara still has nightmares, and so does Lena, but they never wake up alone anymore, and they never will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Erhosh :bem_

**Author's Note:**

>  _Zehdh_ : one of the eleven kryptonian virtues (or _Tiv Girod_ ). _Zehdh_ refers to ones home, ones family. It is the sense of belonging.  
> [http://kryptonian.info/](http://kryptonian.info/doyle/kryptonian-culture/flag-and-virtues.html)


End file.
